It has been six months.
For the most part, I think that I have been holding up very well. I am starting to have some good days and the shock of it all seems to have lessened a bit.
Where I am still having trouble is seeing FOW. Because we live in such a small community, it seems I run into her several times a month. We were best friends, and I still cannot believe the 10 years of lies and deceit that went on. I did confront her in November and have not spoken to her since. Last weekend, I went out with some friends, and there was FOW sitting at the table next to us. I had a bit of a break-down in the ladies room, because I found it so overwhelming to be that close to her. It hurts so much. A friend helped me by telling me that I was giving away my power, “why would I want to empower her?” she said. She was right, and I wiped my tears and tried to enjoy the rest of my evening.
I wish that I felt differently, that I could get to the point that she means nothing to me. But it is so hard. How can she still be laughing and carrying on while I am right there? It took every ounce of willpower I had to not leave the restaurant or get up and go over to her and slap her silly.
Everyone in that restaurant knows the truth about her, and not just what she did with my husband. This woman gets around, if you know what I mean. I feel so embarrassed that everyone knows. And I didn’t even do anything wrong! I am a very conservative person, and this being the talk of the town has been very difficult for me.
I was so calm when I went to confront her in Nov. I was only worried about OC,(long story) so I did not have a chance to yell and scream at her, like I have done to my H. Would finally being able to get it out help me, or make me feel worse? She is not some nameless, faceless OW, she was my closest friend. I shared a huge part of my life with her. The whole thing feels so unfinished…
I have ordered the book People of the Lie and I am hoping that reading it may help me. I really do think this woman is evil. FOW’s oldest daughter and our oldest daughter are good friends so I still know a lot about what goes on in FOW’s life. Her four daughters know all about her immoral behavior. My daughter has even told me that FOW is talked about on the highschool bus by her own children. So when I said that this whole community knows the truth about her, I was not exaggerating.
I know it may seem like I am obsessing about this, but how am I ever supposed to heal if I still see her at the school, or at the one grocery store in town, or the one restaurant? Baseball season is coming up and her and her H are on one of the teams. I can’t stop living my life.
I feel like there was a crime committed against me and I have had absolutely no justice.

Hi HIT,

Short of moving,you'll have to get used to walking around town with your head held high.There isn't much else you can do since you don't want to give the OW the impression that you are weak,still hurting and she has "won" by you leaving any place you both happen to be at the same time.

Besides,if the whole town knows what transpired,they know it is you that has all the dignity,integrity and respect,not her although through her behavior from now on,she could try to redeem herself with in the eyes of other's,most importantly her family.

I'm certain that you are not the only one in this world having to avoid those that bring painful memories back to you based on previous behavior but you CAN make a choice to keep moving ahead and live well,the best "revenge",right? I know it must be hard but perhaps in time,the hurt will lesson and you will not be as affected by her in the future.It is still fresh in your mind so be kind to yourself.

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