Can anyone recommend a place (website or otherwise) where the OW can get advice or counseling?

Why not here? Is she married?

Marriage Builders is pretty good.

If this OW wants some support of other's in the same situation then there's that website:

www.gloryb.com

I don't know of any other specific website for counseling but I agree that if she wants to come here to discuss her situation,without hurting or belittling the members here,then she would be welcomed,I would think.

O

gloryb.com\

is definitely a support board..

it supports chaos
defying logic
pain
hurt
lying
absconding from responsibility
betrayal
twisting of reality
huge rationalization
victim-hood
cruelity
callousness
confusion
with pretty pink and blue bordering too make it look perty

ARK
anyone care to differ <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> ...

Touche Ark.

But it has yet to be determined what this woman's motives are.To feel supported in her behavior or to seek professional counseling to explore the choices she has made,etc.

O

But it has yet to be determined what this woman's motives are.To feel supported in her behavior or to seek professional counseling to explore the choices she has made,etc.
Okay.

But if her motives are anything other than getting out of someone elses marriage, then why would you seek help for her?
For instance, if she IS seeking "to feel supported in her behavior", why would the question be asked here at MB?

<small>[ March 04, 2004, 02:42 PM: Message edited by: Chris -CA123 ]</small>

To give you a bit more detail..... I am the BS and the OW is in love with my H, as is he is with her. However, my H doesn't want to give up on his M to me. The OW is often getting hurt and dissappointed but won't give up on him. My H is even weaker than she is when it comes to breaking it off for good as long as she is still willing to be there for him. I just think that with a little advice, she might finally realize that it's hopeless, wrong, and not meant to be. So I was looking for a source for her that might coax her into letting go of my H and letting him get on with the life that he has been building with me.

Hi KTF,

Does this OW really want advice or counsel or are you going to suggest it to her? Are you in contact with her?

I don't know if trying to "educate" her will have the desired affect you would want but like was mentioned,this is as good a place as any if she really wants to hear about the BS point of view and why we think it's wrong for her to be involved.

I spent last night reading for about an hour these two threads from two OW that started posting here a while ago and although they came here,supposedly with the intention of "learning", it turned quite ugly over the span of a few pages and it really made my stomach turn and some people were upset.

I would just hope that if she really wants help,and SHE is the one asking,that she would seek professional help and of course we could try our best to help here too.

O

<small>[ March 04, 2004, 05:33 PM: Message edited by: Octobergirl ]</small>

No, she is not seeking help and I have very little contact with her. I've sent her a few emails - some nice, some not so nice. She rarely responds. But my husband tells me that she actually sympathizes with me and is amazed that I have put up with it for this long, but it doesn't change her feelings about him. I guess I'm just desperate to find a way to discourage her from pursuing him anymore.

By the way,Octobergirl, could you tell me where you read those posts from the OWs?

KTF -

I had a similar situation with my WH's OW. You see, she was my "best friend." She is single, and "didn't want to hurt me." She did, of course.

And she wouldn't stop either. Until I told her that if she didn't, I would contact her daycare parents and tell them (that is her in-home business), and tell the people we go to Scouts with, and her mother.

Miraculously, she has repented to God now, realizes how wrong she was to do what she did, and has herself a new boyfriend. She still communicates with my WH when he contacts her, but that is it.

She dumped him like a bag of smelly poo.

I don't think I would have done any of those things, but you never know. Actually, I would have told the wives at Scouts so they didn't let their H's go camping with her alone (one of my many mistakes), and I would have told her mother (because when her mother takes her kids is when she has her men over).

But luckily, she is truly a liar and a cheater and is incapable of true feelings for anyone but herself. Therefore, she dropped my WH as soon as she felt threatened.

Hm. I don't think that is true love.

SS

Thanks for the support and advice, but I'm still wondering if anyone can direct me to something I can email her that is meant to discourage OW from messing around with other women's husbands.

FYI: We have no children and OW is divorced with two grown children. Therefore, there are no children involved in this situation.

Is this the way you want to try to work on you marriage, by coaxing her to get help. She will not get help unless she wants it.

Also, why shouldn't your WH get help, instead of the OW? He's the one that needs the help. Yes, he is a very weak person and needs to find the strength to do what needs to be done. And if he wants it, he'll do it, if not, he won't. Simple as that.

Sorry, double post.

<small>[ March 05, 2004, 01:24 PM: Message edited by: STBXWife ]</small>

Hi Keepin,

"my H doesn't want to give up on his M to me"

I think this is your ace in the hole--something you can use to your advantage.

But, it means you have to set up YOUR boundaries. You really can't control what the OW does or what your H does concerning her, but you can control how you respond to what they're dishing out.

Don't know if this goes along with MB advice, but my instinct here is that you must draw the line as far as what is and is not acceptable behavior to you in YOUR M. If you decide that you will not have another person in YOUR M anymore then that's that. If he decides that another person will remain in the M, then you have to fall back on your boundary and hold him (and yourself) to it.

Some things in M just are not negotiable--and having a 3rd party involved is one of them. You're going to have to be very strong to set this boundary and IF he really means what he says about not wanting to give up his M to you, then the OW has got to get out, for good.

Until he can agree to this, you keep strong in your boundary. You take the power back and don't give ANY to OW or him as far as what you know is acceptable to you in M.

No, I really don't want to "help" her - I just want to educate her with some written material that might help her finally realize that what she is doing is inexcusable, hopeless, and only going to cause her more and more agony, heartache and devastation as long as the affair continues - and probably for a long time after it finally ends (which it most likely will).

Maybe I sound a bit vindictive, but I believe that she is close to giving up on him, but they have tried and failed to end it several times already. I just want to give her a little push.

So.... There's got to be some stories of posts out there somewhere that relate to her situation, and might help her finally call it quits.

Keepin...

you do not sound vindictive...but what you are doing is wasting precious energy and emotion focusing on the OP...

You can't educate her or anything else her...
you can only educate yourself right now and all focus should be on you and your marriage...

imagine if the OW sent you info on where to find information to deal with the issue that your spouse is in "love" with someone else...

your pursuit is doomed to fail from onset..

It is all up to your husband to end and set the limits...no matter what her behavior...

It will end on your end when YOUR husband chooses it to end...and then acts accordingly...no matter he behavior...

If you are in plan A...then keep it going so that she is the one acting out and emotional...
stay the course..

ARK

KTF,

As illogical as this may sound, OWs can not be 'educated' by a BS. They don't speak the same language and they even come from different planets.

Also the Ows in general already are 'educated' just not in the normal way. The A university, teaches the OWs all the skills they use in creating and continuing an A. What the BS teaches goes contrary to all they learn at the A school of family demise.

Some OWs graduate and in turn go on to teach others in the art of being an OW. You will find some of them on gloryb.com.

IMHO, I do not recommend trying to teach the stubborn and foolish anything. It is like tossing your pearls before...... or spittin' in the wind.

When an OW is sincerely interested in shedding her OW title, that OW will find places like MB on their own. Just as you can't teach anything to your WS while he is in the fog, your chances of putting any family values into an OW is just contrary to their nature.

Despite your intentions or nature, it goes against the natural grain of an OW and sets up a BS to fail. That fall for a BS can really hurt the BS' recovery.

Think long and careful before you invest more of your precious time helping the unwanted who don't want it anyways.

L.