Husband is in withdrawal from OW for one month now. He said it is hard and he still thinks of her all the time but has not contacted her. She has not contacted him either, but not sure how long that will last. She is the one that told him to stay at home and work things out with me, it was not his choice. I am having problems with that now. Seems like every day a new one pops up. I keep thinking he will leave if she calls him and says she has changed her mind. I just have to decide if I can live with that. I think he believes he was in love with her and I think he was and proably still is and is wondering if he missed out on something. The only thing is she never returned his feelings only wanted a friendship only she encouraged him a lot also since he told her how he felt about her before she left the area for a new job. I finally have come to the conclusion that this has been my fear the whole time, that it could still happen again since it was not his idea to not have contact with her. Anyone else with this problem...I have been reading the posts here and don't see this problem issued. Help!

My WH has been dumped by the OW as well. He has not agreed to NC. He still contacts her regarding the fact that her son is in his Boy Scout patrol. But that is another issue.

I know what your fears are, and they are valid and natural. HOWEVER, there are many people on this board who would LOVE it if the OW would dump their WH's.

Your WH is in withdrawal right now. It will pass. When it does, you will probably hear all the things you want to hear from him.

Patience, time, and paying attention to him will get you through this.

Hopefully, a more experienced poster will come along. I just wanted you to know that there is a plus to your particular "problem."

Many of these people know that as soon as their WS leave them, they are going to the OP. That would be devestating to me. At least I know my WH is more miserable as I am! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

HUGS! SS

Hi lilac2,

SO do you both have a plan right now,if so what is it?

Dr.Harley touched on this subject a bit in his book.He wrote that it is even more difficult to be the "second choice"(you) when an A ends,or something like that,this is not verbatim.

Anyway,if you do not have a plan of action then yes,it could be possible for your WH to slip back into contact.Have you both read, 'His Needs,Her Needs' and filled out the EN's questionnaires? Are you in counseling?

I can understand you fears perfectly but perhaps what makes them seem more acute is the fact that your WH is in withdrawal and you are concerned what to do next? It is probably very hard too I would imagine that your WH feels rejected and in despair.I know he can't see this but he was given a gift by this OW,a chance to really explore his "inner self" and see if this marriage that he is in can be saved.What is the alternative but to keep living a lie and hurting everyone involved by continuing the A right?

Your WH has only been in withdrawal a month so I can see that it would still be hard on both of you.It can take some people longer than others to get through that phase and maybe even more so when the OM/OW is the one to reject the spouse.

I would just suggest these things if not done already:

-counseling
-books
-EN's questionnaires
-change of passwords,cell phone numbers,e-mail addresses,etc,etc
-possible AD's for your WH

Take care.

O

<small>[ March 04, 2004, 05:49 PM: Message edited by: Octobergirl ]</small>