You all know my story posted it a hundred times now. Well I am now in Plan B. I just wanted everyones opinion on something. My WH a former marine as Mortarman knows see's OW every night at work, lives 50 minutes away from her. He works 2nd shift and she works 3rd. She has a 4 YO son. The judge has ordered him not to have our 3 YO son around OW for six months. So basically they have every Fri. nite and every other weekend together. I am assuming anyway, don't know for sure because I don't look into it that deeply. I am just wondering if you all think that this is enough time for him to see the "warts" on OW face so to speak? I mean he left his S, wife, stepdaughter and a house that he has worked on very hard. Even his dog and cat for OW. Who is fat, ugly and lives in a little apartment on main St. She really can't offer much to him but an ear and some sex once in a while. My point is do you think they are spending enough time together? I think if they spent more time together they would break off faster..am I wrong? I am just afraid that this A will last longer than the 6 mo the judge has ordered and I don't want my S around OW ever if I can help it at all. I am trying to be patient, and learn as much about myself as I can during this time. He really does seem "in Love". I don't think he is the type to turn back and come home ever anyway. It is scary when you have kids though..can anyone answer these questions for me from experience?

^^bump^^

The judge has ordered him not to have our 3 YO son around OW for six months.

I'm not sure, but I think this could be extended if necessary.

Have your son see his pediatrician and ask about any counseling the boy may need. You could use the counseling as ~a fact ~ supporting the need for continued NC with OW.

I am just wondering if you all think that this is enough time for him to see the "warts" on OW face so to speak?

This affair isn't about how many warts OW has (and I am sure she has them) ...

but it is also about the warts of the marriage pre-affair.

Which is why Plan A before Plan B is so important.

You take the time to remove the marital warts to the best of your ability during Plan A ..... and during Plan B your WH remembers all the shared history .... the love .... and he feels the PAIN of missing YOU and your SON as a FAMILY.

One of OW's warts that is permanent is this: she's NOT family.

He will either see this, or not, depending on various factors..... not the least of which is WH's maturity level.


I mean he left his S, wife, stepdaughter and a house that he has worked on very hard. Even his dog and cat for OW.

This is all the shared history. Plan A dynamite.

Who is fat, ugly and lives in a little apartment on main St. She really can't offer much to him but an ear and some sex once in a while. My point is do you think they are spending enough time together? I think if they spent more time together they would break off faster..am I wrong?

How much time they have together is not in your power to manage. Stay out. Ignore anything but sincere recovery efforts.

I am just afraid that this A will last longer than the 6 mo the judge has ordered and I don't want my S around OW ever if I can help it at all

Document MEDICAL-PSYCHOLOGICAL need for your boy NOT to be confused by presence of OW in Daddy's life.

I am trying to be patient, and learn as much about myself as I can during this time. He really does seem "in Love".

They all seem like this. Cast this off.... *poof* they cannot be in love with anything other than "feelings" .... which ALWAYS change. ALWAYS! Ever know any love relationship that did not have a shift in "feelings"?

Let me ask you this....

Who has an affair and leaves their family? Happy people or unhappy people? People who love and respect themselves? People with functioning principles?

He won't be happy with this "love" because he won't like who he has become.

I don't think he is the type to turn back and come home ever anyway.

Shame on you! Of course he can do anything he sets his mind to.

If you want to recover your marriage.... cultivate YOUR personal soul garden now while in Plan B.

Stop thinking about them, their pseudo love...

and concentrate about your failings and work on yourself.

Cuz, if you think this is hard.... try recovery!!!!

You're time is wasted now trying to interfere with their ticking time bomb.

Fix your own warts. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> ....

I still have some myself..... we all do! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

Pep

<small>[ March 07, 2004, 01:04 PM: Message edited by: Pepperband ]</small>

PEP

That was great! You made me feel so much better...and I understood every bit of it. I can't wait to share it with Amy (spider slayer) when she gets back from church. I appreciate everything you said and I will certainly work on my warts for sure.

Pep,

That is very motivating. I'm not sure how it works with an alcoholic WS, and I hope I haven't totally blown my chances at recovery by breaking Plan B no contact by taking phone calls.

I do want to believe that for me, just like all the others here, that the years of shared memories (23 years in our case) will outweigh the temporary "love" feelngs WH has for someone he's known maybe 6 months.

My all OP's warts grow BIG and UGLY the more time our WS's spend with them!

LL

LL

I am with you on the wart thing. Now we just have to stick with the Plan B. It is actually getting easier as the days go by. My problem now is not sure if I still even want WH. Is this a normal feeling?

ARK

I would love to hear from you also as you are so wise. Spider slayer has me hooked on you and PEP for advice now.

Hopeful,

I've been reading this thread and your other active one.

You really do inspire me. I'm glad your Plan B is bring you such relief. As you know I'm being a whiny moron right now. I'd kick myself in the rear for it, but I'm not that limber.

I'm going to keep following your posts and see if someday maybe I can learn how to do it right!

LL