Ladies - as a public service I would like you to post here about what women need, what your H did right, concerning SF, for all the men here that are floundering around.

I will start. My H the WS, did have one good thing going for him. He understands women. Mostly I bash him, but he did have one good quality.

He used to cut my toenails (wait guys, it gets more interesting). Then he would rub lotion between my toes. After that he would put the lotion on my legs and massage them. Then on my thighs, next my back, and then on up my body.

By that time I was relaxing and kinda getting in the mood, but he would continue with the massauge. He would rub my arms, my hands, between my fingers. Then he kissed by forehead. When I started getting more interested, he would tell me that he just wanted to take care of me.

Well as you can figure out, we usually ended up making love. But it was so pleasant, so fulfilling to have him be completely interested in my comfort.

Believer, I like it. The problem is that my WH is doing it to someone else.

Yes, mine too. However I am thinking of the men here that are having trouble. As fellow MB'ers I think we need to help them out, give them a woman's point of view.

I used to try to tell xH that he needed to start making love to me "at the breakfast table if he expected it that evening."

He never got it. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

All I wanted was a little tenderness, sexual teasing, anticipation....to lead to evening. Something to get my "engine revving." Men, please, please - GET IT.

Women don't think about sex all day long (well, *I* don't anyway! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> ) To simply "expect" a woman to be "ready, willing and able" when you just ASK, or after I'm exhausted and have decided to just go to sleep..........

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

OK, after that little "rant" - and thinking it through, I guess it all boils down to "wasn't getting MY EN's met......."
WHY MEET HIS?!?!

<small>[ March 08, 2004, 05:30 PM: Message edited by: lupolady ]</small>

Yep that is the problem with men. I have heard it over and over. Men are ready and expect women to be too. But women need non-sexual contact first. Men just don't get it.

Why aren't any men posting?

FEAR <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

Seriously, not sure what to add. I don't expect Poe to be ready on a moments notice. I've done massauge, I've "teased" her all day. Some great moments. This topic has me thinking.

One thing though, even if men can be instantly ready doesn't mean that all the attention should focused on the penis. I like to be touched amongst other things. Well, you asked.

Lupolady's post made me think of this, from Myers Briggs:

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> SJ mates may have some difficulty understanding the emotional needs of other types, particularly the NF Idealists and the NT Conceptualists, for whom transactions outside of the bedroom loom vital as a precursor to sexual response.

Nor does emotional conflict seem to carry over into the bedroom for SJs. They can be angry with their mates, even scolding them, and then expect them to come to bed with open arms, having separated these criticisms from the sexual relationship </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">My ex could rag on me all day then expect SF at night?! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> I'd think 'is he INSANE?'.

Believer, it's probably best NOT to dwell on your h's best sex traits, dont you think? I really think the guys should be asking their W's what they want and need, IF they are interested... like you said though... some never get it - Dru

Yeah they should ask their wives, but I doubt they do. Don't any other women have something to add that they liked about WH?

To be honest, it is too painful for me to think about right now. Sorry.

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> SS <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

Tired? me? I'm NEVER tired! hehe

It's true.. I was working full time and going to school full time and I was still in the "MOOD".

I'm an aquarius.. (beleiver in astrology) so I'm not very touchy feely all the time.. I like to get to business! lol

I can't think of anything nice my hubby used to do .. hehe ok ok.. let me think.........
He used to prepare my lunch at night to go to work. He used to iron my clothes, and sometimes make dinner. ( I really appreciated those moments) And I used to like when he used to wait at the door for me when we lived in Florida when I got home some days... and he'd give me a big hug. I like how if I ask for something and unexpectly ...he'd get it for me.. even when I didn't put much enthusiasm to it. I like it that he always want to offer me the best ... and even when he couldn't afford it..but he wished he could. I like it when he kisses my forehead.
I like when he makes me laugh with his goofyness.
sighs*

this is somewhat therapy beleiver <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> for me at least. I always twist things around.

Well guys little things are appreciated even when its just a thought <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Jazzey -

I don't know. I am just trying to give the guys some tips. Most of the time I don't think they get it.

Ladies - Isn't there anything your H did that was right?

I'll give my experiences with H. He always brings me coffee in bed first thing in the mornings. He makes me breakfast and dinner sometimes. He draws my bath and washes my back. He covers me when I am cold. He never lets me carry anything like grocery bags. He opens doors for me. He washes clothes and puts dishes in the dishwasher. He vacuums, dusts and cleans the toliet bowls. He takes me anywhere I want to go and buys me anything I want. Rubs my head, body etc. every nite. If I am on this rollercoaster and can't sleep...he rocks and holds me like a baby and sings to me.

The above mostly is what H has always done even during his acting out.

Since Dday, he will not leave my side for long. I mentioned I liked chocolate frozen bananas and now I have a whole freezer of them all the time.
H can go over board though. Just the other day I told him I especially liked the way he kissed me as I was trying to take a nap and he wanted to loet me know he will be out in the garage if I need him. Well, this kiss was great. It was not a mushy kiss, or a sloppy one, but one of strength and force and desire. I told him I really liked it. So, now H is always kissing me that way. Also he told me after Dday I was his jewel in the sky....boy did he go overboard using that phrase. H is ok. I guess I do love him.


Maxlo

I posted didn't I? HHEHE!!!! I should really go to bed and continue plan A lol ...... I guess I am somewhat ready for Plan A... calm head.

HEY! I wrote a bunch of stuff. My husband knows how to do one thing...when he is doing something.. almost anything he always does it where that something is always almost PERFECT!

If you guys do not understand.. I mean, if he is cleaning the kitchen....I can lick off the floors.. If he is vacuuming, I will not find a hair, if he makes the bed, I can bounce a coin. I am serious! As for me.. I always just do 90%..its good enough, I move on to other things.

What he does know how to do is write. He is a great writer and a perfectionist. Except my little perfectionist screwed up.

Another thing my husband used to do right is "TELL THE TRUTH"..now that's no longer a value he can uphold. And it is killing him that he has lost one of the main values he held so closely to him. Anyone would tell me my husband is a theif, criminal, even a murder, but I wouldn't beleive you if you told me he lied.... and now... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> yes I mourn this lost.

oh and I forgot: I didn't want to get all nasty freaky, but you guys are asking forit..

YES HE KNEW HOW TO GIRL A GOING VERY WELL! yahooO!! YEHAW!!!

NO I am not crazy, this is the real me most of the time. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> I just have been through hell and back.. I just want you guys to know that I am ok now.

An up from the rollercoaster!

harudah - Sounds like you are doing better. I wish my H was a perfectionist. He usually just does enough to get by.

Maxlo - I don't know but your H sounds great to me.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> So what happens when it is the other way around???

When the woman wants sex all the time and the man isn't getting the picture??

Just curious.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">YIKES!

NM just plain

YIKES!

Meeting my ENs is the key for me. If I'm not feeling loved I'm not feeling loving.

Pre-A my H used to give great massages, showers together always did it, and strangely enough, a great conversation about anything (my H is not a communicator so sharing anything about himself, regardless of it's importance, was like him giving me the world). Post-A I have trouble with all the romance. It allows me too much time to think about them together. I know he bought massage oils and shower gels for OW (yup, he used our joint credit cards and I pay the bills) so both turn my stomach now but hopefully I'll get over that eventually.

If you're curious what your spouse wants, why not ask? Many people are uncomfortable talking about this (myself included) so if it's easier, turn the lights off and talk or write a letter. If you get a response you don't understand or think you understand but try it and don't get the response you think you should have gotten, start a post. Everyone here bears their souls about their deepest thoughts, emotions, fears, etc. Why be shy about this? There is no judgement here.

Yes, yes, Luke. You are exactly right. Making love should not be like a trip to the gynecologist! That is sooooo funny, but many men are like that.