Today W got up and announced that she is quitting smoking. Went out and got the patch and I suppose that is it. Then she sent me flowers at my office. This just doesn't happen.
Along with the flowers is a very strange card that starts "Love is a mess" and it goes on to say how many areas of your life love effects. She signed it "so many changes to get through again. All my love". She has in recent days begun discussing changes that are happening all around not just us. I never question her about this but just let it slide. She also starts a part time job on Friday which is the first time she worked (outside the home) in several years.
I suppose that is certainly one of the changes. But it really seems the fog may be lifting to some extent. While she never mentions the OM's name anymore I know she has still been calling but I don't mention it anymore either. As you may know we have had 4 calls with Harley within 4 weeks. Maybe it's starting to sink in a little. Any thoughts? What does it feel like when the fog lifts? I must admit I'm a little taken back by this sudden about face.

WOE

WOE,

If she'd just decided to quit smoking and was talking a lot about change all around, I might tend to worry and think she was considering making changes for herself which might include being away from you.

HOWEVER, she sent you flowers! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
And the card said "All my love" - wow.

I'd say this is a majorly positive swing. I'm sure the pendulum will go back and forth a bit before she's completely settled down but all in all it looks quite positive to me.

Seems like a good sign, WOE. Take it all in stride.

Your in my prayers. God Bless you,

Nid, I'm with you. Take it all in stride and thanks for the prayers. I can say that she called OM within hours of ordering the flowers.

Turtlehead, at this point I can understand what you're saying about changes. But the all my love indicates that she is getting closer not farther. And secondly I am done worrying. I have been dealing with this for over 2 years. That's the present EA. Lost a best friend to the previous EA. It's W that needs to worry not me anymore. I told Harley I would no longer be in these peoples company and he basically didn't want me to draw that line in the sand just yet. So while I can swear to you that I'll never be in these peoples company again I haven't quite informed W about that. I think she thinks I'm bluffing. What happens is that she sees OM at her week Pool League. Then there are those summer picnics, b-day parties etc. where the spouses get to attend. For me that means pretending I don't know my W slept with this man. Now tell me who needs to worry. Please don't take this as an attack, I'm just venting.
I think you can get the sense that I'm pretty much done with playing the fool.

WOE

WOE,

No harm, no foul. My post did go on to say HOWEVER <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

I'd forgotten your W was the one in the pool league and still interacting so much with OM. I don't blame you for being done worrying. Sounds like you're in an excellent frame of mind to just sit back and observe and see what happens. nid put it very well: take it in stride.

Thanks for the replies. Somewhat out of the blue W initiated quite an argument. Many of the same complaints ie. never showered her with love at beginning of marriage. Never paid special attention when she was pregnant (youngest is 11).
So we're really going back and I wonder if it's all part of her inner conflict. We have had many quiet and happy years in the middle of our 18 yr marriage. She also told me she resents speaking to Harley. I can't accept the way things are (continuing EA) and I wonder how hard to push her. She hasn't really complied with the filling out of emotional questionaires or much of anything else Harley suggested. She continues to hope it will all go away but I'm more determined it won't. In other words I will continue in my resolve to resolve this one way or the other. What I want advice and insight on is how much of this resistance is fog and clinging to the EA and how hard do I push. I am considering introducing the concept of divorce to her. Handling her like a China vase has had very little impact. Any thoughts. Certainly divorce is not the goal but the status quo is simply intolerable.

WOE