Have any of the married couples here moved away after the A? What were the consequences? Was there anything you regret?

As a FOW, I have considered moving away from the place I grew up in, but there are a few things that stop me that I couldn't talk to his W about. First, when I told MM at the time I wanted to do that as a favor to W, he begged me not to and had a few valid points, i.e. I would just be running away from problems.


Another reason is that I'm almost 21, a student in college, and after you take so many college credits, it's not as easy to just pick up and move. The last reason is that my family lives here, and in fact more family is moving in town this year. All my friends I've confided in agreed that what happened is not grounds for moving. Not to mention, even if I did move, it's not as if I would never come back. I would come every holiday to see my parents.


I broke things off with MM, and I'm not in contact with him or W, but we know many of the same people from church. The best thing I've found to do is just avoid places I know where he/she/they might be. Maybe MM will get it together and follow their church leader's advice and move. *shrugs*

<small>[ March 10, 2004, 02:29 PM: Message edited by: LuvMIA ]</small>

Dont rely on them moving.

How long do you have left of college before you get your degree? I would recommend talking to someone in the know about the possibility of deferring a year after you finish this year, or maybe sooner. All would not be lost. How about a transfer?

I would advise you to go: you are still young and you dont have a mortgage or any children to worry about, so dont hang around in this town to be forever known as the 'OW'. You need to run away to get your head straight: these are not your problems to run away from, they are his. Do not have any more contact with him.

If moving really isnt an option after all, do something that takes you away from time to time, get a part time job, go on holiday if possible, throw yourself into your college work, concentrate on you. Keep your head down and ignore the MM. Do anything you can to make sure you cause the W as little pain as possible: it must hurt her to see you around. If she sees you are busy and have moved on, she may feel better.

I know if things went wrong beyond repair with my H2B, I would be straight out of here! There is a big wide world out there and life is too short to hang around in a no-win situation.

Sending my love

Well, the reason I'm here is because it *was* a transfer, and I agree with my parents that it would be best for me to go to school here, not elsewhere (no, they don't know). I didn't have a car when I went to school out of town, and that was hell. It's cheaper here even though I had a scholarship there when you consider living expenses, etc.

I only have maybe two more years to finish my degree, so as soon as I get a reliable car, I believe I will be out of this place ASAP anyway. I refuse to let what happened have control over me.

Here's what I have done to move on so far: changed my email address, put in a notice for leaving my job (he works next door for the same company), taken up new hobbies like knitting, making new friends, and yes, I'm even dating (single) people.

Support and encouragement is welcome.

JazzeyGirl,
Well, sort of. I was trying to ask whether they should move or I should or all of us, or whatever other choice. I've seen enough people in my family make mistakes with affairs, divorces, etc., and I'm just afraid of not recognizing patterns and messing up too.

But you're right, not only do I have a choice, so do they. Whatever they do won't affect me and vice-versa. I've written my NC letter, kept NC, and I'm doing my best to wash my hands clean of this, so to speak.

LuvMIA,

Just wondering about the size of your town. Ours is a college town, too, but certainly not tiny. We are not likely to ever cross paths with OW so it really isn't a concern.

I think getting a job farther from his is a good move on your part. You seem to be avoiding intentional contact and make attempts to avoid accidental contact. I don't know what else you can do or should be required to do.

And whether they decide to move is totally up to them.

~ Snow

We have about 70,000 people living here, give or take. It's big enough that I don't see these people every day, not by a long shot. I have seen his W while we were driving from time to time.

Church is a little different. There is only one LDS church here, and my mother is a member, but even that can be avoided since I'm not religious and rarely go. There are enough people that my mother doesn't know them.