Last night I had two really strange dreams.

The first one, I sneaked into my WH's office, and posted all around his desk, his department, his building, basically every square inch of his office, these huge sheets with his name on it and the letter A. In fact, I enclosed his whole office doorway with one of these sheets, so he would literally have to break through it to get to his desk. Maybe I dreamt this because I reall want everyone at his work, who thinks he is such an awesome contributor, to know what he was really contributing. When I meet his colleagues, I have to hold in the vomit as they tell me what a "good guy" he is, how he has so much "integrity," etc. He was even acknowledged with this very prestigious Diversity award for his "work while in India." I have to bite my tongue until it bleeds to avoid LBs on that one...yeah...it was a piece of work, alright. So in my dream, I finally had the satisfaction of blowing the top off of everyone's perception of my dear, integrity-filled, committed, "hard" working (pun intended) WH, who was really off screwing a total stranger, in a aids ridden third world country, because he was "done with the marriage" but, oh, by the way, didn't manage to get the balls to TELL anyone he was done.

Second dream. I am moved one. I have lost all my post pregnancy weight (that I have carried around for too long). I am at home with my family, and feel this really secure, intense sense of love and security. I feel accepted and cherished. Then, my dream suddenly morphs into this hot, steamy bedroom scene. I am making love with this man, and just reveling in the physical, emotional, and spiritual JOY I am feeling as we are together. But the whole time, I cannot see his face. Fast forward to morning, I am getting ready for work, and I go to kiss mystery man, and I realize, he has no face. Literally, it is a mound of flesh, no eyes, no lips, no nose, just the round outline, and familiar markings of cheekbones and a jawline, but no distinct features of a face. I wonder if I was trying to find my WH in his fog, or subcounsiously hoping for such a utopia, but unsure of who that can ever be with (my current WH, or someone else new along the way).

Weird.

ChristyV
Hi that is a great dream. I am filling for divorce. I have thought about this long and hard. I am not going to put myself through this roller coaste of a relationship. I am sick and tired. I am moving home to be close to my family. I am also going to ask to leave our church. My family is supportive of me. I cannot live a life with a man who is always going to make work a priority. I wish you lots of luck and the best in the world.

Hblane,

My heart goes out to you...it really does. The only advice I can give you is to get some counseling FOR YOURSELF. Because, the fact is, we are all carrying around some baggage from this horrifying situation, and from our entire lives for that matter, and that effects this and any other relationship. And whether you reconcile with your WH or not, you have to heal, and you will probably need some help with that. A couch can sometimes push us and point out the things we cannot, because of our emotional state, see. Good luck and God bless. Plug into your family...you need them right now. Find a new church family where you can get good Christian friendship and advice. And I will be praying for you.