my w is so much in fog for the last 5 months. she got me lock up. heres the story i went to w place to see kids w tells the kids bad things about me. would not let kids see me at all. she open up the door to let the kids see me and then trieds to slam the door on my hand the door breaks. so i leave because she want to start a fight. the cops come to my home and charge me with tressping and breaking propedy. the cops where on her side did not want to hear what i have to say. now i have to have no contact with her until i go to court.now this give her more time to have the om around my kids. i still want to work this out with wife. tell me what i sould do. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

eemd,

Sorry to hear about this. How are your hands? What did the police say when you told them she slammed the door on your hands?

Are the children old enough to let others know what happened? What is the background of the OM? Is he a threat to your family in a legal way?

For every RO, there s/b a way to report your side. Check with the family court office. There s/b a form for you to fill out and write a short summary for the judge to read.

I heard about a dozen cases on the day we went to court re: OW and her nutty RO. Here's the deal. Whether the law is there or not, the judges don't like it when children and an A are mentioned together. So show your story as it is. Your W is having an A and the H (U) are in the way. Let the judge know that while it is understandable that most rule in favor of the mother, it maybe hard to do when the mother is the one having an A and exposing her children to the OM. In order to do so, she has falsely accused you and you are asking for a judge to rule for what is right vs a false accusation.

Write out your story and get a unbiased opinions. Don't let your W know what you are writing. Don't share info with her regarding your situation. The more she thinks she got away with it, the more rope she will give so that eventually her actions will catch her.

You need to play it smart and safe. Be a good father. Write your children love notes. Reassure them of your love via other family members.

U need t/b patient for the time being. Work on showing your good character. Get letters of testimony to that fact if you can. Build up your credibility. Speak the truth. Don't protect her by not exposing the A.

take care,
L.

the kids are old enough but their mom is turning them on me. my hands are fine. she is making me look like the bad person. for her a. i hope her fog will end soon.

I read your post to my H who broke my arm because I was threatening to call the woman with whom in fact he was having an affair, and he said, "Stop blaming your wife." How did your hand get in the door? Were you trying to have access to the house?

i was in the door way talking to my kids. and then all of sudden she say time to stop talking to the kids and that what happen.

eemd, I feel sorry for that Scott Peterson whose pregnant wife was found dead while he was having an affair. The presumption of guilt is on him, though proof is all circumstantial, just like it is on you. You were at her home, and the door was broken. Cops and lawyers are used to the abuser blaming the spouse. Just be aware of that. It's the way abusers work.

Orchid can you tell me sb a form. thanks all for the info. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

eemd,

<strong>'There s/b (should be) a form for you to fill out and write a short summary for the judge to read.'</strong>

In CA the form is the DV-120 - Answer to a Temporary Restraining Order. There are specific questions and then you are allowed to submit a short recap of your version.

How are you doing? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

L.

iam fine just thinking about when i go to court. i seen wife she is mad at me she wont say a thing to me.

wife is still in the fog she filed for d. she is mad at me she move the om in her place. iam trying to get custody of the kids. we are suppose to go to medition but she is in the fog she is doing everything to hurt me my lawery has put a stop to her d i had to contest it. what do i do sould i just give up and let her go on with kids. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

I think the best thing that has happened so far in your situation is them moving in together. Time to play real house which being on this sight is the real A killer. So hang in there, you know the right thing to do in your situation. So if you still believe in your M hold on to that. JMHO

she also acts like she is so happy how could someone be so happy exposeing their kids to the om.

Eemd--

All you can do is live by your principles.

Evaluate your principles, consider your faults that contributed to this situation, try to correct them, and live life.

Your best response is to be a great person, be consistent, be sincere, but be guarded.

Ultimately, you can do nothing to control your W's decisions. You can only control your own decisions.

Stick to what is right, be sorry for your mistakes, and do not give into your own emotional impulses.

Basically no one lives the way I just described--or most people don't--especially toward their spouses. From what I gather, it often takes affairs in marriages before married people realize they SHOULD treat each other with intense love and utmost regard.

My point being that if you strive to be a better person, sincerely, you will be more attractive to her than the man she is with.

But be good for the sake of being good. The sad fact is that lies are powerful and there are no guarantees. At the very least you will know that you tried your best.

Good luck and may God richly bless you.

Jg