I blew it! I wrote a letter about the go-cart and it just kept on going. I couldn't help myself. We didn't talk, we didn't see each other. But I wrote the letter and I gave it to him and that is bad enough. It isn't good either. I explained that daughter has noticed her go-cart missing and that she feels very left out right now, and that she thinks that you are going to give her go-cart to OW son, and she feels replaced. I told him that her anxiety is going away now and it is turning into anger and pain. I told him that she has been looking to the Lord a lot lately. That we pray for him every nite together. Not for him to come home, but for him to have guidance in his life. I asked him to ask GOD for forgiveness and guidance because he really is listening. I told him I have made turns in my life because I felt god wanted me to, and it turns out he was right because I was headed down a bad path at the time. I also told him that he was off path and that god will put him back on it, there will be thorn bushes along the way, but he needed to pull them out and keep going. Then I really blew it and said that we are his family and we love him. That is a honest and caring man with morals but he had to find that man again. And that with gods help he could. Gees I was an [censored] huh? I won't do it again. I am done. No more letters. I promise myself!

<small>[ March 17, 2004, 03:00 PM: Message edited by: HopefulinNY ]</small>

NY,

We can save Melody and Ark and SS (who is famous for cyberslapping the s*** out of me <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> )and a host of others from having to take the time to write to you if you want to take the time to read my all the "I blew it" posts on my plan B thread.

But the again, far be it from me to take away their pleasure in sending similar ones here to you.

(You know I know EXACTLY where you're coming from. I can cast NO stones at you. I've done the same thing, only over the phone instead of by way of a letter. All we can do is start fresh. Can't turn back the past.)

KEEP HANGING IN THERE!!! I know you hurt. I know you're grasping for anything to hold onto, even if it's not the right way to do it. Been there!

LL

Hopeful,

You have just joined a not-so-exclusive club here on MB...those who, with all good intentions, enter into Plan B, but the emotional upheaval is more than we bargained for. So we let our emotions rule instead of our cool-headed logical side, and what happens? We reach out, or we strike out, but either way, we make contact with the WP. Frequently we say hurtful things. Who can blame us? After all, we are hurt and it is human nature to want to hurt back those that have inflicted pain upon us.

But you haven't done anything that many, many of us haven't done in the past. Doesn't mean it's right, of course. Yeah, we aren't supposed to do it. But you did. It's now history.

And for what it is worth, remember your H is still in the fog. While he may read what you are saying now - he may even come back with some nasty comments - long-term he won't remember them. In fact, depending on the depth of the fog, the words you are writing may not even penetrate.

In any case, you're among friends.

Stay strong. Hold your head up high!

LL

Yes, I have seen your posts and I thought I would let them have at me a while. I would never do the phone though. I am more of a writer than a talker. I'm with you sister.


*S*

Thanks for the encouraging words. I learned this time, I will not do it again. I know the words did not penetrate, but they sure felt good. I did not say anything mean though, which makes me feel good. I talked from my heart and my soul, and from what I have learned from myself and God so far through this experience. I don't see him ever coming back anyway, so I figured I might as well try to help have guidance and a conscience again for his son. I will not do it again though. I have kicked myself all day. I will remember how I felt now, the next time I feel like doing it again. I will post first, give letters later I promise. Thanks for the help. I wish there was a pill for time and pain though.

Hugs.

NY

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I wish there was a pill for time and pain though.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Funny...we BS want a pill for time and pain. The WS want pills to (1) make decisions about the OP vs. the BP, and/or (2) make it all go away, so they will wake up and it was just a bad dream.

Bottom line, whichever role we are in. God doesn't give us pills or allow us to change history. We are the product of our actions. And from those actions we must make choices in terms of how we shape our future.

Mine...my future...soon will no longer be dependent upon my WP. I have just about finished this part of the journey and have about decided life alone is better than life with someone who has to be talked into wanting me. If he can't decide then possibly I will have to.

Hopeful-

Well don't look to me for an example. I have broken Plan B about 10 times. It is very easy to do. We even had one member in Plan B who slept with her H. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

So welcome aboard the falling off the Plan B wagon club.

Thanks ladies. Sparkle, I know what you mean. Sometimes I don't know why I would want someone that doesn't want me. I think if he wanted me he would have come home already.

Believer,

I would be sleeping with my H also if he wasn't sleeping with someone else. I miss him so much. He isn't my H though, he is her whatever he has chosen to be, which at this time ain't pretty or attractive. I just want the pain to go away as you ladies do too. I hope to not fall off the plan B wagon again. At least I didn't see him, I just wrote to him about GOD and US his family. Maybe it was better than getting a bible for him, or maybe because he actually took this one with him he will read it sometime when he isn't so foggy, or on his way to OW house for the fix. Maybe someday I will get a life and quit pining for the old one which actually sucked anyway when I think real hard about it. LOL <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Hopeful...breaking plan B is nothing... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> But as long as you know how to get back on that wagon then it is okay...

Believer... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Hopeful, it's extremely difficult to not follow where your heart leads.

I know what you mean about pining away at your old life, and finding it wasn't that great.

That's where I'm hitting all of a sudden.

It seems I'm the only one fixing anything. He's a spectator.

He makes me sick just thinking about whatever I did to contribute to the breakdown of the marriage, He ultimately had the A. His remorse lasted about 3 days, and since he's been deeply lost in the FOG.

That's what Plan B will do for you, it will break some of the old habits, and you'll find some time for yourself to reflect on some things.

The pining... well...I think we all suffer from that, to me, it's like mourning the loss of someone close to me. It's hard to accept that no matter what happens from today forward, that part is lost.

Hang in there, and don't be so hard on yourself.

NY, I missed reading your post last night. I am sorry that I was supportive yet. Here I am, like JG said, it is ok to fall off the wagon, as long as you get back on. Hang in there, you are strong.

I was busy talking last night, that's why I was on board. you will see my post. It will be interesting.

Thanks ladies. Actually feeling better today except tired. Not enough sleep as usual. I go to the Dr. again on Fri. I need something different for the sleeping thing. Pretty soon I will be taking 6 prescriptions a day just to get over some stupid dirtball with his head pinched in his own [censored]. But if that is what it takes then I will do it. I have two kids who need a real parent and if I have to take 10 pills to do it I will. Eventually it will get better I know it will. I am strong when I am strong and weak when I am weak. Today I feel strong so far. So life goes on.......Plan B. No contact!

NY

You go girl! Hey, where the heck are my horoscopes, Astrology Goddess???

Are you slacking, or what??? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> SS <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Ny, I will pray for you. You are strong! When we are weak, GOD is helping us. So look ahead, good days are ahead. Did you read my WH's big FOG talk?

As astrology god I am getting on it. Yes I was a slacker for two days. Sorry. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

L&H

I replied over in your post about the fogese. Go read my reply. I will pray for both of you this morning also. Have a good day if possible.! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Thought I would let everyone know I am doing much better today. Plan B is still in tact now. I know I have to start all over again. That is okay though. Between ya'll and my IC I know I can do it all the way through this time. God is reassuring me daily that I am making the right decisions in life for me and my children by doing this. God is leading me and I am following like I have never done before. Him and a little common sense, it sure helps to have some of that. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

NY, good morning. Hope you have a good day.

L&H

So far so good. I am wondering about my anniversary though. No contact is no contact, but do I just let the day go by and not send card? My MIL said he would remember without one. I wonder if he will? How are you this morning? ARe things better, worse the same? I have been doing a lot of praying lately.

NY

Anniverary is just a day like the other day. If you remember it in your heart, that is good enough. Do worry about it too much. When he comes back, you can celebrate.

I am not feeling to well this morning(I mean feeling). But I feel much better now. I am reading the link you had for LostVa, it is very helpful. I think I will continue Plan Aing. I am able to pull myself out of the situaion more, and not let them hurt me as much. I am stronger now. The hurt feeling still comes, but it doesn't last as long as before.

Last night, WH was home. He cooked dinner. But he was sick, coughing a lot. he said he couldn't sleep at night. I bought him cough drops, make soothing tea for him. I hope that is part of Plan A. I decide not to talk about R unless he talks.

I tried all that when WH moved back for the six weeks. He was awful to live with. Mean and nasty, in withdrawals all day and night. Wouldnt' talk just sat in front of the tv all day and all night. It was horrible. I don't know what I am doing anymore. I am a lost soul half the time.

Hang tough, New Yorker. You are having withdrawals from him. Remember, if you expect him to eventually give up his fix for you, you have to be able to go through the pain of letting him go.

That is the way I think of it. Right or wrong, I guess.

You are doing great. Try and find something to keep you busier. Take the boy and volunteer at Brit's school.

Join Bible Study somewhere - they usually provide child care.

Join a gym, or take the boy for a walk - except I just remembered you said it is snowing there. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

If you can fill your days, they will go better for you. You have to fill them anyway, because if you do D, you want to have a life. Not just pine after him all day.

If you look for stuff to do, you will find it, I promise. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Lots of love and support and HUGS!

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> SS <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />