I don't know if this is a dumb question or not but I think the only dumb question is one not asked.

<small>[ March 18, 2004, 04:10 PM: Message edited by: Johns98ck ]</small>

Not a dumb question at all! In fact, there was an entire thread about this not two months ago. You'll find that different people decide to wear or remove their rings for all kinds of reasons. Bottom line is, if it gives you strength and hope, or symbolizes something "right" to you, wear it. If it makes you feel ill and repulsed, take it off.

Here's the other thread

On d-day I stopped wearing a pair of earrings my H gave me eons ago. I used to wear them every day. They were an important symbol of...I guess you could say 'protection' for me. I always felt 'safe' with them on...like he was with me by my side watching over me.

A few weeks after d-day I took off my engagement ring and wedding band. I put them in the jewelry box my H had given me for xmas (a gift that meant so much to me and was so beautiful I wanted to redecorate our room to match it...only to find out later that OW got the same xmas gift) and put them in the closet. At first I thought it was a bad omen not to wear them but looking at them every day reminded me of the vows he had broken. I had always worn them with such pride...

I don't know if I'll ever put them back on again. I don't think they'll ever have the same meaning. I used to feel so secure when I wore them...'you and me against the world' so to speak.

Who knows...maybe down the road the sun will shine again...warm the chill in my heart...

...maybe someday

Thanks Confused.

I stuggled with that issue also. At the suggestion of friends I took my wedding ring off and now wear it on a string around my neck.

This is symbolic of my status. I am married, but not fully married.

Part of my life is that of a married man. Half of my assets belong to somebody else. I do not date or flirt with women.

The other half is that of a single man. I sleep alone. I pay my own bills from one salary.

How long I will be able to endure this is an open question. I wait for God's answer.

I took mine off in mid-December after finding WH one night at OW's place and being stupid enough to knock on the door and decide to try and talk to them. (DUH!!)

Anyway, that was the last straw for me. I took it off, not because I don't feel I'm married, but because it symbolizes something that really is ugly right now.

I always liked my ring, but I think if we do get back together (and I pray and pray that we do), I may just ask to have him buy me a simple wedding band and start over fresh.

LL

Thanks for the thoughts Justin and LL, maybe I'm nieve but I want to keep it on so if my WW comes over she can still see I believe in our marriage, or it could put her into cake eating as everone says where she knows I'm waiting here for her. Had it on for the first time today and was really stressed see how I feel tomorrow.

I have to come back and add a little more. I had written more than I posted yesterday and for some reason took it out...yesterday was a really bad day so perhaps that's why...???

Anyway, I guess when I look at my rings/earrings I see a life that is no longer. Even if my H and I stay together, survive this, and live happily ever after, life as I knew it is gone. This is one of those life events that will change a person forever. Is this a bad thing? Right now it seems like the end of the world but overall I am hopeful about my M. I'm trying to let 'life as I knew it' die it's sorrowful death...after all it is what brought me to this point so do I really want it to continue? I'm trying to look ahead to a better life...

...a life that includes my H and brings us both happiness

...a life that allows us to learn to love again in a more mature, meaningful, lasting way.

Anyway, the part that I took out yesterday was the following...

I hope that someday my H and I will be sitting out on the deck, taking a walk, or digging through the dirt planting a garden and out of the blue, completely unexpected by me, my H will get down on both knees (he was so nervous when he asked me to marry him he couldn't balance on one knee <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> ). He'll take my hand, pledge his love for me, and ask me to start a new life with him. He would acknowledge his mistakes (briefly though...only briefly because we wouldn't want the moment spoiled) and would share with me his strengths (what he has to offer, how he can make me happy, why he is the man I should want to spend the rest of my life with). In my dream a new ring goes on my finger. It wouldn't be an engagement ring or a wedding ring. It wouldn't even have to go on that finger. It would be a ring that my H bought for me because he loved it and knew I would too. It would be a ring that when we both look at we would be reminded of the reason we fought so hard to 'recover' and get to this point on this sunny day...it would be a ring that would remind us both that's it's 'you and me against the world' again...this time it would be forever.

I would smile and cry and feel like the luckiest woman alive. His timing, of course, would be perfect. He'd know when I was ready for this moment and would blow my mind with this just like he did when he asked me to marry him. I would accept the ring, share with him my faults (briefly though...not to spoil the moment) and I would share with him my strenths (letting him know why I'm the woman he should want to spend the rest of his life with). Most importantly, the timing would be perfect...not too soon into 'recovery'...not too late...

As I said, I wrote this yesterday and then deleted it before I posted my response. Sometimes I ramble (as you can tell <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> ) and I guess I thought that I was doing that rather than answering the question that was originally asked (bad days = more rambling <img border="0" title="" alt="[Embarrassed]" src="images/icons/blush.gif" /> ). Turns out my H (who has been on the boards only once) read my post and was 'not so pleased' to say the least. Maybe he would have been happier if he had the opportunity to read about my 'dream'...if he could have seen that I am hopeful about our future rather than just being morbid about our present.

Maybe my H will read this post...maybe he won't. Maybe it will make him happy...maybe it won't. Either way, it brought a tear of hope to my eye so I think it was worth writing. For those who have read it...thank you for letting me share my dream...

confused

I still have my wedding rings on...And so does WH. We have never taken them off, even thru all of this. he has even pointed it out to me when I was completely distraught one night and literaly breaking down. he held me and told me very firmly "We are STILL married...You are still my WIFE...look at my finger, I still have my band on and I will not take it off"...ok, well I lost it even more.

For me wearing my wedding rings still gives me great hope that things will be ok again. And IF we do reconcile, I plan to start all over with new rings and new vows and put this all behind us. HTH!

Last night was a bad night for me also. I think the waiting is the hardest part and I have no choice but to learn to be a patient man. I was digging through stuff in the kitchen and found last years Anniversary card from my WW I read it and there was a line in the card that said "you are my bestfriend" and beside the bestfriend she had wrote in ever. I looked at the ring on my finger and started to cry and realized that it couldn't be there anymore. So now I wear it aroung my neck on a chain. The close to my heart thing. My WW ring is in her jewelry box which is still at home with me so I know she's not wearing hers. I know that the A isn't going to last, and it would be so easy to move on for me since we have no kids. I'm 35 but thanks to my mom and dad's good gene's I look about 29. I was thinking of sending my wife an email at her work saying something like this "K (my love) I just wanted to let you know that if your thinking that I deserve better then you because of the situation we're in, I just want to say all I ever wanted was you. When we said our vows, for better for worst till death do us part, we both made a promise. This is the worst for both of us and I want to let you know that I will keep my promise. Thinking of you John

I would love to find OM wife but I have no idea how to go about this. I know OM name but not his W. I went to the OM old address and I was too late new people just moved in and closed that day. Any Ideas??

Internet. Do a search for their address...those search sites aren't up to date. Find their phone number and call it and see if it doesn't give you the new number... Problem with the search sites...you may not be able to do a reverse lookup with the new phone number and get an adress though.

Other problem is they won't be updating their licenses or other legal documents anytime soon, so paying a PI to get a new address may be fruitless right now too.

Do you have ANY idea where she works?

No clue as to where she works I wish I did. I tried to do a background check on OM on msn and got no info tried the telephone and it's disconnected.

Send a letter to old address...it should get forwarded...now how do you disguise it so OM doens't know it's from you?

OM is not living with his W now he's living with mine in apt. so since I don't remember her first name that is not going to work I think.

Okay still do a search for the telephone number. If she has stayed in the same town odds are she kept the same phone number they shared jointly.

If that doesn't work go back to the old house and ask if they know how to get in touch with her that you needed to mail her something fragile and don't want it being bounced between two post offices before they forward it to her.

If that doesn't work see if you can find out which realtor and which agent handled the sale...if that applies. The agent probably has the current address for the both of them....not sure the agent would give it to you but you never know until you ask.