Just J-

I followed your advice a whilie back and tried to invite X to start an email dialogue in an attempt to allow him to voice his feelings about "Clearing the Air" for the sake of DS, rather than discussing it in person.

X has ignored my request twice now and has made it appear (To a court investigator) that my not wanting to Meet with him in person was an unwillingness to discuss the issue.

Today, I receive an email basically challenging me to a meeting face to face with him.

He said "I would like a face to face meeting. What are you afraid of?"

I think I have stated my boundaries clearly and feel as if I am being manipulated again. Since you were the BS and you seem to have a feel for my sitch., I was wondering what you're thoughts are.

Should I meet with him?

It may sound dramatic, but several people that have known us both for many years have expressed that they believe that he might try and harm me if I do. A small part of me acknowledges that this could happen but the biggest part of me tends to dismiss it as drama.

I guess I am feeling like there really is nothing left to say. We have been going back and forth over this child issue and the house issue for 2 years now. What can 1 conversation do that 1000 couldn't?

He's already laid it on the table that he would be willing to leave DS in my custody if we could split the week right down the middle and alternate weekends. I've voiced that I would rely on whatever his IC felt was in the best interest of DS. I have epresented her with this scenario as well as my feelings towards how DS would be affected by it. Ultimately if she feels it is in his best interest, then I would comply with it.

I'm scared that this is just another manipulation but at the same time, I feel that if he really wants a resolution I should do what I can to meet him half way. I simply don't underestand why it has to be in person.

Again your thoughts do matter and help me sort this stuff out.

Thanks

kily...

tell him you are afraid of
1. killerbees
2. Barney
3. mean old laidies
4. and forgetting it's your turn to bring snack to school....


Oooops those are the things I am afraid of...
I also would say I am afraid of the mean guys in the lord of the rings triology...but so far have only admitted that one to Mr. ARK....

well the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and expecting a different result..

I think email is the perfect way to discuss this issue..
it has no definitive ending point like a face to face..so each will have the time speak their peace...

it is without anger/emotion/ and tone...

kily stand up for yourself...(as if you haven't already... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> )
but email him back..

I would rather discuss this in email.
As i have suggested twice already and offer here and now again.
clearly state that you are willing to discuss ....and not meeting is not a reflection of any unwillingness to discuss...it is only unwillingness to get entangled in the emoitional conflict that remains unavoidable these days...
It is unfortunatley the nature of the beast...

infact who cares what he says about being afraid...email back and say.
thankyou for the offer to meet face to face.
but no thank you.
Would love to and look forward to discussing this matter and any other concerns via email. It is unrealistic to expect us to meet face to face at this stage.


print out that email.
print out the other two in which you ask to discuss this issue..
take it with you and when he tries to accuse you of not being willing produce the emails and be done with the nonsense...

ark

Kily, I'd state it simply:

"I'm afraid that a face-to-face conversation will blow up and turn into an argument. That doesn't work for me. If you have things you want me to know, please write to me. If you're not comfortable with that, perhaps we can find an intermediary."

Oh, and yes, Ark is absolutely correct. Evidence is an incredibly wonderful thing. Take copies of the e-mails with you and show them to the investigator. Oh, and if you need an intermediary, I'd be happy to do it for you.