Yesterday I got home and W and kids weren't there, were at oldest D's softball practice. So I checked our email while the house was quiet. I also checked the history on the browser, I do this periodically, wife rarely uses the computer for anything other than email. Yesterday, I see she had been surfing a romantic poetry website. I thought that odd, esp. since she and I are in limbo. I did not say anything, wanted to see how it plays out. Just wondering if I should put in a spy program? I could do this without her knowing, she is an amatuer with the computer.

That is a very personal decision only you can make.

I did and wish I hadn't. I felt dirty and slimy doing it and also I could have found out what I needed without it. I was just taking the easy way out.

Just remember, you don't need a pile of evidence to confront your WS. Just let her know how you are feeling.

You have to do what you think is right in this, just think very carefully beforehand.

It's possible she was just feeling romantic or she was trying to remember what her feelings were before the A. I know it is hard to look at it from a different perspective, I am fighting that urge at every turn to assume the worst.

Be strong and think.

BrokenHubby

Glad-Man, there is nothing wrong with snooping at all. No one has the right to the privacy to destroy you behind you back. If you need to put spy ware on her computer to determine if she is having an affair, then you would be remiss to skip this step. A good one is Starr Home version, but be sure and buy it or it will show up in trial version. If you buy it, it will be invisible. www.iopus.com

What I did not mention is that I believe if my wife is not doing anything and finds out about the snooping program, she will hit the roof. A couple weeks ago I found a # on her cell phone that was only a couple numbers different from OM's cell #. When I accused her and then found out that I had the wrong #, hurt our relationship very badly.

Glad

Part of the cost of being the straying partner is to accept that you are going to check up on her until she proves trust worthy again.

If she is getting angry and upset then she is not approaching recovery in a sincere way.

Do you have kids? If you do then you know good and well you check up on a child after they have misbehaved until you are sure the bad behavior is no longer continuing.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Glad-man:
<strong> What I did not mention is that I believe if my wife is not doing anything and finds out about the snooping program, she will hit the roof. A couple weeks ago I found a # on her cell phone that was only a couple numbers different from OM's cell #. When I accused her and then found out that I had the wrong #, hurt our relationship very badly. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">This is why you don't accuse WITHOUT EVIDENCE! You snoop and get the evidence first. If you have no evidence you make no accusation. Your crime wasn't snooping, but in making a false accusation.

Why would she hit the roof if she is doing nothing wrong?

She won't find the snooping program, it is invisible.

Just bought and installed spyware program, I hope it finds nothing and is the biggest waste of money I have ever spent.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Glad-man:
<strong> Just bought and installed spyware program, I hope it finds nothing and is the biggest waste of money I have ever spent. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Me too! It is also a FANTASTIC trust builder when it exonerates them. Just please make sure you have installed it in invisible mode.

Well day 2 of spyware, nothing really to report, but one thing caught my attention. A little background here: I live in Italy, and W cheated w/Italian man (since moved, NC occured as soon as she told me). W really wants to learn Italian, already spoke Spanish, so she is really picking up the language. On our computer, we have a tranlator program, which is a nessacity when living in a foreign country. One of the things I saw on the spyware was a translation from Italian to English, basically talking about love and a door to the heart. Romantic launguage, was wondering if this was a song lyric. Right after she used the program, she shut the computer off and restarted. This is unnessacary unless she is covering her tracks IMO. How do I proceed, just keep quiet and print this stuff out and file it away in case I ever need it? Or am I being overly sensitive?