As many of you know I have been apart from my WH for nearly six months now. I have been in Plan B for about a month and have not seen or heard from WH since. He has not his children in three weeks after he had some kind of crisis with the OW over access ( I still won't let her be around them) and told him to stay away for a month. I feel so much better and am enjoying life at the moment. I keep thinking back to how things were when WH was here and I don't like the way things were and I am getting to like being on my own with the children. I can honestly say that I don't think I want my WH back, I think I have moved on with my life and want something better for me and the children and I don't think it involves WH. My question is with this in mind when the month is up to I still stick to my guns and not let the OW be around the children. Part of me wants OW to know what it is like to have children around (she doesn't have any) and they can be a hand full as most of you know and this will upset their happy home and part of my is still protective of my children (they are mine and OW can't have them, she is not going to play mum with them, will this part pass and get better I mean I have to let the children see her sometime if this arrangement is going to be a permanent one. Anyway thoughts anyone.

Can someone answer my question or am I being too negative about my situation

I really don't have good advice for you now. For me, protecting the children is my #1 priority. It seems that part of you wanting to use the children as weapons. Don't do that.

I feel very strongly that OW should be prevented from being around the children if at all possible.

They have so much to adjust to in their little lives and do not need to be introduced to this relationship(that will probably not last!)so early into it.
It is very unfair to them to have to be subjected to an A. What does this teach them?

It has been over a year since my WH's A began and he decided to leave.

Our children have not been allowed to visit him out of state or be around OW(and her children). I am certain that this has been an issue for her.

Finally, the A seems to be over....
I am so glad now that my children were protected from that relationship....it is one less thing that they have had to deal with.

It is a mistake to think that this would not be hard on them if they were to be included in their relationship.

A reasonable amount of time should pass after a DV is final before your children should be introduced to a significant other, whether it be yours or his.

Hi FI.
You asked for advice and we are good at GIVING it!

Your intentions to have the children drive the OW crazy don't seem quite right.
But it is VERY IMPORTANT for your husband to have a good relationship with his children. VERY IMPORTANT!

Since she is an OW and not his wife, it would be appropriate to have him be with his children seperately from her...perhaps meet at grandparents home or even McDonalds.

Our daughter married a man with 2 boys and I can't imagine them not being a part of her and her husbands lives. (Or ours!) They were 3 and 6 years old at the time. Now they are 13 and 16. Over the years healing has taken place and daughter and the X get along pretty good.
(He met my daughter when he was seperated from his wife but not yet divorced.)

My daughter has been a good step-mom. So far she hs been unable to get pregnant so they are an extra blessing...They get them every other week-end and daugher and H live close enough to the X, that the boys can ride their bikes over for a visit.Good
Luck with your decision making; take the high road I guess by being the giver, the better person.
Love, Julie

I agree with Shugah that the kids have enough to deal with then throwing them in the middle of that situation as well. But I wouldn't try to cut their contact off with their father for the children have a right to see him. I would try to make up some kind of visitation with them in a public place. That is what my H (soon to be exH maybe) does with his exwife. It is a pain having to meet like that but it shows that you want them to see their father while having some kind of peace of mind that she isn't there too.

Thank you all for answering. May I clear up one thing I would not use my children to get back at anyone. When I said it would drive the OW crazy having the children around, it was just thoughts and something that I would not like my children to be subjected to. They are definately my first priority which is why I asked the question in the first place. I was worried that I was being over protective and petty keeping the OW out of the picture. I want to keep the children happy in all circumstances and they have said they want to stay overnight at their dads house but as he lives with the OW I have said no. My WH has expressed his disappointment and disactifaction at not being able to take the children to his place when the OW is there and I don't want to appear unreasonable in front of the children. They do come first and WH has made the decision not to see them for a month whilst he establishes his relationship with the OW and as I will not allow the children to be with the OW this was causing problems. I took the children out of this situation which I could see would hurt them, seeing their parents argue over them, this is something I do not want. I don't want them to hurt in the future and feel WH relationship will not last but what if it does and then I end up being the one in the wrong. But then I feel that not letting the OW be around the children is preventing them from seeing their dad at the moment as WH wants her to be around. Once again as I said before I do not want to use the children as a battle ground or appear to be doing so, so perhaps I should just swallow my pride and let the children go.