We have been together for about seven years. I cheated with an ex early in the relationship. I admitted it right away when confronted, then we 'broke up' for a bit and dated a bit, but never as much as kissed any of them. And then was afraid it was ruined so I was distant for a long time, but she put up with it and waited, and insisted that it did not ruin our chances or her love for me.

I came around and realized how strong her love must have been for me, I confessed my love and commitment to her and we got engaged. I have no desire or inclination to ever be with another woman. But not long after that she started being mean and distant and expressing that I was annoying her, etc. She also, sadly and with remorse on her part, admitted to fantasizing about being with other men. I was hurt at first of course, but tried to help us understand what was causing it. I used these as oppurtunities to weed out even more problems with my attitude and her place in my priorities.

I have been doing everything to fill her Love Bank. And it seemed to be working, but now again she had been talking about this guy at work quite often, and then admitted to having fantasies about other men again. She has not been with this guy at work, he just seemed to trigger the symptoms again. She came to me again which I think is a good sign. She professes her love for me and that she does not want to lose me or our relationship and our future together. She is very upset and distraught over these feelings and thoughts she has.

As am I. What can we do?

She says she still feels pain and anger about what I did to her early in the relationship. We have questioned the possibility together that maybe it did ruin everything. But we both feel that is not true, and truly love each other. What is still wrong? This is the third time this has happened now, and I am concerned it will be the end of us eventually.

Please help.

I don't have any advice for you, but that I can understand what your wife is feeling or doing. I have feelings for a coworker of mine and it isn't because my husband did anything wrong or because he isn't doing anything, it is just a different attraction. I wish I could have a reason to what she is doing or feeling and there may not be any reason, because I have none.

I know this doesn't help or it may not make sense, just wanted you to know you aren't an alone H. Maybe I should have my H talk to you. Although mine doesn't know about the OM.

Thank you for your reply. I think she is just so full of resentment. Unfortunately Dr. Harley says this is the most difficult area and thing to fix. And that even for him he does not have all the answers, which scares the hell out of me.