I am living in Europe with my wife who is European. I have just found out she has been cheating on me. I, of course, am devastated. I realize I wasn't fulfilling her emotional needs and want to work on this. I told her this and confronted her two nights ago about her affair. She told me she just ended it that day but wasn't sure about us and wasn't sure she ever loved me. I don't believe this but don't know what to do. Does anyone have suggestions.

I am too new into this to give much advice, but this site is very helpful. Read it, then read it again.
Your declaration of intentions (what I have been calling it) gives her the facts of what you want and need. Know what you want and tell her. Then do not make the mistakes I keep making - back off and just love her. She has work to do too, so if she says she is willing, show her this place and let her read the Basics, etc.
You are on the first step of a real tough road, but you are not alone here.

Hey Dan,

Been in your shoes - ROTTEN place to be. This website is a godsend, though.

First, read Dr. Harley's concept of a Love Bank.

Then read up on Emotional Needs and Love Busters.

Your job right now is to be the most attrative spouse you can be - deposit as many units as you can into your wife's love bank and avoid making any witdrawals. It sucks big time, because you're the one who was wronged yet you're the one who has to meet her needs and avoid love busting - at a time when you'd probably often like to wring her neck!

Even though she said she ended it, don't be surprised to see her waffle back and forth. The attraction to the OP (other person) is an addiction (down to the chemical reactions that take place in the brain) and is very difficult to break.

Don't pay any attention to the "I never loved you" or "I love you but I'm not in love with you" talk. Very normal, but untrue. Don't let it get to you (difficult, I know).

A "rule of thumb" I've seen here and it seems to be a very good one is not to make any major decisions (i.e. divorce, kick her out, or move out) for at least six months after finding out about the A. Some say a year.

Dan -

Keep reading here and you will see that we are all in the same boat. WS's say and do the same things almost word for word. Watch for things like he is her soulmate, she loves you but is not in love with you, she needs space, it was all your fault, blah, blah, blah.

It is very miserable at first, but things will get better. Stick with us, we will help you get through this.

Hi Dan,

I'm sorry this is happening to you. You will read some good advice here-I think one of the most helpful concepts for me was that of the "fog"-your WW will be deep in it right now. Believe in your own instincts-mine have never let me down-even sometimes it took months before I found out they were right but they always are.
Also, it is true that all WS sing from the same singbook-so don't let all the hurtful comments, accusations,etc get to you-you need to look at yourself and be honest-are there things in your marriage that may have led you both to this place?
The emotional rollercoaster is scary-get some help. Find a counsellor, confide in a (male) friend who can be trusted to support you.
Do you have any family close by? Do you have children?
Keep posting here-and read as much on this website as you can. In particular, read Worthatry's advice for betrayed spouses-sorry I can't paste a link,you will find it in his sgnature.

You'll be ok , don't lose your self esteem,you you can get through this.

Deluded