Ok, I talked to the H last night and for a long time. He kind of brought up everything by saying you just seem like you think you f---ed up by marrying me. I said I didn't think that until you started lying to me. So that started the ball rolling.
He immediatly starts in with " I am happy with you. You are my priority. Just work hard to be on the bosses good side and stay working" (he was layed off last year)
He also said "I just feel like I could do better. Like you think you f---ed up by marrying me
ME: Okay but if you wouldn't lie there wouldn't be a problem.
HIM: I just feel like.... I can't talk to you.
ME: That makes you lie to me? You can't talk to me because you started lying to me and then I didn't believe the things you were saying.
So the conversation went like that for a while. He just keeps repeating
" I feel like...... you think you f---ed up
" " ...... I cna't talk to you.
" "...... I can't be myself
" " ...... I'm emabarrassed of my family.
" " ...... I have to walk on eggshells
" ".......I lie because .....you don't listen.
These are the responses I get when I ask when did you start to lie, what were you lying about?All the while looking to the left and up in the sky, nothing was making sense.
ME: You do things wrong and then lie about them because I don't listen to you?"
"people don't lie unless they are hiding things"
Oh, earier in the beginning he says " I try to make myself look better than what I actually am. "
ME: "Ok, true but what about the things you're covering up. My theory is since you lie and don't get away with it, then you must be getting away with something in order to keep trying to away with things."
Anyway that's the juist of the circles we were running and a lot of other things came out like he lied because he smoked a joint or he lied because he was drunk. Okay. Whatelse.
I asked about the T-shirts in his truck..
"My trunk?
" your tuck"
"My trunk?"
"Your truckk"
"Oh why are are there shirts in my truck."
"Yes why are there shirts in your truckk"
"There's shirts in my truck?"
"Yes there's shirts in your trucckk"
"I have them there because I was supposed to work on Saturday and I went to my moms and had them in there in case I had to go to work but they didn't want us so I left them in there."(WHEW, I thought ,got outa that one quick didn't cha)
So of coarse I don't believe for a second that there isn't more to this whole thing.
I asked if he was cheating on me or had he ever come close. Of coarse he said no, very clamly and again dead look in the eye. This makes me think YES. I know I broke all the rules last night. Be quiet don't let him know you're snooping. Sometimes I think I get better info right from his face.
This morning was then strange. I mean last night we went and watched T.V. and talked about baby stuff, for once. Everything was fine.
This morning he initiated sex, we started for about a minute then he suddenly stops and gets out of bed. I said "where are you going" he mumbled. "bahtroom"
He came back to bed for another minute not laying next to me then rolled toward me for a second then jumped out of bed took a shower and that was it! What the.....
I asked later what was wronge. "Nothing, I'm alittle tired and my stomach's bothering me"
ME: " is that why you stopped this morning?"
HIM: "No, I just stopped." Shrugged his shoulders with his hands in his pockets. Walked away....

Jane,

Hope you don't feel like I'm following you from board to board, but I am concerned.

Wow. Red flags all over the place.

It sounds like there is so much that he is not saying.

The deal with the shirts in the truck.... Took him a while to come up with a good excuse I see.

Look, you realy need to do all the reading you can. Read all you can from any link you can find here on this site.

Read His Needs Her Needs.

Learn everything you can to build your relationship.

I think it may also be a good Idea if you present him with the Idea of counseling.

I'm sure he will probably say that you don't need it, I did a few times. But if you let him know that it is important to you, and start going on your own if necessary, you can probably get him to join you.

Good luck and I'm sorry you need to be here going through this.

WIWH

Something is wrong with this picture. He is up to something. By the way, when wife is pregnant, husbands often fall into this trap.

Quizzing him is a waste of time. You would be surprised to see how fast they can come up with a lie. My WH lied so convincingly that I thought I was going crazy.

So you can start in Plan A. Also take care of yourself. Realize that H is temporarily insane, but probably will get over it soon.