My husband had a very heated emotional affair over the internet for 9 months before i found email love letters. They were planning a meeting to take place later in the year because they live on opposite sides of the earth. After this meeting, they would decide whether to leave their spouses. She was an ex girlfriend from 30 years ago which my husband sought in stressful times for our family- our daughter was anorexic and suicidal and our son was having 3-4 months worth of tests for tumours.

When confronted my husband said he would call it off immediately. However, he continued to contact her by phone and email for two weeks after DD Day. His reason for this was to make sure she told her husband because I knew her address and phone number and threatened to contact her husband.

DD day was four weeks ago. I have been very angry and asked him to leave. He refused sleeping in the car the first two days before coming back inside and making up. I am angry at him every day. I keep on asking about the affair which he just wants to forget. I ask "is it because you have feelings for her" He says no

Today, I was calmer and just asked him casual questions like I cannot believe what you spoke about emailing each other so constantly, phoning and writing letters. I noticed a momentary smile on his face. I quickly changed the subject.

I want to know details as it is important to me. But I just wonder whether I am actually having a negative effect as he remembers pleasant things about this OW.

Has anybody else had this experience


Married 21 years, together 26 year
3 children aged 17,15 and 14

Anne

Only my 2 cents for what it’s worth…

As a FWW I’ve never experienced that talking about the OM have reignite my feelings. If a FWS still have residual feelings for the OP, that feelings will remain whether the FWS talks about the OP or not. Residual feelings only fade with time, patience and right focus on the FWS part. For me personally it helps to talk about my feelings and concerns from time to time. It helps me to get the proper perspective on my feelings and to have total honesty and openness with my H and in my M.