A gathering of everyone involved in this A.

Me, WH, OW, My mom, My MIL, OW parents and some church leaders.

My first question will this work to break fantasy for WH and OW?

In this gathering we can all find out the truth. If OW truly loves WH...if WH truly loves OW...and witness by OW parents, my mom, my MIL and church leaders...for your info...we are all catholic. My Mom and OW parents are devout catholics.

I have not contacted OW parents since the one and only time. The day after i contacted them i went into plan B. Now my sixth week.

Last i heard from WS he told me that OW is willing to wait for him and is not willing to let him go.

Will this gathering help me or will it become one big ugly mess?

<small>[ March 24, 2004, 08:15 AM: Message edited by: zizzycool ]</small>

zizzy -

Sounds like a great idea to me. But I doubt that OW and your H will show up.

20 year old OW still staying with her parents. If i set an appointment with parents to clear the air...OW parents might want to do it too.

As for WH...i cannot believer WH won't turn up...he will be the worlds' biggest coward if he does not turn up.

I am not even sure if i can set this up or not...sounds very monumental!!!

You think i should set this meeting as a last resort of some sort? Maybe give black out plan some more time....maybe he is more to ending it then if i do the big meeting...it might make matter worst.

Believer you are longer in plan B. Do you know after sometime in plan B that you are very sure Divorce is finally the only way for you? Will you be certain to reach the point somewhere along in plan B. I am afraid that i will never get there. What if i am forever stuck in Hope Land...hope that he will come back and he never does until he finally does the D thing!!!

zizzy -

I think I would wait on the meeting and stay in Plan B.

I am still in a not very good Plan B. I never contact my WH. It took 3 months for him to start contacting me. So you have a way to go still.

Really you have no choice. The A has happened and will change your marriage forever, hopefully for a better marriage. Remember, Plan A does not usually bring them back. Plan B is necessary.

Are you doing things on your own? That is what helped me the most. I exercise, organized the house, redecorated, did the yard, detailed the car, joined a women's support group, go out with friends, etc. WH now realizes that I am doing fine without him. Also my self-esteem is back. That is really important in Plan B. You must get your needs met somewhere.

Okay i will hold on to the meeting thing...until something else happens. It will only work me up again and that is not what i want.

I am working so that covers most of my mornings.

The evenings are a bit tough because my daughter does not want me to go out without her. Most of the time i bring her out with me to go shopping etc.

If nothing is on then i will go to bed early so that i need not think too much.

You still need to have a life. Is there someone who can watch your daughter - maybe WH, while you go out?

A gathering of everyone involved in this A.
Me, WH, OW, My mom, My MIL, OW parents and some church leaders.
Why should/would OW & WH show up?

Plus, what would meeting really "prove?" Wouldn't it just be another chance for WH and OW, IF they showed up, to "profess their love for each other?" They don't know what love is anyway, so with all their fog talk right now, would there be any truth gained from this meeting (for you, for them, for the family)? It may be an opportunity for church leadership to confront them both (per Matthew Chapter 18, below), but I would not treat it as a truth finding session.

A Brother Who Sins Against You

Matthew 18:
15"If your brother sins against you,[2] go and show him his fault, just between the two of you. If he listens to you, you have won your brother over. 16But if he will not listen, take one or two others along, so that 'every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.'[3] 17If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church; and if he refuses to listen even to the church, treat him as you would a pagan or a tax collector."

Chris...OW stays with parent...she cannot run away...WH ever told me parents still put curfew on her. I can tell parents about A still on going during Office Hour and to hold meeting to confront all involve to clear the air. Parent would sure want to know the truth too. OW Mom was very understanding when i spoke to her before plan B started. She assured me that she will take care of the matter with her daughter. I think she thinks all matter is clear because i have not contacted her since as i am in Plan B.

As for WH...he has always been undecisive but not a coward. He will face up to the problem unless of course with all the fog...he HAS truly turn into someone completely unknown to me. If he is still sort of the same person i know he will be there in that meeting.

Christy...Yes...them confessing to their love is the worst thing that can happen...but i sort of need to see that. It would break my heart of sure. But you see my heart has already been broken. Only Plan B is sort of putting temporary bandage on it. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> I thought a collective effort of everyone involve might help end their fantasy/affair.

Anyway...i can wait. I am also scare to unwound those bandages. I think i will do this when i am completely ready. If i do the meeting it will set me back to square one in plan B. i honestly don't want to see hurt and pain again.

OW stays with parent...she cannot run away
Why not

I think she thinks all matter is clear because i have not contacted her since as i am in Plan B.
You have no longer contacted ow or her mother?

As for WH...he has always been undecisive but not a coward.
But what would his reason be for showing up?

If it’s that easy for you to make him show up for the meeting, then you should just make him end his affair.

He will face up to the problem
Assuming he thinks there is a problem. If there is no problem (according to him) then why would he show up?
If he thinks there is a problem, then it’s just a matter of time ‘till it falls apart.

If he is still sort of the same person i know he will be there in that meeting.
He has NO REASON to show up.

You are trying to “hurry” things up and it almost never works.

My WH niece called OW mom this afternoon. The worst part is that she pretended she is ME!!! I almost panic when i heard that.

When i explained to her the implication by her pretending to me would cause more harm, she wanted to call back OW mom and tell the truth. But i told niece forget it. I will deal the situation when it comes.

This is what OW mom said to my WH niece. OW mom was furious. Said i do not know how to look after my own husband. She said that the first time i visited her, the same evening she demanded the truth from her daughter who denied everything. OW mom said she even slap her daughter yet daughter still denied it. So as far as OW mom is concern her daughter is innocent and my WH is the one chasing after her daughter. OW mom also said she is monitoring her daughers movement so there is no way her daughter is seeing WH.

There you go another mess.

I am in my 7th of plan B...still solid plan B...i don't know what to do now...if OW mom tells OW about call...i am very sure OW will tell WH who will be furious...although i don't really care!

This is the same situation when i confronted OW on the one and only time. She did not denied loving him but she did claim that she told him to stop contacting her. She also said she loves her career more would stop all contact if i do not demand for her to quit. When i told WH that she only cares about her career, WH got worried and insisted on seeing her that very night to clear the air. He came back and told me that she still loves him and willing to wait for his decision. She is manipulating him and he does not see it.

OW is also doing it to her own mom. Telling her mom that nothing is going on because OW is afraid of the repercussion from her mom. But later when OW sees WH, she declares all the love etc etc for him. WH believes OW will wait for him no matter how long it takes for the divorce to happen because OW told him so. She is lying to everyone. OW is a conflict avoider!!

Chris...this young witch is lying to everyone. I live in asia. As you know asian culture is different. Why i don't think OW will leave her home is because of our asian culture. OW mom is pretty much in control at the moment.

As for WH...i wish at my 7th week of plan B, i can get him out of my head. I wish i don't feel anymore. I am waiting impatiently for the day i no longer feel for him. But i still love him and i still want him back. I wish i don't but i do. I am also very ashamed of his foolish behaviour. Very hurt with his selfishness and inconsideration. I wish i can snap my fingers and be detached from him emotionally forever.

The meeting if i ever do it will be my last resort.

Still doing solid plan B so far. I hope nothing happens from that called my WH niece made. I will wait and see for now.

WH meet my MIL last weekend. MIL said WH told her he is still confuse but also said that he might leave OW in one or two months time. I don't believe this. WH probably said this to pacify MIL.

I told my mom i wanted to give WH deadline...divorce by end May. My Mom went berserk on me and started lecturing about religion. I told my mom at this point of time i don't give a damn about religion!!!

Today is definately a stressful day for me. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

zizzy,

Speaking from a standpoint of the worst plan B'er, I'd stay dark. Every time I messed up on plan B, things backfired and put me back weeks, months. The little you will gain from breaking your plan B is small compared to the amount it will put you back. Listen to the people that have been there like Mortarman. Maybe even start a thread to him. He knows about plan B and can give you some great advice. I just hope that in the mean time, I can persuade you to stay dark and don't mess up on a proven system...

Lost WH...don't worry...i will stay dark...i am so desperate to have him back...this is all i can hope for. I don't believe or have hope in anything else but plan B...

After thinking long...i have decided it is about time for another visit to OW mom. This time i am going with back up...my mom, auntie and MIL.

From my WH niece conversation, OW mom believes her daughter and is calling me paranoid. I need to prove to OW mom that i am not paranoid and it is for real. OW mom needs to know that her daughter is lying to everyone.

Everyone knows the truth except OW mom...even the priest!! I need OW mom to see the truth so she can help me to break fantasy in her daughter.

My mom has decided to go and see OW mom without me. I could let that happen and watch the uproar from the distant. But i feel i need to go along in this case because i need to prove to OW mom that i am telling the truth.

If WH finds out, he will be furious but i am going to maintain Non contact...no matter what happens...

I need to do something to help the affair ends. Even in plan B, i need to continue to help it end. This is why i need to go and explain the truth to OW mom. If i don't go along then i am not doing my part and it feels odd. I should be fighting for my marriage. Not sit and wait. Plan B is to have no contact with WH. But if there is a way to end the affair then i should take it.

Plan B is the way to get him back. There is nothing else you can do. The more drama you get into, the worse it will be.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by zizzycool:
<strong>

I need to do something to help the affair ends. Even in plan B, i need to continue to help it end. This is why i need to go and explain the truth to OW mom. If i don't go along then i am not doing my part and it feels odd. I should be fighting for my marriage. Not sit and wait. Plan B is to have no contact with WH. But if there is a way to end the affair then i should take it. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I don't see what is wrong with this plan, zizzy. If it can help end the affair, you will only be ahead. Sure, your H will be angry, but if it helps end the affair, so what?

Zizzy,
Try to remember what plan B is for. It is not just about getting husband to end the affair by letting him and OW see the real people they are, pimples and all, but it is to protect the BS. You have to let go and start working on yourself. Do things you enjoy. Don't think about husband. I know this is very difficult, but the longer you are in plan B and doing these things the easier it gets. My problem was each time I got comfortable in plan B, WW would either contact me or I'd see her and I contact her and it starts all over again. Not only do you end up feeling all those bad feelings again, but it gives the WS a lift, like sitting on the fence. Stay dark, some advice from one that hasn't and knows the repercusions. Don't do what I've done. Plan B works, but you have to work the plan and don't let anything deter you from that....

LostWH...I am staying dark from WH...i have been doing solid plan B since my last fall from the wagon 3 weeks ago. i am only contacting OW mom and not WH...i do not plan to break my plan B...

As for the meeting...melody is correct you know...it is not right for me to just sit quietly while everyone else is trying to help especially my mom, SIL, MIL, aunties, etc. They all asked me why am i not fighting for the marriage. Plan B only says to avoid WH. It did not say about doing everything to end the affair if there are ways to do it.

Believer...that OW mom is very sure her daughter is innocent because OW denied everything. I cannot allow that. As long as OW mom believes her daughter than her daughter will continue to play behind her back. OW mom must be convince without doubt that her daughter is having an EA with WH. Only a meeting with my mom, auntie and MIL will convince her that i am not just a woman being paranoid!

I have to tell OW mom the whole story every bit of detail so she knows the truth. My last meeting with OW mom was probably too brief.

<small>[ March 22, 2004, 11:08 PM: Message edited by: zizzycool ]</small>

My mom called OW mom after hearing my story.

My mom managed to convince OW mom that her daughter is lying. OW mom finally believe my mom. She agreed to have that meeting to get to the bottom of things!!! But no date was mentioned.

In the evening WH called.

WH first question to me....why did i get my mom involved in this? He said there is a meeting between my mom and OW mom tomorrow. I told him read plan B letter. He asked again why did my mom get involved and called OW mom. I repeated...read plan B letter. Then he said i have read that damn letter many times and i don't see anything about this meeting!!! Then i said would anything i say now make any difference? He said this mean you know about this??!!! I keep quiet. A long pause. Then i said i was in my bath rode and was going to take my bath. So we ended the call. He did not sound terribly mad...more like frustrated and tired. No threat like i want to divorce you etc etc...i hope its a good sign especially that part about reading plan B letter many times.

Immediately i called my mom up and asked her if there is actually a meeting tomorrow. My mom said no but waiting for OW mom to call. My mom wanted to call WH but i told my mom to leave it be. I told her if there is a meeting than i will try to get WH to go. If he doesn't go then he is a coward.

You know some of you think in that meeting they will declare their love for each other but at the rate things are going especially with OW denying everything...that might not happen. What if WH and OW conspire to lie??????!!!! I would look like a stupid fool. If WH actually lie in front of me...i don't think i can take that. It would crush me. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />