I have summitted quit a few entries about my WH.He said he needed time to think about what he had done to the both of us so he left town Sunday,called everyday to say he was by himself and was OK.I found out yesterday that he has been with her the whole time and he still hasn't came back yet.now PLEASE someone tell me what would be the next best move.I am wanting to go talk to his boss about this to see if he could help me out in any kind of way. He is suppose to go back to work tonight and I know that she is keeping him to the last min. so I thought maybe his boss could help me out by giving him one more day off so that he could explain to me and his two D's why he has done this. I feel that he owes us that.He can have her but as long as he sees her he is not going to see me and use me anymore.He no longer is going to call the shots!Everyone here says give him time he will be back,he will see he has made a mistake but I'm tired of feeling the ball is always in his court and it's time that I get the ball.I just want to tell him in a nice way(no anger) that I do love him but I am not going to play the game as long as he sees her there will be NC between us. am I right in this?

I am not going to ask you to give him time. I did not give time to mine. I throw him out twice. The last time i threw him out...folks in MB told me to swollow my pride, take him back and go back to Plan A.

Where are you now? Are you in Plan A? How long have you done plan A?

<small>[ March 19, 2004, 06:13 AM: Message edited by: zizzycool ]</small>

Thank You for responding to my post sometimes I feel no one wants to guide me but I know that is the devil speaking to me. I don't know if I am in plan A or B maybe I'm in plan C (lol). I found out 2-10-04 and I was so hurt I made him leave that same day. I have been very respectful up to now but I can't take all the lies and I think I need to tell him we should have NC till he breaks it off from her for good. what is your advice?

I don't know if this is really advise for your situation but I'll tell you abit of my story.

Right on d-d I confronted my husband. He fell apart. He cryed and I held him in my arms, I stroked his hair and I was totally loving.

After this was done, I told him that I would not tolerate him being with OW if he really wanted our marriage to work.

I told my husband that I had always loved him and he was the Best person that ever came into my life.
I also told him that I honestly from the bottom of my heart wanted him to be happy and if it meant for him to go and be with OW, I'd let him go.

I did tell him that it would break my heart but I know that he didn't belong to me and I didn't want to pressure him to stay if he felt that his heart no longer belonged to me.

I then said: You're the love of my life and you always will be. I'm letting you go and I'm letting you find the happyness that you want. I'm so sorry that I couldn't give you what you seem to need for the past 25 years, I honestly thought that we were made for one another. I'm sorry.

I then told him: When you decide to leave please do me one favor..........please don't talk too bad about me. I always tried my best. Please try to think of our "good days". I will always remember the day I met you the first time. I was so sure that you were the man of my dreams.
Well the dream did last quit awhile, it just hurts so bad. You will always have a very special part in my heart.

I then told my husband that I would be leaving the country because it was just too hard for me to let him go and see him together with someone else.
I told him that I needed to start a complete life of my own. I told him that the children would be staying with him because I didn't want to rip them out of their life and because I knew I could trust him because he was the best father I could imagine. (my children were 16 and 19 then and they were "terrible" sorry but it's true.) <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

I was actually on the phone and I was talking to a travel agency about flights. This really scared the death out of my husband, he asked if we could talk.

Since he saw that I was serious, this was a total "Wake up Call" for him. He asked me to stay.

From that day on, we have been recovering.
D-d was a little over 3 years ago and we're doing great! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Hope this isn't too mixed up for you but it is really how our conversation went. At first I thought that he would leave for OW and then I decided that I would leave. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

take care
bb

Hey there, little lady! I just love saying that.

I do not have the experience to advise, but since none of the really active vets have been here yet, I will share some of what I know, and you can take what you need.

First of all, do you know if you want your M to recover? I think you need to make a decision in your head (for the most part - I still fluctuate between wanting WH and wanting D - but mostly wanting WH) if you are going to fight and do the work (because it IS work and it IS hard), or if you just want to start filing for D.

Assuming you want to recover, you first must decide on a Plan. I would recommend Plan A, of course, since you are so close to D-day. Have you read about Plans A and B on this site? Also, Surviving an Affair by Harley? Those are a must.

Regarding talking to his boss, I would say no. Others might disagree. I believe in exposure, but I also believe in my WH being able to support his family, and I have not done anything to put that in danger. But I'm not sure what the consensus is here on that issue.

I do believe you should confront him, in a calm way with no LB's, if possible.

I have also read another good book called "Love Must be Tough" by Dobson. Your current attitude seems to mirror his concepts, which are a lot like the concepts here.

Perhaps you can find comfort in those pages. I did. I was going to act on those pages, and send one of the suggested letters. In the end, I decided to continue with my Plan A, and have been rewarded.

All I can say is educate yourself, read about some options that have worked for others in the past, and pray on your decision before acting.

When I decided to follow the "Love Must be Tough" book, I prayed and went to bed. I had nightmares all night long, which is unusual for me.

I stayed in Plan A and have slept like a baby since.

The Lord will guide you. Ask Him to use the Holy Spirit to guide you in your decisions, to guide you in fulfilling His divine plan for you.

God Bless.

SS

Blondblossom, I love your psot. I need to do the same thing to my WH, but I just can't get him to admit the A.

Hi blondblossom,

Your story made me smile. You sound like a very strong and articulate woman. Your husband is so lucky to have you in his life. I think you have absolute class and I honestly do not believe that ANY OW could ever reach your level.

I admire your courage and strength. There are few people who could put their hurt and pain aside to react in a way that you have.

Well done!

Kati

^^^^bumping up