<small>[ March 28, 2004, 03:24 PM: Message edited by: Wanting Him Back ]</small>

Don't confront him while you're emotional, if you confront him at all.

Him: I need to get my passport.

WHB: It's not with mine - you must have already taken it. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

OK. I can probably hold off on confronting him (if at all, WAT).

However, how do I take this??? Is this all part of the fog?? SH says that he is shifting things around in his life to try to create this "happiness" that he is longing to find (that he didn't have with me). How am I supposed to handle this???????????? Do I sit idly by and let him go on a romantic cruise with this woman? To someplace we've been before and had great times??????

How do I sleep at night with this info???? In addition to everything else........

Thanks for your input - it is DESPERATELY needed.

SWB, I will be as desperately as you are if I am in the same situation. But calm down frist. Can you call to cancel it?

Okay Okay WHB,

I have to tell you this, and I don't know if it's what is happening with your sitch but .....

Several MBer's [Lora being one of them] here have reported their WS taking the OP on a cruise or mini-vacation, etc. in order to easily let them down before ending the affair.

I also think one of the recommended affair books also illustrate that same scenario before the WS ends it. I'm sorry but I can't remember which book it was.

I'm not saying this is what's happening for your sitch, I'm just pointing out this could be a possibility.

Stay strong Hon.

Lv,
Jo

Jo -

Thanks for the encouraging words, but ARE YOU HIGH??????????? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I wish I could say that was in my future, but I don't think so. In my snooping, they were talking of taking this cruise way back in February.

As for my 'sitch', you can check my post on this page titled "Need Some Help with the Small Stuff" - I bumped it.

Thanks, guys.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Wanting Him Back:
<strong>How am I supposed to handle this???????????? Do I sit idly by and let him go on a romantic cruise with this woman? To someplace we've been before and had great times??????</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I recommend you handle it as just watching another 4 days of life as an alien abductee. Don't interfere with their fantasy.

You're attaching more significance to this, understandably, because it represents activity hitting a little closer to home - if there can be such a thing - in an affair. But just because YOU had a wonderful time on a similar cruise doesn't guarantee he will with her. In fact, this is a terrific opportunity for failure.

Maybe they'll get food poisoning. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Maybe she gets seasick.

Maybe she'll have her purse snatched in one of those gawd-awful tourist traps that cruise ships pull into and she'll blame it on him.

There's a whole lot more that can go wrong with this trip than can go right.

In short, don't jump to a conclusion that this will be the most romantic vacation since Bogey and Hepburn on the African Queen. It's more likely an opportunity for him to recall the good times with you and see the grass isn't greener afterall.

WAT
---------
Squeezit Girdlefanny - what a name for a guy

<small>[ March 19, 2004, 03:14 PM: Message edited by: worthatry ]</small>

Thank you, MBers, for helping me to keep perspective. You are all correct.

I will try very hard to think of this as just another 4 days in this awful journey. My WH is pretty much a slug on cruises, so maybe she'll want to run around like a madwoman. Maybe she won't put up with his monster bar bill.

Maybe they won't have sex..........

Now who's in the fog??????? <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

Let me see if I can think alien...
new for me

WH: "Hope this trip is special, haven't been on one since with WHB....oops, mustn't think of her."

"having a great time...I remember when WHB and I were here last and we...oops, doing it again."

"I'm wondering if OW will want to (fillinblank) like WHB did?"

"It's not the same as it was with WHB, I miss her." or the alternate ending "It's the same as it was with WHB, why am I doing this? I have a longer history with WHB...do I want to start all these memories over?"

I can't believe I'm going through this. I can't believe he's taking HER on a vacation that we've done together. Somebody PLEASE explain this to me.

Can this be blamed on the fog?? What is going on here? I think I can hold my tongue, but my heart is falling apart with every moment I spend on this.

......or you could wait until it is non-refundable and cancel. Keep a copy of the receipt so you have the pertinent info. Say you are Mrs. _____ and have called to let the cruise lines or ticketing agent know you have some illness or important matter to attend (relative with some illness, reading of a will, pending D, someone lost their job, etc.) and need to cancel the trip for now.

Accept their apologies. If they offer to refund, say no..... that you would prefer a discount on your next booking. Be pleasant and firm.

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

L.

You could act like you have no clue and "book" the two of you the same vacation. See the reaction to that one <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

My H did sort of the same thing (on not nearly so grand a scale, I'll admit <img border="0" title="" alt="[Embarrassed]" src="images/icons/blush.gif" /> ).

His was a long distance EA, so he was limited to sending her gifts. But his FIRST gift to her was a huge box of MY VERY FAVORITE kind of chocolates. GRRRRR.

Then he found some glass art on eBay and bought that for her - by the artist who created OUR VERY FIRST JOINT PURCHASE, which has always had special intimate significance for us.

I have NO idea why they do this. Maybe they're sticking to a "tried and true" formula? Like, it worked with WHB, it'll work with OW?

IMO that only goes to show how much they're involved with a fantasy, and in a warped sort of way trying to make OP into the person they really love (the spouse). For example, turns out this OW was diabetic. BWA hah hah hah! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> So he obviously wasn't selecting the gift out of intimate knowledge of and thoughtful consideration for OW.

Bet your H is, in his fogbound way, trying to recapture what he had with you. Keep your chin up, stick to Plan A, and he'll eventually realize that the only way he can recapture what he had with you is WITH YOU.

It *is* pretty danged infuriating, isn't it? I felt like I was having my identity stolen. Now it's just kind of sad and funny at the same time.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">IMO that only goes to show how much they're involved with a fantasy, and in a warped sort of way trying to make OP into the person they really love (the spouse). </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">For my sake, I really hope that's the case. Thinking of them together on a romantic cruise just literally makes me ill. I can no longer think about it.

You guys have all given me some interesting perspective. I'll try to think of your various reasons instead of the awful ones floating through my brain constantly. Otherwise, I'm not sure I'd have the strength to continue.

Question, though. Is it normal for WS and OP to make future plans together? Like planning to be together 'eternally'? Like planning that she will do the bills because it makes my WH into a bear? That kind of stuff makes me sick to my stomach, too. He's supposed to be planning his future with his family, not his wh***.