Okay, I have a friend at work whose wife died this week. They have been married for 35 years. His wife died from breast cancer that had spread. She was an RN at Children's Hospital.

He is a christian and goes to my church. It has really made me look at my marriage.

He stayed home to take care of her, night and day for 2 weeks. She was up and about until two days before she died.

He has come back to work. Everyone asked him why he came back to work. He replied why should he just sit home and stare at the walls.

So anyway, I am very depressed by this. My WH is with his OW. Why does it happen that some people lose their lover, and others choose to leave?

Oh, believer, I am so sorry.

I have to admit that I, too, have thought the exact same thoughts. I have to convince myself every day - lately, every hour - that I believe in the MB concepts, and that the WS's are in a state of addiction. And that, for the most part, have little control over their actions.

I know this is no consolation, but just know that you are not alone in your thoughts. Just remind yourself of the ultimate prize at the end.......

(((((((hug))))))))

wantinghimback -

Unfortunately the prize at the end is no longer a prize for me. I feel right now that OW can have him, and she got the boobyprize.

Yes, I have seen some of your posts lately that sound less than hopeful.

It sounds as though you have given him every opportunity, and he doesn't choose to conform to what you're asking of him.

You have been the pillar of strength, and an inspiration. I wish you the best of luck with whatever you decide is best for YOU. And you know that we're all here, pulling for you.

Believer. I'm sorry about the death of your friends wife, and the feelings it has stirred up in you. It's very odd! Here I am, my H I don't think has contacted OW since she left his business 3 weeks ago. I'm not naive enough to think he'll keep to this. But so far he's trying. So maybe I do have a chance to retain this M of ours. Yet, I'm looking at him as the booby prize, just like you. If we stay together can I ever forgive the levels of betrayal?

Anyway, this post isn't about me. I did laugh with a friend yesterday about my wonderful choices, that applies to all us BSs. (1) Have WS leave you for OP. (2) Go through the pain of divorce. (3) Take the pathetic WS back and spend the next 2 yrs. of your life working on recovery and rebuilding trust.

I talked to my Hs ex-partner today in Florida and told him this. He had a 4th option. (4) Dump the SOB, take him for everything he's got, and move down to Florida with partner. Now that option sounded VERY appealing. One I hadn't thought of. Maybe all of us BSs can go on a cruise or something. Sounds good to me right now.

Hang in there! As I continually say on this board, this whole thing sucks!!! CV

Believer, my heart goes to you. It really hurts me when I know you hurt. You hav given me so much support and help. I wish i can do something for you. Please cheer up. We have all the reason to get our H back. But if they don't come back, GOD will give us something better.

I meant to ask you long time ago, but I was buried by my own stuff. How is Leo? Is he adopted yet?

I've keeping you in my prayer and always. LOVE and HUG.

Believer, I am sorry. I will pray for you. I often think about how one of the most special things we can hope for in a mate is someone who would be willing to nurse us, care for us, and be with us during our weakest, final hours. And my WH would not be that person for me right now. And I know that OW would not be that person for him.

CV- I have been thinking about an option 4 like yours too (only mine is much less appealing than yours, as I do not have a guy to go with that package right now...but have faith that I would eventually). As far as Florida, I am in beautiful, sunny Tampa Bay! If you all plan a trip, I promise to be your personal tour guide and show you all the sights! :-)

Thanks ChristyV! I might take you up on that offer. Just to clarify about the partner, our relationship is strictly platonic. Partner is gay and so obviously he isn't in line to be my next love interest.

Believer, it's so difficult to see how spouses can support and love one another in contrast to what we all are experiencing. I have always been there through thick and thin for my H, but the reality is he'd probably dump me if I got sick. Nice thought! Hope you're OK this morning. CV

Thanks everyone. I'm feeling great today. I laid around in bed most of yesterday. It was quite pleasant. I put a long pillow beside me, and made a nice nest, then watched TV between sleeping. That is something I very seldom do, but was a nice distraction.

My friend at work's situation is just one more reminder of how a marriage should be. I'm taking my time, thinking about D, adding up all the reasons to fight for my marriage, and the reasons to give up and let WH get what he deserves.

Believer

We are here for you. Just take it one day at a time. That is really all you can do at this point.

NY

Believer, thinking of you. Hope you have a good day. I wanted to call you. But don't know whether you are busy or not.

lostnhurt - Never too busy for you. I have been online most of the day. Trying to figure out what to do with WH's stuff.

Believer, I'm so sorry to hear about the friend and his wife. It's terribly hard to hear those things even when all's well in your own world. Even harder when you have a situation like ours.

About WH's stuff. I'd suggest taking a straightforward approach. Look at each item individually. If you don't a) love it and b) use it, get rid of it. Your stuff, his stuff, all the stuff.

It was incredibly cleansing for me when I did that last summer after I moved back into the house. There's more of it that I need to do -- dishes still in the cupboard, a firewood holder OM gave us, a few other things. But by and large, every item in the house is now one of positive energy and memories for me.

The only things that I didn't just toss were our family pictures. All the pictures of OM went, obviously, but the pictures of WP are all high up on a shelf. One day I'll send them all to her, except for the picture of DD, the two of us, and all four of our parents. That I'll send to FIL and MIL. It's in an HRC frame with things like "equality" and "family" etched into it. They were once our ardent and very vocal supporters, and I would like them to have it, in honor of that time and their voices, though they are now silent, after having instead used their voices to swing to the opposite extreme.