Interesting day today. We both slept late (which rarely ever happens), got up and watched a DVD while having breakfast. During the movie my W moved my hand to "touch" her and then things got hot and we ended up having sex. This hasn't happened in a long, long time. It was great, but some things she said and did during alarmed me. She asked me to do things she has never asked before. She said things I have never heard her say before. Afterwards, my mind kept picturing scenes of her with OM and wouldn't go away fow a while. BTW, when we were done I got up to walk to the kitchen, hit my toe on some furniture and broke my toe. That sucked!
Anyway, just wondered if anyone else had noticed their spouses sexual behavior change. I'm not sure how to deal with it. We had a great rest of the day, but my mind is stuck on what happened this morning. This afternoon she told me she is "so conflicted" and that's all she said. Any thoughts???

The same thing happened to me. My WH picked up some new techniques (I assume from OW). Also he started calling me "baby" which he never did before. It kinda made me cringe.

But your situation seems very promising. I think we just have to get over it and be willing to move on and save the marriage. Also try to do lots of fun things with her right now. Otherwise you might get stuck in a rut thinking, thinking, thinking.

apache

For WWs the sex is great for a number of reason.

First its forbidden which results in a adrenalin rush.

Secondly for the most part its detached of emotional feelings....many percieve to be one there at the time but the truth it never was.

Third its fantasy void of the stress of little ones walking in on the middle of it or the need to have a business meeting about paying the bills.

There are no interuptions because nobody is going to call no salesman is going to ring the doorbell, no neighbor knocking on the sliding glass door wanting to return the trimmer they borrowed in 1997.

There is positive to this in a bizarre probably not make you feel good sort of way.

She appears to be trying to get the sexual feelings she had in the fantasy (note I don't use the OM...many message boards for OW/WW has post of women saying it wasn't what they felt for the OM it was how he made them feel) from you which can be a good thing.

OK this brings me to finally ask a question that I have wanted to ask for a couple days.

Sex w/H is great and I have NO feelings or thoughts of OM at all when intimate with H.

Before A our sex life wasn't the best (I wanted it all the time, he was ok with once a month, he PE'd and it was very frustrating) but now it's better than ever, and I think it is partly due to the A, but not because of anything to do w/OM. It's because I realize how much I love him and want to please him (and he does turn me on, actually) and also because *he* is trying much harder to please me and control the PE.

I do wonder if H envisions me with OM during sex. I am afraid to ask him. Is it likely he is thinking of that?

mrsx

<small>[ March 21, 2004, 12:54 AM: Message edited by: mrsx ]</small>

MRSX, not to hurt you but yes your husband does picture you with OM. It's still early and these visions/feelings fade. Sounds like your doing some good things and making progress. If you can assure him that OM was inferior it would help him in my opinion. Not so much the size,stamina stuff but that OM made you feel lousy about yourself. Things like that help I assure you.

WOE

Apache,
I am glad that you are encouraged by things with your w. I will tell you that one tof the classics with a spouse in an affair is new sexual techniques. This has happened to MANY BS's and is a red-flag in my book.

That's not to say that a person could not want to try new things from books or the internet, but based on your W's history, I would be concerned.

I hope that you continue your recovery, but if there has been an A and it has not been revealed there is a big boiling pot under the surface... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

In the past, I have always tried to help her "loosen up" when it came to sex but for some reason she couldn't let go of inhibitions (good girl/bad girl crap). Now she seems to have loosened up and it makes me very angry. Having an A and being sexier because of it creates a lot of resentment for me. She says it's because of trust issues - who the hell is she kidding? I'm the one who should be having the trust issues - and believe me - I do.
So we went from having a really good tiem having sex yesterday - to where we can't even play around a little today. She still feels she must close the doors to the bathroom while taking a shower and won't let me see her in her underwear even today. I know I won't LB about it - but damn - she is really pi***ng me off!