I'll let you know how the confrontation goes with me exposing whole WW affair to the family. Don't know when that is going to happen I think my WW is going to call MIL tomorrow. I'll let you know how my conversation goes with WW cause I know she will call after she finds out that her mother knows. Her D-day tomorrow hopefully.

<small>[ March 25, 2004, 01:58 PM: Message edited by: Johns98ck ]</small>

thanks for the post. sorry if you have already read what i'm about to say in another post but i had emailed 3 out of my 4 SIL and MIL the other day and said i k now we come from different backgrounds and haven't always seen eye to eye but i love my H and want to save our marriage and asked them to keep us in our prayers.

as far as i know only his mom knows about the A and not any details just that there is someone else. i've only received one reply from his youngest sister (25 yrs old, M 2 yrs, 1 child, 1 on the way) and she totally caught me off guard. she said she has been praying and will continue to pray and does not pretend to know what we are going through. but that noone deserves to be in a marriage when they aren't happy, that she doesn't think that we bring out the best in each other.
but hopes i will find some peace.

well i didn't reply and deleted the message. i was kind of dismayed and upset and thought that after she has been married for as long as i have and something like this happens to her then let me know how you feel. you know what i mean?

i can't help but think that maybe his family is not real supportive of me and of us trying to work things out. i haven't really talked to them but after i leave here this week i might try to contact his mom and dad.

best of luck to you, i know every minute of the day is a struggle for me and i'm sure it is for you as well as a lot of people out there.

Well my WW called me this morning upset that her mother knows about the affair. She is in such denial that she told me "You made my mother sick" (hmmm I'm not the one who had the affair so how is this my fault this is what I thought I didn't say this though didn't want to LB). Then she also says that our situation is just between her and I and no one else needs to know. (Well if it's just between her and I then where does the OM come in? I didn't say this either just thought it no LB for me). I let her rant for a bit then I told her that while she get's to go off to Porto Rico and have fun I get to stay in our house and deal with all the hurt, pain, and depression. I know LB. I also said that if she was so in love and proud of the affair why shouldn't everyone know. Oops LB'd again but I don't think it matters after the big LB of exposure. I told her she could come over tonight if she wanted to talk, not sure if she is going to though. Denial is not a river in Africa that's for sure, I wish the fog would lift enough so she realizes this is mostly her fault and some of mine. I also used WAT's advice about understanding how she felt. So thanks WAT.

<small>[ March 22, 2004, 12:50 PM: Message edited by: Johns98ck ]</small>

It is not an LB to expose the A, or to let her know how hurt you are.

Also don't count too heavily on any support from WS's family. My inlaws and step kids (that I helped raise) completely ignore me. They have NC with me. They switched from thinking I was the best thing that ever happened to WH, to blaming me for not taking him back while he continues with OW.

<small>[ March 22, 2004, 03:53 PM: Message edited by: believer ]</small>

Not sure about support from MIL, but she did ask me to not file for DV. She told me the affair will fizzle and that I should just be patient. I also have the support of her sister.

i think all and all you did very well and i'm glad that telling your MIL got the reaction it did from your WW. Thinking more now that I need to talk more to his family but as someone said up above that mabye they will say that i wasn't right for him from the start. i don't know. i

know that his dad doesn't consider us married (by God) only legally, they haven't treated me badly because of it but in the 10 years we've been married we've never been able to sleep in the same room at his parents house and last year was the first year in 10 years that we got an anniversary card from his parent. however, we are married and will his dad be on the side of saving our marriage? we'll see, keep us posted.

Thanks Roughroad for the support. I'm just trying to keep my head together and not LB but it's hard. I wish you luck with your problems also. It's hard to be positive when WS doesn't want anything to do with you but I'll ride out the storm and see where I land.

Well WW called me this evening to let me know that she isn't coming over tonight. She's not feeling very well. The hard part is I don't know what to believe. I always hold on to the hope that the good person I knew is still in there. I don't know if it's guilt or if she is really sick. I feel a little like myself again since I can post on these boards and get feedback from whoever reads my post and I am so thankful for that. My WW also said she will come by sometime this week I'm not sure if it's to talk or just pick up her mail. Wish me luck, my mantra for the week I will not LB.

well at least (i know right?) she called and told you she wasn't coming over. even if she is only coming over for the mail, seize the opportunity to plan a, meet her needs if she lets you, even if it's just saying something like "thanks for coming to pick up the mail when you said you would" (really i have no idea what would make her feel "good" i'm just hypothesizing).

I know that you say you are having a hard time not LBing but some of the impressions I get from the forums is that we (the BS) think a lot of what we say is a LB when it's really how we say it (tone, non-verbal cues, etc.) that is more the LB component.

hang in there!

Just wanted your opinion WAT since you've followed my story through my good times and angry times. I have no anger anymore I just want to save my M. One thing is for sure I feel alot better about myself since the exposure. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

I think you did well. Very well.

Disagreeing here a bit with believer, exposure is the mother of all LBs - unless it works immediately. See heroswife's thread on exposure for when it works like a charm.

It was an LB for your wife, but a necessary one.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Johns98ck:
<strong> Not sure about support from MIL, but she did ask me to not file for DV. She told me the affair will fizzle and that I should just be patient. I also have the support of her sister. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Your MIL is very wise. Patience is your ally.

John - this point is vital > don't be in a hurry. Time is on your side.

Stay squarely atop the moral high ground and don't LB and don't try any tempting sneaky stuff.

Be a model citizen.

This will serve two purposes. First, she will have to scrape to come up with things to criticize you about and hold up as justifications for her behavior and; second, if this all goes north (I'm from the south <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> ) you will be in a better place for your personal recovery.

WAT

Thanks WAT I'll let you know how things go. I did leave her a voicemail at her work letting her know to give me a call before she comes over so I know to be home. I also told her I hope she feels better. I like being nice it's like taking the high road. Thanks for your help WAT if it wasn't for you and other people. I don't know where I'd be right now. Thanks again.

Johns98ck

This is kind of a bump and to let people know where I'm at. Still haven't heard from WW since Monday, I'm not sure if she is going to show up at all even for mail, even though she told me she would. It doesn't matter to me right now I just sit here and think the guilt must be eating her up. (I know pipe dream) but it makes me feel better and I actually am doing fine. Gonna be a boring weekend though on call for work and all my friends are going to the Nextel race this weekend. Oh well supposed to be nice Sat. so I'll clean up the yard and keep busy.

well john, had a talk w/my H today, said all i wanted to say and more, we talked for about 3 hours. i did get up at one point and say i would always be here for him and kissed him on the ear and walked out but it's becuase i didn't want to put so much pressure on him to talk. even though we had just talked a lot more than i thought we would.

i feel pretty good about the whole interaction, i didn't LB, no DJ, or AO. he says he's glad we could talkt because we haven't talked like that in a long time and it felt good. he's glad about the changes i've made in myself (and my weight) but that he's trying to find himself again, for the first time in a long time he's finding some happiness and feels like a man.

since he was being so open to talking (i left plenty of pauses happen in case he wanted to say something or end the conversation) i told him i was concerend for him because all the things he wrote and felt at me once were real and that i was afraid some time down the road that wouldn't happen to him again. he said he's worried about that too, thinks about that all the time and that maybe he is destined to be in these type of relationships where he just "sucks it up" because he doesn't want to hurt the person and doesn't want them to be mad at him.

part #2 of my exposure will happen tonight, i go to pick up the rental car in a few hours, we'll see how it goes.

Perhaps she's in hiding? Maybe you can call your MIL and see if she's heard from her. "I'm concerned about her."

I didn't know there was any such thing as cell phone races. Can you use speed dialing?

WAT

<small>[ March 25, 2004, 02:18 PM: Message edited by: worthatry ]</small>

WAT maybe you were being funny, not sure, but i believe nextel races means that the races are sponsored by nextel. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

NASCAR WAT for us rednecks yee haw. I did talk to her sister yesturday and she hasn't heard from my W so she's not talking to anyone. The weeks not up yet so I'll just keep on living.

<small>[ March 25, 2004, 02:27 PM: Message edited by: Johns98ck ]</small>

rr - in addition to your shift key issue, do you have a problem with gullibility? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

Doh Got me WAT lmao.

very funny and yes i do! case in point, i don't know what the last post is saying all the letters. can you guys please clue me in?