Sorry, if you read my thread "Something Ain't Right" you'll see what has led up to this post.
1 and 1/2 mo since D-Day and we have gotten NOWHERE!!! Forget about POJA, Boundaries, His Needs, Her Needs, and LB'g BECAUSE HE JUST DOESN'T F'G GET IT!!!!!
When we were seeing the counselor last year (he hasn't gone since I believe it was last Nov.) we discussed affair proofing our M and boundaries that need to be in place and the power of prayer and praying for strength when situations arise. WH said he got it and understood and really knows that he does have to realize his limits and blah, blah f'g blah. Just words out of his lying a** mouth.
Okay, what led me to this? Said he wanted to go out to dinner w/the gang from work (never has before as far as I know) and that one of the co-workers was getting married and they were all going out to dinner. Did he ever mention it was to be a bachelor/bachelorette party? Oh, no. Was I invited? No.
If you have ever read my threads, my WH's way of trying not to lie is telling half-truths and not giving total disclosure.
I told him I got a babysitter and would meet up w/them at restaurant. BUT he was calling me all the way up until 6 pm to see if and when I was coming (so not like him). I told him that friend was in a depo and would come over ASAP. I called his cell (which was conveniently not charged before he left so it would die during the evening) at 6:30 to tell him that we were going to eat and friend was not there yet but was coming - no answer. Friend gets to house but says, "Why go where you know you are not welcome." I agreed and decided not to go. I call WH at 7:30 he answer "hello" and phone dies. He calls back w/someone else's phone and I tell him it's so late now and they had all eaten that I wouldn't come out. WH says that they were waiting on another couple and would be going to a club. I ask if he is going to drive. He says yes. I said, "You aren't going to ride with someone else or give someone else a ride so you have to drive all the way back up north and then all the way back south home, are you?" He said, "No." I asked how much he had spent thus far and he said he bought a wrap that was $7.50. I said okay, remember our agreement on $$. He laughed and said okay.
Well, when I saw receipt which was signed right at the time he was talking to me, it was $34. See the half-truth? He failed to mention that the rest was spent on alcohol.
So I go to bed and stare at clock and listening to me heart thump in my chest while I prayed for God to give me a sign this night because I just couldn't live this way any more.
WH strolls in VERY DRUNK at 4 am! I say, "Home a little late wouldn't ya think?" He said, "What? Don't give me any shi*!" I say, "What do you think? Where have you been for the 2 hours that the club has been closed?" He said w/his friends. I say where. He said none of my business as he is raising his voice and sticking his finger in my face. I say, "I'm done." He says with finger in my face, "Good, go to bed." I said, "No, I'm done w/you." He says fine, go to bed. I said no and went to sit on recliner. WH makes a sandwich and eats it and then turns around and starts finger pointing again and says, "If you try anything w/the kids, I have so much sh** on you it isn't funny!" I say, "What are you talking about?" He says, "I've got sh** on you and there's no way you can take the kids from me!" I say, "Your high or messed up in the head because I have no idea what you are talking about."
I'm now grabbing the phone to call a friend because he is scaring me and I say as I'm dialing, "I'm calling mom and dad and telling them that you are threatening me." He says, "Go ahead. I'll tell them what sh** I got on you too."
You guys, now I've lost it and I'm crying because he knows this is definitely the way to hurt me as I lost my first child when she was just shy her 3rd b-day from a chronic illness. I spent all her short life caring for her 24/7.
How could he say something so HATEFUL?
My friend tells me to calm down, he's drunk, he's just running his mouth. I say okay and go to bed. Of course I couldn't sleep and was awakened at 5 am by my youngest. The oldest got up around 7. WH is passed out on sofa in living room. I get the kids fed and dressed and left at 9 to get to the bank and withdrew all the $$ and opened a new account. (By the way, while WH was drunk he also said, "I make more $$ than you and it's all about the money isn't it?" I said, "No, you don't." He said he did and I had just been pretending to get his money. (This is so untrue, he only makes more $$ than I do if he works OT. Plus he's forgetting that all the insurance $$ comes out of my paycheck.)
He never told me where he had been and said he didn't have to call that it's been a year and I should be past the trust issue, blah, blah, blah and that I could call any of the people he was w/that night and they had been told to tell the truth. I said, "What are you talking about?" He said, "They know how you are and I told them to tell the truth."
Oh great, I wonder what his side is floating around his office. GEEZ!
He said he's been trying for the past year and I haven't. I said, "Oh, really? I made appt's w/counselor. You didn't. I have a year's worth of posts on MB web site trying to figure this all out and I can go print them and what have you done?" He said, "I'm here and I'm trying." Okay, I guess being a body in my presence is supposed to be a M. I said, "If we use POJA and boundaries and you say you agree and understand and then do what you feel like anyway, that's suppose to be okay? If you take the little things and do it anyway, I'm suppose to trust you w/the big things?" He had no answer.
Saturday, I kept the kids out because I didn't want them seeing their dad passed out. WH woke around 2 pm and starts sorting laundry (what he was supposed to do on Friday) and acting like nothings wrong. I don't say anything in front of the kids. I take them outside to play and when they are out of earshot WH says, "What's the plan?" I say, "Separate accounts, you owe me *** each month for bills. We both cannot afford separate apts so you can stay in kids room and I'll move the crib to my room until our lease is up." He said, "Okay." I said, "Why do you have someone's make-up bag on the front floor and a gift bag on the back floor w/a package that contained stockings?" He said, "They were the girls who the party was for." I said, "Really?" Why aren't they in her fiance's car then?" He said she rode w/him to restaurant and she left the stuff in his car. He wouldn't give me the key (he has never given me a key to his car) to go look at what was in there.
I ask if he really thinks it's respectful to treat someone like he did in the past 24 hours. He said he didn't do anything wrong. I said, "You didn't?" He said, "I went out w/friends and didn't do anything wrong." So I guess he's implying he didn't screw anybody so, therefore, he did nothing wrong. I said, "Where were you?" He said at a topless bar. I asked which one and it is literally 5 minutes from our house. It had just opened up (I drove by it yesterday). I also found out it's an "all nude" BYOB bar. He didn't mention that. Half-truths again.
Oh, this is getting long -- I'm sorry but I need to get it out.
I say we had talked about that in counseling and he said then that he understood not to cross that line again and felt as if he was strong enough not to. I asked why he went. He said everybody else wanted to go. I said, "And that made it okay? Didn't we talk about that exact same scenario and you said you had it in you to be strong enough to say you had to remove yourself and go home?" He said vaguely. Yeah, right. Half-truths and selective memory.
I said, "Is this how you want your son to be? Is this you setting an example? Really, tell me now if this is how you want to be and safe us both the trouble. If that's how you want to be so be it but don't bring it around me or our kids. Do it on your own time!"
Oh, there's more but I'm tired of typing. I left it at rooms separate, separate accounts and that I was no longer calling his place of business at night for him to say goodnight to the kids since he humiliated me. He has to make the call. I also said I was so disappointed because I wanted to believe that he had become stronger and his faith was stronger than that and that as long as he surrounds himself with people w/no values or limits and he is to weak to not go along, then I want no part of that. I said if you surround yourself w/people who are Christian, married, and have moral values then he, in turn, would grow and become stronger as well.
But as of this morning, I'm still pretty pissed off and very disappointed to know that he still has it in him to totally be so blatantly disrespectful and inconsiderate -- GEEZ, really, he's like reasoning w/my 3 year old. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />
