OK, guys, we are on the phone as I type this. He is talking to WH right now. I really like all of the 3 minutes I spoke with SH so far. I was absolutely shocked WH showed up for this after last night! I will let you know what happens in a bit...Pray for us Please!

prayers for you mom!!!

You're in my prayers, mom. Hugs, too.

The session went very well...I THINK <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> I dont know what SH and WH talked about, but WH seemed relieved after he got off the phone with him. WH took up the most part of the hour. SH told me to just concentrate on NOT LBing him and work on our HW.

For anyone who is considering SH as counceling..I would say just from this experience alone, it is well worth it. SH is going to SHOW WH how we CAN fall in love and stay in love. It is a process that will be worked week after week. Right now there are NO committments, IOW, WH is still seeing ow. SH did not tell him to give her up. HE wants to make sure WH has this stuff sink in first. Then he will work on the process of us falling in love again and staying in love. he thinks this can be done and even SH said himself that what he says is BS. He just listened to all WH said about why hemarried me for the wrong reasons and why he never loved me and how we never clicked and how he is so unhappy...At the end he said to him Oh that is BS. WH just laughted. He honestly believes himself when he says this stuff...

Our HW for the week is to fill out the LB and EN questionnaires. I feel a little better now.

Mom, I'm also counseling with SH. Isn't it comforting? He also spends the better part of each hour speaking to W. I've dont 5 weeks and W still hasn't gotten around to doing the homework which is the forms you refer to. But as long as she takes the call I am happy. Understand that you and Steve aren't the only ones who know what H is doing is wrong. Husband has no illusions that he will convince Harley that you're the problem. I say that because your husband knows where this is headed. He is going to be forced to face the truth and the longer Steve can keep him on the phone the better the effect in my opinion. They're not talking about your shortcomings remember that. Steve is holding a mirror up to him and gradually changing the angle until H is looking straight ahead and doesn't like what he sees. Good luck and I'll continue to post my updates with counseling in GQ. Next session is Thursday.

WOE

<small>[ March 28, 2004, 04:30 PM: Message edited by: marriedandlonely ]</small>

Married if you can afford to keep going do it for yourself. I think if you don't quit H will have to get on board. My W thought it would go away if she ignored it long enough. But today I noticed the ENQ wasn't sitting where it is usually sitting. I think she gets tired to telling Steve that she's too busy. Keep it up.

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Married, definitely keep your end of the homework up. Even if H doesn't do his. He can still talk to him on the phone.

Our next two sessions are with one on one with Steve, then the 4th session will be joint again. WH said he would fill out all the paperwork and just let him know when his next appt is! I feel really good about this now!

I must tell you how the afternoon went after our session this monring. actually I posted it in my normal thread so here is the copy of it!
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Who was that masked man who justleft my house???

Hi there everyone! I just want thank all of you for responding and keeping my spirits up. I dont have time to read anything right now..we are heading out for baseball practice...BUT I just want to know who stole this alien and replaced him with my H for the day?

I called WH and asked him where the chairs were. he was very pleasant towards me and lately he has been distant and rude. He said he would bring them over. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> HUH??? he was here within 20 minutes. He said he had just had his tires changed out for the race track and asked me if I wanted to go with him....HUH <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> I said, sure that would be great!
When he got here he was very nice...he came up to me and touched me! He kissed me and then asked me what I thought of our session this morning! I told him I was very pleased with it and I liked SH! He said he did too! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> I asked him why, just out of curiosity, he was touching me and being so nice to me...since you weren't last night. He came up to me and kissed me and said "I dont know, because I think there is hope now after speaking to SH" he said "I feel hopeful and good about it now" <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

I am not going to get my hopes up here, but this did make me feel good. SH told me if I could not talk to him without LBing him, dont talk to him. I caught myself ONE time almost about to LB him and bit my tongue..OUCH that hurt.
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Did you hear any YELLING from the room when your WH was talking to Steve?? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> That actually HAS HAPPENED! lol

LOL, <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> Nope, no yelling just all smiles and a different man after the session! Maybe my H is resurfacing??? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Great news that your H agreed to talk to SH - and great results, it would seem!

So Steve is working closely with your H, and your job is to do the homework and not LB.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I asked him why, just out of curiosity, he was touching me and being so nice to me...since you weren't last night.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Ouch! Did you really say that? That sounds to me like he made advances and rather than appreciating them, you criticized his past behavior. Steve may very well have given him the speech that if he *acts* like he loves you, then the love will follow. So your H may have been really going out on a limb there. Rather than a reward, he got punishment. Be careful.

oooh, I didn't think of that! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> your right! I realy just wanted to see what his feeling were and I wanted him to tell me them himself. We are going "away" this weekend, all of us...the kids and all...WE are going to go watch WH race. We have never gone before and I feel this is my way of showing my support for him and his hobby and needs.

I will watch my actions in the future and I will make a note to tell Steve about what I did. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

Mom, what wonderful news. I am very happy for you!!!!

Mom, it sounds like things are going well. I'm so happy for you. My H thought $185 was way too much for a 1 hr. session. Does insurance cover any of it? I may just set it up and then he wouldn't be able to back out.

I dont know about insurance, but I dont think the Harley's would accept insurance. You can always call the 888 number and find out. I didn't even tell WH how much it costs. He asked and I said "dont worry about it" he then said "$200" and I said "NOOOO"...he said $100 and I said "no, in between there.

This is how I figure it. How much money has he spent on OW using sleezy hotel rooms and taking HER out to lunch and dinner. Also WH bought her a $400 gold neclace for Vday. Soooo, I am getting all my money back on this. It is WELL worth it so far. If SH has changed my WH mindset in ONE session imagine what will happen in 4 or 5!!!! Plus, I was spending $150 on MC that she didn't believe in saving my marriage.

Just turn it around and say al the money you have spent on OP, i am getting it back by these sessions! Plain and simple! How can they argue with that? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

hey mom, i'm glad for you and it sounds very encouraging. i have to ask though, your is still seeing the ow? the A is still going on? just wanted to make sure i understood.

also, do you have to pay for a certain number of sessions? i think i'm only going to be able to do them one at a time and they may not be close together (maybe twice a month). we're kind of living paycheck to paycheck.

refresh my memory, when you WH agreed to talking to SH was it because he wanted to work things out or was it based on that this was supposed to help you?

continued prayers to all.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by roughroad:
<strong> hey mom, i'm glad for you and it sounds very encouraging. i have to ask though, your is still seeing the ow? the A is still going on? just wanted to make sure i understood.

also, do you have to pay for a certain number of sessions? i think i'm only going to be able to do them one at a time and they may not be close together (maybe twice a month). we're kind of living paycheck to paycheck.

refresh my memory, when you WH agreed to talking to SH was it because he wanted to work things out or was it based on that this was supposed to help you?

continued prayers to all. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Hi roughroad. Yes, WH is still seeing OW. SH did not tell him to stop it yet. That is fine with me as I have convinced myself that this is NOT my husband anymore. I have completely withdrawn from the situation and I believe that this person is an alien who has abducted my H and my H is desperately trying to make his way to the surface.

That said, I completely undersand about the money situation. You do not have to pay for a certain amount of sessions at once. They do not even charge you until AFTER the session is over. You can make them every other week too. I want mine close together simply because it seems to be working on WH and I dont want him to have time to "think" if you know what I mean.

As far as WHY WH wanted to do this. I think in his heart he really wants to make this marriage work. And he needs someone OTHER THAN MYSELF to help him thru this. SH told WH everything I have told him, but he will not listen to me, he WILL listen to SH. WH has much respect for people who are trying to help him. He knows he needs to end the A, but until SH tells him to he wont. WH told SH he was not ready to end it because OW is his lifeline right now and he afraid as soon as he goes back to me, I will cut him off again. SH is going to teach us how to fall in love again. I honestly think that WH is doing this for US not just me. He is genuinely trying to work it out as best he can. He is a very confused man right now. Yesterday was the first time I saw a glimpse of my REAL H in a long time. And I liked it. I was confused, but it was nice to see him for a minute, instead of that alien that has been here for so long. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Wontgiveupyet, yes it's expensive and you can tell WH it is just another cost of the A. Nothing would be truer than that.

"can't afford it"
"timings bad"
"we need this and the car's due for inspection"
"maybe later"
or
"ITS JUST ANOTHER COST OF THE A"

Look I've made an art form of walking on eggs. But the more you do that, the more they walk on you. Tell husband to take it out of your divorce settlement if it doesn't work out.

WOE

yes,I know my WH is a very confused person right now, he may think that he is clear but I have known the man for almost 12 years and i think this to be true. we'll see how the exposure thing goes tomorrow night. i don't know if my H will even talk to me again, let alone do any counseling even if I say it is to help me (which it is but him too).

keep us posted on the sessions. i'm surprised there aren't more post on the sessions w/SH, maybe there are and I just don't see them.