Before 5 minutes ago, my latest conversation was with WH earlier this afternoon. Conversation earlier today

My MB friends shared what a cake eater he was, and to throw his [censored] to the curb, with a well earned Plan B.

Well, I spoke with him again this evening for a few moments while I was saying good night to the kids. He as talking about the computer he was trying to install at his place. Then my S got on the phone and asked me if I had been talking to him a lot on the phone today. I said no, why, and then he freaked out.

So, I pulled up WH cell phone records. He has instant messaged or spoken with OW about 500 times in the last two days, and what really sucks is, he is supposed to be spending this time with the kids (he took off for spring break, and I was compassionate and told him to go ahead and keep the kids the entire weekend). He hasn;t really even been paying attention to them, has been too busy chatting it up with OW.

SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO PISSSSSSSSSSSSSSEDDDDDDDDDD!

So I went over there, calmly, and asked him if he has been in very regular contact with her. He told me no. So then I handed him the Plan B letter. I told him I could no longer endure this lying, betrayal and A in my life. I told him I wished the best for him, and hoped he would be happy. I told him I hoped he was making the right decisions. I told him I was moving on. Then I asked him if there was anything he wanted to share before I left for good....and he said, with tears, that there was nothing else he could say that would matter to me at this point. I told him it was unfortunate that he felt that way, because there is one thing he could say that would matter...that is, that he is ending the A. I told him that I would welcome a renewal of our friendship if he ever feels like he can say that he is ending the A, mean it, and do it.

And then I left.

WHAT DO I DO NOW??????????????????

I AM SO MAD!!!! I WANT TO CALL HER. I WANT TO MAKE HER PAY!!! HELP ME!!!! HAVE I LOST THIS THING??????????? DO I EVEN WANT IT BACK?????????

Welcome to Plan B. It will get much better for you soon. You need to stick to the plan. Usually they don't come back in Plan A. Plan B is necessary. Don't give up hope.

Emotions are just that. How we feel. Right now you feel betrayed. Don't worry about making decisions or about how you will feel in the future. Just let your feelings be what they are. If you make up your mind about something in the next few weeks and you're ABSOLUTELY SURE it's the right thing to say or do or feel - just write it down and wait 3 days without thinking or doing anything about it. Usually the absoluteness disappears in that time and it keeps you from making a rash decision.

hope4future is right - you will find yourself absolutely totally 100% convinced that *this* path or *that* course of action is the one to take.

Sit on in 3 days (I'd even say a week).

Then review it and if your decision hasn't waivered in that week, you're probably making a sane decision.

Don't trust your feelings though. They *will* seem absolute and they *will* change dramatically.

Christy,

Plan B can be very beneficial to you! I have been in Plan B since 12/1/2003 and I have to admit I am in a much better place than if I stayed on his rollercoaster.

Use this time to work on you. I focused on aspects of my life that I wanted to change, I started to do new things like crochet (self-teaching myself so it's a little slow), reading books, etc. It's difficult to stop focusing on what the WP is doing, but as soon as you can you will truly feel better.

Schmink

He has already e-mailed me this morning to ask some budget question (which was already outlined for him in detail weeks ago when he moved out). I just deleted it.

This sucks. His parents live with me, and they are moving out soon, so I feel like my own home is a war zone. I feel judged by them, especially because I know they think that no contact with WH is a mistake (for the kids sake, we should have often and open communication). I am more than happy to facilitate that between WH and kids, but I just can't be in a relationship with him right now...and I am so mad that he misused his time with the kids like that. What was he thinking????

Hi Christy,

Did you post your Plan B letter here yet for us to review first? I am worried about what you put in it based on this post.Your emotions are running high right now and Plan B will help you to settle down,it really does so give it some time.I was never more crystal clear than when I was in my Plan B.And,conceivably,I could have stayed there indefinitely,or so it seemed,that was how much more stable I felt riding out the A.

DO NOT ATTEMPT TO MAKE ANY DECISIONS ABOUT YOUR MARRIAGE NOW.

You are not capable of making a decision that is right for you at this moment and you don't HAVE to.So don't try.

Also,people vary in their opinions of calling the OP and in my case,I originally wanted to but was persuaded not to.Then,I needed to in February and she agreed to listen so I basically told my WH OW the facts and then hung up.Do I feel better,only a little.At least the homewrecker knows that she has caused a huge amount of pain in two families,hurt my children,hurt my dog,and will NEVER be welcomed into my WH family no matter what.That to me was well worth it.But as low as she is,I did not take any comfort in having to do so but at least the cards are on the table.Did it make any difference? I most certainly do not think so.But that is the type of person you are dealing with.

Anyway,hang in there.It does get easier,believe me.If only to make you more sure about what you want and need out of a relationship.Is your WH willing and able to be the man he needs to be in that role? Time will tell.I am still dealing with that one myself.

O

Be kind to in-laws. They are potential allies, though in the end, if pushed, they will have to side with their son. Tell them that you love H dearly, but he is hurting you too much to consider the open contact they would wish. Tell them you love them dearly (if you do), and want to stay in open contact with them, for the sake of the kids. They may think you are making a mistake, but you probably can make them understand your point of view -- that you are in too much pain, because of their kid's behavior, to do what they would wish. Make sure they understand that all this will change if he ends the affair. Try to make your connection with them strong -- for the sake of your marriage, for the sake of your kids.

Octobergirl: I am venting. To WH, I am a calm, non LBing, coiffed, controlled, reasonable person, which for me, is a TOTAL 180, because the "old me" would have gone off on him and just SHREDDED him (which is probably why I am in this situation in the first place, I guess I am reaping what I sowed). Anyway, I did get MB feedback on the Plan B letter.
Plan B Letter feedback

AMM: I am very kind to my in-laws. They have been living with me for financial reasons since 10/02 (and I can't but wonder if this extra pressure in the home, my WH's Mom, and then his "other mom" aka, my former LBing, DJ's self-- pushed him away at top speed). She and I are quite a bit alike (and in retrospect, it was probably way too much for WH to handle). I will have to maintain the relationship with MIL/FIL because of the kids, but it does hurt to see them supporting him, etc (I KNOW, I KNOW, they should be there to support him, but with a small part of my deep seeded pysche, I want the world to reject and betray him like he has rejected and betrayed me).

I can accept some of the feedback people are sharing about not moving too quickly with decisions, but I feel like I have laid down and served as a doormat for 6+ months. At what point is there too much water under the bridge.

And I just have to go back to the thing with the kids. Instead of spending time and connecting with his kids that he already sees too little, he hurt them and disrespected them by chatting with her.

This seems like an even bigger "deal breaker" than the A.

HELP!