I know it has been awhile since I have posted. I also know that I should be posting more. I am not going to try to make any excuses, I would rather getto my questions.

I have the bad habit of working hard on things and then when things are starting to go better, I put this work on cruise control and focus on living a life with my W.

Why do I do that? I understand that it was the hard work that got us to the 'better' part, but then why do I quit working so hard?

Another point is that my W has asked me several times to confess all the details and specifics of the A. I have tried, but there are some details I cannot recall no matter how hard I try.

Should I look into a hypnotist or someone like that to help dig into my memory? Would someone like that be able to help me with what I need to do?

I am horrible at time management. I want to work on my M, I want things to work out for us. I know that my W is miserable and I wish I spent every ounce of my time trying to fix things.

Also, she says she wants me to be a "man", that I don't treat her well (haven't ever apparently), she doesn't feel safe, secure, or special. I want her to feel these things, but don't know exactly what I should be doing some of the time to work towards this.

What should I be doing to really try to help her in these aspects? I want her to feel good about herself and us and the realtionship, but I don't do that at all.

I ask these questions because I really want to make things better for the both of us.

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<small>[ January 25, 2005, 01:45 AM: Message edited by: *blondblossom* ]</small>

Thanks bb,

I don't do everything I should be doing. I had listed out all the things I would do, they are: talk with a pastor weekly, go to church weekly, spend an hour each day reading books, etc. that are A related, and also spend 1/2 hour a day working on school work. I don't read as much as I am supposed to, and I don't do my school homework like I should either.

Like I said, I am horrible at time management. I am a fulltime dad, a fulltime student, and I work fulltime. Plus I am about to graduate, and have been trying to spend a chunk of time pursuing a career in my field. Like sending resumes, going to job fairs, I just learned about going to seminars and dinners to network and make contacts. Like I said though, I don't do the things I said I would do.


In response to your advice:

-I do bring home flowers, probably twice a month or so. I bought her some birds of paradise for her birthday (middle to late feb), and since then I think I have bought flowers 2 or 3 times.

-We go out to dinner every so often and I almost always insist that she pick depending on her tastes. I have chosen occasionally, and I usually pick her favorite place.

-I call her everyday, sometimes several times. I call to let her know of anything that may be going on, but also to let her know that I was thinking of her.

-Not too long ago I wrote her 2 different poems (which I am not good at). If I recall, I have also given her a card "just because" fairly recently.

-As far as helping around the house, I do as much as I can whenever I am home. I try to help with the cooking, cleaning, taking care of the kids, laundry, dishes. If anything, I probably spend too much time on this category. I should probably realocate some of this time and spend it reading up on A books.

-She doesn't take baths and I often offer massages.

-I have offered my thoughts and feelings. I think that me telling her my feelings means very little. I think that she would be more believing in my intentions if I just did the things I said and plugged into my school homework and some books on A's and kept reading the Bible.

I appreciate the advice, I think I am already doing those things, for the most part. Like I was just saying, I think I would be doing more favorably in her eyes if I emersed myself in books for a couple of hours each day, along with my continued talks with the pastor.

I don't know why I don't just do these things. I told her that I am drawn to her and basically have a natural tendency to want to interact with her. I wish somehow, some way there was more hope and strength for her and for us.

Glad to see you back again. It sounds like you are fairly busy with work and school. What field will your new job be in?

You can try some on-line resumes like monster.com, usajobs.opm, or donhr.navy.mil. With those places, you just put in resume and sit back and do nothing.

Also you can get books on tape and listen to them on the way to work or school.

If you are graduating soon, that will be a big help. As far as she wants you to be a man - ask her what that means.

I am a moron. I didn't log off my W's ID.
Duh. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />


Actually, that is a good idea. I think we may have some Dr. Phil (sorry Harley-ists, I need all the help I can get) stuff on cd that I could listen to in the car. My W came up with a journal idea, where we each communicate to each other our thoughts and feelings. What a great idea! I think it was awesome of her. I wish I could think of some proactive efforts.

Anybody have any thoughts of proactive efforts that could be done?

believer, as far as being busy: my #1 priority in my life is my family, so I should never be too busy for that.

Keep posting and we will help you. We need some
WS's here to post.

That's good news. I think things will start getting much better now. Hang in there.