I am at one of those places today (for the past few days, actually) where I feel like all is lost. What am I doing? I deserve better than this - my kids deserve a father who wants to be there for them...etc.

My WH moved in with OW on 1/14/04, after exposing their 2 week old affair on 10/18/03. I have been doing Plan A since I learned of the affair, even after he moved out. I tried Plan B right after he moved out, but really didn't feel right about it.

My friends and family keep asking questions like, "are you sure you want him still?" and "at some point, you've got to think of what's best for you and the kids" - and it's starting to sink in.

I know I'm not ready for the possibility of divorce that accompanies Plan B. Yes, I know he's cake-eating, but I also know (again, via snooping) that he is still very conflicted. My feeling is that he is only conflicted because of my stellar attempt at Plan A.

So here's my question. I would like to have some relationship talk with him. We haven't had one since he moved out. About a month ago, he asked me via email why I still had such hopes for us - but that's it. I wrote back to him why I maintain hope, but he didn't respond other than to say that my kind words made him feel even more guilty.

I want to ask him if he really feels happy and if he truly wants to leave us behind. I don't think I'll like the answer right now, but at the same time, it would give me some insight into his feelings. He steers clear of 'us' with a 10 foot pole, keeping conversation to the kids and work.

Please - I am so lost.

<small>[ March 28, 2004, 03:21 PM: Message edited by: Wanting Him Back ]</small>

It seems as though a lot of us are in that place today. I don't have much advice to offer, other than to say keep a level head, and hang in there with your Plan A. Try to do something for you today.

Ethan

This song is indicative of how I feel today - others posting today with the same issues may relate......

"Away From the Sun" 3 Doors Down

It's down to this
I've got to make this life make sense
Can anyone tell what I've done

I miss the life
I miss the colors of the world
Can anyone tell where I am

Cuz now again I've found myself so far down
Away from the sun
That shines into the darkest place
I'm so far down
Away from the sun again
Away from the sun again

I'm over this
I'm tired of living in the dark
Can anyone see me down here
The feeling's gone
There's nothing left to lift me up
Back into the world I know

Cuz now again I've found myself so far down
Away from the sun
That shines into the darkest place
I'm so far down
Away from the sun again
That shines to light the way for me
To find my way
Back into the arms that care about
The ones like me
I'm so far down
Away from the sun again

It's down to this
I've got to make this life make sense
And now I can't tell what I've done

And now again I've found myself
So far down
Away from the sun
That shines to light the way for me....

Cuz now again I've found myself so far down
Away from the sun
That shines into the darkest place
I'm so far down
Away from the sun again
That shines to light the way for me
To find my way
Back into the arms that care about
The ones like me
I'm so far down
Away from the sun again
I'm gone
---------------------

I miss him so much.

^^^

Hi WHB,

What does SH say about it? If he said no, I wouldnt. I dont know your story, so I'd go with those who do, like SH.

But... If you're not in plan B, and you can have the conversation w/o ANY ANY LB's, then I'd think, yeah, why not? The last conversation did seem to have an affect. Guilt is good, he should be feeling guilty. Just my $0.02 - Dru

Hi Dru -

I am so new at ANY of this, and don't know what is up.

SH doesn't know of my want for a relationship talk. I talked with him the other day, and frankly, we focused more on the other activities that have taken place since our last session.

SH knows I'm incredibly anxious about moving to Plan B, and that I've done a good job with Plan A. When WH comes to the house to visit the kids, I am very cordial to him, even making him dinner - NICE dinners.

The kids and I are currently out of town for spring break, and talks on the phone with my WH have been great. My parents have never been terribly supportive of me, and WH actually feels SORRY for me. He says that my "parents need a wake up call", that I "need help right now". I wanted to say that he was the only one that could help me right now, but held my tongue (I'm REALLY good at that).

Just now, WH called my son back (who'd called WH while we were baking cookies to tell him that he was missing all the fun). WH was at the park, "staring at the birds". One would have to think that he's doing some contemplating, right??

Anyway, I still need input about our relationship conversation. Have it or not? Thanks again.

<small>[ March 28, 2004, 03:23 PM: Message edited by: Wanting Him Back ]</small>

^^^

Anyone have ANY thoughts?

Anyone?

Anyone?

Bueller?