MBers, I have been chomping at the bit to tell you the latest in the continuing saga of the A and me. Unfortunately both boys have been using the computer so I decided to get a little snookered on some wine. So bare with me on this post.

You all would have been so proud of me at about 4am this morning. My wonderful H woke up panicked and wanting to cry bacause of a nightmare. It was about his dad dying, and the one year anniversary of Ds death is Monday. In spite of the fact that I can't stand H right now, I mustered up the most caring behaviors you'll ever want to see. SD, if you're reading this, I beat your emmy performances. At one point I asked if I could hold him and I comforted him immensely. I also thought, is there going to be one Fing moment in this where he will comfort me?

Then I worked for him today so he could have the afternoon off. Oh, by the way, I'm working for FREE. More LOLs. He asked me to file some bills. I was really looking forward to checking his mobile phone bills. Unfortunately H was smarter than he lets on. Except for January he didn't keep any of the individual records of phone calls. However, I did hit pay dirt again. I had to file his visa bills from the company credit card. I never thought of checking that out. I went over every item charged since last January 2003. What an eye opener that was. All I can say is if H would have bothered taking me out to dinner as much as the lovely and conniving OW, we might have actually had a chance at some real love. During the time my dad was dying their activity was even more active. Isn't that nice? I really am so glad he found something to occupy himself during that stressful time.

Since I found the oh so deep love letters, H and I have talked about the need to be honest. I asked recently if he and OW screwed other than the few places I knew about. H told me, "If your asking if we ever got a hotel room, we never did." Well, guess what I found back in Sept., one month after my dad died. A room was booked at the Mariott on a Thursday, which just happens to be Hs day off. This also was several days after I demanded we go to marriage therapy because he was out with OW and I got a weird feeling about it. I thought bounderies were being crossed. I guess I was right.

I hate this "F"ing scumbucket right now. I'm sorry, but I do. I got out my journal after dinner tonight. You see I was writing my brains out this year because my H wouldn't talk to me. So I looked at where I was while H was screwing in a hotel, or going out to dinner. H can be a little cheap, but he didn't mind spending the dough while out with OW. She had expensive taste. Eight bucks for Goosewhatever Vodka. How do I forgive this jerk? He's still being dishonest, which I hate. And I don't know who this person is. This isn't someone I want to know.

He called me today and thanked me for last night. For how I comforted him and let him talk about his dad and his childhood. I said maybe one day you can do the same for me. His response indicated that he wasn't even sure he could. MAYBE he could one day.

I thought of what OW said in her last letter to H, "I think you are being very selfish because you didn't pick me." I'm thinking tonight, I wish he would've picked her. OMG, I'm laughing. I feel like I'm totally failing at the MB concepts. I mean why should we be working our butts off for our Ss who have SH## all over us? Do you really think this is just fog? Or is that just a great excuse for really bad behavior? C'mon you WSs out there. Tell me please! Is it possible to be so fogged out that you don't even know you're treating your S like crap? For months on end?

Ok, I'm babbling. I'll blame it on the wine. I wish I could just have one big group session with all of you right now. I'm telling you, I want to blast the hell out of H right now. I'm thinking of a little entrapment. I'm going to grill him if they ever went to nice restaurants, etc. Let's see if the man is cabable of any honesty. WOW, I never thought this man was a lier. It comes so naturally to him now.

Sorry, sorry, sorry. You all have been telling me to vent instead of clobbering H, so I am. CV

I have been silently following your story and to tell you the truth, if I was you I would be drinking wine too!

You are the most patient and understanding person I have ever met. You should turn around and pat yourself on the back. If your H doesn't see you for the great person you are, he is really blinded by something.

I don't know if I would have all that you have to do this with this man every night. If your M doesn't work, it isn't because you haven't worked your a$$ off trying.

There I said my piece for the night! Have a great day tomorrow and do something for you! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

NY

NY, thanks for your kind words. Thank God I'm not jealous of OW, even if she is about 16 yrs. younger than me. Somehow I just know I outclass her in so many ways. If my stupid H ever realizes that, hopefully he will show me the person he can be. Because right now I'm just seeing this VERY needy person who I'm not sure is even capable of giving to me. To give H a break, he did get info about Retrouville (SP?). I told him if he wants to go he has to do the work, which he did. So I think we're going in April, if I last that long.

It's so funny. I'm laughing again. Last night he was talking about how much life sucks. I had to bite my tongue and keep from saying, "If you didn't get involved with your office manager, none of this sucky crap would be in our lives right now."

Tell me NY, after listening to me complain, are you thinking, "It's not so bad having WS out of the house." I'm kidding! I know what you're going through has to be so painful. Let's face it, none if this is fun. CV

CV:

Seriously, I think what you r going through is, to me, the most daunting part. It would take everything in my power not to just want to VOMIT all over my cheating H, while he cries over the mess he made for himself. It is like, his whole life smells like $H** and you are charged with cleaning up the mess...but you were not the one out looking for "greener pastures" (a funny analogy, actually, in the cow pasture and he stepped in a big "cow chip" on his way to find greener grass). Apparently I am in need of a glass of wine, too.

CV55

I'm peering into the padded room carefully to see if you are ok!!!

And, I'm reluctly passing on the Emmy to CV. LOL!!

Good for you. I can tell by the posts that you have reached the Nirvana of pain. That is the point where you can do the acting, withstand the Foggy $hit, and continue the necessary process of luring your WH back out of his FOGGY brain.

As for the entrapment, that's a LB. How about allowing him to be honest without the caveats? Or just tell him what you found in a non-confrontational way, and ask him if he'd like to fill in the blanks for you?

You know he's in withdrawal, which mean still in varied levels, but he IS talking to you, and he IS allowing you to comfort him, and I think he IS allowing you to lure him into counseling??? Sorry if I'm confusing thread on the counseling part, but.... these are connection that didn't exist a month ago. At MB, we call that progress.

Is it worth it to push him back to cowering in silence, for a couple of "cheap shots"? I know you know better than that.

You have done so well, and have been SO strong. I have followed your sitch from the beginning, and feel like your success is my success as well.

By the way, can I get a glass of that wine?

You are doing great, and you've got an Emmy to prove it. Display it proudly, but be advised, I'll be talking to my WW later, and may need it back !!! LOL!!

Keep up the great work, CV55. I see recovery in your future...
SD

CV sometimes I wonder if we're just addicted to our WS like our WS are addicted to OP. I know not a good thing to think but on this rollercoaster my mind tends to wonder. Wish you luck though.

Well, after passing out during the entire West Wing, with H asking "Are you watching this?" And me saying,Yes!" as I continued sleeping, here I am again. I decided to see if any of my MB buddies responded to my drunken post. i have to say I was laughing out loud at your replies. H has to wonder what goes on at this site. While I was laughing he called to me saying he thought my fish was dead. Like he cares about my fish. I said, "Don't worry, he's just sleeping." He probably is dead. I haven't exactly taken good care of my pets lately. They're lucky if they get fed. What the H&&l am I talking about? Maybe I'll drink wine every night. Before you know it, I'll be back to my 70s lifestyle. We don't want to talk about that!

Let's see if I'm capable of answering your posts individually.

ChristyV, yes he did step in some major cow sh&&. And he is tracking it all over our home. Will the man ever clean it up? I often feel like hurling. In fact on a daily basis.

SD, you make me laugh my A&& off. I am getting to the point that I want to smack you. No offense taken I hope. You are so darn optimistic. C'mon, just once can't you tell me my H is a real jerk and I should dump him. And truthfully right now I'm not sure WHY I'm luring him back in. I don't even like him. I just pray he doesn't wake up in the middle of the night because I need to sleep.

Johns, don't let my negativity affect you. Although you do have an excellant point. We'll let the more positive MBers respond to it.

Jazzey, I have no class when it comes to wine. I have to say OW beats me in that department. You could give me wine with a screw on cap and I'd like it.

H is turning me away with his stupid lies. As you said in your situation, I already know he had an A and was screwing his brains out. So he doesn't have to tell me everything at once. But don't tell me a lie! And honestly, I am having real trouble with the thought of him screwing his brains out. He is just not looking very appealing to me right now. He was a total creep to me. I can't imagine forgiving him. It seems like an impossible task. If you saw how many times he went out to dinner with her when I was at the hospital with my dad you'd puke. How do I forgive that? I can't fathom why I'd want to be with him. We have MC tomorrow. Do I just swallow it all during this withdrawal stage and pretend, until I can get all my crap out?

Well, I'm going to bed. Love hearing from all of you. You are truly the greatest. I told a friend she could read my posts to keep up with my saga, and she thought you all are awesome. Well, you are! CV

OOPS, I forgot about the fish. At least the dog's OK.

In bed last night H was saying his stomach really hurts and he's afraid he's getting an ulcer. I asked him if he wanted me to rub his little tummy. I literally had to keep from laughing out loud because of what I had just posted, and all of your replies. If he only knew what was really on my mind.

I told him to take a sleeping pill so he could sleep through the night, which he did. I'm noticing I seem to be indifferent about whether we hold each other or not right now. I'm not capable of reaching out to him presently. While he slept through the night I kept waking up, thinking about all the places he took oW to dinner. Thinking about how exciting it must have been for them to have an afternoon love fest at hte Marriott.

OK, I am getting the truth through my snooping. The truth is uglier than I thought. The hurt is so deep I don't know what to do with it? When I see how often he went out drinking with her, which is so not him. He not only abandoned me, he abandoned my boys. He wasn't present for them. Oddly enough they have been very happy this school year, except for probably now. I'm sure the present vibes are effecting them. They were happy because I never let on to them that I was hurting before this A was revealed. I took on the role of both mom and dad this whole past year while H was getting his ENs met.

I'm looking back and feeling like such a fool. I wasn't totally stupid. I asked him over the summer and several times after if he was having an A. But I never asked him directly if it was with her. I think I really thought he would tell me if he was having an A, and maybe I believed he would never do this to me or us.

I'm back to being down. After I dropped my son off at school I just cried. All the efforts I made to get our marriage on track with him. Now that I know he was in a full blown A I didn't have a chance in HE%%. He was spending 40 to 50 hrs. a week working with her and screwing her. Taking her out to dinner, wining and dining her. Meanwhile he left me and the boys fending for ourselves. I started to see a shrink last year to help me cope with my dad's declining health so I could be there for H and the boys. And what was he doing?

I'm really stuck. I don't know how to get over this. It's not just the A. It's that he had the A during the worst year of my life and didn't give me a second thought. How do I make excuses for that? If any of you have insights I'd really appreciate them. I am struggling with this now.
Thanks! CV

CV55,

In my experience, ALL WS lie to some degree. Some come clean on their own but try to gloss over aspects of the A to make it sound less awful than it really was. Some deny an A even when they're caught in the act. In fact, when we were in counseling I brought up the fact that the continued lies were what hurt me most, and I mentioned asking H if he had bought such-and-such a gift for OW. The counselor looked at me and said "Well what did you EXPECT him to say?" Point taken. He *should* have told the truth, but he's human. We just don't come clean at first. Eventually it will sink in with your H and he will come clean. He's just not there yet.

I definitely would NOT ask him if they ever went to a hotel. You already know he's going to say no. Then you're angry at him all over again for lying, and you have to either confront him with the truth and call him a liar to his face, or swallow it all. None of that is going to do either of you any good.

What you could do is be honest with your H. Depending on where your H is in his recovery, you may need to wait; if he's still so deep in withdrawal for OW that he can't really "hear" you there's no point in bringing this up now. But eventually... tell him you know they were at the Marriott on such and such a date. No need to reveal your sources. Just tell him you know. Tell him that although it might have hurt to hear him admit they'd been in hotels when you asked about it, NOW you not only know the truth, but he's taught you yet again that he cannot be trusted. Explain to him that the lies are where the REAL pain is.

I told my H that little speech over and over, for a good year or more. FINALLY it sank in. Very slowly. Now he understands that his honesty is a gift greater than anything else he could ever give me. He really does get it. I think <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Regarding his behavior during the time your Dad died, I think you really should begin trying to let that go. Yes, it was a horrible time for you. Yes, you needed support from him and he was out screwing around. You've been over that, you've been angry about it. Try to shelve it for a while.

When your H is calmer and more lucid, the two of you can discuss it. You can explore the possibility that your father's death also impacted your H and stressed him out more than he realized (I'm betting it did). He probably knew full well how you were suffering, he probably felt inadequate in his ability to comfort you and "fix" everything for you, and he probably ran to OW for comfort. It is not uncommon for men to get into As during times of crisis. I think with women it's about ENs and with men it's about crisis. Not always, but frequently. A discussion like this could help you both understand how you deal with stress and grief and crisis, and how you could both deal with such situations better in the future. More as a team. Maybe in your grief you unwittingly pushed him away, who knows?

I think you both have a LOT to learn from discussions around this, but not right now. Not yet. For now try to shelve it and quit letting the anger eat you up. Put your energy into painting the walls or exercising or something. Pull it out later when you're ready to learn from it. Right now it's just eating you up. I know, easier said than done - but try.

CV

You are so much stronger than I am. The more time that goes on the happier I am the WS is out of the house. I really like Plan B, it works for me the best. I am now considering a divorce instead of reconciliation. I still have to wait for my SSD to come through, and he is paying all the bills, medical and so on until then. I really don't think I want my H back at all. I think about him and OW making house and it just repulses me.

After our false recovery and living 6 weeks with a bump on a log, I could never go back to being #2 again. I want to be #1 for the first time in my life, and I am strong like steel and I will be #1 someday. Right now I am trying to be #1 for me.

I suggest you take care of you, get your hair done, go for a massage or a pedicure. And polish that Emmy, because you totally deserve it. Yes that means that you have to wash the puke off of it from holding him crying last night. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

NY

Turtlehead, thanks for yesterday's and today's replies. You are speaking from a place where I'm just not at yet.

H and I talked this morning. I told him that I felt he was still being dishonest with me. Of course he looked surprised. I said, "I'm giving you the opportunity to be honest. I can't believe you and Ow never went to any fancy restaurants together. He claims they didn't do much of that, but they did some. I then told him about the credit card statements I went through. I cried most of the time. I said, "I made it so easy for you. Often you would tell me you were with OW, but it was business related. Some meeting or other you had to go to. You just didn't tell me you were having sex with her too." I mentioned the Mariott. He SWEARS he didn't go there with her. I said we'll have to look at that bill together. He told me he was sorry many times.

Later this anger came out in him towards me. He feels I cut him off and don't allow him to express himself. There's some truth in that, but at the same time I could be giving and giving to him, and screw up once, and he will negate any of the positive. Our MC told him that too. I told H I'm not going to be perfect.

He is really stuck on the feelings he felt for her. Also, since he filled out the EN questionaire and discovered his 2nd top need is admiration, he is afraid I will never be able to meet that need. Until OW met it he didn't realize how powerful that need is in him. I tried to bring some clarity to this point. (1) Harley says often men and woman don't have the same top needs. So if neither one of us knew admiration was his need how was I supposed to know about it? (2) I asked him to please not look at the fantasy relationship he was in as an example of how that need was met. I told him it's easy to meet those needs when your in a little bubble, and no problems from the outside world exist. I said I wondered how she would meet those needs a few years down the line when he is showing her the not so pleasant aspects of himself. I also pointed out that she was stroking his ego big tome in those letters. Does he want false admiration? Something he said indicated he is still in the fantasy, wondering if he was with her would she be able to meet all the needs I have NEVER met in our marriage. He seems willing to do the work with me, yet he wonders if he will just be miserable and probably regret not being with OW. He mentioned how all the experts that he has read and talked to predict a gloomy future if he ends up with OW. Gloomy with her, and a gloomy relationship with his boys. He still wonders if they might be wrong. So I guess you could say he is still in the fog.

He also is confused because he has a block when it comes to giving to me. Something stops him. He thinks he wants to, but he also wonders if it's just that he SHOULD give to me. He wonders why it was so easy to give to OW? I told H for the past year OW has been his W. She greeted him every day. Spent 40 to 50 hrs. a week with him, and was having sex with him. She was the wife and I was nothing to him. He agreed with that. I asked him if he thought it might take a while to turn that around, and make ME the W again.

This is so frustrating! I've said this so many times here. How in the world am I going to compete with stage one in-love feelings? He talks about how powerful these feelings are. They swept this man into an unspeakable direction. Is it realistic to think that we can ever be in-love again? Can he wake up from this la la land he was in with her?

I am pretty sure the year's crisis are what made this A possible. His dad died one year ago, and within a month I think they were developing the EA. I was stressed to the max and wasn't capable of being fully there for him, and there was OW. Right there meeting all his needs. I didn't have a "F"ing chance. He closed the door so totally on us I couldn't even open it a crack. Concerning my dad, he was totally involved with her by then. I was barely a blip on his radar screen. He felt some guilt, but I'm sure she made him feel SOOOO good he didn't even think about me, let alone this man he loved who was dying. You're right, until he's clearer, we can't really gain much understanding about why he did what he did.

NY, I'm not any stronger than you are. Look at you, facing the possibility of moving forward on your own. I've had to ask myself why I haven't done that? Why am I trying to preserve this M? Is it because I love my H? Is it for my boys? Or is it my fear of being alone after all these years?

If H wouldn't have cut contact with OW I would be in your shoes. At that point it would be a relief to have him gone. What's rough about where we are is will we get through this? Will the effort really restore our M?

CV55--
Permit me:
Some lessons I learned about myself in this struggle for my M--I have a need to be right. What good does this do me? Little or none in my M. You already know he lied, cheated, deceived and everything else. Why the need for details? It just brings it all back up for you and proves you the wronged victim. That is NOT a powerful position for you. YOu already know he is not capable of telling you the whole truth right now. He just isn't and you trying to MAKE him do anything is futile and frustrating.

So, the next point: acceptance. I MUST accept the truth of what is happening. MY protests, ministrations and denials won't make it any different. I had to relax and accept. Release my attachments to particular outcomes. What is, is.

Then: I only control myself! You are doing a great job in front of your H and venting here. Good start. Now, you need to look at yourself with truth and light and decide if you like all that you see. What would make you a better person? HOw can you concentrate on yourself and your life and making yourself happier and more satisfied with yourself. I had to take the focus off H and onto you.

Please read the books I recommended, and Surviving Betrayal by Alice May.

You will keep going around and around on this merry go round and say to yourself, wasn't I already here??? But you will find eventually that the spins aren't as frequent and your stays at the bad spots won't be so long.

I tell you from experience, not a perfect journey by any means, and certainly my own. Only you know what applies, but I swear to you that you will make it, and you will get to that inner peace, if you work on it and let yourself. Your H has his own journey. You can act in ways that will help his reactions and development, but it won't happen for him until he decides and wants it. Meanwhile, if you are doing your own recovery you won't have to obsess on his.

I hope this makes some sense. I feel your pain. Here I am thinking of sitting by your side, offering you calm, comfort and reassurance. You will be OK.

Anne.... excellent post! Awesome!

I can't remember who to credit with this, but the saying goes "would you rather be right, or would you rather be married?

Hang in there CV55

SD

Thanks Anne! I am having a terrible time with acceptance. I still can't believe H treated me like crap for so many months. I asked him today why he couldn't have just told me over the summer he was having an A and just dumped me for OW. The torture he put me through was worse than what I'm going through now. I do have to accept that what happened, happened. We can't ever go back to the time of innocence. Just writing that makes me cry.

As far as recovery goes, I'm not sure how to recover individually while we are in this limbo state. If H was gone I'd do what I need to do to get support in being a single woman who is a mom. Living with him at this stage, knowing he still feels love for another woman, is a little hard to take. Whenever I think the withdrawal is lessening he'll say something that lets me know he's still pining away for her. And speaking of oW, My negaitive feelings for her are growing by the minute. When I think of everything she was doing with my H, and the trouble we are in now, I want to strangle her. So I'm not sure what to do individually while I am so stuck in this situation.

What about my question? Is it possible for H to get over this fantasy and for us to be in-love again? Or once the love has been replaced is that it?

Thanks for telling me I'll be OK. H has me offering him reassurance, but he sure isn't offering me any. It's nice someone is!

CV- Please read , reread, and read again Anne's post to you .

I can only offer the experiance of the other side of what she talks about .

Personal recvoery , finding YOU ,,, is the most important part of all of this .

I can tell you that what I wanted to think I was doing was personal recovery WAS NOT ! I was there for everyone EXCEPT ME! I was putting on the show for H instead of walking away sometimes and just saying I can't handle this at this moment .

I am not saying turn away from him , but do NOT sarifice all of you in pain for someone elses recovery , WS needs to find some of this on his own .

I was where you where with the guessing games and the heart break of uncovering lie after lie and thinking ok this time he knows he can tell me everything ,,,,,, NO , that only comes when he is ready . And yes that BITES the BIG ONE !

You heard it over and over again only person you can control is YOU !

I am not saying the HOLE trueth isn't important , so go and uncover it , but do it with this in mind , When I find it (the proff) what will it do for ME ???

NOW it made me feel like hey , see you can't make a fool of me I got ya again , so STOP LIEING !

You know what that got me a bottle of advil and the worst headache LOL .

I would after awile find it and just give it to him , and say when your ready to be honest and want me to stop looking then I hope you come to me and know we are in this together . I was also a little crazy I know I will NEVER know EVERYTHING ! NO FWS/WS will ever told everything !

So I made the worst things up on my own ,,LOL OH yes I did ,, I thought of it all , that they where really Married , that she had a baby with him , he11 I even convinced my self he and her had a life for the hole time we where MARRIED !LOL
WHY??????


cause I said , what ANNE wrote you is that any more painful or less painful then knowing guess what HE BETRAYED ME <<< thats the bottom line .

So what do I want ? do I want this M? Do I want this man ? Do I belive in US? Do I still see the man that cryed when he asked me to marry him ? Do I see the man that held my hand while giving birth to our children ? ECT.

You get the point . But back to the origanal , You must see YOU ! YOu must get down to the , DO I LIKE ME ! LOVE ME ! WHO AM I?

Do not hold on to all this and miss you , because it makes for a worse M recovery , you will be in turmoil while things are starting NORMAL agian .

And thats something you don't want , is to feel this way when he finishs this withdrawl and your drained cause you didn't do the work on YOU !

Be WELL and be only as strong as you can be without caring to much for others .

CV55

Its very hard not to look at what the WS did for the OP. Its only natural.

And the things that often hurt the most are the things they would do for the OP that they wouldn't do for you.

But be careful about stockpiling done me wrongs. Learn the truth you deserve that. Demand honesty and full accountability you deserve that. And if you want every little detail possible you are entitled to that as well.

If you hold too tightly to the list of done me wrongs you will find it almost impossible to recover.

Right now he isn't helping things by lying and getting upset when you catch him at it...but that appears to be the standard WS reaction.

Hang in there......

Thanks all! I think you're right. I am losing me in all of this. I am so busy meeting all of Hs ENs while he is an emotional wreck, I have to learn how to fill mine.

So I guess it seems that I want to be right? I'll have to think about that one. I know my H was a major SH$$. I am not telling him that constantly, but when I let him see my pain he knows he was. He bailed on our boys. He doesn't like to hear that one, but he did. Now he wonders why he's not closer to them. Duh, you were too busy having fun with OW to interact with your boys. OK, I'll restrain from the DJs.

I think I'll also put Sherlock to bed for the time being. I was going to try and get the cell phone bills. I even asked him about them today. But what will that do for me? Let me know just how much of an A## he is. Will I see that he had a long talk the night my dad died? Will I see that he called her when we went awat together in July? I think at the moment I need to feel more solid with him before I get any more ugly truth.

We will be seeing the MC in 45 minutes. Hopefully it will be a good session. Oh, you all will love mt LB of the day. earlier he was complaing about the cost of doing the retroville weekend. I said, "Well, look at it this way. All the times you took OW out to dinner would more than pay for the weekend." He was not a happy camper with that comment. I apologized, although i still think it's true.

Finally, would someone PLEASE answer my question. Can we fall in-love again with H being stuck in the in-love stage? I don't want to be 2nd best if we do stay together.

CV55

I know the literal answer to your question. It is no. You asked "Can we fall in-love again with H being stuck in the in-love stage?" You know the answer to that as well.

The real question is "can we fall in love again, once we have worked really hard in recovery, and after the fog of withdrawal, not to mention the pain, wears off".

And we wouldn't be here today, if we didn't believe the answer to that question was a resounding "YES".

Things are moving quickly for you, and I can tell you it's hard to deal with the desire to be thrilled that breakthroughs are being made. But I will caution you that work remains to be done, sacrifices will continue to have to be made (Plan A continues), and the fog will linger, making things difficult to read.

My best advice at this point is to quietly celebrate the positive things and allow yourself to gain strength from them, for the work that remains to be done. Recovery is like jumping on a different rollercoaster, as compared to the rollercoaster we just got off, when the affair was discovered and work began to end the affair.

The recovery coaster has less dramatic highs/lows, for the most part, and few recoveries will be free from speedbumps, some of them quite testing.

But remember, you've made it this far. Through hard work, focus and dedication. Minefields remain ahead, but you are now better equipped to make the trek through, and you will be receiving some positives back, although in drips rather than bucketfulls.

Keep the faith, remain keenly alert, and stay focused, regardless what comes next.

And continue posting from the padded room!

SD