Hello all,
Please excuse my post first & before hand b/c I tend to jump around a lot. I have become concious of that whenever I post here.

Anyhow, I am a bit lost and your thoughts are really helpful to me so here I go...

Yesterday marked first year since D-Day #1. I moved into plan B in August of last year and H & I lived in seperate places until the week before Thanksgiving. Top #1 need of mine is family committment so he asked to be back in the home and I agree'd praying for change even though it wasn't already as present as it should have been. Non the less, we started becoming happy again. Girls were happy and therefore I felt complete. February 13th,2003 was the day H had his 1st A. I didn't find out about it until 3/24/03. Anyhow..exactly 1 year ago to the date H ends up in jail on some pretty hefty felony charges and will be facing a possible 4 year term. Burglary in the 2nd, 6 homes, 6 counts.

It has shattered my children's idea of having their happy home again...and I'm devestated not knowing what I am going to do. To explain to my 5 and 2 year old. I just found out beginning of this week that the paliminary conference was held and he will face 4yrs & they can't say if around this area or not.

H has a history of MH issues. Diagnosed with manic depression, bipolar disorder, and thanks to the new HIPPA laws...I don't know much more his probation officer seemed to indicate it was extensive. Non the less he also had a bad adiction to pain medicine. It started out as if it was needed for pain. Then it developed into the mind set.."oh i'm a better person when i have my pain pills..i'm nicer and patient.." non the less he became adicted. And while I was working on my Plan B he was burgarlarizing country homes while people were away during the day. (stupid me I was alowing him to use my car thinking he was seriously looking for work, hoping i could in the end receive some help w/ child support <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> ).

He has soooo many issues and there is so much I'm leaving out here but I really don't know where to begin. I'm just trying to put a little out here so you can get an idea what i'm coming to you for. Anyhow, I'm 22 H is 28 we have 2 d's 5 and 2 1/2. They are heartbroken that daddy isn't in their lives really right now. Regardless their father's mental health and co-dependency problems he was always very emotionally supportive to our children. Very playful, very funny, happy good father. Always helping out. I am not as happy go lucky unfortunatly. I was always the HEAD OF HOUSEHOLD bills, job, sole source of income...and all the other wife, mother, and sister duties.

Between seeing my children's hearts broken, feeling sooo alone and still shattered over the A's..betrayal..etc. The years that H is facing..the marriage that was left unsolved. My youth..my dedication...I'm lost. How do I hold on. What do I hold on too. And I love him still so much. Do I put my life on hold for 4 more years to take a chance that he'll come out a better man? Or should I stay strong..be the great wife..and then have him come home after 4 years acusing me of A's anyhow..which end up destroying the M I've worked so hard to maintain. Even all alone. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

I'm so confused. It is hard to give up. A part of me doesn't want to..and another part of me is so angry because it just isn't fair. I have a lot of resentment against him right now. So much pain and his lack of being a good Man! Ahh..Can anyone offer me any insight. I'll even appreciate your opionions..anything at this point.

Going to lunch now..thank you for listening... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Yikes - I really feel for you. At least most of us have the consolation of either working on marriage, or losing the bum.

I think you are going to keep posting here and stick with us, while we help you through this. It will make you stronger in the end when it comes time to make a decision.

My WH has been diagnosed as bi-polar. My sister is a rapid cycling manic depressive bi-polar.

This illness is tough to deal with. Men usually are not diagnosed or start having a hard time covering up their illness until their mid-20's. There are signs prior to this but are usually brushed off to being "men" or whatever. For instance, if your H was in a manic phase, he would be seen as a go-getter. Whereas a woman, is seen as PMS'g or something.

What I would do if I was you... if your H is going to be incarcerated for 4 years, you need to use that time to focus on YOU and make YOU stronger. This will benefit you and your children. If your H is close enough go visit. Insist that he see a psych while incarcerated to get on the meds he needs to be on.

Sometimes bi-polars quit taking their meds or start self-medicating on meds or just start self-medicating period. If he does this, he'll never level off the chemical in his brain. AND he should never just quit taking the meds -- that will give him the potential to become psychotic. There are certain drugs that you do not give a bi-polar and I can't remember what they are off the top of my head, but they will cause them to have a psychotic break if they take them.

Educate yourself on this illness if you want to reconcile w/your H because you are not only dealing w/his past behavior but you are looking at a future w/potential for bad behavior if he does not keep his illness in check.

Maybe this could be a blessing in disguise? H is forced to be incarcerated and hopefully put on drugs and to work on himself and you will have the time to focus on you and the kids only. Maybe you both will come out stronger <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> .

Thanks Believer...I hope so. I have posted in another forum to to see if that will help any. Appreciate you taking the time to read some of my story and commenting back to me.

God bless you & I'll let you know if I am able to get a response. God I hope for a lot of em' because no one else around me really has much advise to offer. Being that we are here in a christian based enviroment & all pro-marriage to a certain extent...I figured I'd get some good feed back.

<small>[ March 25, 2004, 02:04 PM: Message edited by: Finding_Clarity ]</small>

SoDisapointed:

Thank you for some insight. Yes, I see this time as a blessing persay. Well at least I did until I realized how much time he would be doing. I don't know what to do really. This has thrown back so many of my plans to go to college, move to the Carolina's...I mean I had so many dreams that have to be rebuilt right now & I don't know whether or not all of it in the end will be worth it.

It's hard to see the brighter side when you have had a 6 1/2 year crappy marriage of nothing but lies..betrayal...abuse...I'm even guilty of abusing him both mentally and physically b/c I just couldn't deal w/ his behavior. I am now much stronger and much smarter. I just like feeling secure and right now the only security I can provide is that for myself. I don't know how? I'm that NEED TO BE NEEDER and I supose that is why I was blind sided choosing a man like my H. Never really dedicated to much but being a father...

My love for him, dedication to my M and to my spirituality allows me to see hope. I am his strength as now he will be my weakness. I can keep faith just as long as I feel like I have the hope to retain the faith. I know we will be able to see each other, talk, write...and the kids too. I just don't know if I want to have to sacrifice more of my youth being alone. I would like some compainionship...and I'm not talking specificly about sex or anything...just miss being held you know? ]

I feel like a piece of me is missing and I'm mourning, like he's gone for good or something. How do I also teach myself not to revolve all my thoughts around my family of 4 anymore? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

<small>[ March 25, 2004, 02:20 PM: Message edited by: Finding_Clarity ]</small>

by the way...Sodissapointed

I couldn't help but read your signature line..
that song helped me get out soooo much frustration when I first found out about my H's A's. Actually...the whole CD was nice. (Take Everything from the inside and throw it all away, cause I stand for the last time I will trust myself with you)

I have a nice system hooked up in my car and so driving..crying..wanting some relieve..oh, it was a nice way to avoid breaking something! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />