LL, don't lose hope. We are all here for you.

LL,

So glad that you had a session with one of the Harley's so you can focus on a plan. You sound so much better even though I KNOW it is hard.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> What's bothering me now is that in SAA, it says an affair rarely survives more than 6 months when exposed to the light of day. The end of April will be 6 months that my WH's has been out in the open. April better be a VERY BUSY month for him, or I'm going to seriously start losing hope entirely.

</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">It's better not to put time frames on anything. God works in his own time. It seems like forever when you are going through it, yet looking back from recovery it didn't seem so long.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I responded back, "I'm a Christian, too. It's so good to talk to a marriage professional who gives a Christian perspective." I even told her about the 9 verses I have taped to my computer monitor at work that I can look at if I get really scared--been there since 9/11. She started quoting some of her favorites and several are ones I have on my list! It just felt really good.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">In addition to MB, the Rejoice Ministries really helped me through some very tough times and still does. I changed my whole attitude towards my M and learned to pray differently and it worked, because God is faithfull and powerfull. He did it, not me, but it was in HIS time.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">The "what if" of the hour is this: "What if I spend the next two years pining after my WH, because I really do love him and can't get him out of my brain (and my love for him and my thoughts of him seem to be growing, not going the other way), only to find in two years that he and OW are still as tight as ever and I've wasted two years of my life and am now 40 and still in a mess?"
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">If you work on yourself, have done the best you could, sought God for His wisdom then followed what He said to you, then nothing would be wasted. It is all in God's time anyway. I would not be the person I am today, if I hadn't done what I suggested that you do. I feel soooooo good about myself and it has nothing to do with FWH. I think God wanted me to get to the point where I would trust in Him and be totally OK with that before He would let AWH come home. God does restore M's.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I have GOT to learn to detach! It is driving me crazy. All I can think of sometimes is him.

Anyway, I am planning on leaving here in time to go to the 7pm Al-Anon meeting again that I went to two weeks ago. We'll see how that goes.

Good for you - give alanon a chance, it will help you detach and put the focus on you. It works if you work it. Alalnon really gives you life tools that everyone should have. Alanon ladies are some of the greatest in the world and I know that they would help me anytime that I needed help.

Blessings,

D.

Often enough I read your threads and go so far as to even click reply, but when the window pops up, I realize that my words of wisdom (which were bountiful 4 yrs ago) seem to have dried up... mostly I flounder alot.

Anyway... point is, even if you don't get lots of replies, people are still reading and I think the posting is just as important as the replies that you get. (It is for me anyway.)

dewt

Hi all,

I made it to Al-Anon (though a little late getting off work). Even bought a book to read from there. I felt okay when I left.

But now I'm home, DD is out with friends, DS and girlfriend just got home, and I'm bumming again. I know, I'm not even supposed to care if WH calls. But we had a nice cycle ride on Friday, and then he called mid-yesterday and we talked briefly and he was very pleasant. He said he'd check in later. I was hopeful that things might be turning around, that he might be seeing through the fog, and that he might give notice on his apartment, break contact with OW and start thinking about rebuilding.

But that call is all I've heard all weekend. I'm sure he's been with her since Saturday evening, and in my mind all I can imagine is that they're happy again.

Why do I continue to drive myself nuts? I want to just let go, trust God, and be happy in myself. Why can't I? Why do I care where he is? Why can't I let go--memories are just memories. The guy in the photos is not the guy he is today. Why can't I be a "glass half full" person? Isn't that how a Christian should be? Where is my faith? I am feeing very bad about myself right now, wondering if I even have a right to call myself a Christian. (But I do believe Christ died for me, and I'm trusting Him to get to Heaven, so I'm going to still do that.)

It's driving me nuts tonight. I'm tired of it. I think I'm starting to get a sinus infection from being run down. I can't get sick--can't miss work. I am still not gaining weight, actually am still losing. I don't want to feel like this forever, and I'm afraid sometimes that I will.

LL

Lordslady -
No, you won't feel like this forever. It will get better, it just takes time. I know that is not what you want to hear.

What are you doing to take care of you. Learn to nurture yourself. It feels good.

LL has now gone off the deep end. Not even sure why I'm posting. I think I've lost it at this point....

Found out that WH was with OW this weekend and took her again to mutual friend's house (I asked mutual friend--she ratted out WH). Also said he claims not to have read the letter I gave him yet.

I lost all control of my temper. Started venting on the phone about how he's with a slut, how he walked out on his family, how he doesn't care and how I just want to hurt him. (Great--because she'll probably pass the comments along to him.)

She told me how since he's the one who walked out, I'm the one who has to suck up to win him back. True, I know, but I was really angry all of a sudden for what he's done to us--this man who I married for life.

I explained that when I took vows "for better or worse til death do we part", I meant them, and how he told me that perhaps I took my vows too seriously. She agrees with him and says "women often do that". What the H*** does it mean, then? Did I just get married for the tax benefits?

I have a temper. The words coming out of my mouth were completely un-Christian. I also now need a new bathroom door. The one I have, if WH sees it, will be enough to cause him to walk forever. Problem is, he has the truck, I don't. So to even replace it, I'll either have to borrow, or pay to have it delivered.

I truly do want to burn all my pictures right now. And I want to file on him, before I change my mind. I can't explain how angry and how hurt I am. All because of something stupid--he's still seeing her and taking her out on weekends after saying he was trying hard to break it off, and he doesn't care enough about me to even take 5 minutes to read a note I wrote from my heart.

And to make it worse, I can also blame myself for my emotionally challenged DD with the behavior disorders now having about a zillion cuts on her arm. She's been cutting herself. We've seen doctors. She sees the therapist from the school. We've all agreed it's a major concern but doesn't appear to be suicidal. I just went in to her bedroom, found her in there crying, and her arm is bleeding all over the place. She's going to have permanent scars. I want to take her in to the hospital for help, but she won't go. I can't force her to. Again, probably not life-threatening, but just dripping blood everywhere, but scaring me to death.

I feel I am responsible for all this--for loving a man who ruined our family. For not getting out a long time ago when I should have. For not being able to let go now, and to function without him. My DS asked me why I love him. My response, "Because he's a part of my life".

DS's response, "What has he ever done for you, Mom? He's just been there, and that's it. He's stable, like alcohol is for an alcoholic, or cigarettes are for a smoker. They're there--they're stability. But that's it. And you're living on memories. Divorce him. He doesn't deserve you."

My response, muted in sobs, "But I don't want him to go to Hell."

His response, "That's his choice, not yours."

The pain is killing me tonight. He took me out for some benedryl because my sinuses feel like they're going to explode between the infection that is coming on and my crying.

A therapist told me once that if you think you're insane, you're really not, because when a person truly is insane, they deny it. I am nuts--I truly think I am. I can guarantee none of the rest of you act this stupid. Does this mean I'm still sane, or the therapist was wrong??

And I'm going to try and pull this all together and go to work and work at 150% of my potential, with my marriage, my DD, and my sinus infection (that I don't have time to see a Dr. for) all on my mind tomorrow, because I only worked one day this weekend and not both and now I'm even further behind.

I actually in a way wish this feeling of anger and hatred would last, because it would make Plan B (or D) a LOT easier because right now I hate everything WH has done to me over the last 6 months and I don't want to look at his face ever again (in fact I'm going downstairs right now and pulling the rest of the photos off the shelves), but I'm sure I'll be my wimpy, addicted self by tomorrow.

LL

Lordslady -

Well I never destroyed the bathroom door, but I did throw all the Christmas presents out in the street. The neighbors really got a bang out of that.

But it is normal to feel very angry. Your WH is causing lots of problems for you and your family. Now if you can somehow get yourself in a good Plan B, you WILL start feeling better.

Hey, at least you're still trying. I went out and got myself a girlfriend. When after all else failed, and I had no hope at all, I tried to 'get over it' and move on or at the very least lose myself in something nice. Now things are even worse than ever. Not just in terms of saving a marriage that I've realized I really and truly (against all reason) want to save, but also thrown in all kinds of other ramifications too... like messing myself up further and spreading the pain to a perfectly sweet lady who doesn't deserve any of this.

Look, my point is, no one here is perfect. But we're here... trying to do what is right. I wish I could come up with something to make you feel better. Heck, I wish I could come up with something that could make me feel better. All I can do is put a cyber hand on your shoulder, give a little squeeze and say that I, for one, admire the stregnth that you do have and wish I had a little more of that myself.

Sigh. If I don't get some sleep, I could easily cut off a finger tomorrow at work. I LBed tonight like no-one's business. I wish I had a bathroom door that was my own... (and not made of steel)

Also, about your DD (What does that stand for anyway?) I was a 'cutter' in my teens too, and never once (until a few months ago) ever thought suicidally. I'm not saying 'don't worry' or anything. I was pretty messed up and the proper care and help then might have made a huge difference in my life. I'm saying don't let it go. Get her the help she needs. I don't know enough about her to advise more than that.

<small>[ March 29, 2004, 01:28 AM: Message edited by: dewt ]</small>

Our doors are that stupid hollow stuff that looks like oak on the outside but it's only about 1/8" thick, and then it's just empty inside. Several of our doors have dents in them from various temper outbursts, but this is only the second one that has been completely destroyed. And come to think of it, I believe I probably was the one who sent my foot through the first one, and chances are, WH had been drinking and something he said took me over the edge.

There weren't any Christmas presents to throw out in my street. I put up a tree 2 weeks before Christmas...finally...and put lights on it, and that was it. Then I did all my Christmas shopping in 2 hours on Christmas Eve (thank you Target), stuck it in gift bags, and called it done. Heart wasn't in it.

He has three days to pull his head out of that dark place, and that all depends on if I stay mad, wake up addicted again, or just simply wake up and have no idea where I am or what my name is.

The 31st is my cutoff point. That's the date he has to decide if he's giving notice on his apartment or not. That's the date I know if I mean anything to him (and I think I can already answer that.)

I am so happy for SS and Mom and the others who seem to be making progres here recently. I'm also very envious, because all along I've had a gut feeling that my situation wouldn't turn out the same. And I can see it heading toward D, not because I necessarly want one, but because he has no intention of letting go. He'll just stay in his situation forever with her and enjoy the tax and insurance benefits of being married. (He's on my health insurance at work and it's a darned good plan.) I mean, heck, she hasn't filed for D either. Why do they need to. Morals don't seem to mean anything to them. Her H has another woman living with him now. Doesn't seem to get in the way. I'm the only one who seems to have a problem with it.

I am really worried about DD. What if she is suicidal and we don't know it? Her arm looks AWFUL! It's a spiderweb of cuts that she's been working on for a couple weeks, but it's terrible tonight. I don't even know what to do with it. She won't let me near her. I don't even know what she's using to do it, because she's keeping it well hidden, whatever it is.

I wish WH really could feel the pain he's causing us right now. But he probably wouldn't care. Because like OW said to me, "Kids don't like their parents to be unhappy. They may not think they want them to divorce, but it's better for them in the end."

Maybe the OW should come and look at DD's arm??

LL

<small>[ March 29, 2004, 01:29 AM: Message edited by: lordslady ]</small>

OW's are idiots. They are fog machines. If you spend a second of your time thinking about what they say or trying to understand it, it's a second wasted.

dewt,

Right now I'm feeling like I wasted the last 599,289,760 seconds (the approximate time since I got married).

The people on here are some of the only ones I know who understand how much it hurts. It all just seems so stupid and so selfish. I don't understand how a man just walks away from everything he has in life for something young (and stupid, and broke).

Enough rantings for tonight. I only have about 5 hours to sleep now, and that's going to make for a delightful day if my sinuses are still as screwed up as they are right now.

Dewt & Believer--thanks for hanging in here so late with me tonight. It helps to just know someone else is out there!

LL

<small>[ March 29, 2004, 01:39 AM: Message edited by: lordslady ]</small>

LL-
Check this out. It was in our local paper -
In what appears to be a disturbing national trend that has surfaced in North County, many local school and family counselors are reporting a rise in the number of teen-agers ---- mostly girls ---- who are mutilating themselves to relieve pressure they're feeling from friends and at home and school.
School counselors from Vista, San Marcos and Solana Beach said recently the majority of the teen-agers who cut themselves are crying out for help and are not trying to commit suicide.

"It's a trend nationwide with more and more students," said Susan Thayer, a school nurse in Rancho Buena Vista High School in the Vista Unified School District. "Granted, it's a small percentage of our total school population. ... But we're seeing more of it across North County as we're seeing more and hearing more about it nationally."

San Marcos High School counselor Randy Wilson said self-mutilation among teen-agers has "increased in frequency" during the last two years, adding that there have been at least six cases of teens who have cut themselves at the San Marcos campus since last May.

Rancho Buena Vista High School counselor Victoria Stephens called the trend a "tremendous, terrifying phenomenon."

"More and more we're seeing young girls (who have cut themselves)," Stephens said. "Typically many are honor students while some are not in honors. ... Honor students are under tremendous pressure. There's intense competitiveness from their peers, often pressure from home and pressure from the academic side."


Not enough coping skills


Part of the problem, said Michelle Lewis, a counselor at Earl Warren Junior High School in Solana Beach, is that some teen-agers haven't learned enough coping skills at their age to handle significant stress.

"Not having the coping skills of adults, they cut themselves," Lewis said. "In and of itself it's a serious problem. It's something they can't control."

Although none of the counselors interviewed for this story would talk about the specific number of self-mutilation cases they handle during the school year, most agreed that cutting incidents have increased in the last two years.

Self-mutilation by teen-agers is a national trend, according to Dr. Wendy Lader, clinical director and co-founder of SAFE Alternatives, in Berwyn, Ill. For 15 years, SAFE has specialized in treating adolescents and adults who deliberately and repeatedly mutilate themselves. SAFE officials said an estimated 2 million people ---- young and old alike ---- cut themselves to relieve stress.

SAFE officials said their Web site averages 15,000 inquiries a month, and that their toll-free telephone line receives 1,000 calls a month from parents or teen-agers on self-mutilation. Lader said that after a November 1998 appearance on NBC's "Dateline" news program, SAFE Alternatives received 48,000 inquiries during the first 24 hours following the nationally televised show.

"We're seeing an increase in (self-mutilation) because we have a more disenfranchised society," Lader said. "We have more latchkey kids. More families have two working parents. There's more divorce. More families are moving, thus removing the extended families that used to be in place to help parents with child care. There's a lot more pressure on teens today. Kids are being forced to cope with a lot more at a much younger age."

School counselors said that when they hear reports of a student mutilating himself, they talk to the student and his parents before turning the case over to licensed family therapists, such as Marilyn J. Carpenter, a marriage and family therapist who has worked in this field for more than 20 years.

From her office in Vista, Carpenter said she has seen a "disturbing increase" in the number of teens mutilating themselves. In recent weeks, she said she has talked to school counselors in North County from Del Mar to Fallbrook as they refer young clients to her and her associates.


Mutilation methods vary


In North County, Carpenter's clients include teens who have used pins, knives, candles and cigarette lighters for self-mutilation.

"The biggest concern among counselors is what happens if one of these kids slips and cuts themselves or burns themselves more seriously than intended," she said, adding that teens also face serious infections from cuts or burns.

The reasons teens cut or burn themselves ---- and how they do it ---- widely varied, she said.

"One girl had been cutting herself for a while but no one noticed," Carpenter said. "So, she cut herself in a more dramatic fashion, deliberately choosing to cut herself just before she knew her mother would come home."

Carpenter said self-mutilation can be habit-forming.

"Some (teens) who are suicidal use self-mutilation to get rid of the notion of suicide," Carpenter said. "It's another way to seek release. Some go on to harder, deeper, worse cuts. But most folks are very careful in how they do it. They're just using it as a release."

Even so, she said, if someone has self-mutilated themselves for a long time they can become so comfortable with it that it's "harder to break the habit, it becomes habit-forming."

"It's similar to people turning to alcohol when they have problems," she said. "Mutilation becomes an addiction, just like alcohol to fight the pain. It doesn't address the problem, but people seek relief from the pain through alcohol or mutilation."

Breaking the habit isn't easy, and it could take years to help troubled teens deal with destructive compulsive behaviors, counselors said.

"It's difficult for parents to understand, especially if their children are harming themselves because of inner turmoil," said Doris Shapiro, a Vista High School nurse. "If (self-mutilation) becomes habitual, you have to break the cycle. The parents find it very difficult to cope with, not to mention the fact that the kids are hurting themselves."


Visible signs of trouble


Teen-agers often cut themselves in an area that can be seen, usually on the arms, according to Carpenter. Even so, Carpenter and others said, parents and friends have to be more observant of their teens and friends and ask direct questions.

"How a parent reacts to cutting is critical to the teen," Lader said. "If a parent sees a scar or a cut, they have to ask the question in such a way to demonstrate that they care. That's critical because their child is seeking help. Unfortunately, some parents react with rage. Some parents react with, 'You're just doing this for attention.' Actually, the kids are seeking help."

Because teens are absorbing more information about self-mutilating trends through the Internet, "friends of teen-agers are paying attention to their teen pals and, quite frankly, their pals are often the first alert to a student being in trouble," said Lewis, of Earl Warren Junior High School.

Teen-age mutilation among bright, intelligent teen-agers will not end soon, said Lader, adding that parents, relatives and friends of teen-agers have to pay closer attention to their actions, their clothing, and any changes in music tastes or friends.

Lader and Carpenter also said that getting treatment is critical ---- the sooner the better.

Treatment involves group therapy ---- twice a day in the beginning, writing assignments, counseling ---- both individually and with parents, and logging the times and details of when teens think about self-mutilation. If necessary, there are anti-depressant medications in varying degrees of strength for teens.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by lordslady:
<strong>

It helps to just know someone else is out there!

</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Well, we're here. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

The OP I got passed up for is an inbred, butt-ugly, trailer-trash drug-dealer. (not trying to one-up you there, just feeling really bitter right now) Th'ol self esteem sure takes a heck of beating from this kind of thing doesn't it?

Hope you're able to sleep.

dewt

Believer,

Scary article--because it sounds EXACTLY like what my DD is doing. I suspicion she's doing it with a single-edge razor blade (because I have a stove with a ceramic cooktop so I use one of those razor-blade scrapers to clean it, and all my blade have gone missing.) However, I can't find the blade. It would be VERY easy to hide in her room.

And I am frightened, especially after last night, that she's going to slip and cut deeper than she intended.

It makes me ill. I've tried to talk to her about it, but all she'll say is "those damn gerbils got me again". Obviously, with her struggles with friends, her coping with ADHD, her school problems, and now her dad and the A are really knocking her for a loop. She sees a therapist at school, but this is getting serious.

dewt,

Other than not being totally butt-ugly (though close if she doesn't have makeup on), your OP and my OP sound like they could be sisters. Trailer trash--totally!!! And yes, it really hurts to think that this is what we've been passed over for.

LL

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I'm to try to avoid seeing him if I can help it, because right now he has the "fuzzies" for the OW and not for me, and he will try and compare, and will get worried that our feelings are gone forever when he doesn't feel the "spark", when in fact it's because the "spark" is a created thing--comes out of spending time with the other person. She wants me to avoid putting him in a position where he can "weigh" the two of us until he makes his decision.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Oooohhh, interesting! Jennifer makes a very valid point here. Since you do miss your H so often and so strongly, perhaps it would help you to print this out and tape it to your monitor or your bathroom mirror or something, where you can refer to it often. That way when you're missing him, if he calls you to invite you on another motorcycle riding trip, you can remind yourself WHY it's the smartest thing to kindly turn him down.

I really like what Jennifer had to say.

Regarding your posts... lots of times I simply don't know what to say, so I just read. And, frankly, sometimes I get irritated that you get such fabulous advice from folks who have lived this and watched lots of others live it... and you disregard their advice. Like al-anon. Like not seeing your H. You're doing a LOT better, though. You are a much stronger person than you were a couple of months ago. I'm REALLY glad you're getting into al-anon now. How is that working out? I'd like to hear more. My Dad was/is an alcoholic and maybe al-anon would be good for me, too. I'd like to hear your experiences with them.

Hey there,

Was out for the week ( you don't want to know where...would get too jealous) and just caught up with your posts. Sounds like you're getting great advice from Jennifer.

You're not ready for Plan B until YOU'RE ready for Plan B. You need the limited contact right now until you get fed up...and you can feel it coming. Warning though...you may need to Plan B your mutual friend too. You may need to drop her as a friend altogether though...she seems to be supporting this sick R.

You are a strong and fantastic lady and deserve all the love you can get. There was a song years ago with a chorus "I want all the love I can get, and all the love I can't get too." You are right, do you want your M back the way it was?
What can YOU change about the M? What part did you play in the bad parts of your M?

MHO about your DD's cutting...(for what it's worth), I think kids cut because their feelings and thoughts get too overpowering and cutting is a way to escape the pain...I know, pretty ironic. Think about a young boy that has been told not to get angry...don't back talk...etc, and his father belittles him constantly, cutting himself is his way to keep the thoughts out of his head about how life is unfair and how angry and hurt he is.

Give your DD a hug, tell her you love her, and ask her the best and the worst thing that happened that day (do this everyday?)

Turtlehead,

As for Al-Anon, I can’t say much yet. This is only my second meeting at the place I’m currently going. Right now I just sit and listen and don’t say much. I am just hoping that if I go enough, it will crack that hard shell I have and I’ll be able to let go of things I can’t control or can’t fix and feel peace.

SHMI,

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">You're not ready for Plan B until YOU'RE ready for Plan B. You need the limited contact right now until you get fed up...and you can feel it coming. Warning though...you may need to Plan B your mutual friend too. You may need to drop her as a friend altogether though...she seems to be supporting this sick R. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I agree it was what I should have done, but I blew it because I wasn’t prepared or strong enough, and I still had too much love for my WH to go without hearing from him. I also agree that if I do a good Plan B ever, it will have to be not only WH but mutual friend as well. Although I agree with my therapist—her judgment sucks, when I need someone to talk to at midnight, she’s been there.

I wish that anger and resentment from last night would have still been there this morning when I awoke. Even though it was ugly, and I destroyed a door with my temper outburst, the way I felt afterwards—not caring if I ever spoke to him again--was actually peaceful. Longing for him to come back, and knowing he’s with OW, is the absence of peace.

I did call him today. I wanted to know if he’d read my note yet (because that was 50% of why I had the outburst last night—I give him something written from my heart, less than a page long, and it takes him all weekend to read it?).

I called with that reason, but to make it legit, had four others as well:

1)Did you read my letter (yes, this morning)

2)When will you be able to put the body clips on DS’s car so we can remove duck tape?

3)DD is cutting her arms. School may call you.

4)Annual “large trash pickup” is in a couple weeks. Anything I can’t get rid of from the garage?

5)Our camper – we need to get it sold, or we’re going to have a payment problem in April. I only set back $ for payments through March. I am still paying home equity loan that was to have been paid off with camper proceeds. I can’t take on a camper payment. Time is running out.

He was not happy. Said he was sick and throwing up today. He couldn’t deal with all this. (Too bad…hope it’s stress eating him alive.)

I then said some things I probably shouldn’t have (though they were said very calmly):

I told him I knew he was at mutual friends’ with OW over the weekend, and while I had hoped he was nearing breaking things off, I could see he wasn’t there yet. He started to get defensive with the “Don’t start on this! I’m busy!”.

I then told him that I wasn’t trying to force him to stay in a marriage that he didn’t want to be in, that I could see he was not heading in the direction I had hoped, but that if she makes him happy, then go to her. (No, this isn’t what I want.)

He said that’s not it and that he’d call me later because he needed to work.

I told him he didn’t need to worry about calling me if he didn’t want to. It wasn’t necessary. Again, I stressed I’m not trying to force him to stay if he doesn’t want to, but that I just called because there are a lot of things on my list that I need to take care of.

So---will I hear from him or won’t I? What do I really want? I don’t know. I want the guy back I used to be married to, not this one. But it breaks my heart to see what he’s become and to wonder why he walked out on his family for the OW.

Right now I’d normally be planning our summer vacation. I can’t plan anything in the future—don’t know who will be around, how much money I’ll have, etc. In fact, WH and I had reservations at Disney’s Port Orleans resort in May for 3 days after my company meeting. I don’t know whether to hang onto them a little longer or just cancel them.

I am very torn. I’m not ready yet for Plan B, but if nothing spectacular happens by March 31st, I’m going to have to go a bit darker. May God give me strength.


LL

LL, just finished reading all your posting. I feel so sorry for what you went through. How is D now. We need to pray for strength. i will pray for all of us.

My DD is home from school now. I talked to DS--he says she's on the computer and seems to be okay. I am still very concerned. I need to raid her room tonight and remove anything I think she might be using.

WH called just a few minutes ago to ask about DD. Told him that other than calling the school, I hadn't spoken with anyone, and that I do believe she's doing it to relieve the hurt and stress of all that's going on in her life because she lacks the coping skills to deal with it.

He said, "I've got to move back and take care of my family."

I should have probably said, "Great, we're waiting on you!", but I didn't.

I told him again that I really do love him, that I do want our marriage and am willing to put my all into it, but that I don't want him back just because I've forced him to come back.

He told me he'd call in a couple days. That would be March 31--the day he needs to give his notice if he's giving it.

I guess until then I just set tight and let him think on the options I've given him. I'm sort of applying the Dr. Dobson principal of freeing him, so he doesn't feel like a caged animal. I'm letting him make his choice, and then I'm going to have to be strong enough to deal with it, if it's not what I want (and I'm NOT THERE YET!).

Yes, we do need to just keep praying for each other, keep busy, and keep posting on here.

LL

LL, I see some light. You did well. I see that you are strong now. I will pray for you.