Ok I just quit smoking today and I'm doing ok but the stress is getting to me. This was one of my WW major LB so I'm working on it, but now I find myself really missing her today probobly because of the stress. We had a talk on Monday about me telling family about the affair. She was supposed to come over Monday night and talk, but she called and left a message that she wasn't feeling well and that she would be by later in the week to pick up her mail or talk I'm not sure. I want to call her to see if she is ok but I also don't want to do this because I want to see if she will call me. I will call her sister at lunch to see if anyone has heard from her. So 2x4 me to not call my wife.

<small>[ March 26, 2004, 11:58 AM: Message edited by: Johns98ck ]</small>

Okay, J. Never smoked, but bizarre as this may sound, I wrote a smoking cessation manual years ago that was used by Kaiser. Physical addiction, as I recall, is over within a few days, psychological addiction weeks. So...physical addiction.

Best piece of advice from the book (collected info from others): spend the weekend in bed with a bunch of good videos, box of chocolates, bottle of wine, etc. Sleep and entertain yourself through the physical withdrawal. Or, if you prefer, party with friends all weekend. The physical part will be over soon.

Good luck! You are getting rid of a very bad habit. It's much worse for you than you think -- and you'll be in much better shape when you're done!

<small>[ March 26, 2004, 11:21 AM: Message edited by: A.M.Martin ]</small>

Quitting tobacco - have you tried the patch?? It works for me every time I quit.

I can't relate to the smoking, but about calling your wife, why not??

Call her!! You're in Plan A, right??? You can't Plan A without interaction.

Just tell her you wanted to know if she was OK AND - tadaaaaaaaa!!!!!! - tell her you quit smoking!!! It's hard as hell, but you're determined to do it AND it took the wake up call she gave you to make you realize how important this is!!!

WAT

Thanks WAT I feel better now. Just got off the phone with her and I feel better knowing that she is ok. It was short but nice. I asked her how she was and she said fine, she asked the same of me. I also asked when she was going to come pick up her mail and or talk, she said tonight or Saturday. I asked if she would come Sat. so she could help me with the flower bed I don't know what plants might be alive or which one's might be dead. I figured this would give us some time just to talk and not about M or R. I told her I was working on the quitting smoking and she said that's good. I was also the first one to hang up told her I was running test at work and I had to go. Thanks WAT I feel better.

Good.

Isolation is for Plan B - to isolate yourself from further love draining.

BUT! Don't be a pest. Ration your contacts if she's not contacting you. Send her a card once in a while. Consider writing a Plan A letter - same as a Plan B letter but without the no contact punch line. See the Plan B letter in SAA for a suggestion - just omit the part about needing to isolate yourself.

WAT

Ok here it is, June 30th will be 15 years since I quit. No 2 or 3 a day cut the amount or any of that stuff. Put them DOWN and refuse to pick them up. I quit on my wedding day, which is also the day my wife of 14 years left, so its an easy
date to remember.

I told myself I had to make myself start so I have to make myself quit. I think its 100% mental when you really think about it. I dont remember any physical withdrawls. While drinking
I really wanted one could have killed King Kong for one. I would stop and ask myself, Am I going to let this little Cig. beat me. every time the
answer was NO.
After 2 weeks or so the urge was days apart. Working with people who would blow smoke in my face made it more easy to quit. Just to prove to them.

Now after going out and coming home you can smell the smoke in your clothes etc.

I did not gain weight, I think thats a myth.

I joined the gym, started jogging
2nd best move I ever made, 1st was getting married.

Dont quit for your wife! do it for yourself.

I'm doing it for both, one it's a major LB for her and I want to quit now while I have lost weight from the A diet. I just need to watch my temper when I'm around my W, I do get testy when I quit. But I should be ok. Then Monday I will start walking for a month the get back to lifting to take out frustrations. Thanks for the thoughts gblogbd.

just remember, when you get the Red A$$ dont try and justify, if anything tell yourself that did not work. and dont make the same mistake
like Thomas Edison Once said "I have not failed,
I've just found 10,000 ways that wont work"

another quote I think of all the time that really takes the cake is by Vidal Sassoon
"The only place where success comes before work is in the dictionary"

gblogbd " get busy living or get busy dying"
form Shawshank Redemption

sounds like the convo went well and sounds like you were the epitemy (sp?) of the MB concept! thanks for all your words of encouragement and i want to say a few to you (along w/everyone else). the way i look at it is that smoking was an LB for her and you don't want to do that, so by (this is really generalizing) quitting smoking you are helping your W help you. by this i mean the more encouragment you give to her or the things you do to prove to her you are serious and that you've made changes, the more that she will (should) want to support and love you which in turn helps you. make sense?

i know clear as mud. hope tomorrow goes well for you and know there are many people behind what you are doing. take it easy, i know we much would rather be w/our WS right now on a friday night. but were all here on the forum helping each other which is just as important.

Thanks for the encouragement RR. What I would like ideally to happen would be for my W to start the conversation instead of me intiating everything. I will be strong I just hope I can sleep tonight, even though I haven't really had a problem sleeping. Like I said no LB for me all I can do is wait and see but I won't get my hopes up.

I think I might make the suggestion to my wife that I'm thinking about doing counseling and should I ask if she wants to join me? I know it can't hurt. I'm kind of nervous about tomarrow but I'll just remember that it's not about my wants,desire's, and feelings, it's about my W's. As long as I keep that in mind I should be ok. Hey RR do you feel a little more hopeless then most of the other people here due to the fact that there is no children involved in our situation. I think that stinks for us but oh well I will be a better person when this is over.

yes, i do, sometimes i feel that i don't have a lot in common w/people here because i don't have any kids and that the OW isn't M. i wish i could put my H's feelings before mine but his feelings hurt me because they aren't about me and that despite what i've said and done (or not done) since i've found out, that he is still resolved to think that if he stayed w/me he would just be miserable.

how can this be knowing what i know now? why do i keep believing that if he gave us another shot that things can be better (even though it will be a rough road)? because i have to believe, that is what is getting me to the next day that if i just stay the course, we will be togehter again one day. now who's in a fog?

<small>[ March 26, 2004, 06:48 PM: Message edited by: roughroad ]</small>

What helped me quit smoking is realizing that when you want a cigarette, the craving will soon go away, whether or not you smoke.

Also lots of drinking helps - I mean water. And be sure to exercise. Good luck, you can do this.

Thanks Believer day 1 no smokes so far I'm watching lost in translation right now to keep me busy. RR I think we should believe I know the good person I know a married is still in the alien that is controlling my wife and she will come to her sense's one day I just hope it's not 1 or 2 years down the road, I don't think I can wait that long 6 months seems like a long time.

let us know how today went. i'll be leaving tomorrow and on the road for the whole day. the only computer access i have where i live is at work so after tonight i won't be able to post until monday. prayers to you.

I put this on your thread also. I haven't heard from my W today, I'm worried cause at least last time she called to let me know she wasn't coming. I left her a message on her cell. So I don't know I'll guess I'll sit here and watch a movie.

i'm sorry, i'm sure it's getting late wherever you are. i've been doing a lot of movie watching myself, help me to forget what's going on in my life. i'm also listening to a lot of mind-numbing songs so i don't have to concentrate on what the words say.

are you considering doing any counseling w/the harley's?

Yes I am considering counseling I want so bad to be the person I once was RR now I'm just a shell of the man I used to be. I really hate who I've become this is not me and I wish I could scream at my W look what you made me into. Sorry feeling a little bummed.

know how you feel as do others but you know, at the same time i'm torn because i feel that's what my H is becoming, a shell of his former self, and feel again that i'm being the source of his unhappiness because i want to work on the M and he doesn't.

so many of the things i have read have said that by going to counseling it is just another thing to prove to your WS that you are serious about what you need to do but not only does it prove them you're serious, it will help you to. i wish i could have afforded it when i first found this site but then again, maybe God knew i wasn't ready then. i don't know, i'm having a very hard time w/trying to find out what God wants me to do and trying not to be selfish in wanting to save my M.

Why did God make me so strong (in a general sense)though? is this the special gift he gave me? i feel that being so strong is partly responsible for where i am because i didn't rely on my H or God and just did what i thought i needed to do. lots of adult stuff here but it is a rough road <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> and i am in it for the long haul and i hope you are too.