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I swear I read somewhere that while in Plan B you are supposed to come out of it every month or two and ask if WS is still with OP. Has anyone else read this? Or do you just stay dark? I have no idea if WH is even seeing OW anymore, I am assuming he is. Maybe he thinks I don't want to try to reconcile our M. Hard to tell without talking to him. Let me know if you read that somewhere too. He was so far in the fog the day I gave him the Plan B letter that he gave it back to me, so he doesn't even have it to reread. Thanks for help.
NY
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NY, you are here. I have no idea what Plan B is like, that is why i am so scare of it. But it iwll be helpful to listen to what experts have to say.
How are you doing today? I feel so, so. H took the kids to Chinese school, I am here still working on my tax. I am almost done, thenk GOD. I hope you have a good day today and more ahead.
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I didn't read it; I heard it when I called in to the Harley's radio program. You aren't "supposed" to do it -- they suggested I might do it, if I need to.
I had the same question many of you do -- if you are in complete Plan B silence, how will you know if things have changed? Putting all the onus on WSs to come forward and tell you they've screwed up seemed a bit, well, counterproductive.
They suggested it was okay to come out of Plan B maybe every two months and just ask if things had changed -- perhaps a short note would be the cleanest way. If they haven't -- go back into silence.
I live in the same community with H; the evidence of ongoing A is strong enough that I never felt the necessity of doing this.
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Thanks AAM,
I probably wouldn't ask anyway. I figure it up to him to do for the most part, but I wondered if I was going crazy or if I had really seen that somewhere.
My WH and I are in Plan B so we don't talk, he is so guilt ridden he wouldn't come back even if they did break up, he wouldn't admit he was wrong either. That just isn't in his character, but then having an A wasn't either. So I guess I really don't know him at all do I?
Thanks.
NY
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NY
Does your WH see your children. You know what kids are like if he had broken up they would tell you. If you are like me you would not want your WH back unless he had realised what he had done and was willing to give the marriage 100%. If it were my WH and he was still guilty over what he had done then in my mind he wouldn't be man enough to give the marriage 100%. Just my opinion though and I am having a hard feeling time at the moment so he would have to hit me with a bulldozer to get my attention.
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We only have 1 child together and he is 3. He is not allowed around OW by court order until Sept. WH only spends weekends with OW, they are on different shifts. He got more sex when he was at home than he does now. I am like you, I am just not all in it. When I first found out about the A, I wanted him back. Now I think I just wanted him because I wanted to win. I really don't want that type of person back. I am ready to move forward now. He will never put 100% of himself into our marriage. He is self-centered, selfish, and has depression. I have pretty much decided that if she thinks he is worth it she can have him. I know I can do much better, and be treated much better than I ever was with him.
NY
<small>[ March 27, 2004, 03:57 PM: Message edited by: HopefulinNY ]</small>
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Do you know it would be great if UK had court orders like you do but you have to prove that WH is unfit to have the children and then it is timely and costly to do it. I saw my WH last week at MIL and I felt absolutely nothing, my stomach did not flip or anything so I must be moving on. I guess I think of the old days when we were getting on great and I guess after nearly 20 years it becomes habit. He was my best friend, lover and companion all in one but I lost that I have come to terms that he will not fill that role again, he isn't the person I fell in love with and married. As sad as it is that is life sometimes and I am looking forward to life without him. I am sure I will be much happier and it sounds like you will too. What will be will be.
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Actually I forgot to say that I one of my last conversation with my WH was a complete LB and I told him that I didn't realise we had £600 to spare and that I would have slept with him every night to get paid that!!!!
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That is funny! My WH has spend no money on OW. He just stays at her house. I am imagining she will get pretty sick of it after a while. He probably eats there, takes a shower there and everything and pays her nothing. He is not a gift giver at all. Very, very selfish. It is all about what he gets out of everything. He gives nothing unless he is asked to. He probably got her something for Vday, but I am sure it wasn't anything more than he got me. He just isn't in it. He gets his mom wonderful jewelry and stuff for Christmas, but not me. I was very shocked by his father just now. He even left me with a tear in his eye, now I know where WH gets it from. I hope my S grows up differently than that.
NY
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That is funny! My WH has spend no money on OW. He just stays at her house. I am imagining she will get pretty sick of it after a while. He probably eats there, takes a shower there and everything and pays her nothing. He is not a gift giver at all. Very, very selfish. It is all about what he gets out of everything. He gives nothing unless he is asked to. He probably got her something for Vday, but I am sure it wasn't anything more than he got me. He just isn't in it. He gets his mom wonderful jewelry and stuff for Christmas, but not me. I was very shocked by his father just now. He even left me with a tear in my eye, now I know where WH gets it from. I hope my S grows up differently than that.
NY
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Our S will be different because we will show them respect and consideration for others. My WH pays for the flat they are in and my mortgage so has very little left over to do anything at all. OW pays for everything else and I wonder how long she will put up with this. I really don't know what is going on in his life as he doesn't know what is going on in mine and this is the way I want it to be. I really don't have his interests at heart anymore and hope that he does fall falt on his face. I do wish that he comes crawling so I can tell him were to go.
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MY WH lives with his brother and pays for nothing there, stays with OW and pays for nothing there. He pays all the bills here, all of them. I am a SAHM and I am waiting for a disability case to go through. I have nothing to my name. I know OW won't put up with this for very long, in a way I want him to come crawling back so I can tell him to go to he** also.
We know nothing about each others lives either. We don't talk at all. My WH has no money left after paying for all the bills here either. I am sure OW loves that......no dinners, or flowers. Oh well I never got them either. I just got mistreated and walked on. I hope she gets hers someday.
NY
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