For me anyway. I have been in Plan B for about six weeks now and feel so much better than I have done. When I think back to when I first found out about the A and how emotionally drained I was was most of the time and my thoughts were constantly about WS and OS. My thoughts have lessened although they have not gone completely but I don't have that gut wrenching feeling anymore.

I really don't have a question just wanted to write my feelings down and tell someone.

As some of you are aware I have come to the conclusion that my WS really loves the OW and wants to stay with her so have decided to move on without him and this is why I now realised that Plan B has worked and I am okay. Even though I have decided to let go I feel I needed to write down my feelings and tell someone so I hope you don't mind me posting. Not seeing their dad was upsetting them too much, so I had to swallow my pride and let them make up their own minds and leave it to them to decide and arrange when they see him. The true test will be in a couple of weeks when they stay overnight with them both. I will be working so will have my mind occupied. But as I said before and I know most people have said not to expose the children to the OW, it was causing so many problems for the children and I didn't want to use them to get back at my WS which it was staring to look like.

I am also in Plan B, and I like it too. My WH appears to be in love with OW and very happy with her. He does not try to contact me or anything. He has called once for house stuff, but other than that nothing. He wants me to move on with my life, so I guess I will. I know right where you are in feelings because I am there also.

NY

**Sigh**

Oh, to be back in Plan B,I would love to.It really saved me and now that I am at the starting line of divorce,with my WH still living at home and STILL in contact with the homewrecker,I would love to be in the B again.At least you feel some control in your life for once and don't have to think about the sordid details of the A.That's why we have,or had,a Plan B support thread,somewhere around here.It really does work if implemented properly.

O

O

I wish things were better for you. I am planning on filing for Divorce in Sept. Just waiting for some financial stuff to get done first. I know what you mean though. The whole A stuff is just too much to take. All the details and recovery is just not fun. We had a false recovery for 6 weeks. It was the worse six weeks of my life. Life sure throws us some punches sometimes doesn't it? I will never understand any of this. I am dumbfounded to this day about my WH's A.

She is big and ugly and I just don't get it. He used to be so jealous of me going places and stuff, and then all of a sudden he is a totally different person having an A. I have no trust, I mean zero trust for anyone now. He has pretty much ruined any future R that I will ever have. I will work on that problem, but I know it will never go away. Good Luck! Wish you were in Plan B with us.
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
NY

I can't see me in recovery with my WH too much has pasted. My WH has also not contacted me. He has just seen his children for the first today after nearly 4 weeks. He just dropped them off and didn't attempt to have any contact. I didn't send a Plan B letter as I didn't feel it was appropriate as my feelings were not in it, so I guess even if he did want to come back he doesn't know he can but at the moment that is how I want it. I can handle him abandoning me but the children, I get so mad. He chose OW over his children and now I have to back down and let him have his own way. I can't hurt the children anymore, I am sure things will settle down. I am sure that my WH thinks he has control but I had my say and made my stand I am sure that I made an impression even if I don't know about it.

My WH just packed up and left me with no job, no insurance and a house to take care of. Two kids, two dogs and a cat. I know how you feel. I am definitely not at a place where recovery could be possible right now in life. I would really like him to just fall off the face of the earth. Our son is only 3 and he just walked away from him. He was his pride and joy, and now he gets his pride and joy from OW. I can't understand it either. I have nothing but hard feelings most of the time. I keep thinking one of these days he is going to wake up and be sorry, but it never happens. Maybe he never will.

NY

October girl I feel for you still having WH at home and still in contact gosh that must be hard. At least I can shut off my thoughts without having it shoved in my face. Is your WH going to stay ? Are you in recovery or trying ?I always thought I would love to have my WH at home at least I could try and restore our marriage but I guess looking at your situation I am in a better situation, emotionally anyway .

That is how I feel too! Having him here for those six weeks was worse than now. It is better to not know than to look at him everyday and know. I feel for you also. Our 7 year Ann. is coming up, I am wondering if he will do anything for it. I know he will remember it because his birthday is the day after. I am curious what exactly he will do, probably nothing at all. He got me and my D candy for Vday from our S though. I am not getting him anything for either his Bday or Aday. I just don't have the feelings to put in it anymore. The hurt he has caused me and my children is unbelieveable at times.

NY

HNY - Yes we must be at the same stage. I just can't believe WH's would chose OW over their flesh and blood. I was talking with my sister last night and said I am glad WH has left because with him I was a different person. I now see much more of my friends and family including my MIL ( I must be one of the lucky ones because she sees me as a daughter and will always stand by me, she wants nothing to do my OW and refuses to even discuss her) I am also going through the financial things isn't it a nightmare evn there the WH are having a laugh, someone would think it was us that had run off and did something wrong. The things my WH is asking for is so funny I have to laugh or I would cry. I suppose it must be the fog and they think they are owed something.

HNY i am laughing as I read your reply. My anniversary is on my Wh's birthday - isn't that good he will always have a reminder. I too am planning on not giving him anything. WH did not give anything for my birthday, christmas or mothers day, he did not even ask the children if they had got me anything, I mean how cruel can you be.

FI

My Wh was here for my birthday and he got me a cheap ol jewelry box, and I already had a really great one. A card from the kids, but no card from him. He did write me a note that said to my loving wife, bla bla bla. He left 2 weeks later. This was during his 6 wk false recovery. I am at the point where I don't give **** anymore. I just want to move forward and forget the pain I know that for sure.

NY

I am with you there. It is a shame we live in different continents I would love to go out for a good old drink with you, have a laugh, slag of our WH's etc.

I shall post on your thread from now on if you like.

Where do you live? Of course I live in NY. I just called my FIL for the first time since this whole thing happened. I was going to be nice and tell him that I tried my best and that I would take good care of his Grandson. He answered the phone and didn't even know who I was. Then he said we don't have anything to talk about, it is between you two, if you tried to work it out and it didn't work then move on down the road. I was like okay, well I tried my best. He said thank you, good bye. I was like oh my god. That was the rudest I have ever seen him. He never liked me anyway. I just felt the need to call him and tell him I did everything I could. Oh well I tried, that is all I can say. I could use a drink right now. I don't think anyone's S have affairs in NY except mine. I haven't met one person from this area on this board yet. I used a bad word on my last post and when it posted it came up with asteriks there instead. Must be we aren't allowed to swear. I will have to remember that from now on.

NY

Hi Ladies,

I'm not up for posting too much these days but my WH and I are trying to work out the logistics of where he will go and when.I am talking to a mediator next week and my WH just today is realizing just how bad things are gonna get.Financially we are in a big mess because he is between jobs right now and we don't know where he will be working yet.Working in that god for saken place of Toronto,Canada,where the homewrecker resides,has also blasted our tax return this year.Not to mention he will have to deal with the added expense of living on his own and all that that entails PLUS whatever the homewrecker will expect in return.

Meanwhile our savings is plummeting and he wants to somehow separate or work a deal.He asked if the D was because of his continued contact with homewrecker and not wanting to work on the marriage.I said "He** yes".I told him that he has to find somewhere to live soon because I am an emotional wreck with him being here.So,one day at a time basically but I KNOW that Plan B works.I wish I could be in it.

Since WH was caught lying again,I have been an emotional basket case each day despite my meds but when he isn't here,it's light the clouds have parted and the sun appears.Ugh.This is going to be one,long,slow,torturous death for me.

I'm trying to hang in there,at least for my girls. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

O

<small>[ March 27, 2004, 05:38 PM: Message edited by: Octobergirl ]</small>

I have read so many times on this board that IL's are not to be relied on and they will take WS side. I am sorry that your FIL chose to act this way. I am sure that they must be so more H's out in NY that have strayed. Do you have a lot of friends and are you getting support from them? I am really lucky I work in an Operating theatre within a hospital and have plenty of support there as well as home. I certainly am not keeping my feelings inside and speak to everyone I find this really helps. I live in the UK about 50 miles outside of London. NY is one place I have always wanted to visit maybe one day well get to meet. Keep your chin up and no you can't swear on this site but I know what you mean.

O

I really don't know what to say to you just to give you lots of hugs and say that one day it will all be better. There is light at the end of the tunnel and yes for your girls you have to hold it together. The meds do help and it will just dawn on you one day that you have come through and you can make it. Once your WH has made up his mind and decides what he wants you will start to be able to move forward. I am certain that he needs to be on his own to give him a wake up call. I know most people say that it is best for the WS to stay at home but for peace of mind and your sanity it would be best for you to have some space I am sure. Is the OW still in the picture then?

O

I feel for you having been there already and then having to ask WH to leave after finding condoms in his bag again, and after calling OW and asking her if they were still together. She said he was telling her he was moving out.

FI

My FIL has never been an overly nice person anyway. I just somehow thought he would be a little nicer than that. I wish I never called him now. I don't really know what I was hoping to accomplish with the phone call. WH mother cheated on FIL when they were married so I thought maybe he would be a little more understanding, but I guess it isn't possible. I just can't imagine what would make a person want to be with someone else instead of talking and telling the person they live with that there is a problem. My WH never even talked to me. I never knew there was a problem in our M. I thought he was happy until I found out about the A. I wish he could have been the one to tell me, instead of me finding out. I trusted him with everything, like I have never trusted anyone in my whole life.

NY

NY

My WH also told me nothing was wrong in our marriage and that it was him. He still maintains that statement. Funny he told me how another couple who had divorced got on so much better now. I said to him that I thought we were happy and nothing was wrong. He replied that was true and when I said but you left me for someone else he just replied point taken. I think our WH must have been abducted by aliens or something I just don't get it sometimes. But for our sanity we must beleive there is nothing wrong with us, we did nothing wrong and we will get through this and come out stronger people. On that note I must go to bed and get soem beauty sleep. You can email me if you want,sam.hull3@ntlworld.com.

FI

Thanks are you sure that is the right email address this time?........LOL. I saw on another post you gave the wrong one. Mine is Tracestar@aol.com. I hear you there. If you could see the OW my WH is with you would die. I don't understand it. I am hoping someday his shallow hall syndrome as I call it, will wear off and he will see what he has lost. By then I hope I am happy and moved on. Have a good nights sleep.

NY

FI

Thanks are you sure that is the right email address this time?........LOL. I saw on another post you gave the wrong one. Mine is Tracestar@aol.com. I hear you there. If you could see the OW my WH is with you would die. I don't understand it. I am hoping someday his shallow Hal syndrome as I call it, will wear off and he will see what he has lost. By then I hope I am happy and moved on. Have a good nights sleep.

NY