I haven't started my own thread on here in AGES! Although like many, I still lurk daily. And of course, I have found myself posting more often lately.

For those of you who may be reading this who do NOT know my story... here's a brief overview: D=day was Feb 6, 2001. There was a 4 month separation, followed by 1 1/2 years of a false recovery. My now stbxH is a sex addict, and not only participated in multiple EA's and PA's throughout our M and R, but he is also a porn addict. I left him for good on November 24, 2002, after finding more porn (it was a dealbreaker for me, one he knew of from the start of recovery). When at the matrimonial home, packing my things, I found a bunch of computer cd's that H had burned. They contained child porn (well over 500 images).

Anyways... on with the update for those who already know all of that stuff (and thensome). <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

The D isn't yet finalized. Ugh! There are problems with serving him the papers, but that is being taken care of. Hopefully that will be done with by the end of the summer.

Trial #1 occurred on March 24th. It was for some breach of bail charges from last summer, when he drove by me and flipped me the bird. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> The judge dismissed the charges, as there was reasonable doubt that the event occurred (it was a he said she said situation, with no concrete evidence). At least I got practice for....

... Trial #2 is in just over 2 weeks, on April 13th (the day after Easter Monday). THAT is the "biggie".. the one for child porn possession. Please pray that justice (on this earth) will be served.

Trial #3 isn't going to happen. I found out earlier this week that the charges for the sexual assault on a minor were dismissed, although I do not know why. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> I haven't spoken to the family of the girl involved in months, although they live nearby. Maybe I'll find out soon.

The kids are doing GREAT! OS had some major problems over xmas, where he put himself on a hunger strike (he's not even 5 yrs old). He lost 10 lbs in 2 weeks, and is now in counselling. He's doing MUCH better. The twins are also doing awesome. I had a friend drop by some pics of all of us 3 yrs ago (at the start of the false recovery), and when the twins looked at the pic of H and I, one said, "Who's that?", while pointing to his dad.

I expected something like that to happen, since there has been no visitation since June 14, 2003. The stbxH and his family haven't tried arranging it much, and refuse to go through the visitation centre (the only place I'll allow). They are NOT welcome in my home again (IL issues. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> ).

Me? I'm doing amazing! I haven't done much of any dating since last summer.. but am looking forward to going out more now that spring is (almost?) here! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> I've started the Atkins lifestyle, and have lost 27 lbs in 2 months... .and I'm feeling awesome! I'm able to wear clothing that I haven't fit into since the infidelity diet took its toll on me. It made me feel EXTRA special looking so great when I saw the H at court on Wednesday... as it appears that he's gained at LEAST that much weight onto his already 300+ lb frame. You should have seen the crown attorney's face when the H stated that he was afraid of me! LOL.

I've been keeping busy with the boys of course. I joined the Home and School Association, and also find myself as secretary on School Council. LOL. It's been fun to get involved like that.

I stopped IC last summer, when I found all I was doing was griping about the ex, and started using that time and money towards things for ME! It's been awesome!

Hmmm... I'm not sure what else to update on? Mostly I am asking for prayers and well wishes for the next trial date. I will make another post just before it happens, and will update any relevant details once the trial is done.

Thanks for "listening"! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Karen

Topie... the only thing I can possibly say is this: You go girl!!!! You sound absolutely awesome! I'm so glad you posted the update.

(And are you really only 31 years old? My goodness gracious, you're going to have to write a book.)

Wow! what a great post...good to hear your update...

and you must be one tough lady to threaten that poor lil 300+ lb guy...hey! don't beat me up!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

awed

Way to go, Karen! And congratulations on the weight loss! [welcome to the dark side! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> ]

Just J: Yes, I'm "only 31". LOL. My life experience puts me up another dozen decades though. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> Trust me, I have thought of writing a book... although it would probably have to sell as "fiction", b/c anyone who doesn't know me wouldn't believe all I've been through to be true.

awed18: I'm not a tiny thing myself, as I stand 5'10" tall and currently wear size 20... but really, you can't blame the H for being afraid of me. After all, I've got more "stuff" on him than he may realize... or perhaps he's worried b/c he doesn't know what I do and don't know? Either way, I didn't lose as much of my power as I thought I would when I saw him.

MelodyLane: Hey there! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> Thanks for the congrats on the weight loss. I plan on losing a LOT more to feel even better about myself. Then my taker wants to send the IL's a family portrait of me and the boys (me looking drop dead GORGEOUS of course!) ... with ME in the centre so I can't be cut out... LOL. But then again... they haven't earned the right to see what the boys look like now. Time will tell what I plan to do.

Karen

It's good to hear an update on you Topie. I'm so appreciative of your encouragement whenever I post, so I'm excited to return the favour for once!

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> The D isn't yet finalized. Ugh! There are problems with serving him the papers, but that is being taken care of. Hopefully that will be done with by the end of the summer. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Why would it take until the end of summer to serve him and have the Dv papers go through???? That seems extremely slow to me. Does trial #3 have to finish before the Dv can proceed or something? It's crazy how you're still stuck being married to this man when you've done so much to move forward with your life. You deserve your freedom!

Congrats on the weight loss! And the teacher in me also has to say way to go for becoming the school council secretary.

Hey, cool, I just noticed not only are we both 31 but we're both 5'10"! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Take care and keep smilin' <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> ,

Jen

Topie,

I'm so glad to hear things are looking up and life is beginning to settle down. Hopefully all these court appearances will be over soon.

Keep polishing that "brass" ,, <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

You're doing great!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Jen: I can't post any more details regarding the serving of the D papers on here, b/c of possible lurking by him or his family or girlfriend(s). There's no need to give him a "heads up" in legal matters. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> If you want to email me at topie25@hotmail.com I can fill you in there. Just not in a public forum (such as here or on the ladies board).

nerly: Thanks for the laugh hon! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> Yup... I'm polishing those balls regularly. Twyla would be so proud! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> More seriously, yes, there IS an end in sight to all of this court drama. Hopefully everything will be over and done with for the summer, so I can REALLY enjoy myself with the boys! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Karen

Karen,

The end of the tunnel's light is not a train wreck that heading your way after all. It is a real end of the tunnel light and blessing.

Stay on course, you are doing great.

-rh-

Topie,

Just want you to know that I support your decisions.

We all believe you here. If court dismissed your ex and indeed he is guilty of what he has done it will come around again. He won't always get away with everything, as it may seem now.

You just keep on taking care and protecting your children, from anyone that might harm them. You are doing a great job.

Don't stress about the court thing. What goes around comes around.

Love in Christ,
Miss M

Redhat, JazzeyGirl, & Miss M;

Thank you for your replies. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Yes, it sure is nice knowing that there is a light at the end of this tunnel. And it can't get here soon enough, IMO. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

I can't help but be nervous about the trial on April 13th. I'm having mild panic attacks, which I know are b/c of anxieties towards it. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> Even when I make a conscious effort to think or do something that's not associated with the ex, I can still feel my heart rate increasing. On a lighter note, I hope it helps to burn more calories. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

If those symptoms persist after the trial, then I will see my Dr. about getting back on something (I've been off the anti-d's since last August or September).

There's also the issue of having to come to terms with it all, and to accept that he just may get away with it all in court. Next to that, are visitation concerns, and the possibility of me moving, just to protect the boys. I hope I don't have to move. I really like it here. But that's not an issue at this point.

Karen

Hey Topie,

I remember you from my "first" residence on these boards, in May '02 and a couple of months after. You had good advice then, and I appreciated your contributions to this site.

Wow, it's amazing the turns our lives can take, isn't it? You sound so strong, and positive. It's very encouraging.

I definitely understand the anxiety you're feeling. You can only do the right thing to the best of your ability and after that it's in the court's hands. At least you'll know you've done your best. In the end, that's all anyone can ask of you.

Please do update us, because we care about you.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Topie25:
<strong> I can't help but be nervous about the trial on April 13th.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Just think what could something worst happen than what you has endured so far ?. It is only one way ... it is going up & better, girl!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> .

Hmm ... as soon as you Dv is final, you might have to be ready w/ boy's repellent spray to spray away many non-potential mates ... LOL <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

-rh-

turtlehead: I remember you too... not so much the details of your M, but for the reason of your alias! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> Thank you for your vote of confidence. It means a lot. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> And don't worry... I'm true to my word when I say I'll update. Hopefully I'll be on here the night of April 13th, but it might take me a few days to get my thoughts in order first.

redhat: Yes, Shania Twain's song "UP!" is my new theme song from last year ("up, up, up, can only go up from here"). So you're ready for the dating scene, eh? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> Good stuff!!! Hmmm... a repellent for those men non-worthy of my time. I like that! "Shoo fly!". Oh yes... it IS something I may need, you see, I"m returning to my original Goddess like form. I'm growing my hair out longer again (another 4 to 6 inches ought to do it, so it's 1/2 way down my back...hehehe.. thanks to Dr.Phil, I'm more in tune with men being so visual), I'm already 5'10", so that's in my favour... and with the weight loss... watch out baby!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> That best revenge is living well is SO TRUE! I know that there was nothing bad my ex could say about me... b/c darnit! I looked HOT!... and him being such a visual sort...blah blah blah. hehehe.

Karen

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Topie25:
<strong>I looked HOT!... and him being such a visual sort...blah blah blah. hehehe.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">LOL!. 5'10" w/ long hair ... awwww!, be careful not to create accident for rubber neckers. I still need to pump some weight for my upper body a bit and also get my 6 packs. My waist is down to 30 (US size) from 34 ... I will tone it to 28 & 6 packs.

Yeah, I am being available & ready for R but still no suitor that is willing <img border="0" title="" alt="[Embarrassed]" src="images/icons/blush.gif" /> ... but I will have to go to sleep and wake up later to see if lady bugs will come <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> (Under the Tuscan Sun).

-rh-

Today's Update:

I'll be meeting witht the crown attorney on Thursday to go over the child porn trial for the 13th of April.

I have some photos that he might find helpful to use as evidence (stbxH said that he had all of his belongings when he left... but I have photos of the state of the house, and he left a LOT of things, in absolute disarray at that!), and I have some questions that are in regards to the trial (including who all is being subpeonaed to testify, how long he thinks the trial will go on for, etc).

redhat: You go guy! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> Those San Fran ladies have no idea what kind of a FANTASTIC guy they're about to have available to them on the market! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Karen