My H and I have are to trying to work things out despite that I don't know much of the ow I ask but he says he doesn't want to disscuss it, he's here and thats what matters. I have a great suspicion that he sees the ow at work. He works in the Airport and I think she works at a restaurant there. Should I ask him it he has any contact with her. Or tell him if he does I'm going to stop trying. He never wear the marriage ring and I think is because he doesn't want ow to see him with it or common friends. What should I do?
I posted this in Recovery but haven't had a response.


7years Married
DDay 7/7/03
2 Children

How has he proved to you the A is over? Has he made changes, shown remorse and help you recover? If he has, then simply tell him how you feel about this. My H tells me every time the OW talks to him - they work together and he's her boss on some jobs. He doesn't go into detail with work related stuff, but he tells me all of the personal stuff. Sometimes I do question him more if I know he spent a whole day in close contact with her, and I know he doesn't like the fact that we have to discuss this every afternoon... but he knows it's a necessary evil because of a situation HE created!

If your H hasn't changed and shown proof that the A is over, I would be concerned myself. Don't ignore the red flags.

He doesn't wear his ring? Has this been something he always has done or just since he started his A?

I would guess it wouldn't hurt to ask. Start plan A.

MIF?

Things that I consider change:
I busted him through the cell phone, he would call her none stop.: He decided to disconect his cell phone.

Would claim he had overtime all the time. Now doesn't even metion that and spends time with the kids and I.

He would go out with his buddies every Thursday hasn't done that since he's been back.

He wouldn't wear the ring because He's an Immigration Officer claim it wasn't good to show the "bad guys" he had a Family. But he would were as soon as he got home. Now I realize that while the affair was going on he wouldn't were it all. I do ask him to were to work he says it bothers him. I've seen his co-workers wearing theirs.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Cachita:
<strong> My H and I have are to trying to work things out despite that I don't know much of the ow I ask but he says he doesn't want to disscuss it, he's here and thats what matters. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Tell that no, that is not all that matters. You need to know ALL THE FACTS, since this is about YOUR life. YOU HAVE A RIGHT TO KNOW WHAT HAS HAPPENED IN YOUR LIFE.

You need to know WHO the OW is and if there is still contact. If there is still contact, of any form, the affair is still going on and you will NEVER recover. =Further, you have NO HOPE of recovery if he does not come clean with you. If he still has secrets from you, it is hopeless.

MelodyLane Thank You!

He does still has secrets from me! He has a PO BOX That I've asked him time and time again to cancel it he tells me he has But yet No mail get's here from him he took out credit cards on his own. Last year the excuse he used was he wanted to improve his credit through the whole ordeal I found 4 new credit cards. Which I sat in the internet and got all the statements. He knows I know of all the expensive Hotel Bills and now we are broke In fact today is my last day w/internet because we can't afford it. We might loose our home and we've argued and I tell him it wasn't my fault he was weak and he just stay quite.

He wants to act like I'm crazy and nothing ever happened.

You're not crazy.

Yes, you should ask if he still sees her.

And you should continue your research, and continue to confront him (respectfually) with each thing that hurts you.

And since today is your last day with Internet for a while, please find these books at your library:

Surviving an Affair
His Needs, Her Needs
LoveBusters
Not Just Friends
Passionate Marriage

You both have a lot of learning and growing to do in your marriage. Good luck.