Friday night I had asked WH to watch kids while I went to "think." We had been in our in-house separation since the previous Saturday. Just that Friday I had rec'd one of my Max Lucado weekly devotionals and had a wake-up call. I went to a local restaurant that has a courtyard, had some chips & salsa and a couple of beers and went home. WH and kids were watching Scooby Doo the movie. I got littlest one down and went to bed early -- 2 beers and I'm out like a light.

Saturday am we had a nother blow out. Had to go straight from blow out to taking kids to a b-day party. I got littlest one to bed that night and walked into the living room and WH was nodding off while son was nodding off as well. I asked WH to please not go to sleep. We got son to bed and stayed up talking. I would say it was the first productive talk we have had since D-day. Neither one of us going on the defense and letting each other finish our sentences, etc. Ended with let's start from scratch and whole-heartedly pursue recovery. I went to my bed and he went to his.

Sunday we had a company picnic to go to and WH had to go to work. He was able to get a couple of hours off to meet up w/us at picnic.

This morning I opened my car door and I had a dozen long-stemmed roses (yellow and red) on my front seat! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> This is the FIRST time my H has ever bought me roses!!

I called him around the time he needed to wake up and said that was really a surprise and thanked him.

I called and left msg for a babysitter so I can take him out for his b-day a week early so it will be a surprise for him. I plan on taking him to a nice restaurant and giving him his ring and putting my ring back on. I'm a little nervous, but know this needs to be done.

I'm actually hopeful again. I think this time around we might get it right. I know I for one have learned a few lessons myself. Right after D-day, it was all about hurry, hurry, rush, rush towards recovery and now I know it cannot be that way. It's going to take time and patience.

WH is also looking for a different job if he cannot swap to daytime hours in the near future.

Wish us luck!

do wish you luck and we're happy for you. prayers to you.

SD it's good to see progress in your situation I look for these stories the most to give me a little hope for my situation good luck to you and your H.

WH admitted that it wasn't until last X-mas (10 mos post D-day) that he realized that he wasn't giving recovery his "all." It was this time that I had given up.

WH said he had been praying that I would be able to "let go." I told him that I knew I hadn't truly "let go." I said, "Maybe we should both be praying to let go of our anger." As WH said he is very angry at himself -- all this time I thought the anger was directed toward me and I would bite back. I admitted to being very angry myself. Said that the anger I had felt was unlike any anger I had felt prior and realized that I needed to purge the anger inside me.

And coming here all along has helped. The posters help you realize when you are LB'g and you have to keep an open mind when they are telling you that you did wrong too.

I guess when both spouses are EXTREMELY HARD-HEADED, it takes a little longer than most to get the ball rolling.... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

I can tell you one thing, it felt GREAT to get a "deposit" in my old rusty bank for a change!

SoDisappointed,

thanks for sharing your story. i was needing a lift tonight. it has only been 8 days since d-day and we are actually doing very well. but i am down tonight. H is out of town until tomorow, it is very hard to not have him here. I can't tell how he is doing when he is out of town and i'm just sad tonight. He called at 7pm, said they were all going out for dinner and he would call me when he got back. he sounded very tired. he has not called again yet and it is now 11pm.

recovery is going to take a really long time, isn't it? sometimes i am ok with that, sometimes it seems so impossible. so it helps to hear stories like the one you just posted about.

Quick note on men:

We are dumb
We are easily manipulated
We are easy to out-think

WRONG reaction: "how come you never sent roses before, i bet you snet them to the slut!"

RIGHT reaction "honey, that meant so much to me. I KNEW that you are worth keeping and worth working for and I love you and what you did!"

We're like your dog - pat us and rub our butt when we do good and we keep doing it. Whack us with a rolled up newspaper? We sh1t in your brand new Stuart Weitzman pumps and chew up the new Prada handbag.

Don't confuse us with complex animals - take advantage of our simple nature.

WOW, yesterday, he made his bed and took out the trash for me -- <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> AND I DIDN'T EVEN ASK!

Tonight I will bake his favorite cherry turnovers and leave them out for him (he doesn't get in until around 2 am). <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />