I am really sad in Plan B. I feel left out, and lonely and like I am out of his sight and out of his mind. He doesn't even think about me. I go grocery shopping and there are all these married people around me and I feel like crying. I want my life back, I don't know how to move forward. I am just living day by day, hour by hour, hoping that someday I will know if I am going to live in my house or a box, if I am going to have to move my children or not. I just need some sort of glimmer for the future.

WH is so in love with the OW. I think they will get married someday. He has left me with so much work. I am completely in the dark now. I have chosen to not have him come to the house anymore to visit S. He has to take him some place else now. I can't handle leaving for three hours and knowing he is here at the house. He now has to find something to do, plus he was doing strange things here, like eating my food and fixing things. If he doesn't want to be here then I just want him to go away forever, so I don't have the pain anymore. Any suggestions on how to feel better? I have handed it over to GOD, I pray day and night for guidance. I pray for my kids not to suffer any more pain. I pray to go through one day and be happy. I wonder if god hears my tiny weiny prayers? I wonder what his plan is for me? I would like to know why my WH is now going to church every other weekend with his mother and he wouldn't go with me? Is it because he is guilty and he is asking for forgiveness? or is it because he is trying to find guidance in his life like I asked him to do? I wish I could read his mind.

Thanks for letting me write my words down. I have no one here who understands what I am going through. Everyone says kick him to the curb, and that is what my gut says too. I just can't seem to do it! Is that love or what?

Hopeless in NY <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

NY

I would like to know why my WH is now going to church every other weekend with his mother and he wouldn't go with me?

Regardless of the reason, if he's going and he's listening at all, this can only be a good thing. I wish my WH were going.

I wonder if god hears my tiny weiny prayers? I wonder what his plan is for me?

How many times have I asked that same question myself (either on here or to other people)!?! It doesn't seem right that we're in this pain, but as my pastor explained once, as long as there is sin in this world, there will be pain. I have no idea what God's plan is for me, or why this is happening...I just keep plodding along.

Lastly, NY you are so much stronger than I am. The fact that you've done such a good Plan B confirms this. Keep faith. If he's wanting to fix things around the house and eat your food, maybe it's because it still feels like home to him?

LL

LL

How are things with you? I haven't talked to you in a while. I am still completely dark, although I wonder why sometimes. I know he isn't coming back. I should just file for divorce, but there is always that small glimmer in the back of my mind. Well I cut him off completely starting this week. He can't go through my mail, or eat my food, or fix things for me. He is completely in the dark now. I hope he really misses me and the family and the house now. I think that weekly fix of seeing the house and smelling my clothes and stuff wasn't good for him. It was a little fix for him. Now he is all done with that little teaser too! Let's see how he likes this Plan B. I have also put his parents on Plan B. I am not answering the phones or calling them either after their last little tricks they pulled. I hope I am doing this right. Plan B sure feels lonely. I feel like going out on a date in Plan B, that can't be good. I have been alone for 7 years now, none of my EN have been met I was just stupid enough to sit here and deal with it instead of cheating on him. I guess thats what happens though.

NY

You've only been in PLan B for a short time. Things do get better and easier.

So... tell me about the things that you want to be doing right now. Not about your WH, but about activities that you really enjoy. Then tell me how you're going to go about reclaiming those things and making them yours again.

Just J

How are you? Well I can't think of anything that I ever liked to do. I always lived for my family and never for myself. I am not really sure what I am supposed to do with myself. Me and the IC talked about this yesterday. I live for my family, I exsist for them. Mostly now I have so much work to do with the two kids by myself that I don't have time to cry. I think that is why I do it every other weekend when I am alone. There is just no time. I have so much work around here. The snow fence has to come down, the toys have to be brought down from the upstairs of the garage. Plus your everyday stuff like dishes and laundry and cleaning. WHeeeew! It gets exhausting.

I am finally sleeping now though. Thank god for benadryl. I take a xanax and two benadryl and sleep most of the night straight through. That seems kind of good for a change. A mouse has died in the wall of our living room or something. My WH put poison upstairs in a closet a while ago. It just have found it, boy does it stink. Right next to my recliner. I have looked everywhere. It must be in the wall. I would like to tear the wall down to get rid of it, although I know that isn't sensible. But the smell is awful. Hopefully it will dry up soon so the living room can become fun to be in again. LOL.

Have a great day! The sun is shining here in NY.

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

NY, I can feel your pain and loneliness. But we are all here for you. Come here to talk. I know GOD has plans for us, we just have to be patient. You see how bad I felt yesterday, but I picked myself up today. I am not 100% well, but I am better than yesterday. We live day by day, put our trust on GOD. Ok, sister, we are here together.

alright NY pick yourself off again and dust off the depressed attitude . You been doing great !

I know the days of depression wanting the derection , they suck .

Reagrand the furniture and yes you need a hobby .

Thats hard if ya never had any , the only one I had since having kids was trying to find SLEEP!LOL

I don't read, draw, paly games wow am I boring lol

so ya gotta think of one , oh and by the way get the DATE thought out of the head revenge A are good for NOTHING more pain .

Coffee at a freinds house , go window shopping try on cloths with a girlfreind , do something so stupid . Just think teenager and you will find something .

I know I sound off the wall , well while H was gone and living with OW , after I snapped out if depression thats what I did stipid weird things to make myself laugh .

I had 2 girlfriends that I saw alot , they thought I finally lost it . I went there one day and did make up with there daughters (cause they wouldn't play with me LOL

Ok so if anything your laughing at me thats cool LOL .

and it is a little cloudy here in NY , my hair was frizzing while I went on a walk this morning , ok sun is peeking in .

SMILE its good for ya promise !

3isacrowd

You do make me laugh I will give you that. I play a lot of video games with my kids. I don't know why, but I always get roped into doing something they can't. I'm like the hero of the day usually.

Speaking of that my daughter has named me her most special person in school. She wrote this whole book about me and put my picture in it and everything. She says my mom is strong, she has even been cheated on. I thought that was really sad. I was thinking about copying it and putting it in my S bag for WH. He think just because he see's my daughter once every other week and hugs her that she will be fine. Sun he dropped off son and she was sitting on the couch, he waved her over to him and held out his arms and she went over and they hugged. OOOOOHhhh! That made up for it all didn't it?

I don't know a date is sounding good to me. I could use a little attention, okay a lot of attention. A massage and some little kisses. All that stuff I haven't had in years, he is getting it, I might as well too! I can't wait for all this to be over one way or the other. I would like to sleep for two years and wake up and see how things are.

I am dusting myself off today. Where do you live in NY? The city?

NY

NY, you are a hero. That is no doubt. I see you getting strong again. I cheer for you.

No not the city , QEUEENS .

aren't those vidoe games just so fun! Ok some are really NOT they are hard LOL

I here ya about the NEED thing , hang in there .

But no dating now , thats playing with fire .OK?

And glad to see ya dusted off , stand strong either way you will be an EVEN BETTER YOU for it .

about the note , sad I know the things children pick up on , but rember even though it is painful for her right now she is already seeing something and sees how a women can be strong .

So you are a great MOM . SEE those things right in front of you .

I was always very honest with my kids while this was going on ,, THEY asked why I just didn't have DADDY at home and TELL him to come back .

I didn't want them to place any blame on me or H .
So I use to say every adult has the freedom to make a choice for there happiness .

I don;t want daddy here if he don't want to be or if he isn't going to love me the way I deserve .

So that helped them alot to know it wasn't just HIS choice .

Well running again . bowling kids leage .
OH THE JOY !

3IAC

You are strong. I am not so strong anymore. It is wearing on me. I don't see recovery anywhere in the future. The A has been going on since July 03, and he moved out in Feb. 04 we started Plan B March 5th. The A is still going very strong. Still spending the night there and so on. Divorce is in the horizon for me. He makes me so sick, I can't imagine even seeing him. I hope I never see him again. I am just hoping that he keeps on seeing her long enough for the guilt to stay there so I can buy the house. Once the fog lifts he won't just give me his half like he will now. I hope GOD can hear my prayers. I am sick of the pain everyday.

NY

Hopeful, what did you like to do when you were five years old?

What about when you were eight?

Ten?

Fifteen?

I'd like you to do those things again. And build on them.

If you liked music when you were five, now you can learn to play the banjo.

If you liked to color when you were ten, now you can buy paints and paint rainbows and sailboats and great green fields full of flowers.

If you liked to dance.... dance.

whatever you liked to do then, begin to put those childhood delights back into your life, and start to develop them into grownup joy.