Well I have not been here for a while as I have had nothing to report.

As most know my WW left just over a year ago when she confessed to her affair with a mutual friend of ours. Her bestfriends Husband.

We have had little contact over the past year and I've done the usual things to move forward.

Well I sent my WW my new contact info as I'm moving and asked that she send any documentation (divorce docs) to my new addresss. (after all if she's gone living happily ever after what else is left to do)

To my surprise I get a return email stating that she has not begun divorce proceedings and "doesn't want to ruch things as this has been difficult for both of us"

SO what to make of this??? HMMM???

She was unhappy while we were married and she was having the affair. Left to be with OM and be happy. Yet now a year later she doesn't want to rush things.

Don't you think a person living in happiness and wanting to end the marriage would welcome the invitation to finalize the divorce???

any thoughts??

I would ask some questions, gg. Pin her down and make her explain her statement. Ask her how it would be rushing things if she has been gone for a year. That is plenty of time to make a decision. I get the sense that she is leaving you in limbo to keep her options open in case this deal doesn't pan out.

I agree with ML, she is probably "keeping her options open" though there are other possibilities. Would there be any financial incentives to stay legally married? ie would she lose her health insurance etc if you divorced her? The advise given on this site though is to give it a full two years, so maybe she is having second thoughts at this late date.

Delaying the divorce provides my WW with no financial gains.

The only reason she could have are,

1) I caught her off gaurd,
2) She is trying to leave her options open


I do plan on seeing her within the next few weeks and asking her face to face what gives. At his point I'm not her backup.

If she wants our marriage or at least a chance to fix things then she has some things to do. It's time for her to walk the walk not just talk.

Any suggestions on what I should expect from her or request of her for me to consider us moving forward together,

Please don't take the tone of the above as me being arrogant but after a year of nothing my WW needs to stand up and fight for her right to be in this marriage.

thanks

I'm no expert so my advise may be way off but this is what I would say "I can't go on being legally married but alone. I deserve to move on with my life if that is what has to happen. In order for me to move on I have to be "free" to do that, I'm not comfortable with bringing a new woman into my life while I am still married, and I couldn't expect her to be okay with that. I love you and have held out hope for us for too long now. If we are not meant to be together, then it's time to put a formal end to it."

You are definetly in a controlling situation so just keep pushing her regardless if you want her back or not. You need to get on with your life and not be in a world of indecision which she is still in. You will be doing BOTH of you a favor by forcing her to make some life choices.

She was unhappy while we were married and she was having the affair. Left to be with OM and be happy. Yet now a year later she doesn't want to rush things.

Perhaps your wife is just beginning to learn that happiness isn't something you keep searching for out there....that it is created and nurtured from within....

Any suggestions on what I should expect from her

expect nothing..nadda..this way she can't hurt you...
let her do the talking ..
feel her out for where she see's herself...
watch out for fogeese...be prepared to answer with babble...

let her do the talking...say little..then you will KNOW where she is at...
then you can make plan...

say little too nothing...
be honest...
if she asks if you want a divorce....place things back on her...
"it is your actions that move towards divorce dear"...

committ to nothing...
remain blameless in this interaction..
do not challenge her
back her in to corner..
or say or do anything that she will turn around back to you...
"see you are controlling me"... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

answer her with...
oh I see....
hhhhhmmmmmm............
or one my favs...
interesting....nod your head a little.... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

and the whole time you are LISTENING not talking...hum to youself....

THESE BOOTS ARE MADE FOR WALKING...

You keep saying you've got something for me.
something you call love, but confess.
You've been messin' where you shouldn't have been a messin'
and now someone else is gettin' all your best.

These boots are made for walking, and that's just what they'll do
one of these days these boots are gonna walk all over you.

You keep lying, when you oughta be truthin'
and you keep losin' when you oughta not bet.
You keep samin' when you oughta be changin'.
Now what's right is right, but you ain't been right yet.

These boots are made for walking, and that's just what they'll do
one of these days these boots are gonna walk all over you.

You keep playin' where you shouldn't be playin
and you keep thinkin' that you´ll never get burnt.
Ha!
I just found me a brand new box of matches yeah
and what he know you ain't HAD time to learn.

Are you ready boots? Start walkin'!


<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
ark