Sorry a bit lengthy but please read!!A little background first. I just found out my wife was having an affair about two weeks ago. It was easy enough with emails and text messages. I confronted her in a non-blaming way and told her I thought we could work it out. She told me she ended the affair that day but she wasn't sure we could work it out and she didn't know if she ever loved me. I've been trying to deposit love units and making her life as stress-free as possible. I truly want to believe it is over but about 3 days after confronting her I found a text message from OM say that is great I love you too. That day I talked to her mother and asked her to encourage my wife to recommit to our marriage and family(two girls). She said she would and she comforted me some. I received a call from my wife's sister later that day. I also asked her to encourage my wife to recommit but not to blame my wife. I told her about the text message I had just read. She thought it was strange. Her sister told me she had been talking with my wife for about a month on the affair. She said my wife wanted to end it and she didn't think my wife loved OM. That night before leaving for work I told my wife in order for us to be friends again and to start working out our problems she had to end all contact with OM. At work I text messaged OM telling him I was aware of affair it was not okay and I loved my wife and wanted to save our marriage and family but it was impossible with him in the picture and he should end all contact with her forever. When I came home from work my wife said she knew I talked with her mother and I shouldn't talk to her father because he would blame himself. She also said it wasn't as bad as I thought it was and there was a story behind it but she didn't want to get into it now because she was off to work. Things seemed to be okay. We had good conversations about our girls and their future and a vacation this summer. But it didn't seem quite right. She was acting weird. Turning off her mobile phone at night. Checking her mobile for and what looked like erasing and messages or calls from OM when she got out of the car from work. Then I realized she was still in contact with OM. She had a call on her mobile from him. I asked her and she said he was just calling because he had problems. I said there were many other girls for him to talk to about his problems and she needed to end all contact with him for us to work things out. She became defensive and said it was only about the affair. I said I know we have problems that were there before the affair to work on but the affair needed to end before we could truly do this. She denied she was having the affair. We went out that day and had a good time looking for glasses for her and had lunch. I didn't bring it up. That night we were up until about 2am talking not about the affair just good conversation. I don't know what to believe anymore. Last night she went to work about 5 miles from the house. I called her but she didn't answer and I checked the mileage on the car in the morning and she had driven about 30 miles but had reset the trip odometer to read about 15 miles. Anyway, she had to go to work today at the place where OM works. I offered to drive her but she made me drop her off at a store near the work to get cigs. She also said she didn't want any problems. I dropped her off and left. I am very confused and don't know what to do. This weekend she is taking the girls to her fathers for Easter and I am flying home to my family. I want to know what is going on but don't want to push her away by asking her. I know that she did love me and could again but I don't know how to show her this. Any and all comments welcome!!!

Hi Staggered,

Welcome to MB. What have you read from here? Do you have an MC or have you tried phone counseling with Steve or Jennifer here @ MB?

Please read the book: Surviving an Affair by Dr Wl, Harley along with Love must be tough by Dr James Dobson.

It will help you learn about plan A and B. How to set it up and get the best benefit.

Right now your W sounds like she is trying to determine what is the best of the 2 worlds and the A is clogging her sense of reason. We call it the fog. Her emtional swings will send you on a rollercoaster ride and you need to pray for a clear mind and a calm heart and pray for patience.

You did quite good so far but you can't control her actions, only make requests and take care of you and your family. Know that most WS' are not caring for their family properly. Can't while having an A and your family deserves to be cared for properly.

Reassure your children of your love for them and let the WS give her own reassurance to her family (this includes you).

take care,
L.

Thanks for your reply. I am trying to take care of my girls and also my wife but it is extremely difficult. I have read a bit on this site. Mainly basic concepts and articles on infidelity. I plan on buying a copy of surviving an affair next week while I am home. I just don't know how or if I should confront her again. I don't really have concrete evidence just little thing that don't quite add up. I don't want to push her away but I also feel I am enabling her to have the affair by not saying anything.

staggered, yes you should confront her about seeing the OM and insist on no contact. Is the OM married? If he is married, then the affair needs to be exposed to his wife pronto. The more more the affair is exposed to the light of day, the faster it will die.

Does her father know about the affair? If he knows then it will be less likely she will be in contact with the OM this weekend.

The OM is not married. Wife's father does not know about the affair. I do feel I should confront her again but I don't know how to bring it up without pushing her away. I am trying to deposit love units not withdrawal them.

Start in Plan A. Read all about it here. It is very difficult at first, but you can do this.