I am a little worried about him...And I dont think I am exactly the right person to be helping it out...I can show him all the love in the world and be the best wife I can be, but he needs other support. He is having a hard time getting over this first hump...yesterday he had a hard day...he keeps telling himself it's not right (to go back to OW), but the feelings are there....Intellectually he KNOWS it is wrong, but he is having a hard time fighting the urge. I know he is very vulnerable and all it woul dtake is ONE phone call from OW and BAM! Please HELP him...Give him some advice on how to handle this.

He talks with SH today, so maybe you can give him some questions to ask him. I am extremely nervous/worried/scared for him. Thank you!

Settle down and relax. SH will help him deal with this. You need to take care of you.

Remember there is nothing you can do about this except to stay in Plan A and try to meet his EN's. Dad sounds like he is coming out of the fog, just fine. However he is addicted and it will be hard.

Figure out what he likes to do (the track?) and do it with him. Time to start building new memories.

I am quite sure he will get through this, so please don't panic.

get away together too, that will probably help. make sure to let us know how the counseling session goes, of course it would be the most beneficial if your H let's us know. i have my first session w/SH this morning too, just myself though. prayers to you.

<small>[ March 30, 2004, 07:35 AM: Message edited by: roughroad ]</small>

Mom, as you know by all my withdrawal posts, this stage is beyond rough. I didn't want to tell you that before because you were feeling so great. Hopefully your H won't have as rough of a time as my H.

It's strange, the period OW was still working for my H after he fired her, was in some ways easier than the withdrawal stage. I knew where she was, and that he was making sure they were never alone together. Plus, I thought he was beginning the withdrawal. In reality it couldn't start until she was officially gone. And look what happened? He was contacting her and didn't even tell me.

The bottom line is you can't control what he does. H and I were in contact all along. He was sharing with me how difficult the withdrawal is. We were holding each other every night. And he still caved in and began calling her. It's like he needed his fix. I hope he's done with that now.

Mom, just come here and unburden your soul if you need to. I'm thinking about you and sending prayers your way and Dad's. CV

Mom...hang in there this stage is rough but not as bad as what you've already been through.

Tell him to ask SH to help him develope a Plan of Protection. SH did this exercise with my H and it helped us both with peace of mind.

My H's withdrawal was only bad for a few days and mild after that for about 2 weeks then completely gone. By the time a month rolled around he hated her, despised her and was disgusted by her.

Have him post to my H if he wants...he's off supervising a field trip now but he'll be home by early afternoon. He posts under tellthetruth.

Make sure you keep talking to him, tell him you are here for him, tell him you feel bad for him but that you are very confident in him and proud of him for fighting these urges.

Be prepared that he may have a small slip..my H broke NC with a phone call 2 days afer dday and then 4 days after OW arranged to "run" into him on his way to workout. I found out about the breaches a few days later...we all had it out..my H and I and her and her H and NC was forever established after that.

momto,
I can definately sympathize with you. I think your H and my H have been posting here back & forth. Although my H doesn't work with the OW, she lives VERY close to the town he works in and 'happens' to drive through often. I can't imagine dealing with the work end of this as well. This is all hard enough as it is.

I feel the exact same way <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> that if he gets just ONE call or ONE e-mail it will be like a bomb going off and will set us back so incredibly far. Possibly even further than where we started from in the first place.

I had a really good night and morning with my H. I posted earlier today about it. I have talked to him a few times today by phone and his voice is eased and he seems more upbeat and happier. I know he loves me, just as your H loves you. The problem is they are 'hooked' by manipulative, selfish women. They don't think of our H's feelings in all this, just what they want. Sometimes I feel likes it's just a competition to them and they just can't stand to lose.

My H's OW actually had the b*lls to say to him "you'll probably end up divorced in 6 months anyway"..."once you fall out of love with someone that's it, it's over". Convenient for her to give him advice about OUR marriage isn't it? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> I believe that if she cared for him the way she says she does that she would want him to be happy and would see what all this turmoil is doing to him and our M. If she really 'loved' him, she would let go and move on.

I'm rambling again...I'm sorry <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> Momto, I hope this all works out for the both of us. We have to remember to just have faith. Faith in ourselves (most importantly), as we are strong, loving wives. Faith in our H's that they will do what's right by their hearts and not let a good sales pitch ruin a lifetime of love. And most importantly faith in our M's that they will perservere and be stronger than ever. I tell my self this every day... Have faith, have faith, have faith!

If I remember right, one of Dr. Harley's pieces of advice (Willard Harley, not SH) was that you should go away together immediately after the affair ends. Three weeks in a place where you KNOW the wayward spouse can't get in touch with the affair partner. How about a cruise? Let's see here....

http://cruises.cruisedirectonline.com/c/2/2924/1839735_2924.htm

http://www.cruiseweb.com/ORIENT-LINES-GREEK-ISLES.HTM

http://www.atlasantarcticacruise.com/twenty_one/antarctictour.html

http://www.a1supercruises.com/hawaii.php

.... okay, that's probably enough to get anyone's mouth watering. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

And if you think you can't afford this, let me remind you that a divorce will likely cost upwards of $50k (including costs on boths sides) and that MC will likely cost you $200+ per session for months.

You might as well start blowing the money with something fun instead of something depressing and icky.

Just J...awesome suggestion!

My H and I did this right after dday and it was a life saver..we reconnected and had distance between us and "temptation" to break NC.

We went away again a few weeks later (H went with me on a business trip).

So Mom...what do you think..I'm sure a smart lady like you can figure out a way to make this happen ASAP???

I would love to get away like that, but the problem is I HAVE THREE WILD BOYS <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> Anyone in the Texas vacinity? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> My dad is very ill with Cancer and so my mom takes care of him full time when she isn't working full time at your "normal" job which is with a CPA firm. And I dont know many people in town who would want to watch three boys for any length of time. I could probably fly up to Dallas and have one of my very good friends watch them for the weekend, but that is about it.

I have always wanted to do a cruise...let me see if Hubby will go for this. And If anyone on here is in the Texas area and would like to take care of three WILD boys for a few days, give me a hollar! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Check with star*fish. She's in TX. And so is, uhm. Durn. Isn't there someone who's actually got TX in her name?

I'm in the DC area, so I can't help you out, but I bet you could find a house/kidsitter. How about an adult, but younger, relative? Or adult kid of close friends? Someone you could pay for a month of house and babysitting.

I have an unemployed brother, but you can't have him. He keeps DD entertained. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Or, as another alternative, get in the car with Dr. Dad and all three boys, and head west for a month. School? So what. They'll keep up somehow, or just take them out of school and homeschool them for the rest of the school year.

See Arizona and New Mexico, hike the high desert, raft the Grand Canyon. Go to California and see the sights. Whatever. You'd have a blast.

We were able to spend the first 25 days of recovery together 24/7 - huge boost.

Then recovery got kinda boring and depressing so we took a week in italy to rest up from it.

There are always 500 reasons NOT to go have fun, 499 are usually bullsh1t and the other solvable.

So what if it is just for a week??? If y'all have any vacation use it now, get away together or redo the kitchen floor together or do whatever - TOGETHER

Hey mom! I'm in Sugar Land...unfortunately Texas is such huge state that the likelihood that will help you out is probably not so good. Where are you?

Star*fish...I'm in Corpus! Your just around the corner <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> Well, for Texas anyway! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> They have cruises going out of Galveston into The Carribean! What do you think?

Wait, I dont even know you <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />