Background:
My husband and I have 4 young children last summer while I was pregnant he subscribed to a dating service and had an affair with a woman. I left him and hurt him by revealing alot of personal ugly things about him to friends and the ow (while I was in distress)and by taking the children out of state. I returned after 3 months and we have been going to counseling which has not been that helpful. He is very busy working on PhD, teaching where doesn't feel fulfilled because he is qualified for a higher level job, and closing the business he started. We have also been in terrible financial straits since last March. He claimed that last time the dating sevice internet stuff was because he was depressed. We have read Surviving Infidelity which gave me hope that we can make things work. We both have been so busy that we have not taken the time to put alot of the concepts to work yet.

Yesterday I discovered that he started subscribing to a sex/swinger site and was beginning to email another woman last week. I feel devastated and attacked him with that information. I am devastated. He claims that he wants to work things out. I feel sick it isn't quite like just meeting someone at work and thing just happen. He is seeking out someone else by advertising. I feel worthless. He says that it is just that his sex drive is higher and he was just looking at porn. That I am being too negative and judgemental even though the website clearly states that it is a personal ad site. He had created a new email address that he kept from me. I do not know what to do

He says that he apologizes for his mistake and will only access the internet from home and then this morning Isee that he must have accessed it at Kinkos on his way to work because the email addresses were erased. What do I do? This feels like last summer all over again.

Welcome to MB,

I am sorry you are here with this issue. Please read the concepts section and if you and your H can take the EN questionnaire it is a start.

See if you can do a couple of phone counseling sessions with Steve or Jennifer here @ MB. It costs a pretty penny but worth it.

Read Surviving an Affair and His Needs/Her Needs both by Dr W. Harley. You both need to learn what POJA and Radical Honesty concepts mean and how to implement them.

Your H is sitill quite vulnerable but you need to be supported emotionally also. So the work will start on your shoulders and end on his.

Get to work and post back on what you have learned.

take care,
L.