I had to start this thread due to turtlehead.

My WH greatest fogese sayings are:

It isn't you, it's me.
She's a great woman and mother.
You are terrible in bed.
I didn't come back for you, I came back for Son and house.
I have strong feelings for her.
I am moving out to clear my head.

Anyone else want to join in?

NY

"Nothing anyone else says or does influences my decisions. Just me."

rriigghhtt.....

I can probably dig through my email conversation yesterday and pull a couple more.

Is this considered fogese?

I've been pushing everyone away by being mean, etc and I'm going to consider quitting that. Give me 5 days to think about it and then we can talk about whatever I decided.

5 days later....

Me: Did you make a decision and are you still willing to talk about whatever decision that is?

Him: See! THIS is why I'm so mean--you keep pushing me away!!!!!!!

Hopeful, I'm so flattered! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

"Of course I didn't give her chocolates; she's diabetic."

"If I keep talking with her, the novelty will wear off and she'll just be a friend."

Oh my these are so good! I wonder if there is a dictionary or a language translator for us to use in all of this crap we are swimming in. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

NY

Oh, she loves me is her business. She bought me underwears, is her business.

Here's a fun one....

Me:"...your relationship with X hurts me."
WW:"I'm sorry it hurts you. It's not what caused the end of our M, it happened after our M was over."

Oh, WW..... Our marriage is over? Where are those pesky D papers? If this didn't cause the end, then what did? Uhhhh maybe the two previous A's?!?!?!

Part fogese, part vent. Sorry.

At least her current R isn't causing any strain on our M........

This is fun.I think there was an old thread before with this topic.

WH:"I'm a confused SOB"
Me: to self(damn right you are)

WH:"I'm just going to a sleepover,lots of other people will be there".(When he was staying over at homewreckers house)

WH:"If I were going to call HW,it would be just to console and comfort her"(This after supposed NC was established and yes he did call).

WH:"I would die for you"(Well,what DOES that mean,you are cheating on me but would die for me??)

WH:"I don't know why it happened,it may be cosmic forces"(This,which really hurt,was his "explanation").

WH:"I just know that the affair has to be over,it is futile for so many reasons"(One week before contact resumed).

WH:"It is SO over"(One week before contact resumed).

WH: "We'll all be better off"

WH:"You deserve better"

WH: "We are both different people now"(Well DUH!)


And many more...... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

O

Okay,I'm new here, but couldn't resist this one.
These are the things I heard from my WH.

H said 'I'm the first real adult love she's known in her life' (referring to the 43 year old twice divorced OW)
H said 'OW made me feel alive. She made me feel like me'.
H says 'OW never considered herself the OW'.
H said 'OW overlooks all my faults'.
H said 'OW constantly compliments me'.
H says 'OW likes to do all the things that I like to do'.
H says 'OW is not a slut'.
H says 'OW has overcome a lot' (teen pregnancy, two divorces)
H's counselor told him that divorce was not that devasting for kids, if it was our society would really be screwed up.
H says 'Real people get real divorces'.
H says 'He is so exhausted from all the marital strife that he is too tired to masturbate.'
H said 'I'm not romantically involved with OW (found out later to be big fat lie), but if our marriage doesn't work out and I start dating her in like 3 years, I don't want to hear she is the reason our marriage broke up'.
H said 'I am not involved with OW, she is just a really good friend that I think highly of.'

1. I love you but I'm not IN love with you.
2. We don't talk anymore. (that one was close to being the truth because I had given up trying to get the truth out of him)
3. We have nothing in common.

what makes all that ALMOST funny is our last counselling session. MC: what made you start thinking about getting back together? H: I missed her, I missed talking with her and just being with her. MC: what about being with her did you miss? H: We have so much in common that she knows what I'm thinking before I say it <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

before d-day:

*I don't know what you're talking about.

*I would never do that.

*You're jealous/making this up/crazy....

*It's nothing.

*We just work together.

*Stop snooping in my stuff! It's an invasion of privacy.

*YOU JUST DON'T TRUST ME.

after D-day:


*He/She is my SOULMATE!! (barf, retch)

*I don't think I was EVER in love with you.

*The marriage was over before the affair started.

*I need space.

*I need to get he/she "out of my system".

*Moving out will be better for the marriage.

*The kids will be fine.

*The kids will be better off without the fighting.

*I'm tired of devoting myself to other people, it's time for me.

about EXPOSURE:

*If you tell anyone this marriage is over.

*If you tell anyone I'll kill you.

*If you tell anyone it will be the end of my life.

*You're horrible/mean/crazy/vindictive.....

*You are a crazy &^*^()&*^O*&(.

*I HATE your guts.

*Leave me alone.

*THIS MARRIAGE IS OVER!!!!

*I'll NEVER forgive you for this!!!!

*I just want to let he/she down easy.

*It's not my fault.

*MCs are a waste of time.

I like this thread..

H** I love you but was never IN LOVE with you

I married you because I wanted to protect you

I've worn a mask for 15 years

I'm still the same person, I'm just not wearing the "mask" anymore, I have stopped the lies.

We can live together but lead seperate lives

I've been emotionally divorced from you for years

You don't want the old me back, he lied all the time.

It din't mean anything, but it was loanly on the road so often!

It was just available sex (for 2 years!)It din't mean anything.

If you wern't such a b*tch to me it wouldn't have happened

WH: I don't love you any more. Marrying you is my biggest mistake in my life.

WH: Don't talk to OW'H. You are detroying his family.

When he is home,
WH: I don't feel like I belong here.(?)

WH: Divorce is good for both of us. It is good for the kids too.

WH: You only think about the kids, that is why you don't want to D.

"I only had contact with her during work hours."
"I think Sophia is trying to destroy our marriage."
"I didn't think I was doing anything wrong."
"You were a terrible wife."

And this from a guy who beat me up.

Oh this is fun! Mine are pretty much like Starfishs'

I love you but I'm not IN LOVE with you!

I love you but not romantically!

It's not about OW, it's about what our marriage was BEFORE OW! (oh really, then stop seeing her)

I'm keeping her!

I never want to see my kids again!

You mean nothing to me...then 20 minutes later "I love you" <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

The sex is GREAT! You were never that PASSIONATE!

She does "things" that you dont! (oh really, like what)

We talk so much, you and I NEVER talk...(oh really, then why is it you only talk to her for 1 stinkin minute at a time on your cell phone)

We have sooooo much in common...BARF!

I left this marriage a LONG time ago!

Your a toad! A what? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

I just dont feel comfortable in this house anymore!

I just need to move out to think! (oh yea, and dont forget to bang OW while you are there)

I NEVER did it at work! (yea right)

And the list goes on and on and on and on....

This is so fun (and SOOO cathartic (sp). Just for fun I added my thoughts to WHs crazy comments (I rarely voiced them, just SCREAMED them in my head):

* "I love you, but am not in love with you" (the oldie but goodie)

* "I have been pretending to love you because I thought it would make you happy" (FOR 13 YEARS, with H planning surprise parties, anniversary trips, Harry Connick Jr songs that H would leave on my voice mail, right...even if somehow that was true...then why stop the farse now)

* I figured eventually I would fall in love with you ($***, you have the patience of Job WH).

* Our wedding day was the worst day of my life (gotta love that one)

* Someday the kids will understand, because they will know that their Dad is happy (kids are really interested in their parents happiness, you know, since they are not at all dependent on their parents for their own happiness ... especially young children who were growing up in a nice, loving, Christian home)

* I feel cursed when I speak to her, because I know that is not God's will (which is why I must call her night and day, because I want to make sure and sew up my eternal stay in HELL)

* Me: Why won't you just end it with OW? WH: Probably because I know you want me to, and it is a control issue. (ARE YOU F'IN KIDDING ME?)

* Me: From the letters I've read, it is almost like you thought I would just evaporate from planet earth so you could have her step in my place in your life. WH: It was kinda like that. I even dreamt about how I would kill you, and had planned several methods of how to murder you (gee, isn't that nice)

* I decided I was just "done" (that is why I sent you one of the nicest, most passionate love letters ever to tell you I was in love with you, you were my soul mate, etc WHILE I WAS SCREWING THE OW... because I was "done" with the marriage)

* We are just meant to be together. She is so right for me (that is why WH could not tell me if she had siblings, what her favorite color was, what her middle name was, what her major in college was, etc).

AND MY TWO FAVORITES:

* I can't be married to you, you are just not compatible (ok...that is why we were BEST friends, and so, so, so, so compatible for 13 years...WHATEVER)

* Actually, you would have probably liked her under different circumstances. She reminds me a lot of you (ARE YOU KIDDING ME???? BUT YOU JUST SAID ME, MY PERSONALITY, WAS NOT MEANT FOR YOU!!!!!)

Favorite moments of fogese from OW:

* You can't help love...it is magical, it just happens (and I am sure your stalking H, stroking his ego, and whatever else had nothing to do with that "magic" you are talking about)

* Upon me explaining that A is wrong, especially to the Christian faith, OW reply: "In our spiritual book, the blah, blah blah, we also do not agree with A. However, that book was written in the 14th century. You have to understand that things are different now. The world is different. My reply: Well, my bible is, was, and will always be. There is no gray area...it is black and white about all of this. And the situations explained in this book are timeless.

* "I know that your family is hurting. I think about how your children are being destroyed, but I just cannot give him up." (WHAT KIND OF PERSON WOULD STAND BACK AND BE A PART OF HURTING SOMEONE ELSE'S CHILDREN??????)

* "I know about the pain of all of this. I could stand to lose everything" (she is not married, has no children, lives in another country, knew WH for 3 weeks).

AAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!

[censored]!

"You always get what you want"
*
"You made me marry you and move here"
*
"I have realized that I never loved you"
*
"OW is not a monster"
*
"You & OW combined would be the perfect woman"
*
"OW is a good Christian - she goes to church to pray about us"
*
"OW's family is my REAL family"
*
"You and DS would be better off without me"
*
"DS will be fine if we divorce. He'll hate me for awhile, then he will be fine"
*
"Just let me go!"


And my personal favorite...

"All I want is my dog and the house... the only two things I've ever loved"


Take Care,
Shelle

"Our marriage would have petered out anyway in a few years. This just ends it earlier."