The greatest Fogese sayings your WS used - Marriage Builders® Forums

I had to start this thread due to turtlehead.

My WH greatest fogese sayings are:

It isn't you, it's me.
She's a great woman and mother.
You are terrible in bed.
I didn't come back for you, I came back for Son and house.
I have strong feelings for her.
I am moving out to clear my head.

Anyone else want to join in?

NY

"Nothing anyone else says or does influences my decisions. Just me."

rriigghhtt.....

I can probably dig through my email conversation yesterday and pull a couple more.

Is this considered fogese?

I've been pushing everyone away by being mean, etc and I'm going to consider quitting that. Give me 5 days to think about it and then we can talk about whatever I decided.

5 days later....

Me: Did you make a decision and are you still willing to talk about whatever decision that is?

Him: See! THIS is why I'm so mean--you keep pushing me away!!!!!!!

Hopeful, I'm so flattered! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

"Of course I didn't give her chocolates; she's diabetic."

"If I keep talking with her, the novelty will wear off and she'll just be a friend."

Oh my these are so good! I wonder if there is a dictionary or a language translator for us to use in all of this crap we are swimming in. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

NY

Oh, she loves me is her business. She bought me underwears, is her business.

Here's a fun one....

Me:"...your relationship with X hurts me."
WW:"I'm sorry it hurts you. It's not what caused the end of our M, it happened after our M was over."

Oh, WW..... Our marriage is over? Where are those pesky D papers? If this didn't cause the end, then what did? Uhhhh maybe the two previous A's?!?!?!

Part fogese, part vent. Sorry.

At least her current R isn't causing any strain on our M........

This is fun.I think there was an old thread before with this topic.

WH:"I'm a confused SOB"
Me: to self(damn right you are)

WH:"I'm just going to a sleepover,lots of other people will be there".(When he was staying over at homewreckers house)

WH:"If I were going to call HW,it would be just to console and comfort her"(This after supposed NC was established and yes he did call).

WH:"I would die for you"(Well,what DOES that mean,you are cheating on me but would die for me??)

WH:"I don't know why it happened,it may be cosmic forces"(This,which really hurt,was his "explanation").

WH:"I just know that the affair has to be over,it is futile for so many reasons"(One week before contact resumed).

WH:"It is SO over"(One week before contact resumed).

WH: "We'll all be better off"

WH:"You deserve better"

WH: "We are both different people now"(Well DUH!)

And many more...... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

O

Okay,I'm new here, but couldn't resist this one.
These are the things I heard from my WH.

H said 'I'm the first real adult love she's known in her life' (referring to the 43 year old twice divorced OW)
H said 'OW made me feel alive. She made me feel like me'.
H says 'OW never considered herself the OW'.
H said 'OW overlooks all my faults'.
H said 'OW constantly compliments me'.
H says 'OW likes to do all the things that I like to do'.
H says 'OW is not a slut'.
H says 'OW has overcome a lot' (teen pregnancy, two divorces)
H's counselor told him that divorce was not that devasting for kids, if it was our society would really be screwed up.
H says 'Real people get real divorces'.
H says 'He is so exhausted from all the marital strife that he is too tired to masturbate.'
H said 'I'm not romantically involved with OW (found out later to be big fat lie), but if our marriage doesn't work out and I start dating her in like 3 years, I don't want to hear she is the reason our marriage broke up'.
H said 'I am not involved with OW, she is just a really good friend that I think highly of.'

1. I love you but I'm not IN love with you.
2. We don't talk anymore. (that one was close to being the truth because I had given up trying to get the truth out of him)
3. We have nothing in common.

what makes all that ALMOST funny is our last counselling session. MC: what made you start thinking about getting back together? H: I missed her, I missed talking with her and just being with her. MC: what about being with her did you miss? H: We have so much in common that she knows what I'm thinking before I say it <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

before d-day:

*I don't know what you're talking about.

*I would never do that.

*You're jealous/making this up/crazy....

*It's nothing.

*We just work together.

*Stop snooping in my stuff! It's an invasion of privacy.

*YOU JUST DON'T TRUST ME.

after D-day:

*He/She is my SOULMATE!! (barf, retch)

*I don't think I was EVER in love with you.

*The marriage was over before the affair started.

*I need space.

*I need to get he/she "out of my system".

*Moving out will be better for the marriage.

*The kids will be fine.

*The kids will be better off without the fighting.

*I'm tired of devoting myself to other people, it's time for me.

about EXPOSURE:

*If you tell anyone this marriage is over.

*If you tell anyone I'll kill you.

*If you tell anyone it will be the end of my life.

*You're horrible/mean/crazy/vindictive.....

*You are a crazy &^*^()&*^O*&(.

*I HATE your guts.

*Leave me alone.

*THIS MARRIAGE IS OVER!!!!

*I'll NEVER forgive you for this!!!!

*I just want to let he/she down easy.

*It's not my fault.

*MCs are a waste of time.

I like this thread..

H** I love you but was never IN LOVE with you

I married you because I wanted to protect you

I've worn a mask for 15 years

I'm still the same person, I'm just not wearing the "mask" anymore, I have stopped the lies.

We can live together but lead seperate lives

I've been emotionally divorced from you for years

You don't want the old me back, he lied all the time.

It din't mean anything, but it was loanly on the road so often!

It was just available sex (for 2 years!)It din't mean anything.

If you wern't such a b*tch to me it wouldn't have happened

WH: I don't love you any more. Marrying you is my biggest mistake in my life.

WH: Don't talk to OW'H. You are detroying his family.

When he is home,
WH: I don't feel like I belong here.(?)

WH: Divorce is good for both of us. It is good for the kids too.

WH: You only think about the kids, that is why you don't want to D.

"I only had contact with her during work hours."
"I think Sophia is trying to destroy our marriage."
"I didn't think I was doing anything wrong."
"You were a terrible wife."

And this from a guy who beat me up.

Oh this is fun! Mine are pretty much like Starfishs'

I love you but I'm not IN LOVE with you!

I love you but not romantically!

It's not about OW, it's about what our marriage was BEFORE OW! (oh really, then stop seeing her)

I'm keeping her!

I never want to see my kids again!

You mean nothing to me...then 20 minutes later "I love you" <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

The sex is GREAT! You were never that PASSIONATE!

She does "things" that you dont! (oh really, like what)

We talk so much, you and I NEVER talk...(oh really, then why is it you only talk to her for 1 stinkin minute at a time on your cell phone)

We have sooooo much in common...BARF!

I left this marriage a LONG time ago!

Your a toad! A what? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

I just dont feel comfortable in this house anymore!

I just need to move out to think! (oh yea, and dont forget to bang OW while you are there)

I NEVER did it at work! (yea right)

And the list goes on and on and on and on....

This is so fun (and SOOO cathartic (sp). Just for fun I added my thoughts to WHs crazy comments (I rarely voiced them, just SCREAMED them in my head):

* "I love you, but am not in love with you" (the oldie but goodie)

* "I have been pretending to love you because I thought it would make you happy" (FOR 13 YEARS, with H planning surprise parties, anniversary trips, Harry Connick Jr songs that H would leave on my voice mail, right...even if somehow that was true...then why stop the farse now)

* I figured eventually I would fall in love with you ($***, you have the patience of Job WH).

* Our wedding day was the worst day of my life (gotta love that one)

* Someday the kids will understand, because they will know that their Dad is happy (kids are really interested in their parents happiness, you know, since they are not at all dependent on their parents for their own happiness ... especially young children who were growing up in a nice, loving, Christian home)

* I feel cursed when I speak to her, because I know that is not God's will (which is why I must call her night and day, because I want to make sure and sew up my eternal stay in HELL)

* Me: Why won't you just end it with OW? WH: Probably because I know you want me to, and it is a control issue. (ARE YOU F'IN KIDDING ME?)

* Me: From the letters I've read, it is almost like you thought I would just evaporate from planet earth so you could have her step in my place in your life. WH: It was kinda like that. I even dreamt about how I would kill you, and had planned several methods of how to murder you (gee, isn't that nice)

* I decided I was just "done" (that is why I sent you one of the nicest, most passionate love letters ever to tell you I was in love with you, you were my soul mate, etc WHILE I WAS SCREWING THE OW... because I was "done" with the marriage)

* We are just meant to be together. She is so right for me (that is why WH could not tell me if she had siblings, what her favorite color was, what her middle name was, what her major in college was, etc).

AND MY TWO FAVORITES:

* I can't be married to you, you are just not compatible (ok...that is why we were BEST friends, and so, so, so, so compatible for 13 years...WHATEVER)

* Actually, you would have probably liked her under different circumstances. She reminds me a lot of you (ARE YOU KIDDING ME???? BUT YOU JUST SAID ME, MY PERSONALITY, WAS NOT MEANT FOR YOU!!!!!)

Favorite moments of fogese from OW:

* You can't help love...it is magical, it just happens (and I am sure your stalking H, stroking his ego, and whatever else had nothing to do with that "magic" you are talking about)

* Upon me explaining that A is wrong, especially to the Christian faith, OW reply: "In our spiritual book, the blah, blah blah, we also do not agree with A. However, that book was written in the 14th century. You have to understand that things are different now. The world is different. My reply: Well, my bible is, was, and will always be. There is no gray area...it is black and white about all of this. And the situations explained in this book are timeless.

* "I know that your family is hurting. I think about how your children are being destroyed, but I just cannot give him up." (WHAT KIND OF PERSON WOULD STAND BACK AND BE A PART OF HURTING SOMEONE ELSE'S CHILDREN??????)

* "I know about the pain of all of this. I could stand to lose everything" (she is not married, has no children, lives in another country, knew WH for 3 weeks).

AAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!

[censored]!

"You always get what you want"
*
"You made me marry you and move here"
*
"I have realized that I never loved you"
*
"OW is not a monster"
*
"You & OW combined would be the perfect woman"
*
"OW is a good Christian - she goes to church to pray about us"
*
"OW's family is my REAL family"
*
"You and DS would be better off without me"
*
"DS will be fine if we divorce. He'll hate me for awhile, then he will be fine"
*
"Just let me go!"

And my personal favorite...

"All I want is my dog and the house... the only two things I've ever loved"

Take Care,
Shelle

"Our marriage would have petered out anyway in a few years. This just ends it earlier."

WP: "I don't want to share my job, my work, my religion, my dancing, or my daughter with you."

WP: "I don't want you to touch DD. You're too tender with her." (DD was two months old at the time. I honestly STILL do not know how one can be too tender with a two month old baby.)

WP: "I'M REALLY, REALLY ANGRY AT YOU. BECAUSE YOU DID THE LAUNDRY." (On Mother's Day, while WP was out farting around for six hours instead of coming home with DD like she said she would.)

WP: "I decided a long time ago that you weren't the kind of person that I would want to marry and have kids with." (Four months after DD was born, four YEARS after we started trying to have a baby.)

WP's mom, after this all came out: "I think you have borderline personality disorder. You're being extremely controlling." (WP's mom is a psychologist. I wonder if I could sue her for malpractice... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> )

WP: "I hate you sending me flowers!! I hate you calling me!! Why can't you just give me some space???"

WP: "You're invading my space!!" (At the mall during a supervised visitation becaue WP had been told not to trust me with DD, four days after I moved out and two days after she revoked her consent to the adoption.)

WP: "You're INVADING MY SPACE!!!" (At the pediatrician's appointment that she told me about, five days after I moved out of the house and three days after she revoked her consent to the adoption.)

Ugh. I have no idea why I want to dredge these things up. This is the ones that are funny. The ones that were knives through my soul... I prefer to leave in the dark hell of last fall and winter.

"I've already divorced you in my head."

Anyone else? I've been meaning to ask this one to the group.

Hey Father of 1,

Howa been?!?!?!?! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Haven't posted to you in ages. Hope you and your little one are doing good. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Ok, here's my contribution of WS fogese (I know we did this type of thread several times in the past so mine are repeats). <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

d/d
WS: She (ow) is my friend.....(bs retorts, how come I don't know her and why did ow leave a msg saying 'I love you'???)..... ws: she is a really good friend. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

2 weeks later
WS: OW is prego. I have to be with her to take care of our (ws/ow) child. (No prego proof, ow about 6 weeks claiming she is having a girl, ow never been prego before according to her).
BS: Why are you more worried about a maybe baby vs your live son?
WS: I know you will take care of son. I have to take care of this child. OW doesn't know anything about children. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

BS: Are you sure OW is prego? Where is the proof?
WS: I am sure she is, she is showing all the signs. I know more about being pregnant than OW. I had to tell OW what her symptoms are. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

(Now WS thought he was a GYN. When did he make a big career move? )

BS: REALLY??? (OW was about 45 at the time and didn't know her own body?). <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

L.

[ March 30, 2004, 11:39 PM: Message edited by: Orchid ]

W: "I would have DV'd you 11 years ago, but I was afraid that you wouldn't finish your PhD."

ol' 2long: "Oh. So you had the A as a favor 2 me? Gee, THANKS!"

-ol' 2long

I pointed out that the "friendship" he had with OW (a young single woman) was not the same kind of "friendship" he had with the wife of one of our married couple friends - (since he said they were "just friends").

H: "Of course not! I wouldn't have that kind of friendship with X (our friend's wife) because she is married!"

Me thinks: (Ahem, and YOU are....?")

LIR

"OM's wife is a real *****." Crap, whatya tell OM about me?

"I don't think you really know what love is." (Before she knew I knew) If I am not demonstrating that right now to you, then you will never see that in me.

"I think he's my soulmate." No, right place at the wrong time, you were vulnerable.

"I can't let you live with me b/c I am in love with someone else." Not only do I love you, and I would hope you know that. But look at this from a pragmatic perspective, if we D, you will get the kids, find a job most likely not were I will be stationed, and I will have no relationship with my kids, what, I'll see them on holidays and b-days? I lose everything; you, my kids and a ton of money. You will just lose me and keep the kids. Not to mention how F'ed up the kids will be.

"I think you should find someone else that wants sex as much as you." If sex were all I wanted, why would I have ever gotten married? Trying to get me to be the bad guy.

<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by momto3boys:
Mine are pretty much like Starfishs'<hr /></blockquote>They're all pretty much the same, huh?

More proof that there's only one, common Mothership they beam back and forth to. Arguments that there are multiple Motherships are, thus, incorrect. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Like Orchid, here are my favorite repeats:

Me: If you're not having an affair with OM, why did both you and him move out of your homes at the same time?

Her: YOU made me leave - because it was YOUR decision NOT to leave!!!!

and,

"I am NOT having an affair!!! I'm in love with OM!! WHAT PART OF THAT DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND????"

WW - I can't be boxed in.

WW - OM is not the monster you think he is.

WW - I am not a f**king machine.

WW - I want to keep seeing OM.

WW - You over analyze everything

WW - I'm sorry YOU feel that way.

WW - Why must we talk about this all the time.

Two things are pretty plain here...1) same crap over and over from WS's ...I swear you put them all in a room and appoint one spokesperson <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> and 2) if you love this OP so much why don't you divorce me and marry them?...in my case WS is still fence sitting <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> some good ones from him:

WS: I didn't spend one red cent on that family!
Me: to myself ...Found several receipts to the contrary.

WS: I just need space to clear my head!
Me: to myself...you have had six months to do this!

WS: I have been unhappy for 30 years! ( I think this one is a ploy they all say <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> )
Me: to myself...WOW ..how come it took you thirty years to figure this out <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

WS: The oldy but goody...I love you but not in love with you <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

Me: to myself: Gee you seemed to love me all the times we made love right up until the time you left (and in several places and situations) but WS claims I made him feel not loved)...me: guess I thought making love was sharing intimate feeling with two spouses that loved one other...WS after having been with OW now feels all the kinky stuff is what matters <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> ...sorry WS if I did not swing from the chandelers and spin <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

WS: She loves me and would take me with the shirt off my back!

Me: To myself: Well we shall see when she finds out money is very tight now ....

WS: She is not a whore ...I know her like no other...

Me: to myself: Well now let's look up the definition of a Whore in the dictionary...Hummm...sounds like Ow's characteristics to me...(she has broken up two marriages previous to ours)...

The bottom line here is this...all these excuses are to alleviate the guilt WS's are living with and point the blame to spouses...WS's need to take a hard look at their insecurities and low self esteem to get their lives back on track...it is up to them and no one can do this for them but themselves

Here's his,

"I didn't mean to fall in love with her, it just happened"

"You know this is hard for me too"

"You're 90% of what I want in a woman"

"I still want to be friends with you"

"I'm finally trying to be happy, how come you want to mess that up?"

and my personal favorite:
"She would be good for our son"

aaargh!

Me: You left why Did you come back?
H: I didn't want you to be mad at me!
Me: O.K. I'm not! Leave
H: What about the Kids!
Me: They are not mad! Leave!
H: I don't want to divorce you!
Me: Then why? Why the A?
H: Yeah I 2timed you put up with it!
Me: I'm not mad! I'm hurt so leave
H:I married you to young!
ME: O.K. be free! Leave
H: But I have to take care of you
ME: I was born alone! I'll make alone too!
H: I know you are a good woman I need my space!
ME: I know go and you will have plenty of space!
H: the only why I'll leave if you promise not to change the lock of the house again!
ME: Just Fly away! Go polinate another flower I'll wait for a butterfly I'm tired of the Bee

OW is probably thinking good thoughts for us right now.

You and OW would have been great friends under other circumstances.

We're just friends.

You're a strong person, you'll survive this.

In email to OW:

W badgered me and badgered me to get married until I finally acquiesced just to shut her up.

I want to let W down gently; I'll ignore her for 18 months and she'll find someone else and be happy about it.

If I see her one more time, it will be the last.

OW has nothing against you.

OW is staying married for the kids, I think she's noble.

OW showed me what it's like to feel passion and desire, I don't want to live without those now.

The last time I remember us having passion was our wedding night.

I married you to make my mother happy. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

I think she's loney. (So am I!)

She needs someone to talk to to improve her English (She was from Brazil.)

I didn't lie about seeing her, I was avoiding a conflict like the one we're have now.

I didn't tell you because of the way you act.

You are always giving me sh*t about this. (DUH!!!)

You're always batching at me about this. I tell you, she's just a friend.

Well, I come home to you every night.

You are hormonal. You have to take HRT or I'm leaving.

I know you don't love me. Just say the word, and I'll get an apartment.

If YOU don't change, I'm leaving.

Well, I'll say this. At least SHE makes me happy.

Well, she called me up for lunch to discuss her PhD. I thought it was ok to see her if it was about her PhD.

After many months of asking if they were in love..Is that what you think? I knew you were mad, but I didn't know why.

Am I suppose to account to you for every second of my time.

I didn't tell you because I didn't do ANYTHING wrong!

(After months of cybering)

"You don't give me enough sex."

At the time we were having sex more than we ever were (about 2x/week or more). I wanted more, but he wasn't in the mood often (wonder why?) Now, a year after d-day and we have sex even less often and he seems to be happy with that...

I remembered another one...when trying to help me feel better...

"At least I don't beat you."
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

can't rember all but in referance to N/C

ME: you need to stop seeing /talking to OW
H: I have to let her down easy so she don't get upset I am with you
ME: You don't want ow to be upset ?
H: no she has low selfesteem this won't help her
ME: WHAT about hurting me ? and my selfesteem?
H; OH you are so strong
ME: no I am not

H: yes you are if, if you where doing this to me I couldn't take all of it I would kill you .
see how strong you are

ME <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> my head hurts

wait another

H : you wouldn't want me to be so heartless to you
ME: You are/where heartless to me
H; but ya always knew I loved you

H: I hated you when I started this A
ME; so why did you come back
H; I always knew I would I LOVE YOU I always new that .

MY HEAD HURTS AGAIN THINKING ABOUT IT LOL

wait another repeat <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Bear with me, this is good.

Setting:

WS was supposed to have a one-on-one with the local counselor we had met together just once before. This was supposed to be mid morning. WS called me at work and asked me to phone the counselor and try to switch the appt. to late afternoon since she got called to work due to a "problem" with one of her patients in the ICU.

I agreed, but was immediately suspicious, knowing OM was to be arriving back in town at the BWI airport that morning also. (Note: WS adamantly denied an affair with OM.)

I called OM's wife and asked if she knew the flight OM was coming in on. She gave me the flight # and time of arrival. She added that OM called her and said she didn't need to pick him up since he was gonna take a cab straight to work.

I high tailed it to the airport and got there barely ahead of the flight. This was before 9/11 so I could go to an adjacent arrival gate and wait behind a newspaper.

Sure enough, in a while, WS and OM walked down the concourse and headed towards the baggage claim. I followed about 30 feet behind. At the bottom of an escalator, they paused, embraced, and kissed.

After they got to the baggage claim, I left so as not to be seen. (I now regret not confronting them - a little. But that would have ruined the end of this story. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> )

Later in the day, I arrived back at home to find WS resting on our bed. Best to my recollection, this is how our conversation went:

Me: I couldn't get your appt. with [counselor] switched. I made you one for tomorrow.

Her: OK, thanks.

Me: How's your patient?

Her: Doing OK now.

Me: Did you have any trouble getting to the hospital? Was the traffic that bad that you had to go via Baltimore?

Her: What? What do you mean?

Me: I mean, why did you go to BWI instead of directly to the hospital?

Her: WHAT DO YOU MEAN???

Me: I mean, didn't you really go to BWI to pick up OM instead of going to the hospital - and that's why you wanted to cancel the appt.?

Her: NO I DIDN'T!!!!

Me: Oh, you didn't meet OM at Gate C34 arriving on USAir flight XXX from Pittsburgh at 9:34??

Her: NO I DIDN'T!!!!

Me: And you didn't stop at the bottom of the escalator and hug and kiss?

Her: IT DIDN'T HAPPEN!!!!!!!!!

Me: Oh, OK, guess I was just imagining it.

She never went to the counselor.

Wat- now didn't you know she was cloned and that was the OM twin from when they wher separated at birth .

SILLY YOU <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

I like that one reminded me of this :
One night I go to where I thought they would be I see H and OW in his car and kissing . I did not confrint just them .

WAITED and drove up to the window and waved . SHE gave me the fingure and I was pulled away by a freind with us .

NEXT morning H called .

H: why did you drive away
ME : cause I saw all I needed to you are having an A .
H ; no stupid I told you I left because you are imagining that and I am sick of being accused of something I am not doing .
ME so who was that you where kissing in the car before I pulled up to window
H : I wasn't kissing anyone we leand over to change the radio and so did she it looked like we kissed we didn't
ME: so who is she , ?
H; my freinds girlfreind the guy in the back set
ME: There was no one else there
H yes he was at home getting money we where waiting
ME: so you kissed his girlfriend
H I don't have to tell you anything I left the house cause you are crazy

I called OW the next day and she said, she didn't want to get involved in this lie . I said, oh thats right cause you don't excist your my imagination .

HEAD ACHE anyone

3 - PRICELESS!!! - aren't you glad we can laugh at this now???

OK, I'm making this one up:

Female BS: Where have you been? It's 7:00 am???? You've been out ALL NIGHT!!!!

Male WS: Yea, Babe, you wouldn't believe it. I was in an accident on Rt. 32.

BS: WHAT??? Are you OK???

WS: Yea, but the car was wrecked.

BS: It doesn't look wrecked!

WS: But, fortunately, the wreck happened RIGHT in front of an all night body shop!

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

Don't make things up there may be an alien left around here and there . NO need to give then any really great belivable storys .

Silly man tricks are for them LOL

WAT:

"More proof that there's only one, common Mothership they beam back and forth to. Arguments that there are multiple Motherships are, thus, incorrect."

There are somewhere between 100 and 400 BILLION stars in the Milky Way alone, and most of them probably have planets orbiting them. THEN, there are hudreds of BILLIONS of galaxies in the known universe...

...so, just why is it that there is only one mothership out there? Defies logic, doesn't it?

And yet, it's the case.

-2long

'ole 2long - I couldn't agree more.

I should have specified only one (for the last few years) orbiting earth conducting research on human brains.

WAT

Okay, this will be therapeutic to get off my chest!

Shortly after d-day - "OW needs reassurance that you don't hate her or think badly of her." <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> (why would I???????)

A little bit later on - "If anything were to happen to our M (hmmm, like, say, your A????) I would contact OW to pursue a R with her UNLESS she was married." <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> (oh, you two would have respect for HER M but not for OURS?????)

And of course, that old standby, "I love you but I'm not in love with you" (they must get this from the WS manual)

Guess he didn't say that many compared to some other Ws's, and he's better now <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Deep cleansing breaths....

Chickadee

The WS must be of the same breed that is all I can. There must be a WS fan club as they say the same things.

Just a few to add

She is not as strong as you.
I would rather hurt her than you if I am unfaithful again.
I do not plan to cheat on her.
I imagine that we will be together but living somewhere else.
There is nothing wrong with you/our marriage.
I don't think I could love anyone, I am not capable.
I want to make things work with her.

etc etc ect

It makes you sick really it does.

I've laughed a lot at this one...

I told my H that it was hard to make sexual advances to my H when he was interested in another woman...

He said: "Interested in another woman??? What do you mean???"

Then when I just kept looking at him, the light bulb went on and he said: "Oh thaaaat"!!!!

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> yup....thaaaaat! but don't ever think that means he's actually interested in her...which -- actually -- is pretty true! The A was all about him, nothing to do with her really...

but it was still pretty darn funny that he said that, even at the time (although I didn't chuckle out loud! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> )

awed

Just like all scripts there is a last page .
That is after withdrawl and coming close to coming out of FOG . So here goes another funny.

A couple of days after N/C was done , H went to store for me , he took about 5mins to long (YA KNOW THE THOUHGT PROCESS >anyway

H; my cell phone was moved did you see it
ME: oh I moved it when I looked at it
H; Why would you look at my phone
ME cause I wanted to
H OH my god , I can't belive you don't trust me
ME : ( sarcastic) OH I am sorry , and you never did anything to make me dought you
H: No I never did
ME (looking him in the eyes ) That was that DAM 2yr dream I keep having , I wish I could figure that dream out

H: YOU are being wise ? YOU ,mean your not OVER THAT YET ?
ME : maybe tommorrow . <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

During my WW's Fog state, she said:

"The best memory I have with you in the last ten years was when you went to Florida without me!"

OK, I'll play

Here are some of my WH's foggiest remarks:

"It's not an affair because we're legally separated" (signed legal separation papers after affair was going on for at least a year)

"OW has never asked for or accepted a dime from me" (guess he forgot he complained to me once that he fell in love with her first, flirted with her but she wouldn't start dating him until she got laid off... also, he cried to family counselor that if he got laid off he "woudln't have anything to offer" OW... AND he admitted to me once that he and OW were fighting and breaking up over her not wanting him to give his daughters any extra money to help pay for their skating competitions) OW's 'job' is home party candle sales, AND their make-ups almost always concide with WH's paydays (and then he's concidentally broke when they break up a few days later LOL)

"It's your fault - I had to start relationship with her because you wouldn't let me come home" (all he had to do for me to drop restraining order and let him come home was attend anger management program - which he refused to do)

Also, not only is the affair 100% my fault - so is every break-up they have... even when they were breaking-up & making-up more than once per week or times when I am not having any contact with WH.

He insisted the house my daughters and I remained in was too expensive and that we would need to move to an apartment... but when we decided we wanted to move to another state (partly because we can't afford to stay here without depending on extra money from WH) he insisted we could afford to stay in the same house.

"I had closure, had gotten on with my life, and was over you guys" (his daughters too?!?) just one week after moving out!!!

"You're too old to have sex... date... remarry"
(I'm younger than he is and look at least a decade younger than my age)

This is what he sais about his mother when I found out he had lied to her (claiming I was trying to force him to spend time with me or else he wouldn't get to see his daughters):
"She's a dumb old woman who's going to die soon anyway, it doesn't matter what she thinks"

"You need to tell them (our daughters) their feelings are wrong" and "Make it part of their homeschooling that divorce is OK" and "They're dumb punk kids and nobody gives a f*** what they think"

He's accused me of brainwashing our daughters against him (um they're teens and if I really knew how to brainwash teens I would be rich and famous). I asked him once how I supposedly accomplished this incredible feat. He said I made it part of the homeschooling and parenting to teach them that it's wrong to have sex with somebody you're not married to - so I "brainwashed" them and that's why they dont' like what he's doing.

He refers to the OW as his "friend", insists she "never wanted to be the other woman", and she's not breaking up our marriage/family, that I'm "trying to make her sound like a sl*t"

OH! I almost forgot - this one's a doozy:
He told me and our daughters that after the divorce there's no reason why he shouldn't be allowed to come over to our home every day after work and hang out with us all evening (just go to OW's apartment to sleep with her each night?)

And he said I should go along all day for Saturday visitation with his daughters (before OW put a stop to Saturday visitation with his daughters) because "the kids need to see us together"

If I hadb't come across the MB site and some other resources about how an affair causes the WS to say such fog talk, I would have surely dumped my WH and been convinced he'd totally lost his sanity.

some of the newbies need to see this. I re-read it tonight and literally laughed out loud.

Okay, I'm not really good at this whole plan A/B thing. Here are some of the foggese that I've heard...

"The hotel bills are for a friend who didn't want his wife to find them" (am I that dumb?!)

"If our marriage does work out I'll have to be on nerve pills because I haven't been happy in a long time" (you, what am I going to be on?)

"I'm only staying for the children"

"You are turning my family against me"

The morning after D-Night my H said some BEAUTIES to me:

"Why can't I have a wife and a girlfriend?"

and my favorite...

"At least I don't beat you."

Wow, I was stunned when he said these nearly back to back...

You guys are killing me! Here is my additions if I may:

WH: All of those cell phone calls are work related!

ME: Weekends, holidays, when we were out of town for fun, late at night???? Please!

WH: Those love letters you found aren't what you think - they were just an escape for me or fantasy. I thought you were so unhappy and I dreamed of a life with someone that I made happy. But it wasn't real!

ME: So references in the letters to conversations you two had the day or week before were just made up? You had a fantasy about having an affair with a married woman that has two kids and you discussed leaving your respective spouses, which would in effect destroy the lives of six other people that had nothing to do with this? Gee, I thought fantasies were about having wild sex with a handsome/pretty stranger on the beach with no worries.

WH: Well, when you put it that way it doesn't sound good! (DUH!)

WH: We have only had sex maybe five times and it wasn't that good because I felt too guilty.

ME: This has been going on for over two years and you only had sex maybe five times? If it was so bad and you felt so guilty why did you even bother doing it five times? Why not stop after the first time.

WH: I don't know what that email was with the subject line of "I Miss You" meant or was about because I can't remember. But I'm sure it was work related.

ME: Married women do not send married men an email to a private email account that their wife knows nothing about that says "I Miss You" and it is work related. Would you like it if I send my friend (name) an email that said "I Miss You!"

These WS's are just too funny sometimes aren't they?

I have nothing to contribute since I was the jer-off WS, butI will say how much more ashamed I am than ever that I not only had an A, but LIED to my W for so long and even thought some of the things written here, without ever actually saying them.

Sadly, some of the LIES said while in the FOG are not really lies to the WS. I honestly believed some of the things I thought while with OW. Only after I ended it it, did I realize how lost and confused I was.

For all you BS who forgave your WS, you are a better person than anyone could imagine. I don't know how you do it. I have respect for all of you who can now laugh at the things that once caused you so much pain. The fact is, WS like me have nothing to laugh about. All we can do is continue to lie to ourselves.

I'm still not sure that anyone can top this...

Setting: After 6 months of Plan A, and a couple months of Plan B---my wife's affair is crashing due to the separation AND fact that she's pregnant by the OM. I moved back home (back to Plan A), figuring the affair would burn itself out shortly.

In a fit of rage for her bad decision-making, she was discussing how mean it was of me to have left.

WW: "You know, it's YOUR fault that I'm pregnant..."

Me: "I'm happy to take responsibility for many of our maritial problems. But would you explain to me how you being pregnant is MY fault???"

WW: [silence]

Ahhhh, those were the good ol' days...

I hope Chris comes by with stories of soda and muffins... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

[ April 26, 2004, 04:24 PM: Message edited by: K ]

K:

Thankfully, my W had her 2bes tied before the A started 13 years ago, because she told me about 2 years ago that RM asked her if she'd have his baby. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

And though I haven't been blamed for an unwanted pregnancy, I am still being blamed for her A happening in the first place. Just the other night, 27+months after D-day, she said "it was such a simple request all those years ago to just spend some time with me, learn what I think, like, feel"... And so now, after 27 months of plan Aing her, sometimes poorly, but for the past 8 months probably pretty well, I can't get her 2 agree 2 NC when she doesn't even have any good excuse on the horizon 2 see RM again...

I'm apparently expected 2 either take responsibility for the A happening in the first place, accept that, because it lasted so long, they should be allowed 2 continue 2 be "friends", or figure out a way 2 2rn back the clock and spend more time with my W 13 years ago.

I feel very cyinical and pessimistic right now. Sorry.

-2long

Well heck! Since K chimed-in, I'm gonna too.

Lemme see, there's so many .....

Setting:
H and I are separated, he left me for OW #1. While out, he cheats on his new found soul-mate with OW #2 [ONS], and got her preggers.

Flash foward some time later and he's telling me how it all happened.

Me: So you slept with this woman and you don't even know her, and she's pregnant from you?

Him: Yes, and it's your fault she's pregnant because you wouldn't talk to me.

Me: How is THAT my fault?

Him: I needed someone to talk to because OW #1 and I were fighting. So, OW #2 seduced me and took advantage of me and the situation, and it's your fault cuz I couldn't talk to you instead.

Me: <speechless>

And there's plenty more where that came from, cuz not too long later he got OW #1 preggers too. I have such awesome power, I can get females pregnant remotely without contact, AND I'm a female. LMAO!!!

Jo

[ April 26, 2004, 05:07 PM: Message edited by: Resilient ]

2long:

<blockquote>quote:<hr />I feel very cyinical and pessimistic right now. Sorry.<hr /></blockquote>Well, duh! You're on the receiving end of an affair. You have a right---and I'd worry if you're weren't feeling that way. Plan B will help relieve this situation somewhat, and it will (hopefully) hammer home the situation to your wife.

Jo: I may have to bow to the superiority of your situation. After all---you don't have sperm. It is an amazing ability for you to get an OW pregnant. And "you've" done it more than once...

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Yeah, where is Chris. I want him to post that Pepsi / Coke shopping list he scanned of his ex-W's.

I know is has been said before, but my all time favorite is...

"I love you, but I'm not IN LOVE with you"

"dont worry about doing my laundry, someone else is already doing it" (and who would that be)

"of course, I'm not still sleeping with her"

"she wont pursue it once it is over" (yea right)

"she smells good all the time" (and what do I smell like...a pig in a pen)

(Kinda long, so tough...)
She left in Feb and came back in early June to visit the kids.
We went out and talked for a bit.

Me: So what happened between us?
Her: You never bought Coke, only Pepsi.

Me: <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

Me: What else?
Her: You bought 2% milk, not whole milk.

Me: <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

Me: What else?
Her: You made oat bran muffins that one time.
(Note: This was 10 years previous. I had high cholesterol. I bought the book The New 8-Week Cholesterol Cure : The Ultimate Program for Preventing Heart Disease and one of the things to do is eat lots of oat bran. Worked great for me. Went from 229 to 179 in 3 months.)

Me: <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />
(I never made her eat them. And they were VERY good. Add a bit of cinnamon and use chunky applesauce <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> )

Now about the shopping list.

She's gone about a year. My buddy at work goes to the Dr. and gets his cholesterol checked. Way too high.
I tell him about the book and that I will bring it in for him.
After diggin it out at home and paging through it, I find a 3x5 index card with a shopping list, written by my wife. (Remember, this book was last used 10 years ago.)
It has about 10 things on it, including...
(drum roll please)...

Pepsi, no Coke.

Why didn't she write Coke? Maybe because she preferred Pepsi?

So now it's 9 months after she left. (no, she's not pregnant <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> ).
I had only seen her the one time above. We are at her brothers funeral out of state. Her whole family is there and we go out to dinner. She orders a Coke. The waitress tells her, "We don't have Coke, will Pepsi be okay?" <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />
She orders beer instead... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

Moral of the story:
Believe something really is true and you will convince yourself of it.
If you are not in love with your spouse then simply ACT AS IF you are.

[ April 26, 2004, 06:26 PM: Message edited by: Chris -CA123 ]

Oh, another one.

H wanted to leave me for OW #1 and he was telling me what he loved so much about her:

Husband: She [OW] is so mellow and meek

OW #1 was a crack addict and out of 5 arrests that I know of, 2 of them were for assault and battery of the arresting officers, she actually seriously injured one of them.

During my H and OW's relationship, she beat him up and bit him in the chest while he was performing on stage in full view of his audience. He required stitches and to this day my ex-H has teeth marks on his chest.

My H had a new Subaru at the time and every time he came home to see me he had a new big dent in it from where OW kicked it. She broke the seats, shattered the winshield by throwing a large rock at it when he was driving away. He bailed her out of jail too many times to count. I could go on and on.

And you know, I never pointed out to my then-H what a poor judge of character he was in thinking OW was so "MELLOW". I don't think he'd even remember he ever said it. Fog and all. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

Jo

[ April 26, 2004, 06:15 PM: Message edited by: Resilient ]

OK, here I go. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Day after D-Night:

FWH - I have to go to her. I'm sure she had a rough night.

FWH - She needs me more than you do.

FWH - Why can't I just date both of you? (Said jokingly...I think?)

From OW about l month after Dday:

OW - I'm losing my best friend!

OW - You called me a b*$ch!

OW - I respect your marriage.

The things they can say are amazing! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

Hmmm...too many to repeat...but my all time favorites....

You were never a team player....(this is after supporting him through 22 years of a military career and raising our 4 kids while he pursued his career).

You will be happy to know she isn't a blonde this time. (She has red hair). His other affairees were blondes as are all of his kids and me.

This has nothing to do with you...we are just incompatible. This changed to...I divorced you because of you.

After divorcing....our whole marriage was fighting, screaming in front of the kids, and sexual incompatability....RIGHT....There was fighting when he was having an affair.

After speaking to his OW and actually had her on the line, I approached him with "you are having another affair"...his response "You definitely are crazy...you need to see a shrink. I don't need to listen to this...you have a problem." My response to him was "No, you have a problem...and she is on the line".

When he got off the phone with her, he said "she is just a person that works for Northrop, she is delusional".....

Oh well...I could write a book all by myself <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Chris:

I see where you went wrong:

"Her: You made oat bran muffins that one time."

She must have wanted OAK bran muffins! Oak has more fiber than oats. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

-ol' 2long

'No, I was NOT in love with her. I only told her that every time I saw her because she said it first.'
'Of course I had to buy her tons of flowers, gifts and write her cards... after I quit doing it all the time because I wanted to, she asked!'

No, not fogese.....just stupid things to say!

[ April 27, 2004, 03:43 AM: Message edited by: lost&found ]

She must have wanted OAK bran muffins! Oak has more fiber than oats.
Hmmm? She is "full of it".
I guess maybe she needed more roughage? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

After living with OW for 8months and nogtiating coming home for the past 2out of the 8 ...

ME: you know n/c is the only way
H:yes I agree , what do you think I am stupid
PHONE RINGS (OW)
ME ignore her , don't answer that
H; I have to or she will get pissed off
ME;but you know you can't have CONTACT
H YES , and that will happen as soon as she ready for it !
ME <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />
H;don't worry she will get it and eventually break up with me .

ME where you IN LOVE WITH HER
H NO
ME why did you tell her
H I had to she told me I felt bad
Me she told me you asked her to marry her is it true
H YES , I said that so she would go away and get off my back !!!!!I didn't mean it .

LOL

I have a few more to add:

My WH once told me he could never got to the mall with us (wife and daughters) again because OW is a 'real mall rat' and we might run into her there. When he came back home for one week at Christmas we went Christmas shopping at mall and some of her friends saw us there. When we got home my WH snuck out to car to take a call from her on cell phone (after promising no contact). He said she was chewing him out for being seen at mall with us...

He also told me once that he would have to continue contact with OW because her little girl had 'become attached' to him.

When the OW broke up with him for resuming visitation, she told him: "You assured me your family was totally out of your life - I won't be 2nd place." He said, "See she cares about my family"... It was obviously an ultimatum from her to dump family or else. She proceeded to restrict and monitor any visitation he had with his daughters after that. He can only see them whenever he wants if he's broken up with OW or if daughters will agree to have visitation in her presence (which they refuse).

[ April 27, 2004, 01:02 PM: Message edited by: meremortal ]

Oh and the last time he assured me it was 'totally over' with the OW he added that he will never see her or talk to her again - unless she calls him and wants to see him. LOL

I then said as long as he's sitting by the phone waiting for her to call then I won't be sitting at home by my phone waiting for him to call. That was LB'ing I know and it made him angry. Actually I think he was embarrassed because he said he's not sitting by the phone waiting for her to call... (but the grapevine says otherwise - he's heartbroken that she's dumped him... again...)

Want fog from OW , part of convo with me and her as I finnally BLEW the A out of water and made her aware of the fact that he refused to admit there was an OW:

ME: I asked and asked if there was someone else he told me know time and time again , now that I tracked you down are you with him or not

OW :crying ,, this is so hard for me , finding out he Betrayed me , you don't know how hurtfull this is .

ME NO I HAVEN"T GOT A CLUE , I am only the WIFE <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

OW my daughter loves him so much and is attached to him that , I don't know now if she could live with out him , her own farther is a dead beat .
ME well I am gld to see my H was able to play daddy ,, but if ya don't mind the ones he farthered are missing him just a BIT !

OW: I can't belive he would cheat on me !!!!!!!

Mere- you made me rember that one about the child being so attached , I just think wow these OW got some pair!

I then said as long as he's sitting by the phone waiting for her to call then I won't be sitting at home by my phone waiting for him to call. That was LB'ing I know
No, that is not lovebusting at all.

A little late, but how about this one?

"You are going to love (OW)her, too, once you get to know her!"

Uh...no...I don't think so. Heck, now HE doesn't even like her and wonders where in the heck that statement came from. He says it came from the time he had HUTAS (Head Up The A** Syndrome)! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Another one from when he had HUTAS:

When I asked how I was supposed to take care of the house and the yard without his help...

...."Oh, she won't mind if we still finish up our projects! She's not like that!"

Oh...I see! H is so embarrassed to even talk about the things he said. Thank God he sees how insane he really was!

Stillwed

3sACrowd,

Thanx for posting the fog talk about the OW saying her kid and the WH had become attached to each other. It helps some to know the more bizarre things my WH said are not so unuausl after all. I told my WH that just convinced me that the OW was a bad mother and that my daughters haven't been exposed to any OM sleeping at MY house! (now I'm pretty sure THAT was LB'ing... and it just prompted my husband to defend OW's so-called honor anyway... yuck!)

Also, the fog talk from the OW about how upset she is that your WH betrayed her and cheated on her was hilarious. How stupid does the OP have to be to trust the WS won't do to them what they KNOW they are doing to their own spouse and kids?!? My WH told me that just because he started having visitation with his daughters again and had spent some time with me (including sex one time) the OW broke up with him for a week. When she let him come back at the end of that week my WH gushed about how she didn't have to to do that, he had to give her a LOT of credit for forgiving him... (But I didn't deserve any credit for taking him back?) Oh and then she broke up with him again because 'she could never look at him the same' after he'd been back with me...LOL What a sissy IMO! How the heck did she expect to deal with being married to a serial adulterer in the future if she can't even handle him being with his CURRENT wife now?!?

Chris,

Thanx for posting that telling my WH I wouldn't be sitting at home waiting by the phone (as long as he sat waiting for OW to call him), wasn't LB'ing. Maybe I've done a better job avoiding LB'ing than I thought I did? I certainly hope so. What's really scary though is that even though the OW has certainly done her share of LB'ing, demanding, being suspicious, etc. my WH seems to not mind it coming from her... He's made a total fool of himself jumping through her hoops and allowing her to keep him on a very short leash. He denies it (probably because he's embarrassed) and I guess it was LB'ing when I would point it out to him. But he's still 'in love' with her and willing to put up with it I guess... It's not fair that there seems to be such a double standard - the OP can do no wrong and the BS can do no right.

[ April 28, 2004, 11:42 AM: Message edited by: meremortal ]

Don't know if this is technically "fogese," but when h was "pondering" whether to stay or go he asked me, "So just how much money do you think you will inherit from your mother." I think it's more "evilese."

Others that made it to the stupidity hall of fame...

"I don't want to marry her, just date her."

"You told me I could date."

"I've never had sex with her, we're just friends." If that were true he'd be the only idiot in the tri state area who hasn't had sex with her.

"She wasn't the one who sent you that letter telling you about our affair. I'm sure it was someone from church." Yeah right...

"Who are you to judge that what we've done is wrong." Duh, it was God who said it was wrong.

"You would help me out alot if you would just go ahead and kill yourself."

"No it didn't." His response when I asked him if it ever occured to him that a married woman with a 3 year old child who would have an affair with a married man would be the scum of the earth.

and just last week when talking to our daughter and me..."It's her (me) fault I had that affair. I wasn't happy."

and probably the most stupid comment of all..."No I didn't make that call. Someone from the phone company put that number in there." and even had that audicity to call the phone company and ask them why they did that!!!!!! Pure stupidity in human form

How about this one....
"I have to keep the cell phone (that OW gave him)...so I can call her....to keep her APPEASED so she won't do anything to hurt our family."
**********************
I will never be able to use the word "appeased" again.

Her: We were just friends

Me: Then why did you park your car in the garage, and close the door?

Her: He doesn't want his neighbors to know he has friends. (?)

..................
Her: I think my "friendship" with him make me better for you. (?) What???

..................
Her: You'd like him. He's like you, really straightforward, honest, stand-up guy.

Me: You mean you think I'd ply someone else's Wife with liquor, fool around with her, then send her driving home drunk as a skunk???

Her: Well...uh

..............
She still doesn't honestly know if he penetrated her one night, because she was so drunk. She clings to the fact he didn't to this day??? And all this "after" fog talk.

SD

These are so funny, I just had to throw mine in.
I have to point out that my WH (now ex) is no longer with the OW, so these are especially ironic now.
1. I thought I loved you when we get married 18 years ago - but now I realize that I really didn't know what love was.
2. (to our 2 boys he said this) I am happier than I have ever been. Surely you guys wouldn't begrudge me this chance at happiness.
3. I have to believe that God intended for her and I to be together - otherwise he would not have brought her into my life.
4. My current favorite - about a week after he left, he left a message on my answering machine SCREAMING at the top of his lungs "OW and I are going to be together for THE REST OF MY LIFE you just need to get over it. (now that they are no longer together I want to ask him if this is the signal of the end of his life?)
5. He accused me of being on "mind - altering drugs" because I was on Lexapro (anti-D) when I signed the divorce papers. He says that we should go back, and re-do the D papers now, giving him more money and half the house because I was on mind altering drugs??? Let see, I got a better deal in the divorce, and he signed without a fight, but now I should re-do everything because I WAS ON MIND ALTERING DRUGS? Is he friggin kidding me?? (by the way-by the time I signed the papers I had not been on the anti-D's for over a month)
Finally - he told me that I need to call his family, and tell them that OW is really a nice person, so they will invite her to family functions. That it is my job to make sure his family accepts her.
Lately I have actually seen glimpses of the man I once knew. I am thinking about asking him about some of this crap, perhaps in another month or so. I suspect taht he will not remember any of it.

These aren't actually stupid fog talk, but stupid nonetheless...

WW (after dropping the bombshell on me): "I didn't expect it to affect you at work."

What the hell? It affected me 24/7! Why wouldn't it affect my ability to concentrate at work?!?!?!?

WW (7 weeks post D-day): "I don't think you're ever going to get over this."

Yeah, thanks for allowing me so much time for the gaping wound you left in my chest when you ripped out my heart and stomped on it to heal. Very decent of you.

TBXW (post-separation): "How do you think I feel knowing that you're telling everything to the women you date?"

Who cares how you feel? What you did to me is now an indelible part of who I am. It informs my thinking, my attitudes towards relationships, and a lot of other areas of my life. Your selfish and stupid actions didn't take place in a vacuum, Brainiac. Besides, any woman contemplating getting close to me has a right to know if what baggage I'm carrying and if getting involved with somebody in my situation is too big a risk. Deal with it.

Maybe next time we'll think a leeeeeetle bit more in advance about the consequences of our actions, hmmmm?

[ May 05, 2004, 12:02 AM: Message edited by: reservoirdog1 ]

Bumping up for all the newbies here! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

IMO a public education program showing people saying stupid fogese comments could be an effective warning to prevent at least some affairs. They best way would be for former WS's to be shown, confessing how far their fogginess took them before they finally ended it. And they would be warning others to avoid affairs in order to protect themselves and their loved ones from doing anythign so embarrassing and devastating.

It could show people how silly their justifications are and maybe help stop before they get so alien-abducted?

Plus it could also help the BS's cope with the bizarre things they hear; let them know it's just common fog talk caused by the adultery and to try not to react to it.

Oh, you guys really made me laugh.

May I add mine;

"You don't ever have to worry. All the big bosses here are very family oriented. I'll never have an affair to jeopardize my position in this company."

"I thought it will be a one time thing. Something temporary. It will be over soon." 2 As, total 3 1/2 years.

"I loved you more when we were good. I will always love you. You don't know the power you have over me."

"It just happened."

"She is a very happy person, not like you. She's always happy, she's never miserable or angry. She's so young, so happy."

"She only wanted to try different types of relationships." <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

To OW: "I wanted to cancel the wedding but mother blew her top!"

BAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!

In an email to the OW:

"I'm searching for a book titled How to leave your wife of 18 years because you're in love with someone else and not devastate your child in the process. I don't know if I'll find such a book, but I'm looking."

Does that count as fogese?

Both my husband and the OW acted as if I didn't exist. In fact, her family thought that my husband was the answer to their prayers...he was going to sweep her off of her feet and take care of her for the rest of her life. I was only a minor obstacle that needed to be disposed of quickly.

And...

"She had big boobs. I don't like big boobs. How many times must I tell you I don't like big boobs."

"You know how hard it is to get sex over the internet?"

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

Here's a couple of good one's

"I never ment to hurt you."

"It doesn't have anything to do with him."

<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by The Tinman:
 Here's a couple of good one's

"I never ment to hurt you."

"It doesn't have anything to do with him." <hr /></blockquote>I dont know HOW MANY times I've heard those, especially the latter! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

My latest one from FWH! "just let me be with her for two weeks to get her out of my system"

And this was said in the presence of a fellow MB friend <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

Hi, it's me again.

This has sparked a big big question in my head, and I would like to know how you guys view this.

It's kinda weird.

I discovered my H's affairs via backed up emails he sent to OWs, and from OWs to him. There were four females. Now... here's the weird part: two of the females were fictional.

Yup, he said he made up the other two because he wanted to make the first OW jealous. He suspected OW hacked into his email account.

It starts with how very heart broken he is with OW. He was willing to give everything up for her. He bought her a house in a very upmarket part of the town and sent her the key hidden in a bouquet of roses.

H was writing to these fictional OWs every day; forget the first OW, they say, they wanted to sleep with him. He resists, but soon gives in. He is over at their place to tuck them in at night, they give them a BJ before he goes home, they shack in during the weekends, they don't want him to use a condom, etc etc etc. This went on EVERYDAY for about two months. It was hard to believe that they were NOT REAL. When I reread the emails, I found the fictional OWs having the same friends as I do from high school, and were reading the same old english author I liked. Coincidence?

What do you guys think of this? Would you say this is a MAJOR FOG, or would you nail it as a quasi-A, like EA is A without physical sex, would you say this is a A without a real OW?? Am I begining to sound nuts?

Wow... great stuff.. made me feel better!

Here are my 2 cents:

OW:- I didn't think we were doing something wrong because it felt so right. (bweurk)

And the winner is:

OW:- Your H really knows how to treat a woman! I really enjoyed it!
me:- My God, how can you be so insensitive to say that to me like that?
OW:- I'M NOT INSENSITIVE!

[ August 06, 2004, 02:59 AM: Message edited by: brownhair ]

I forgot one :

(on asking why they were idiotic enough not even to use a condom)
OW-: I'm not the sort of person who will get a VD.

Ask and ye shall recieve!!

I knew we'd had plenty of threads like this in the past, thanks for bumping this!!

Here is what I got from WH:

I'll always love you and the baby no matter what happens between us.

I'm not happy and I need to find out what makes me happy (even if it means finding this at other peoples expense)

It was your fault because you didn't fulfill me sexually.

"I need to wear a lot of perfume because my coaches get close to me"

"It's spiritual"

"My panties get wet from peeing too much"

" You're not letting yourself heal"

"People come into your life for a reason"

"You've got girth"

"You need to have new experiences"

and my absoulte favorite whenever I protest the constant phone calls; "you didn't take your blood pressure pills today did you?"

"Steve Harley thinks you're the problem" <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

They really ARE all the same! I wanted to add mine but couldn't think of many that aren't already here.

Here's one: "I wish she could just move in with us."

Here's the one that made me the sickest:

on Dday: "I didn't plan for my relationship with her to get physical."
1 day after Dday, when I ask about my safety: "You don't have to worry about STD's, we tested for HIV before we had sex."

(me thinking: and that wasn't planning???)

WW: " Why are telling people that I left you for someone else"

WW : " It would be very easy for me to send the NC letter to the OM, but I won't because I know that is what you want me to do."

Boy do these bring back the memories.

1. We didn't mean to have sex, it sort of just happened.
(of course!)

I asked whether he had been tested for STDs and he gave two of the best back:

2. She's not that kind of person.
(so what kind of person is she??)

3. She got tested herself BEFORE we slept together
(not only did that contradict the first statement, but it just proved statement 2!).

Plus all of the others:

4. ILYBINILWY

5. I just need time alone to think
(said to me whilst he went away to an undisclosed holiday destination, I wasn't allowed to contact him, but he OW were in daily contact via cell phone)

6. You MADE me have an A
(funny, I didn't even know anything about it 'til you told me!)

And my absolute favourite:

7. I HAD to talk to her - someone was chasing her with a knife and going to kill her!
(strange that OW thought to call my 70kg WS first, before phoning the police!)

"I don't know why"

"It was my way of coping with your depression"

"I used a different email because I felt like I had no privacy"

"I used the porn when I masturbated, because it felt dirty to think of you while I was doing it"

I swung by this place a few days ago. Its been quite sometime since my last visit. When I read this thread......ohhh man....the memories of those quotable quotes. I just had to register.... heres just a one from down memorylane.

H...she was'nt interested in sex

ME....then why have sex?

H...she called me for it <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

take care all....

One more:

H: She wants to know if we'll marry her. She really likes us both.

(turns out though that she really didn't like me too much)

Wow… there are so many that I wish I’d have written them down as they were said. Here are just a couple off the top of my head…

When I referred to OM as “That @sshole…”
WW – “…Just because I like someone else right now doesn’t give you the right to call him names.”
(ummmm, yeah I think it does actually…)

WW – “You just don’t get it, I didn’t leave for anyone else, I left because of you.”
(The day before D-day she gave me a card saying how much she loved me)

WW – “You are the most emotionally damaging person I have ever met… I hate you!”

Me (on the topic of us divorcing) – “Do you really think this is going to be any good for the kids?”

WW – “Yes, I will be a better mother because I will be happier, and the kids will be happier in return and they deserve to have a happy mother.”
(Huh!?!?!...got that one right out of the play book, eh!)

WW (on the topic of MB) – “You just don’t see how much this cult has done to destroy our M… I was thinking of coming home… but not now. Maybe you can use this stuff on your next W.”
(Oh yeah…. And the 2 A’s had NOTHING, NOTHING to do with our marital troubles….nope, none.)

One of my favorites…
“Why are you doing this to me…??? You are ruining my life…”
(Excuse me…. How exactly am I doing this… YOU had the A, YOU walked out, YOU filed for divorce…)

WW (calling from @ssholes house at 11:00 pm) – “…you still think I had an affair??? What makes you so sure…???”

There are many, many more… I just can’t think of them right now… maybe more later.

Oh, oh, oh... I remember another that made my blood boil:

WW (on the subject of why she is having an A) - "You pushed us into it. It never would have happened if you didn't bring it up (when I began to question her behavior). We weren't even thinking of having an affair."

(Weeelll...then what were you thinking...???)

UUUUGGGGGHHHHH!!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

[ June 14, 2004, 02:58 PM: Message edited by: Want My Wife Back??? ]

How about
"I love you and care about you very much. But I am not in love with you. I was at one time but my feelings have changed" (wonder if that has anything to do with OP) Of course it does dummy!!

How about this one. "OP says he is God" (and of course you believe him right). What alien brain mess that is.

I think I already posted some fogese earlier on this thread but here's a few more for kicks:

WH: "I really just need a break from our marriage but I'm not tired of YOU."

WH: "This is bizarre".-when discussing how we are not going to be talking as friends anymore.I told him it's not bizarre,it's SICKENING.

WH: "will we ever get back together,I can't say". Well I told him that we won't.He blew it.

WH: "We should have had an amazing marriage that lasted 100 years".

Well DUH. But I don't live on Fantasy Island and oh yeah,"LIFE has a funny way of sneaking up on you". Alanis Morrissette

Plus,a marriage is what you make it and he did nothing but let it slip out of his hands while I held on for dear life.But I am in the process of letting go now too.What a shame,on him.
O

[ June 14, 2004, 05:51 PM: Message edited by: Octobergirl ]

I have a ton of them...
1)"I have this client who is remarried after three years of divorce to his xw. You should just let me go a while b/c you know I will always come back."
2)We were never friends. We didn't have anything in common. I am attracted to you but not in love with you.
3)Sure I stayed over at her house after attending the "Song of Solomon" marriage conference. She got me the tickets b/c she thought it would help "us" heal (me and x). And she was so broken after the conference crying saying that for the affair she was going to hell that I stayed over...on the couch of course."
4)she is not living with me
5)she is not pregnant.
6)(I was told this in feb/early march of this year) "I guess I will always love you and it's kinda sad."
7)I did not break into your house (nevermind he was caught on video by police and subsequently arrested for trespassing and spent a night in jail and had a 3 month restraining order against him)

Ws to me about moving out" I have to stop hurting you"

ws about ncl " i won't hurt her again" oh but you can destroy your wife and children

"I never meant to hurt you.. Funny thing is I never thought you would care or that you even liked me." No I just have been maried to you for the last 14 years to pass time.

about moving out. "you're way ahead of me , you make it sound like it is a done deal I haven't said that it is"

when asked why he called her again this week was it just to let her know she is still in the running? "Yeah I guess so"
"
"I have tried being home with you and the kids but I can't seem to get over her so I need to try something else. Moving out and being with her." Although the longest he has gone without at least talking to her was 2 weeks.

"How will I ever know if it is just the fantasy life if I don't try it and see"

And soo many more good ones.

Here are a couple I got from WW’s dad (my father in-law… who I thought I had a pretty good relationship with) of all people, in an email correspondence…

“Whatever support you had interrupted for your "plan B" went out the window when the truth started to surface. The only pledge that we “feel like living up to” is the same one as always and that is looking out for the health and well being of our Daughter and our Grandsons. You made a statement about “you have done all you can do” that is incorrect, there's one more thing, you can stand up like a man and make sure that these kids are taken care of.”
(This came when I inquired about the loss of their support… how he was making the claim my kids were not taken care of is beyond me.)

“Here are some things I need you to dig down and really consider-HARD.”
(His plan for me to get their support back and save the M)

“1. Getting professional help-a website on the internet will not do it, and is not doing it. You personally need some help to handle this. You need to deal with reality-there are people that can help you with that”
(Yeah… nevermind the fact that I was working with 2 different counselors and had read 5 books on the subject at that point… I always wondered what expertise he felt he had in the area if infidelity to allow him to make this determination.)

“2. Stop acting like a stalker-and knock off the games.”
(Apperantly checking up on my WW and uncovering all the lies is considered stalking to him… I guess I was supposed to just take the lies at face value and go blindly about my life… Of course he never wanted to see any of the evidence of her A. What the [censored]...!?)

“3. Step up to the plate and be responsible, be someone that your kids can aspire to and not be afraid of. I think all of this can be worked out with a reasonable result if you will cooperate. If you show that effort so will we. This does not have to be a sideshow, and it will result in damage to the kids. If you expect them to respect their Dad than show them that you can be that way.”
(His reaction to the exposing in plan A and no contact of plan B. I wonder what he thinks a reasonable result would have been… I didn’t think I could have remained calm enough to actually hear the answer to that question… so I never asked. And he never did tell me what exactly I was doing that was disrespectful or irresponsible… I did ask that question.)

“4. Settle your debt's-I will personally guarantee you that the money for the car will go directly to the welfare of the kids. If you want to start with improving things you would settle this so I can help them out. You have obligations here and this will help them. Your failure to do this for them will send a message that you are not intending to help them out with the essentials they need. Which up to this point you have failed to provide. Send me a cashiers check the amount owed and I will make sure it all get’s to the boys for their benefit. You have my word on it. “
(His demand that I pay him for the remaining balance of a car that he borrowed WW the money for PRIOR to our marriage!!! My name never appeared on the title however I made every damned payment on the thing until she moved out. I still don’t get how he ever thought my kids were going without…???)

“You need to think real hard about this and it is time for a come to Jesus meeting for WMWB. Show some support and cooperation and you will see some in return-until then nothing changes.”
(Ok….yeah, whatever… I had been having my “come to jesus meeting” for about 4 months at that point. And as far as not having their support…after this letter, I was perfectly fine with that. Although, I would have appreciated him NOT paying for her attorney to file for D!!!)

[ June 15, 2004, 12:12 PM: Message edited by: Want My Wife Back??? ]

I want to add to the xIL's foggy statements...this one is a classic..

1)"You shouldn't be so hard on OW. It's not like she's all bad...I mean, she did vacuum out your house after you moved out." was from xMIL to me...This was told me on moving day when I first officially separated from my x and got a new residence. The IL's were "helping me" move in. After hearing this, I ordered them out of my home and then walked out my wedding portrait to their vehicle.

2)We'll always be supportive of you...(before it got nasty and x didn't pay us for almost six mos...they didn't even offer to buy me a gallon of milk).

3)A year and 3 mos. ago, they show up at my son's Easter Egg hunt and program at his Christian preschool. At one time I'd see xMIL, another time I'd see xFIL but not together. seems they were out in the lobby babysitting OW's illegit child (not my x's; another man's) and didn't want me to see.

4)At son's soccer game in church league last fall: xMIL walks in with preggo OW..FIL comes to game and they stand beside her for 1/2 the game then they come over to me and try to be all nice...I tell them that it's shameful how their son has shacked up with her in full view of their grandson and that they can walk themselves over to the other side of the field and stand by her...they say "well it DOESN'T SEEM TO AFFECT YOUR CHILD". Ultimate IL fog.

FYI...xIL's are on xH's payroll and work for him...he's their bread and butter. xFIL is also a former deacon and big time WH having over five documented affairs. No wonder fog's thick in that family.

Fogese continues.....

WH: "I had A because I have no friends."

WH when discussing A, "I could handle YOU having an A?!!?"

Bump.. for all who need to get to know the "lingo" of "fogese" <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

" OM is a really nice bloke. You'd like him if you got to know him "

OW is a good, fun person
I'm just trying to find happiness
I'll always love you and the baby
I see us always being friends and doing stuff, even if we're not married
I don't think I can ever be married again

"I am not stupid enough to be having an affair with someone I supervise. I could really get into trouble for being involved with someone who 'works under me'. We are just friends." <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

Four months later he was fired for carrying on his affair during work hours. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

Let me add a few that i got.
It is a little different from the standard "I always love you but i am not in love with you anymore"
-WW- I will always love you but it is not like i used to love you(huh?????)
-WW- When talking about roconcillation during the fog. How will this affect me and OM?( duh , guess 3 is a crowd.)
-WW- We had a wonderful marraige especially when we had our two beautiful boys.( Kids are 8 and 10 now.) So i guess 2 out of 15 years is pretty good???
Alien wife was pretty self centered during that time.
jets

***I love you but not in love with you.
***Maybe I never really loved you.
***Our son will be fine...maybe it will make him
stronger.
***I'm just not happy and need to find myself.
***I love you out of comfort and security.
***We don't meet in the minds!
***You don't respect yourself (Look who's talking
about respecting themselves) UGGHHH
***It's not OW fault...has nothing to do with her..it's between you and me.

I could go on forever!!!!!

TR
forgot that one too.
"It is not OM fault this is between you and me."
A few more.
"OM not the idiot you are."
"Please don't get the OM in trouble."
"Why doesn't anyone understand the way i feel?"

first off in doing this search I came up with multiple posts by WAT with direct links to aliens and recent sightings...including the crazy french cloners....

Anyways...wanted to babble about the fog...

this is how I see the fog...
first off it's just a term for lack of better clarifying the multiple rationalizations that WS use to justify poor and cruel choices REGARDLESS of the feelings behind it..
and it's a lot easier to type...the word
f-o-g...
than my-spouse-who-is-currently-suffering-from-what-we-assume-is-temporary-fleeting-short term long term-confusion because of how they behave...
f-o-g... yep...definitly easier...

Although WS I am sure interpert the use of fog as derogotory....It's less derogotory than their actoins...

and it does not excuse them..but it does the relieve the BS from feeling like they should engage in insane powerstruggling.....cause WS love divergent tatics...and love to power struggle...takes focus on the FACT their actions hurt people...regardless of their feelings....

And it's not even used to deny their confusion and feelings about the OP..but pulling people be it BS/OP down with you in your lies...reflects greatly on your ability to look at yourself in the mirror...

WS use words to blame and attact the BS for their own actions...
they KNOW deep down somewhere...life doesn't work like that....

I believe that WS do this because it is the nature of where their lives are at...and that they do it because they must do it to keep from getting close to and in touch with the reality of their actions...

That fence sitting WS's unable to face or like themselves, do this..
if they were sure what they were doing was sooo right...face it ...they'd be gone...
period...instead they drag everyone along....

Do they know it ?...
I think they know they are doing it...and that they know how irrational they are being...but lets be frank...all of us have continued down a path of riduculousness now and then to save our butts or to beat a dead horse...even while somewhere deep down knowing exactly what we were doing and or saying.....wasn't quite true...

the common threads..
the I love you not in love...
the we never should have gotten married.
the I have to see if this is the right thing...
blah blah blah..

all of it deflects and removes them from responsibility...

if you think the fog is scary...scarier is the wayward spouse who clinically states the marriage is over...and it really is...and is gone...which is not the most people that are here..though it does happen...
no garuntees.....

WS spewing fog talk attempting to appease and please the OP and the spouse at the same...are so caught up in their own hurtful actions...it has no other choice but to cut them to their very soul...and to deny that pain they cause...it is easier to keep laying on the deflection....

if you are in plan A..and hear the fog....feel pity for even they know what they are saying is for their own ears in hopes they can convince themselves enough to believe the babble...and justify what they do...

if you are in plan B...thank God each night you no longer have to be the receiver for such chaos and rewriting of history...

if you are in WATS plan...wear foil anntennaes on your head...and wait for the mother ship to come back and retreive it's lost little babbling aliens...

ARK

Here are a few:

'our marriage has been over for a long time' (its only been 9 months)

'we should've never got married. it was more about me being a princess for the day' (uh-huh)
and then
'i wouldn't said my vows if i did mean them'

'i dont love you anymore'

'we would make great friends, but we dont make great partners'

'

<blockquote>quote:<hr />
***I love you but not in love with you.
***Maybe I never really loved you.
<hr /></blockquote>I also heard many of the others that were posted. Here's my favorite though.

"I honestly didn't think you'd care that I had an A and slept with OM"

In MC session:

WW: "You're so controlling!"

MC: "Can you give an example of how your husband is controlling?"

WW: "wull...YES! Like that time two months ago when I wanted to put another coat of wax on the kitchen floor, and you convinced me not to!"

####

In MC session:

WW: "You never want to socialize with our friends!"

MC: "Can you give an example?"

WW: "Wull...YES! Like that time you didn't want to go to that party!" (the party was in 1983)

OMG! I read this entire thread and took all of the ones that applied and put them in a document for reference.

Here are mine:

1. I KNEW right form the start that we would never stay married because you told me that the psychic said you would marry 3 times. And that the last time would be for money. (WTF? THis was a party that I went to. NOt to be taken seriously. WH conveniently forgot the part where I told him the second marriage was for true love. And the part that I kind of snicker about is that what I didn't tell him was that the 3rd marriage is supposed to happen after the 2nd marriage to the love of my life DIES!)

2. At our 1 and only counselling session;
C: Why do you want out of the marriage?
WH: Because she never bought me a wedding ring. (HUH? He is not allowed to wear a ring at work as people, including a friend of his have lost fingers when they got caught. And he had a choice between a ring and a digital camera, (which he lost) He said he REALLY want the camera to take on his trip. THe trip that he decided our marriage was over on.) <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

My wife LOVES lighthouses. Whle I was involved in my EA we took a trip to the Lake Michigan shore.

She was going on and on and on about how what I was doing was an affair, I wasnt seeing the true OW.

We were at a lighthouse with a fog horn. I told her she sounded just like that. Lots of noise, but always the same thing over and over.

Now I can sit back and laugh about that. She was trying to be a fog horn.

Thankfully she sounded me through my fog.

[ December 15, 2004, 08:36 AM: Message edited by: john3479 ]

Aaahhhh Fogese. Such a strange language to learn. Here is my list from WW.

I love you but not in love with you. (My favorite)

Even if we get divorced you'll still be a big part of our lives (WW & son). You can see us every day and we can spend lots of time together.

I haven't had feelings for you for 2 years (since S was born)

I haven't had feelings for you for 4 years (since we've been M)

I haven't had feelings for you for 8 years (4 pre wedding, 4 post, and we had a child 2 yrs into M. Next thing you know, she'll say she never really liked me and we've only spent the last 10 years together because there was nothing better to do.)

It's not about OM.

You are psycho.

You just don't want to be a failure.

A D won't have any effect on S, he'll be better off.

I hate everyone, nobody cares about me.

Fine, I'll do the right thing, I'll come home. But you can tell our parents not to expect any more grandchildren because I'm never having sex with you again. (I guess we'll just be ceibate for the rest of our lives).

I don't wear my ring because I don't feel M. (but wore it throughout 5 month A).

Fine, you'll get what you want, you always do. (Referring to WW moving back home. Obviously I don't, because I didn't want the A. Is it some great prize to be the second choice?)

There is much, much more, but I don't really try to remember it anymore. I'm sure I'll have some more I remember.

*****Marriage is just a piece of paper******

*****WE can still grow old together and maybe get
married again one day******

*****I love you like a sister*******

*****I haven't been happy for 10 years*****

*****OW has more to offer******

This is the crap I hear! IDIOT!!!

Forgot to add my favorite one.....

***Our son will be just fine and I'm doing the noble thing by leaving. Our son will respect me for that and understand.******

YEAH RIGHT! My son is 8! All he knows is that his father left him. UUUGGGHHHH!

This is a good one...

You contol me with your guilt!

and then... the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me:

WW, out of the blue: "How come every time I see you, I want to ream you a new arsehole?"

I replied: "So you DO love me!"

After being away from home for the first time when we separated.... I had to for child care reasons..... She looked me in the eyes crying and said " I can't just walk away from you!"

Would you consider this fog talk

My WH said something similar to me. He said he wasn't ready for me and our son to be out of his life. He couldn't walk away because his heart wouldn't let him.
I think they are so confused and are trying to still figure out a way to have their cake and eat it too.

My favorite --

"She wanted to be your friend ..."

Heard that one too. "We can still be friends and I may even be best friends with the man you date."

How about:

"I wish I could take you and your responsibility and her and her party-ness and squish you together into one person."

A$$.

I heard....
"She could live with us and then you could play the MOM"

This thread is just TOO MUCH!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> I am laughing my head off! Here are my favorites:

WH: "I love you but I'm not in love with you."
WH: "I just know that she (OW) is my SOULMATE! And we are meant to be together but just can't right now." (She wouldn't leave her husband.)
WH: "It's really all YOUR fault that I had this affair. If we had a good marriage this never would have happened." (Well sure, after all the health of the marriage is TOTALLY MY RESPONSIBILITY!)
WH: This said to her in emails: "You are the most amazing, remarkable, fantastic woman I have ever known and I will ALWAYS love you and am ready to commit to you. And when I make a commitment it is a promise you can depend on. I am a man of my word." (What about the promise you made to me when we married?)
WH: To me "Our marrieage has been dead for 10 years." (So why didn't you bring this up 10 years ago? Or even 5 years ago? Why wait to have a horrid 2 1/2 year affair that I had to drag the truth out of you, argue for those 2 1/2 years, and then finally force me to file for divorce from you who has been living for 10 years in a 'dead' marriage?)

And my all time favorite:
WH "Even if we get divorced we'll (he and I)still have to see each other, probably daily because of the kids. So things won't be that much different." (Cake eater)

I could go on but I was actually relieved to read all of this 'fog' talk to know perhaps he has simply been temporarily insane.

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

(On the reason for the affair): "I thought you didn't love me, so it didn't matter what I did."

(Another reason for the affair): "I thought it's what you wanted. It would give you an out."

(On the secrecy): "I wanted to tell you so many times. But something always came up."

(On what she liked about the OM): "He was so expressive." (Meaning...he talked about himself all the time.)

(On our marriag,e during the A): "If we got divorced and lived next door to each other, things would be perfect."

[ December 15, 2004, 11:54 AM: Message edited by: AndrewA ]

this is a wild one

out of the blue she looked at me very angrily and said " do you remember when we were dating and you wouldnt keep my dog at your house? i said yes she said " IVE HATED YOU FOR THAT EVER SINCE" (11 YEARS, 1 WEDDING AND TWO KIDS AGO)

Dalson, she must really have loved that dog!

This is a bit off-topic, but...here are a couple of classic quotes from the OM:

"An accident happened."

"You shouldn't let your wife out at night."

"You are making my life difficult." (This was after I told his wife some of the details of the affair that he neglected to mention to her...and after I called him at work and nearly got him fired.)

[ December 15, 2004, 12:24 PM: Message edited by: AndrewA ]

omg that is hysterical, i wish i could record 1/2 the sh*t mine says and play it back in a couple years.....

Classic from the tart (aka: OW):

When told what she was doing was wrong, she replied,

"But it FELT good."

I told her so do drugs, but they still wreck lives.

<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by AndrewA:
 (On the reason for the affair): "I thought you didn't love me, so it didn't matter what I did."

(Another reason for the affair): "I thought it's what you wanted. It would give you an out."

(On the secrecy): "I wanted to tell you so many times. But something always came up."

(On what she liked about the OM): "He was so expressive." (Meaning...he talked about himself all the time.)
<hr /></blockquote>What a riot, I heard every one of those from my fww..hehe

OMG!!! It is amazing how all of our WS's souond alike! They say the same things! Wow!
I think the worst for me was when I talked to OW and she said "since you couldn't give him a daughter then I will." My WH and I had been trying to have a baby for 5 years....this last year while the affair was going on I was going to a fertility doc. Nice huh????

I was cheated on once long ago. Here is something he said that has some real entertainment value:

Me: Does she know about me?
H: No, I told her you took DS and left me beause you realized you are a lesbian.

(I LAUGHED that he said this because he got it from watching Ross on "Friends")

LOL
Lucy

I got a good one, at least to me it is.

Me: I don't want "anything" from you just to make you feel good.

WW: I don't think we should do anything (affection or SF), it wouldn't be fair because I don't know what I want.

How is she supposed to figure out if she only samples one flavor!!!

Idiocy

Remembered a couple more more, they are probably repeats.

About A: We tried to break it off several times but it was just too hard.

We never meant to hurt you.

Y'know it wasn't all easy for him either (OM), I treated him like crap too.

Whenever I hear the fog now, I see it a mile away. I used to take this crap at face value. Thank God I know now that it is like a disease. Literally, if someone had an antidote the bottle would read: For relief of rambling, incoherent nonsense take two tablets and step away from the spaceship.

Bear,

You reminded me of another classic:

"I thought you'd be mad that I betrayed you. But I didn't think you'd be hurt this badly."

heres a post exposer classic

"you just cant stand to see me happy"

I got some too with a bit of my added sarcasm :-)

Me - "Its over between me and you."
Her - "Its been over for the last year." (oh someone forgot to inform me of this?)

Me - "Are you still seeing the guy?"
Her - "I'm not leaving you for him?" (huh?)

Her - "This just speeds things up a bit, it would have happened in a year anyways..."

Her - (in reference to contact with our children) "He's agreed to all your wishes..." (what a stand up guy - except for sleeping with my wife!)

Her - "I'm only here for the kids..."

Her - "It just happened." "I don't know why I did it" "I've been thinking about it for a while"

Her - "I think of you as a really good friend..." (boy I wish all my friends would treat me this good!)

Yes, the old standby.

I love and care for you, but not in that way, more like a brother (sister). (WOW would have hated growing up w/her. Brothers must have gone through hell the way she treats me)

â€œWe are not having an affair. Heâ€™s like a brother to me.â€

However, itâ€™s interesting that OPs also spew these timeless words of wisdom. But is it fog or just butt-covering diversions?

Some doozys I got from OMM when I confronted him a few days after DDay2:

1. â€œI never thought it would go this far.â€ Heâ€™s talking about a 10 year PA that started just two days after they met for the first time.
2. â€œShe pursued me relentlessly. I only wanted an intellectual friendship.â€
3. â€œNO, NO, NO!â€ His response when I said I would get out of the way and he could have her if he loved her.
4. â€œSheâ€™s had other affairs, you know.â€ Heâ€™s lost count of his.
5. â€œI told your wife over and over I would never leave my wife for her.â€
6. â€œI would appreciate it if you didnâ€™t tell my wife. Who else knows?â€
7. â€œI never saw her in Brussels.â€ Huh? I didnâ€™t ask. But now I wonder.
8. â€œWhat do I tell her if she calls me?â€ This bon mot after I told him no contact was mandatory. Otherwise, I would expose to his wife, exW, older children and his bosses right on up the line. I had not yet read SAA or heard of MB but I must have been channeling 2OAK because I said, â€œWhat part of â€˜no contactâ€™ donâ€™t you understand?â€
9. â€œThank you for being so civil.â€

And then again, when he called me all angry after his wife and I talked (she found out through, I think, one of his other OWs or OWsâ€™ BH) three months after DDay2:

1. â€œI havenâ€™t contacted your wife, like we agreed. Why did you talk to my wife?â€ Um, liar. It turns out there was contact weeks after our little tÃªte-Ã -tÃªte.
2. â€œI was afraid to end it. She could damage my career.â€
3. â€œIf your wife contacts me again, my wife and I will file a sexual harassment suit.â€ Good, go right ahead. I will have every email you ever exchanged subpoenaed from company archives and your wife will be forced to testify about possible community property transfers. â€œUm, there is no need to do anything like that.â€
4. â€œWe didnâ€™t have sex in Chicago. But we did in Washington DC.â€ OK, now this is getting redundant.
5. To his wife, â€œWe didnâ€™t have real intercourse until after Viagra came out.â€ I have never met her but she doesn't sound stupid.
6. â€œDonâ€™t talk to my wife any more.â€ She called me to get the truth so she could counter some of his lies to her. When I said she called me just that morning, he let fly an explicative deleted and hung up.

What a maroon.

T

1 I don't know why I should do or not do something just on principle .

I can tell you that road only ran one way <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

2 There is nothing to do but go to bars

Bar none the most frightening thing that has ever come out of his mouth..ever. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

WH: Yes, I talked to the priest, but of course he said I should honor my vows and work on my marriage. What else would he say, he doesn't have any choice, he's a priest.

Me: So because he follows God's word and is encouraging you to do so too, his advice is worthless?

WH: Well, he can't say anything else.

me, to myself WTF??

"she probably thought I was only fourty". Reality: he thought he was 40 - She probably thought he was 60 but he was 50. She was 26.

"She asked me why a big important professor was interested in a lowly domestic worker like her? He then said "you can imagine the cr*p I told her"! (it's not what you do for a job, it's who you are as a person blah..) The real answer was: Coz you've 26, with big big t*ts, and you are interested in my wallet.

d-day:

"I felt sorry for her"

"I was curious"

"it was like an adventure"

"it was exciting"

"she was just something I was going to do when you weren't around" Well duh!

"I didn't think you would ever find out because that would have been too horrible to contemplate".

AN

"We didn't want to keep it a secret from everyone else. We just wanted it secret from YOU." (You have to know our history to know just how utterly foggy that statement is. If you don't know our history, let me just say that I knew about the relationship with OM from the beginning. Not through snooping, but because WxP and I talked about it.)

After her saying we'd had a lot of fights, and then me asking what fights she meant: "Well, we've had a lot of fights in my head!" (I was bemused for days over that one.)

There were many more, but these are two classics.

And then there are the red-handed denials.

Me (at a phone booth at 5:30 in the morning. I've just told her that I've found an email in which she talks about the night they spent together - and the sex they had. I read it to her.)

Me: "Did you have sex with him?"

Her: "NO!"

My all-time favorite (upon asking OW why they were so stupid not to use a condom)
"I'm not the sort of person who will get an STD."

Fascinating, just fascinating.
Don't such sayings are a lot like these ones
"I didn't mean to kill him, your Honour, I just wanted to take his wallet but the idiot refused!"
"My client comes from a poor, deprived family, your Honour, it's not his fault he murdered those people."
"Smoking isn't bad for your health, my aunt XX smoked three packs a day and lived to be a 102!"
and other "beauties".

It seems people will go to great lengths to justify themselves.

[ December 16, 2004, 10:32 AM: Message edited by: brownhair ]

Here are some recent ones for me.

Upon discovering 2 previous ONS and why she didn't come clean when all other he!! broke loose and I asked her to tell me if there was more.

"Those weren't A's they were just ONS"

Discussing one of the ONS.

"It didn't mean anything, he's just a friend"

Well, I better watch out for all friends, and strangers for that matter. Just great.

I have ruined her life she has no one

He was her friend and confident she told him everything. I have to help her

WH: "You just don't know how hard this is for me".

WH: "Maybe I am curious about being with other women".(Wish he would have decided that BEFORE we were married and had a family.Perhpas,when we were dating? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

WH: "She is a good and moral person.She doesn't like the homewrecker image".(An OW oldie but goodie)

WH:" Maybe I was never really committed to you all these years". <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

WH:" I just cannot be the husband you need or deserve".(Ummm,so you'd rather be a lying,cheating,selfish bas****?)

WH:" Homewrecker has always supported me calling the girls".(How nice of her to support you in your adultery but also in being a part time dad) <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

WH: "My love for you is unique,real and will never diminish".(Yeah,like I would want this kind of "love from WH.)

WH: "If I am naive enough to think that I can just end our marriage and have nothing else change then so be it".

WH: "This has been the most difficult and incredibly painful and sad time in all my life by far". (Well,if it's so great being an adulterer and giving up everything for this homewrecker,shouldn't it feel a little bit better?)

WH: "I know you can't care how much I still cry"

WH: "What's wrong with me?" BINGO.Million dollar question.

O

WH had the nerve to call me in the middle of the night and ask where I had been. He supposedly saw me leaving someone's apt.. He wanted to know who I was with when I was at home crying over him. What was he doing out at 10:30 at night? To this day he still accuses me of being with someone else that night.

WH: OW is nice, she is just like me.
ME: How?
WH: We are both smart asses.

WH: I do things when you make me mad. I went and got divorce papers because you called OW. I filled out divorce papers because you confronted me about the phone calls.

WH:I keep OW on the side just in case you decide to leave me <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> .

LOL! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> Sorry, i just finished reading brownhairs post about WH thinking he wasnt the kind of person to get an std. I also heard this one recently.
WH: You just dont understand, I love you more than life itself, your the only one who excites me sexually, ow and i just talk now.
Me:When did the 2 of you last have sex?
WH: last week.
Me: speechless.

bump

Believer:

I was going to call you out to get this...because I know that you have been successful before in tasks like this.

Nice job....time for some laughs.

L

Quote

WH:I keep OW on the side just in case you decide to leave me <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> .

I'm sorry...really sorry, but I am already cracking up just reading this entry by Shelly. Lord help me.

all time favorite in the forsyth county court house: "I lived like a rock star and loved every minute of it"-Darth

That was part of an email sent to me during a drunken rage fest of Darth's during our separation. This was read during my first court trial...ironically held on valentine's day. Whole courtroom gasped! I was there b/c he did not pay us for several months and I had 2 eviction notices served...statements that day showed he spent over 30k in vegas over a 3 day period.

More Darth-isms:
of monkeyho: She makes me want to be better. (why she took him to a marriage help seminar at a local church less than 2 miles from my home)
of Family Values: She is such a good mom and is in fact more of a mom than you can ever be. (FV has an outta wedlock child from xbf she shacked up with...was a male mag model...wildchild in early 20's...did drugs...partygirl and golddigger who can never remember to take "the pill"...what a role model!)

the standard I Love you but I'm not in love with you

I've been unhappy for the last 2 yrs ... then 5

OW has nothing to do with this

I didn't leave you for another woman

I will always be sexually attracted to you until the day I die ( wow how interesting)

OW and I talk and have fun its not about the sex

so many more I can't remember them all

Quote

on Dday: "I didn't plan for my relationship with her to get physical."
1 day after Dday, when I ask about my safety: "You don't have to worry about STD's, we tested for HIV before we had sex."

(me thinking: and that wasn't planning???)

Wow...I missed this one on the first go around.

Here is my favorite WH quote (this was after a day of exposure)

WH: "BS, now you have done it, OW is scared to be with me because she doesn't know what else you will do. Will you please tell her you won't do anything else to her"

BS: "You want your wife to reassure your mistress??"

WH: "Yes, she is hear, will you talk to her"

BS: "Sure hon, but her on the phone"

Babble babble in the background

WH: "She is too scared to come to the phone"

BS: "Ok, just tell her I will show her the same respect that she showed my children's family"

WH: Click <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

This is my alltime favorite by Resilient:

Setting:
H and I are separated, he left me for OW #1. While out, he cheats on his new found soul-mate with OW #2 [ONS], and got her preggers.

Flash foward some time later and he's telling me how it all happened.

Me: So you slept with this woman and you don't even know her, and she's pregnant from you?

Him: Yes, and it's your fault she's pregnant because you wouldn't talk to me.

Me: How is THAT my fault?

Him: I needed someone to talk to because OW #1 and I were fighting. So, OW #2 seduced me and took advantage of me and the situation, and it's your fault cuz I couldn't talk to you instead.

Me: <speechless>

And there's plenty more where that came from, cuz not too long later he got OW #1 preggers too. I have such awesome power, I can get females pregnant remotely without contact, AND I'm a female. LMAO!!!

"I didn't leave you for another man"

Wow this one sounds scaringly familiar...

Quote

Here is my favorite WH quote (this was after a day of exposure)

WH: "BS, now you have done it, OW is scared to be with me because she doesn't know what else you will do. Will you please tell her you won't do anything else to her"

BS: "You want your wife to reassure your mistress??"

Jean, this one deserves to be in the WS Fogese HALL OF FAME!! lol That is so rich!

I have heard some great ones as of late. It actually helps me to read that other WH's have said the EXACT same words.

My favorite:
OW prays for you. (Gee, how nice and heartfelt--is this before or after you just had SF with my WH?)

OW thinks I should go home to you.

OW's BH is a rapist, and if you call him, he will hurt me or her. (I called, BTW, and they are both still alive and untouched).

If you're not a guarantee, then why should I have to give her up?

I am sleeping with her for the sake of the boys. (He went on to explain that if he didn't have her, he's have to kill himself or be miserable--and this way he is stronger for the boys!)

I am afraid I'd be settling for you.

I just don't have the strength to fight for our marriage. It's all about flight or fight personality--and I am the flight type.

WH--I want to come for a trial period to see if when I am with you, I still feel for her.

Me--if you were miserable for the past 3 years, then why do we have a 2 yr old, one on the way, and why did we buy our dream home in May?
WH--I did those things for hope. I thought I'd be strong enough to handle it all.

Those are just a few. they hurt like H+l* at first, but I have learned that it's all nonsense.

Thanks for bumping this up.
And Believer, i ahd NO idea of your sitch--WOW! You are a strong woman--not to mention quite the miracle worker~ <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Does anyone remember the one where the Betrayed Spouse came on here and stated that she could not do Plan B....because her Wayward Husband did not think it was "practical"...LOL. That was not the exact phrasing but it went something like that,........that one was my all time favorite....Definitely Hall of Fame worthy.

Lem

Quote

Me--if you were miserable for the past 3 years, then why do we have a 2 yr old, one on the way, and why did we buy our dream home in May?
WH-- I did those things for hope. I thought I'd be strong enough to handle it all.

Well, that one above may be an award nominee.

Wow.....how clueless.... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

Lem

Quote

I remembered another one...when trying to help me feel better...

"At least I don't beat you."

I am sorry.....apologizing again for LMAO at this.

I know it is wrong....I can't help it.

These Waywards, they crack me up.... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Lem

Quote

Does anyone remember the one where the Betrayed Spouse came on here and stated that she could not do Plan B....because her Wayward Husband did not think it was "practical"...LOL. That was not the exact phrasing but it went something like that,........that one was my all time favorite....Definitely Hall of Fame worthy.

Lem

OMG, I remember that, because I BURST A BLOOD VESSEL over that one! And WAT vowed to never ever help a BS who wouldn't expose after that one!

WAT and I spent MONTHS coaxing her into Plan B and spent tireless hours helping her with the letter. She gives him the letter and then comes back here and tells us: "he said he understood, but it just wasn't practical."

END OF STORY! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />

Cymanca: "So did you ever tell him that you loved him?"

Cymanca's WW "Never, not once!!"

Cymanca: " Then why do I have 1200 emails and IM messages in 3 months between you two that all end in I Love You"

Cymanca's WW "But I never meant it"

lol, that is a hoot, Cymanca! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Hey, we have another one of your fellow doctors on here [stu]. Have you noticed we have alot of folks here in the medical profession?

Cymanca " I wrote a letter to the OM's employer about what you two did while he was working"

Cymanca's WW " I can't believe you did that. I always thought you were a classy guy"

Mel,

Yes I have noticed. Wish it wasn't so, but reality says different.

Me: "So...what does she look like?"
FWH: *pause* "She has a skin problem."

I still giggle over that one. It about killed me NOT to tell the OW he said that after she told me my FWH was a lousy lay. I just said sex in the back of a car usually isn't, but Im sure she has her standards. She was just pissed that I mentioned I would have never known about their affair if it hadnt been for his emails, because we had a fabulous sex life.

FWH still claims they didnt have intercourse (like it matters). OW claims they did, *once* and that was after she said they hadn't until I said something to piss her off. So after the phone call, and after his continued, strenuous and angry denials of intercourse:

Me: "Did you perform oral sex on her?"
FWH: *looking shocked* "NO WAY! I didn't know her THAT well!"

And later:
ME: "Do you love her?"
FWH: "Absolutely not."
Me: "So why end all the emails with "I LOVE YOU" or "Love,"
FWH: I dunno. I didn't mean it.
Me: "Why were you asking her to settle down and get married if you didn't love her?"
FWH: "I dunno."
Me: "Was it a game? Because I know she was playing you and laughing about it."
FWH: "Yes, it was a game."
ME: "Then how do I know this isn't a game?"
FWH: "BECAUSE IM TELLING THE TRUTH!"

I was looking for this thread. I had one called Dorkisms as well. Sheesh! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

What a loadful of crap: My Favourites from the Dork:

Dork: I don't understand why we can have the same R as you and your first H. You are really close and you're friends and respect each other.

Me: Well, when things weren't working, we went to MC for a year and then we MUTUALLY agreed that D was the only thing left. AND he was NOT cheating on me and lying aobut it.

Dork: Well I'm doing the same thing only different!

Me: Burst into laughter.

Last month: I was trying to negotiate our Legal Separation so that he would FINALLY sign it. ANd we were agreeing to be resepctful and no DJs, etc

Dork: You know that time that you and DD13 came to visit me at the Dragonboat Festival Dithpig4 respected you.

Me: HUH?!?!?!

Dork: Well you told her to stay away and she didn't come see me until after you left. And it's a free country. WHy can't you treat her with the same respect?

Me: Umm, well what do you think would have happened if the wh0re had shown up. (Me thinking ya such great respect for us that she's married and with another woman's WH)

Dork: You and DD13 would have told everybody.

Me: (thinking "Bingo")

OMG! It is such BS!!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

Most of my WH's crazy sayings are about DD:

Me: Your relationship with DD will be different than if you had stayed with us. Not that it can't be good, but it won't be what it could have been.

WH: Yes, I think our relationship will be better. I think DD will understand and appreciate me being happy instead of being unhappy.

And then there's, "I think this will make me a better father."

And of course, "I'm not walking away from my family."

Let's see.
How about - " I want to leave you to see if she'll leave her husband"

"If I find out her husband laid a hand on her I'll kill him" - this is 3 days after he threatened to throw me down the stairs.

In front of me and OW " I'll stay with bs through the summer but not one day more"

BS - how can you do this to our family?
WS - "what family?" (we have 3 children)

WS - "can you believe her husband is going to church now just so he can see her on Sundays?"
BS - laughing - next thing you know you'll be going too - pause - ws -"I do have a lot to atone for" This from the man who never went to church with his kids and i as a family - the Sunday after he left me he started going - to see her - funny huh?

I told my WH the stress of the A is causing me to lose weight.
30 pounds and he said then you should "thank me for that"
WHAT EVER!!!!!

Well, I've posted these before, but I don't believe on this thread.

WW: "Can't you just let me go and see if what we have is real in person? I'll come back if it's not!"

And one that's not really fog-ese, but still pretty funny.

We were in MC, she'd already decided to reconcile and we were REALLY working on our M. Remember she was involved in an online EA with someone she'd met playing online games...and really worked hard for he and I to become friends online too (I think to help her justify the A, and facilitate it some).

Our MC recommended a book called "20 (Surprisingly Simple) Rules and Tools For a Great Marriage" by Dr Steve Stephens. We had picked it up and she was driving us back from his other office, about 45 minutes away. I started reading the introduction and table of contents out loud so she could see what the book was about too...and then I got to chapter 15..."Make Mutual Friends".

I read that out loud, and then just turned and looked at her. She looked over at me, and in a small, sheepish voice said...

"Well, I TRIED!"

It was mostly the timing, but the sheer irony of that comment had us both laughing so hard we nearly wrecked the van. It was the first deep down laugh either of us had had since d-day...and it was when I realized that we'd gotten to the point where we could see that humor in it that I KNEW we were gonna make it.

Interestingly enough, we laughed so hard we missed our exit for home...got lost for a little while, and took a new route home. And...while stopping at a store on the way home we found our NEW wedding set that we've been wearing ever since. Interesting how God works sometimes, you know? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

“But your shift isn’t over until six!”
The first coherent words my former fiancé said after I walked in on her and OM in bed.

Nice to know she had a schedule.

Quote

“But your shift isn’t over until six!”
The first coherent words my former fiancé said after I walked in on her and OM in bed.

Nice to know she had a schedule.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

A few more from my WH:

From WH in regards to OW: "I am fighting my feelings, it has only been two weeks. how long would it take you to get over your mother dying"

My WH met OW when he went to do a job at her H's business. So I asked how much OWHs had paid him for the job.
WH said: "For the work I did, or the other stuff" (then he smirked), I must have looked shocked, he said "oh, I guess that wasn't really funny" <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

WH: "Don't you think if she keeps calling I will see her as a predator that doesn't respect my family?" Well apparently not, she kept calling and he left to be with her.

WH: It's not like that. We're just friends. (For the love of God would they please take the WS's handbook back to the printers for a new line)

ME: WHAT ABOUT DS?????
WH: DS will always have two parents who love him. (Oh, ain't that schweet! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />)

ME: DS is very upset about this divorce.
WH: Didn't you tell him it happens all the time? It's no big deal.

WH: We've grown apart and lead seperate lives. (Don't you mean seperate sex lives????????)

WH: I don't know if I'm doing the right thing or not, but I just have to do it! (Okay, you've taken the Nike ad a little too far)

WH: You'll be okay, you have friends. (Unlike you loverboy, I don't sleep with my "friends")

WH: You're just jealous of my friends (Tell me more. What friends should I be jealous of?)

WH: I'M NOT 12 YEARS OLD ANYMORE AND I DON'T WANT TO HAVE TO REPORT TO YOU ABOUT MY COMINGS AND GOINGS!!!! (Oh, did I miss a birthday? Look at you, you've blossomed into a teenager! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />)

WS: Well we both knew it was wrong!

ME: Then why did you keep doing it?

WS: very confused look then - Well we didn't plan it....

ME: When was the last time you were with her?

WS: Playoff game 7 in Chicago.

ME: I thought you never planned it when you were together, it just happened when you both happened to be traveling to the same place at the same time.

WS: Well we didn't go to the game together!

He took the day off work to go see that game and somehow just ran into her in a stadium with thousands of people????

WS.."If you would kill yourself, it would make things easier for me."

"But you were just so depressed from the move overseas, and she made me feel so good about myself."

"It really didn't have anything to do with you."

Well, as a FWS I am guilty of saying some of these things...shames me to know some of these statements came out of my mouth. I am amazed at what i truly believed at that time...

As a FBS, here are some I heard. I know some of these are in relation to the hurt he felt from me...but still things he said while in his fog...

"We have been seperated for months, you are just too dumb to figure it out"

(darn - yes, you have been sleeping in the basement, but we had sex 2 days ago, and have not talked about seperation, divorce, etc...I thought this was just recovery and the space you needed to heal (been in recovery 6 months)? Wish someone had told me we were seperated)

"I have to choose between a [censored] life with you or a great one with her"

"She would never hurt me like you can hurt me - she is a good human being and you can never compare to her"

(She dumped him 4 weeks later, 3 weeks after he officially left me for her, and he confessed 2 days after that...saying he was going to dump her too...I give him the benefit of the doubt - but wonder...)

Me = "did you use a condom?"

Him - does anyone when it's not planned?

Me - could she be pregnant?

Him - no way

me - why - has she had her tubes tied (40 year old single mom - although pregnancy is harder, still possible)?

Him - no - she is on the pill

me - did you see her take one?

Him - umm - no

Me - then she could be pregnant

Him - silence.

And both he and I are guilty of the STD talk where we both said - but I trust OM/OW that they are clean...then as I came outta the fog - I realized I trust nothing...and as H came outta his fog - he realized he really knew nothing about her past either...

Here is my latest

WW: I have lived for you and daughter for 12 years and look at what it got me.

ME: Who are you living for now and look at what is getting you.

WW: I am living for ME...All for my self and no one else..._uck you.

I don't know if this is appropriate to say but I read all of these and I feel better! I feel better to know it is not just my wh that says these things, that it is basically a script they all say. Helps me not to take it soooo personally... mlhb

Ohhh this thread takes me back and I do laugh about it now.

"I never promised to be faithful when we took our vows"
(I had to get the tape out and show H that he did in fact promise to be faithful during the wedding ceremony) I guess his mind was elsewhere when taking those vows...

"Everybody does it"

"Cheating on your W makes you love and apprecitate her more....that`s what all the guys say"

"I was told (by the guys) cheating would be the ultimate sexual thrill"

"The ONS woman was not really the type of woman I had in mind to cheat with....I wanted a better quality OW"

"OW may sleep around alot but she`s not a slut....she never cheats when she`s in a relationship...she told me so herself...therefore she is not a slut" (To which I replied "Okay H...if that is your defintion of a slut then what does that make YOU?") No answer.

"EA OW and I wanted to sleep together...discussed it and decided out of respect for YOU maybe we should just have phone sex instead"

And the biggest and most insulting fogese of all....

"Of course I always loved you....I never stopped loving you"

Here`s a classic fogese from my first H...I swear this came from a grown man....

A few days after having left my 1st H I went to the doctor and was told I had an STD. The doctor told me to contact my H and let him know so that he could inform any OW`s he had slept with and get treatment.

I call my H`s office. He was out. I left the WHOLE EXACT message with his boss.

H goes to see the doctor and calls me back and says "I never cheated on you EVER...the doctor told me you could have caught it from a DOORKNOB or a TOILET SEAT... and I don`t want a divorce"

I never spoke with that H again. I let my lawyers do the talking.

This one's from my mother.

Three weeks after d-day (I'd lost a stone, hadn't slept in weeks), I flew long-distance to help her with my father's medical consultation that she was freaking out over. I arrived; she said with surprised disgust "Oh, you're not still upset over that, are you? I thought you'd be over it by now."

Three weeks. I could barely breathe for the pain and she was cross at my selfishness.

(Around the same time, H was saying "Can we laugh about it now? Is it too soon for it be part of our personal history that we laugh at?" Three weeks. Are these people from the same planet as me?)

TA

Wow... they really are all the same aren't they?

Here are a few from my ex. I know these aren't even the tip of the iceberg, but it's what I remember off the top of my head.

After a year+ of him being in an affair, his dismissing our divorce then leaving the next day to live in another state with OW, numerous tall tales of being "on his way home"...I could go on and on... I filed for divorce while he was shacking up with OW out of state.

He shows up two months after I file for divorce (almost 6 months after leaving his three children and me).

(He was unemployed while living with his OW who was ordered (she was active duty army) to no longer have any contact with him. He had no where else to live but back home.)

Ex: I'm back!!!

Me: You need to find somewhere else to live.

Ex: But why, I came back.

Me: I'm done. You accomplished your goal and pushed me over the line. You're free.

Ex: But I came back.

Me: Dork, 11 affairs, abandonment, lies... it's too much this time. I deserve more.

Ex: BUT I CAME BACK!!!! You're not being fair.

Then, as we walked out of the courthouse after our divorce, he looks at me and says,

"You know, I really see us remarried within 2 years." <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

FIM

How about a few quotes from the Other Person's Spouse?

"Now I don't have to feel guilty about sleeping around any more!"

"Why does my spouse and yours have to end their friendship and working relationship just because they have been having an affair behind our backs for the last 3 years?"

WS.."If you would kill yourself, it would make things easier for me."

I heard this one too. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

Here's another good one.

My first H used "statistics" on me...

He had read that there was 13 women for every 1 man...statistically speaking.

He told me that he "owed" it to the other 12 women out there. Afterall, if he didn't spread himself around...they would be doing without and might NEVER have anyone.

Yeah...he was spreading it all right...and tall BOOTS were needed to get through it. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

committed

OMG LMAO (okay so not a laughing matter - but this one cracked me up)

Quote

He had read that there was 13 women for every 1 man...statistically speaking.

He told me that he "owed" it to the other 12 women out there. Afterall, if he didn't spread himself around...they would be doing without and might NEVER have anyone.

this has just really made my crappy day so much better...now maybe no one will think this to be to funny...but i did

yesterday in heated argument with WH he chimes in " i never want to speak to you ever again"

Me: okay fine...me either since all you speak is lies...

silence... WH: do you want something to drink?

Me: uh-NO....then more yelling and arguing....

WH: " i just don't ever want to speak to you again....just don't talk to me anymore"

after a period of silence.....

WH: did you say you wanted something to drink?

for crying out loud....they are all wacko in the fog aren't they!!!

dorry,

I laugh about it now because it was so ludicrous.

I didn't realize the extent of his narcissism until that moment.

His sense of entitlement was legendary.

committed

OK...got one to add.

ME: (Prior to 'proof' of the affair, but knowing that something was going on...four days before d-day)
"I am worried that there is something going on between you and [OM]. You seem more worried about his feelings than mine, and you spend more time online with him than you do with me."

WW: "You have nothing to be jealous of...nothing! We're just friends. There is nothing for you to be jealous about!"

Then, 3 days later in the IM log session that I captured between WW and OM...my actual 'proof' of the affair...

OM: "cause you dont want me to be jealous "
WW: "you HAVE NOTHING TO BE JEALOUS OF!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Darn girl...so neither of us should have been jealous of the other??? LOL...so you only told him that you loved him and wanted to be with him the rest of your life....nothing for me to be jealous of. Oh yeah, and she told me on the night of OUR conversation that she loved me and always would...and we had SF that night for the first time in a while...not that OM would have been jealous of knowing that. LOL!

How about this one.

Me: DO you know your A hurt me.

WW: Yes but it shouldn't of because the marriage was overwith.

Im sorry when did I sign the decree.

This thread always cracks me up. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> Some of these are repeats, but I do like to be included, LOL. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />

After he first left:

WH: Nothing will change for you and the kids. We just won't be married anymore and I will be living with someone else.

WH: Why can't you understand?? None of this has anything to do with you!!

WH: You make it sound so sleazy.

WH: Can't you leave MOW out of this? She is none of your business.

WH: Of course we're not living together! We are both still married. We do have some morals!

WH (when asked about hiding money, sneaking around, etc.): I did all of that so you wouldn't be hurt. I don't want to hurt you.

WH: I will always take care of you and the kids. Call me if you need anything! (just before he cut off financial support)

WH (when asked if he used condoms): Geez! She's not like that! (According to MOW's husband, my STBX is not her first conquest)

Now that there is just one tiny final step until our divorce is final, more fogese:

Me: All you have to do is sign these papers, then you are free to marry MOW!!
WH: You know we can't get married! She isn't even divorced!

WH: I don't understand why we can't still care about each other and be friends (and have occasional unscheduled sex).

WH: The kids don't respect me. What did you do??

WH (after I refused his latest 'friends with benefits' offer): You'll never find someone else who treats you the way I did!
Me (thinking): You mean I'll never find another man who will be unfaithful to me with various skanks, abandon me and the children and leave us practically penniless, and treat me like garbage? Ooooh, poor, poor me!

This one of my favorites. It's from my MIL, a skilled fogese linguist: Why can't you be friends with MOW? She is willing to forgive you! (for exposing to her parents and taking STBX to court for child support)<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

I have a million more, but I'll spare you. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />

D-day

Me: Did you have sex with another woman?

H: Yes, but it was short and fast?

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

Quote

H: Yes, but it was short and fast?

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> Well, everyone knows it's not cheating if it's short and fast. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

On a related note:
MIL: How do you know for sure they had sex? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />
Me: Ummm, because he told me they did.
MIL: Well, I still don't believe it. He's not like that. (even though his three brothers have cheated on their wives)<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

Edited to add the rest:
WH: I'm not a bad person! I would never cheat on her/MOW.
Me: Does she know you were still having sex with me?
WH: That's different. We're married. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

Quote

H: Yes, but it was short and fast?

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> Well, everyone knows it's not cheating if it's short and fast. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

On a related note:
MIL: How do you know for sure they had sex? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />
Me: Ummm, because he told me they did.
MIL: Well, I still don't believe it. He's not like that. (even though his three brothers have cheated on their wives)<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

WH: I'm not a bad person! I would never cheat on her (MOW). (said with a straight face - and we were intimate up until the very day he left)

Sounds like my MIL

Me: he's having an affair

MIL: you are just paranoid cause you had one - he is hurting cause of you.

Me: Yes I hurt him - but is leaving me for a girl (give her proof that they are "in love" and he is planning to meet with her in her town)

MIL: He told me they are friends that barely talk - I believe my son - he has never lied to me and he wont now. I know my son better than you know him.

after his weekend with OW

MIL: he told me he stopped in for coffee with her while he was working.

ME: did he tell you he also stayed at her house for the 4 days?

MIL: Now you are imagining things - my son doesn't lie - he doesnt have it in him - he is not that type of man.

ME: well - where did he stay

MIL; silence.

Committed..I must admit I am in shock that someone else heard those words. I stood there in silence. How does one respond to such evil? The sad thing about it is I knew he meant it and would have been thrilled to get off the hook so easily. He then could have gone around to all his clients (he's in sales), cried the poor me spill, and manipulated it into pity sales. It never would have bothered him a bit and I know today if I did kill myself, he would be just as thrilled. It would mean he gets all the assets to himself.

WH: "But we never had sex, it was only chatting."

Me: "Then what did you buy those condoms for, I had my tubes tied 12 years ago!"

WH: "They are for you and me - to decrease sensation"..."They are for DS#1" (who is 15 and has not had a girlfriend yet) (story kept changing)

WH: "Well if I'd known you would be THIS upset about it I SHOULD have had sex with her!"

i'm not in place where i can laugh about these things yet

I hate you.
Be glad that I don't hate you like i used to.
We don't have a relationship, we haven't had a relationship for years.
I feel nothing for you.
I don't want to have sex with you because I feel that it has to be an expression of some kind of affection.
You don't love me. You probably never did. You just want someone to take care of you.
You checked out of this marriage long before I did (in reerence to my depresson)
I'm done
it doesn't matter why...I'm just done
It has nothing to do with OW...I'm just done
I've already moved on in my heart and in my heart...can't you just do the same?
I love you like I would a sister
I have changed.
I just want to start my life over again.
I don't want to hurt you
we're not compatible and never were
I don't love you anymore--it's gone and I can't get it back.
Face it--it's over.
I knew you wouldn't like it but I am amazed how hard you are taking this.
I don't have any feelings for you anymore
i'm waiting for my feelings to come back
I CAN'T COME HOME, BECAUSE I DON'T MISS YOU
I just need to be alone to heal
I know i'm not in love with you because i no longer want to have sex with you as soon as you walk in the room
I'll hurt you more if I stay
My life is miserable, I want a new life
It's not you, it's me
We're different people, We want different things
My feelings have changed for you
after he had been gone a few months month I heard, "I miss our house, our yard, the dogs and our things but you just don't fit into the picture anymore".
I’ve thrown everything away.
I know I have f---ked up my life.
I don't care about anything anymore
I don't know what I want.
I FEEL LIKE MY HEAD IS GOING TO EXPLODE

but the hardest is

i don't consider you my wife anymore...

Wow....Them waywards never cease to amaze me with their fog.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

I wanted to add a couple:

Me: Do you think God wants you to leave your family for another woman?

WH: Don't you think God wants me to be happy?

Me: Um, yes, but not in an adulterous relationship, having broken up two families! He wants you to be happy with your wife and child!

Another one:

Me: So are you planning on staying in this marriage?

WH: For now.

ME: (thinking) What the heck?

I've also gotten the ILYBINILWY thing and the "we're just not compatible (THEY are, of course)," and the "our marriage was always a mess."(15 years and he doesn't make a move to leave until OW enters the picture, but he's 'not wanting to leave because of her.'

If only they could hear how ridiculous they sound sometimes.

I have a few more good ones

WH: You two are so much alike, you think alike you like the same music and her favorite color is yours.

BS: thinking to self... I thought you wanted to get away from me instead you found someone like me

WH: I didn't leave you for another woman....
BS: Then what do you call moving from our house to hers?
WH: I dunno!!!!

WH: Do you think we could live in the same house, you two could share, you guys would get along great...

Now that one really blew me away .....

Oh one more good one

BS: If you love OW so much why do you still try and have SF with me all the time?
WH: What are you saying I can't have SF with two women ?
DUH !!!!!! I don't think so

*SNORT!!!*

This is GREAT stuff! I'm gonna hunt down some of my own later!

I got the we are more like brother and sister than husband and wife.

I have so much in commom with her (OMW)it like we'er soul mates.

I wish you and her can still be friends.

Or after WH read a little bit of Dr. Phil " I am just to comfortable in this relationship."

WS - "I just can't help the way I feel!"

WS - "Don't go after OW. She works out."

WS - "Great! Now that you talked to OW, she doesn't want to have anything to do with me anymore. Thanks a lot!"

About an ONS with a co-worker after a night of drinking:

Me - "Did you let her give you OS?"
WS - "Yes."
Me - "OMG! HOW GROSS! She's got nasty teeth!"
WS - "Well, I didn't KISS her!!! YUCK!"

WS: OW hates cats just like I do and the ones at her home ALL belong to her husband!!!!! (she had 14 cats and her husband was out of the house from early mornings till late evenings..........DUH)

WS: OW saves all of her "hard" earned money.

xOW didn't work, she was a "Stay at home wife" with 14 cats, 2 dogs, 1 horse...............NO children. Her husband earned the $$$$................

bb

Oh this is so good for me right now I need the laughs. I remembered some more.

From WH to OMW: People just don't understand what we feel for each other.

To BS (me): I didn't think it would go this far. I just started off thinking maybe she could come into our bed with you. Then I thought maybe I just have sex with her. Then we became friends. HA!

Let's see...

After WH had been gone for two weeks, and I told him he missed me: "I don't miss you in my life. I miss your family, but I don't miss you."
After WH had been gone for seven months, and I told him he doesn't miss me: "Who says I don't miss you?" (Erm...)

"I don't particularly care how you feel, actually. I mean, I don't want to see you hurt, but I don't really care." (Run that one by me again, slowly?)

After I promised him I would change the behavior he found objectionable: "You’re telling me everything I have always wanted to hear, but it comes three weeks too late." (Three weeks? After 21 YEARS? Milk has a longer shelf life than three weeks!)

"Well, if that’s the kind of person I am, who won’t give you a chance, then you’re well rid of me!" (Good point, well made.)

"The way to get true peace is to remove the people that make you feel bad from your life." (Hey - he's been Plan B'ing all along!)

"I don’t know that you loved me! How did you show me you loved me? Come on – you always say actions speak louder than words! Tell me one thing you’ve done in all the time we’ve been together that showed me you love me!" (Ummm... how about devoting myself to your for 21 years, looking after you, supporting you, making love to you, kissing and hugging you, bearing four of your children, helping you in every single way, as well as saying "I love you" every day?)

"You have been making me feel inadequate and bad about myself for twenty long years." (And if you stuck it out that long, you deserved what you got!)

"If you were run over by a bus tomorrow, the kids would be all right." (Yeah - that's because run over by a bus I'm still a better parent than you are alive and kicking and in full health.)

"You didn’t meet my needs. I know you think you did, but it isn’t the case. Now I am going to look for someone who does." (Actually... there's a new Bible coming out with the "needs" amendment: "Love is kind, and suffers long... unless that person doesn't meet your needs. Love never fails... unless that person doesn't meet your needs. You shall cleave unto your wife and none other... unless she doesn't meet your needs.)

"People are stopping me in the street and saying, ‘How could you have LIVED with her? How did you stand it?’" (Aaahhh... if only people had stopped him in the street BEFORE we married and said, "Don't marry her! DON'T DO IT!")

And my personal favorite...

When I told him that he was putting himself ahead of the family, and breaking it up in the process: "What an unbelievable thing to say! If D17 wanted to move out, I wouldn’t be accusing her of breaking up the family!" (Obviously no one told him children eventually are MEANT to move out. Then again, maybe he just swapped roles from father to one of the kids.)

There's so much more, I could just go on and on!

WS: OW has a busy life. So much is going on in her life and she has so much to do. She worked as a highly qualified secretary in a big business and the house they live in is "hers". So she wants to throw OWH out of the house.

When I asked him what OW does the whole day he told me the following.

WS: Well.............she's out alot. She never needs alot of time to cook and clean the house. She's fast at that and she's perfectly organized. It's always perfectly clean and she's always has a perfect meal cooked. This just happens and she doesn't need the time that you do.

She hardly needs time to get herself "perfectly" styled.She does all of these things "high speed" and never complains because this is NOT work for her. It's amazing and I don't understand how come you need so much time to do all of these things.
She's out with her friends and she's out shopping and visiting people and she spends hours together with her horse.

Me: when I asked him how "highly" qualified OW was he told me.

WS: Well.............she knows "nothing" about computers and she actually "hates" computers.........so she has this in common with me. She was very qualified in the business she worked for............so she does know alot about running a business. (I never really found out about her qualifications)

Me: What does OW do the whole day???

WS: She is always helping other people. She is so helpful and kind, she'll do things for others without being payed. (ya, right.............) OWH is very mean and aggressive to her and always asks her to go to the bank and to the post-office. This really annoys OW because she has so much to do and OWH won't do anything, he won't even go to the bank or post-office.

Right after D-D my husband wanted to move out. He told me that OW was going to throw OWH out of her house and that she
had offered my husband to move in with her.

WS: OW is going to throw OWH out of the house because he has appartments all over the place. He can go and live in one of his appartments. I am not going to move together with OW because I told her a long time ago that I needed to live on my own and get my head cleared.

OW also told me that I could go and live with her parents because they also have an empty appartment.......(they didn't have a clue about the affair)
OW also offered me that she would take over all the business stuff and she'd do all the paper work.

When my husband was out of the "FOG" his additude really changed.

OWH threw OW out of the house because it is HIS house and they are getting divorced.

OW is working in a Pub, so I guess this says it all about her qualifications.

OW is no longer "real busy" because she no longer has the $$$$................and she no longer does things for other people without getting payed!!!

And OW (42yo) is now living with her mommy and daddy in the appartment that she had offered my husband.

bb
Sometimes it really feels good to let these things out!!! *giggle*

bump for laughs

River Tam:
I was LOL so loudly that my daughter wanted to know what was so funny:

"After I promised him I would change the behavior he found objectionable: "You’re telling me everything I have always wanted to hear, but it comes three weeks too late." (Three weeks? After 21 YEARS? Milk has a longer shelf life than three weeks!)"

Yea, my WXH made numerous pronouncements that NOW that I had said/done something (or refused to do something he demanded of me), he was going to divorce me. He'd pretend that up until that EXACT moment he was supposedly still considering ending the adultery and saving the marriage.... BUT since I wouldn't just shut-up and put-up with his agenda-du-jour then I had NOW made it impossible for him to do anything but divorce me. I kid you not, he made these 'last straw' announcements dozens of times over a period of several years LOL Apparently there were all these second chances and deadlines that darn it all I just kept missing by nanoseconds LOL

And he also said things like your husband in response to my efforts to improve in any way: it was always too little too late for him to give ME another chance (even though I gave HIM several 'another chance's throughout our marriage).

Also there was this huge list of things he 'could NEVER fogive' ME for... and were also reasons why he was divorcing me: Everything from getting a restraining order (as a reaction to him head-butting me and threatening to kill me - he complained that I over-reacted), contacting OW, telling the kids the truth, not letting him cake-eat...even the fact that my lawyer showed up at court wearing a BUSINESS SUIT sent him into a jealous rage - the lawyer in the business suit is something that he threw in my face several times over the years as if it was somehow done deliberately to humiliate him! LOL

I remember one time when he was demanding that he should be able to come over every day after work to have dinner with us and watch videos, even AFTER the divorce would become final, and because I said no, he could just drop off and pick up the kids for visitation, he said: "See that's why I'm divorcing you - because you won't do as your told"! Um, because I would refuse to do as told AFTER the divorce, he was going to go through with the divorce?

Weirndess man...

Me: “Do you love OW#1?”
Him: “I don’t know, I never really thought about it. I guess I would have to on some level because I am doing this”. (WT…?)

Me: “Do you like OW#2???”
Him: “No, we are just friends, anyway she has a boyfriend”. (I was like Wow, and you have a wife but that didn’t stop you from sleeping with OW#1).

Me: “How can you just chuck your whole family for a relationship that you don’t know will last?”
Him: “I don’t know, I am a bad person”.

Me: “Why did you do this to us?”
Him: “I don’t know.”

Me: “Why is OW#1 worth all of this to you?”
Him: “I don’t know” (this answer is becoming rather familiar, I think) “I have to think about it. Is it bad that I have to think about it?”

Then later I point out that this OW cheated with a married man before, slept with numerous men, has lied to her XBF too many times to count, tricked him into moving across the country with out her and his daughter, lied to me and has been extremely manipulative…..

Him: “I don’t really think you want me to list all of her good qualities”(I was thinking…yeah, I actually do.)

Him: “I won’t be happy if I come home because I will always like OW#1”…I’m pretty sure that is what he thought about me when we got married and he vowed to love me until death parts us…uh huh.

Him: “I can’t be trusted if I come home, I may cheat on you again.”
Me: “With the same person or with some one else?”
Him: “I don’t know, either one.”……(NIIICE).
Him: "You would never trust me. That's why I can't come home."

Him: “We were bad as married people.” (huh?)

Him: “Our marriage was boring. We never had fun together.” (Maybe that’s because he came home and stayed on the computer all night or watched sports, then wanted to do recreational activities alone with out me. That sort of prevents US from having “fun TOGETHER”. Anyway.)

Now for the Coup de Gras….

Him: “Can’t we just be friends?”
“I don’t want you to hate me”
“I would hate you if you did this to me and would never talk to you”
“Why won’t you talk to me? Are you ignoring me?”

LOL. I LOVE IT!!!

When confronted on the thousands of dollars of debt WH has racked up because of his affairs, he says, "Well, let's see how much you've spent on makeup." Yeah, buying mascara at Walgreens is comparable.

Quote

When confronted on the thousands of dollars of debt WH has racked up because of his affairs, he says, "Well, let's see how much you've spent on makeup." Yeah, buying mascara at Walgreens is comparable.

HA! The fog is thick isn't it? My WH in the last 4 months has added over $10,000 to his credit cards....I was shocked and amazed. Thankfully in the divorce terms he is to be fully responsible for his personal debts.

I hope you add that stipulation to your paperwork if you have to file.

Saralynn, those are great! Congrats on the new baby! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Thanks ML!

My daughter is a little doll <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />.

I think that these sayings from everyone should be compiled in a book for BS to read. Maybe the Harley's will add it to SAA when they do the next edition LOL.

Ok here are mine.

1. We (WH & OW), bumped into each other and it was instant sparks. (Good thing you didn't have any gas near you)

2. I don't want to be married to my best friend anymore. I want something more. His something more is a crack addict with hep C who has been divorced twice. Oh, but those were two abusive relationships.

3. WH - we don't live a healthy lifestyle. Ah - OW has Hep C.

4. WH - I'm tired of putting others first. I want to put myself first for a change.

5. Me - what are you teaching the children. WH - I am teaching them to stand up for their truths.

6. He hasn't been with me since March 06, when I would ask him why we weren't having SF, he would say - I can't trust you, you aren't safe. (He met her around then).

7. My DD finally confronted him this Friday - I just want to hear you say you are sorry. WH - I'm sorry I destroyed the family, I hurt over it more than anyone of you realize. DD - are you happy? WH - no I miss your brothers and you so much.

8. WH - I was told the boys will come to me when they are ready. Who is the parent here? The boys need him to show up and talk to them and keep trying, but he is waiting for them to come to him. He also is ok knowing that his kids may never forgive him. How can someone live with that?

9. When he was waffling about coming home, rather playing mind games with me. ME - what would it take to leave her. WH - when I decide that the work it is going to take to have a relationship with her isn't worth the work, I'll come home.

10. Here is a good one - ME - why won't you leave her, WH - you should know why, ME - help me, WH - You know I don't give up. ME - you gave up on me. That was different.

It is absolutely frightening the level of their ability to believe their lies and become the victim in all this.

"I think that these sayings from everyone should be compiled in a book for BS to read."

Actually I'd prefer these examples be put in public service announcements aired on tv to educate and warn the masses (or at least entertain them LOL)

How about these classics...

"I forgot."

"I don't know."

-LE

WW talking about spending christmas together: "We may be seperated, but we're still a family"

"I know what I did was morally wrong and people hate me but if they could get inside my head they wouldn't"

WxGF - "I can't be your girlfriend right now"

WxGf- "I love you but I'm not in love with you"

WxGF - The last few years were a total waste.

WxGF - "Why would you believe him He's cheating on his fiancee"

WxGF - "I don't need to tell you all my secrets."

WxGF - "The A is over and I'm devastated"

I'll jump in and call myself out on my fog.

After H asked serious, thought-provoking questions about my A. I would invariably respond:

"It is what it is, H."

WTH does that even mean?
*shoots self*

"I love you, but I'm not IN love with you"

"You ruined something special for me."

"You just can't stand to see me happy"

"Sex could never be as passionate with you as it was with him, it's just not in you"

"We didn't want you to get hurt"

Me: "What made you think this was an okay thing to do?!"
Her: "You weren't supposed to find out"

"Everything is always about you, isn't it?"

"I don't know why I let it happen"

"I told him I would never leave you" (Really, where was I when you told him that? ... OH YEAH! I was at home...right where you LEFT ME!)

"It was just about sex"
then another time
"It wasn't ALL sex, we talked and had fun, too"

what a fun thread! so nice to see these out in the open instead of camouflauged in the fog. here's a few from my neck of the woods:

WH: I've checked out of the marriage. (i guess i hadn't realized before that this was an.. option??)

ME: (after catching my breath) - So where do you see God in all of this?
WH (who was, btw, in leadership at our church at the time): Why do you always have to bring God into things?! - throws his chair to the ground and storms out of the restaurant.

I'm going to Germany this summer. Alone. (???)

I know I'm not doing the right thing. But I really believe I will do the right thing. (when exactly might that be? would be helpful to plan for..)

ok - love this one. (while still at home - before i found out) he stays up really late one night reading ALL my emails!! creepy - but whatever, i didn't have anything to hide. the only thing he finds to get mad about is that i had quoted my counselor as saying that he was 'acting like a teenager'. so his response, after staying up all night to read my private emails? prints out a picture of himself, writes a sarcastic note on it, and tapes it to the mirror for me to find in the morning. ok, does THAT sound like adult, or teenage, behavior?? way to prove her wrong..

oh yes - and that he continually tried to bring me brownies or doughnuts when he showed up for visitation! how does he think in his mind that might be affective..?

Ok how about this,,

I wanted my DD to be with me for a outdoor bar-b-que to memorialize my 24yr old nephew that died.

HE wanted her to go to the lake with Him and his HO.

We are still married - -

WXH - "Bugs, what more do you want from me? YOU cost me My relationship with her!"

Bugs "Wow, that's some great relationship, since you can't be apart for one weekend"

WXH - "Don't YOU preach to ME about relationships!"

Oh, gee, soooo sorry. I really SHOULD be upset that your Adulterous relationship fell apart because you couldn't put your Children ahead of your Ho.? ! ? !

Yes, coming from the EXPERT who thinks Adultery Relationships are OK and should be Respected by the betrayed spouse??

Yeah,,,, Ok!

The one that still leaves me scratching my head:

"It wasn't about the sex..."

WT????

Then why did they have sex all the time?

Hmm let me see ...

WXGF: "I've been wondering for some time if your the right person for me"

WXGF: "I'm done with relationships"

WXGF: "I want to see where this realtionship(one with MM) goes"

WXGF: " I don't even want sex anymore with anyone" (wtf?)

WXGF: "I'm tired of men" (Laff)

WH: "I need time to think about our marriage so I have to take my stuff and leave the house, but come whenever I want cause this is my house as well"

WH: "I had the A, just forget about it and move on, its nothing major why can't you just forget about it?". (Yeah, because it didn't happen to you)

WH: "You were going crazy and that was pushing me away from you (yes, I was after he would continue to deny the A and I had solid proof it was still in full swing)

WH: "I need time to heal before I can ask you to return to the house" (Heal from what? From having to decide who to stay with?)

wow, I don't feel like I'm the only one who has heard crazy statements from WS.

Here are some of the nonsense I've heard

-we have nothing in common.

-i didn't want you to come back, my mom and aunt did. (first separation 1.5 mos)

-i've been feeling like this for the longest.

-that cell phone is not a necessity!(when I finally went out and bought myself a cellphone)

-I told you to move on, you might find someone nice.

-I'd rather get divorced and get along w/you than be with you and mistreat you b/c I know how I am.

-what do you mean what do I want to do? I'm doing it, being single!

-Well tell the kids they have a little bro or sis on the way. (and I thought he didn't want anymore children! oh like how can i tell that to our 2 year old son and 4 month old daughter?!)

-You're always calling me at a bad time. I'll call you!

-i'll file. (yeah I guess you have the money since your truck note is 4 mos past due and you're driving w/out car insurance!)

-sign the divorce papers uncontested and I'll sign the kids' passport forms.
(where are the divorce papers? been almost 7 mos now and I don't see them...)

-you talk too much! (saying I have a big mouth)

-stop being so [email]d@mn[/email] nosy!

-I'm not using the kids to get what I want!

-I don't have any money. (when asked to help w/the kids)

-The Lord is not going to bless you because you are holding me back from a divorce and keeping me back from what I need to do, you're in the wrong and you rebel.

that's my fav

gosh I have so many more

oh these too:

-I AM a man of God.

-The affair was a mistake I make them like everyone else.

-You are so dumb, just sign the divorce papers uncontested. We are never going to be together again.

-Just do what I tell you! That's the problem...you don't listen! File for a divorce...you can do more in that state then where I'm at.

this is from the hoodrat

-Your husband told me that everyday God is showing him that he needs to divorce you and marry me.

-i don't have the mind of a 20-year-old..I even tell your husband to call you!

-Your husband gives me all his money. (yeah right)

My favorite:

This is NOT an integrity issue! (Pounding fist on desk!)

Every time this comes up I read it from the start. It's the best laugh I get all week every time.

"We were just getting to know each other" (when asked about the emails with the rather trashy pictures attached - pix I took, BTW) Apparently they were getting to know each other in detail.

Or:

"Sex had nothing to do with it." (Still shaking my head in disbelief)

"We were just encouraging each other because we were both having trouble in our marriages." (I always thought that was an interesting twist on it)

And here's one of my favorites:

"He's had so many affairs in the past his wife just doesn't trust him any more and it makes him sad to think that." (Huh?)