Here`s a classic fogese from my first H...I swear this came from a grown man....

A few days after having left my 1st H I went to the doctor and was told I had an STD. The doctor told me to contact my H and let him know so that he could inform any OW`s he had slept with and get treatment.

I call my H`s office. He was out. I left the WHOLE EXACT message with his boss.

H goes to see the doctor and calls me back and says "I never cheated on you EVER...the doctor told me you could have caught it from a DOORKNOB or a TOILET SEAT... and I don`t want a divorce"

I never spoke with that H again. I let my lawyers do the talking.

This one's from my mother.

Three weeks after d-day (I'd lost a stone, hadn't slept in weeks), I flew long-distance to help her with my father's medical consultation that she was freaking out over. I arrived; she said with surprised disgust "Oh, you're not still upset over that, are you? I thought you'd be over it by now."

Three weeks. I could barely breathe for the pain and she was cross at my selfishness.

(Around the same time, H was saying "Can we laugh about it now? Is it too soon for it be part of our personal history that we laugh at?" Three weeks. Are these people from the same planet as me?)

TA

Wow... they really are all the same aren't they?

Here are a few from my ex. I know these aren't even the tip of the iceberg, but it's what I remember off the top of my head.

After a year+ of him being in an affair, his dismissing our divorce then leaving the next day to live in another state with OW, numerous tall tales of being "on his way home"...I could go on and on... I filed for divorce while he was shacking up with OW out of state.

He shows up two months after I file for divorce (almost 6 months after leaving his three children and me).

(He was unemployed while living with his OW who was ordered (she was active duty army) to no longer have any contact with him. He had no where else to live but back home.)


Ex: I'm back!!!

Me: You need to find somewhere else to live.

Ex: But why, I came back.

Me: I'm done. You accomplished your goal and pushed me over the line. You're free.

Ex: But I came back.

Me: Dork, 11 affairs, abandonment, lies... it's too much this time. I deserve more.

Ex: BUT I CAME BACK!!!! You're not being fair.

Then, as we walked out of the courthouse after our divorce, he looks at me and says,

"You know, I really see us remarried within 2 years." <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />


FIM

How about a few quotes from the Other Person's Spouse?

"Now I don't have to feel guilty about sleeping around any more!"

"Why does my spouse and yours have to end their friendship and working relationship just because they have been having an affair behind our backs for the last 3 years?"

WS.."If you would kill yourself, it would make things easier for me."

I heard this one too. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

Here's another good one.

My first H used "statistics" on me...

He had read that there was 13 women for every 1 man...statistically speaking.

He told me that he "owed" it to the other 12 women out there. Afterall, if he didn't spread himself around...they would be doing without and might NEVER have anyone.

Yeah...he was spreading it all right...and tall BOOTS were needed to get through it. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

committed

OMG LMAO (okay so not a laughing matter - but this one cracked me up)

this has just really made my crappy day so much better...now maybe no one will think this to be to funny...but i did

yesterday in heated argument with WH he chimes in " i never want to speak to you ever again"

Me: okay fine...me either since all you speak is lies...

silence... WH: do you want something to drink?

Me: uh-NO....then more yelling and arguing....

WH: " i just don't ever want to speak to you again....just don't talk to me anymore"

after a period of silence.....

WH: did you say you wanted something to drink?

for crying out loud....they are all wacko in the fog aren't they!!!

dorry,

I laugh about it now because it was so ludicrous.

I didn't realize the extent of his narcissism until that moment.

His sense of entitlement was legendary.

committed

OK...got one to add.

ME: (Prior to 'proof' of the affair, but knowing that something was going on...four days before d-day)
"I am worried that there is something going on between you and [OM]. You seem more worried about his feelings than mine, and you spend more time online with him than you do with me."

WW: "You have nothing to be jealous of...nothing! We're just friends. There is nothing for you to be jealous about!"

Then, 3 days later in the IM log session that I captured between WW and OM...my actual 'proof' of the affair...

OM: "cause you dont want me to be jealous "
WW: "you HAVE NOTHING TO BE JEALOUS OF!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Darn girl...so neither of us should have been jealous of the other??? LOL...so you only told him that you loved him and wanted to be with him the rest of your life....nothing for me to be jealous of. Oh yeah, and she told me on the night of OUR conversation that she loved me and always would...and we had SF that night for the first time in a while...not that OM would have been jealous of knowing that. LOL!

How about this one.

Me: DO you know your A hurt me.

WW: Yes but it shouldn't of because the marriage was overwith.

Im sorry when did I sign the decree.

This thread always cracks me up. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> Some of these are repeats, but I do like to be included, LOL. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />

After he first left:

WH: Nothing will change for you and the kids. We just won't be married anymore and I will be living with someone else.

WH: Why can't you understand?? None of this has anything to do with you!!

WH: You make it sound so sleazy.

WH: Can't you leave MOW out of this? She is none of your business.

WH: Of course we're not living together! We are both still married. We do have some morals!

WH (when asked about hiding money, sneaking around, etc.): I did all of that so you wouldn't be hurt. I don't want to hurt you.

WH: I will always take care of you and the kids. Call me if you need anything! (just before he cut off financial support)

WH (when asked if he used condoms): Geez! She's not like that! (According to MOW's husband, my STBX is not her first conquest)

Now that there is just one tiny final step until our divorce is final, more fogese:

Me: All you have to do is sign these papers, then you are free to marry MOW!!
WH: You know we can't get married! She isn't even divorced!

WH: I don't understand why we can't still care about each other and be friends (and have occasional unscheduled sex).

WH: The kids don't respect me. What did you do??

WH (after I refused his latest 'friends with benefits' offer): You'll never find someone else who treats you the way I did!
Me (thinking): You mean I'll never find another man who will be unfaithful to me with various skanks, abandon me and the children and leave us practically penniless, and treat me like garbage? Ooooh, poor, poor me!

This one of my favorites. It's from my MIL, a skilled fogese linguist: Why can't you be friends with MOW? She is willing to forgive you! (for exposing to her parents and taking STBX to court for child support)<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

I have a million more, but I'll spare you. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />

D-day


Me: Did you have sex with another woman?

H: Yes, but it was short and fast?

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> Well, everyone knows it's not cheating if it's short and fast. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

On a related note:
MIL: How do you know for sure they had sex? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />
Me: Ummm, because he told me they did.
MIL: Well, I still don't believe it. He's not like that. (even though his three brothers have cheated on their wives)<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

Edited to add the rest:
WH: I'm not a bad person! I would never cheat on her/MOW.
Me: Does she know you were still having sex with me?
WH: That's different. We're married. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

Sounds like my MIL

Me: he's having an affair

MIL: you are just paranoid cause you had one - he is hurting cause of you.

Me: Yes I hurt him - but is leaving me for a girl (give her proof that they are "in love" and he is planning to meet with her in her town)

MIL: He told me they are friends that barely talk - I believe my son - he has never lied to me and he wont now. I know my son better than you know him.

after his weekend with OW

MIL: he told me he stopped in for coffee with her while he was working.

ME: did he tell you he also stayed at her house for the 4 days?

MIL: Now you are imagining things - my son doesn't lie - he doesnt have it in him - he is not that type of man.

ME: well - where did he stay

MIL; silence.

Committed..I must admit I am in shock that someone else heard those words. I stood there in silence. How does one respond to such evil? The sad thing about it is I knew he meant it and would have been thrilled to get off the hook so easily. He then could have gone around to all his clients (he's in sales), cried the poor me spill, and manipulated it into pity sales. It never would have bothered him a bit and I know today if I did kill myself, he would be just as thrilled. It would mean he gets all the assets to himself.

WH: "But we never had sex, it was only chatting."

Me: "Then what did you buy those condoms for, I had my tubes tied 12 years ago!"

WH: "They are for you and me - to decrease sensation"..."They are for DS#1" (who is 15 and has not had a girlfriend yet) (story kept changing)

WH: "Well if I'd known you would be THIS upset about it I SHOULD have had sex with her!"

i'm not in place where i can laugh about these things yet

I hate you.
Be glad that I don't hate you like i used to.
We don't have a relationship, we haven't had a relationship for years.
I feel nothing for you.
I don't want to have sex with you because I feel that it has to be an expression of some kind of affection.
You don't love me. You probably never did. You just want someone to take care of you.
You checked out of this marriage long before I did (in reerence to my depresson)
I'm done
it doesn't matter why...I'm just done
It has nothing to do with OW...I'm just done
I've already moved on in my heart and in my heart...can't you just do the same?
I love you like I would a sister
I have changed.
I just want to start my life over again.
I don't want to hurt you
we're not compatible and never were
I don't love you anymore--it's gone and I can't get it back.
Face it--it's over.
I knew you wouldn't like it but I am amazed how hard you are taking this.
I don't have any feelings for you anymore
i'm waiting for my feelings to come back
I CAN'T COME HOME, BECAUSE I DON'T MISS YOU
I just need to be alone to heal
I know i'm not in love with you because i no longer want to have sex with you as soon as you walk in the room
I'll hurt you more if I stay
My life is miserable, I want a new life
It's not you, it's me
We're different people, We want different things
My feelings have changed for you
after he had been gone a few months month I heard, "I miss our house, our yard, the dogs and our things but you just don't fit into the picture anymore".
I’ve thrown everything away.
I know I have f---ked up my life.
I don't care about anything anymore
I don't know what I want.
I FEEL LIKE MY HEAD IS GOING TO EXPLODE

but the hardest is

i don't consider you my wife anymore...

Wow....Them waywards never cease to amaze me with their fog.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

I wanted to add a couple:

Me: Do you think God wants you to leave your family for another woman?

WH: Don't you think God wants me to be happy?

Me: Um, yes, but not in an adulterous relationship, having broken up two families! He wants you to be happy with your wife and child!



Another one:

Me: So are you planning on staying in this marriage?

WH: For now.

ME: (thinking) What the heck?

I've also gotten the ILYBINILWY thing and the "we're just not compatible (THEY are, of course)," and the "our marriage was always a mess."(15 years and he doesn't make a move to leave until OW enters the picture, but he's 'not wanting to leave because of her.'

If only they could hear how ridiculous they sound sometimes.

I have a few more good ones

WH: You two are so much alike, you think alike you like the same music and her favorite color is yours.

BS: thinking to self... I thought you wanted to get away from me instead you found someone like me

WH: I didn't leave you for another woman....
BS: Then what do you call moving from our house to hers?
WH: I dunno!!!!

WH: Do you think we could live in the same house, you two could share, you guys would get along great...

Now that one really blew me away .....

Oh one more good one

BS: If you love OW so much why do you still try and have SF with me all the time?
WH: What are you saying I can't have SF with two women ?
DUH !!!!!! I don't think so