Well I'm saying this will all honestly. I don't know if I love my husband or not. I've been with him 19 years... I was very young...I had a lot of self esteem issues going on and I've since lost tons of weight, gained confidence and get all these looks from guys that wouldn't give me the time of day. Well I had 2 affairs at the same time, husband found out and didn't throw me out. We've talked so much these past few months and at first I thought I wanted to stay married, now I'm not so sure. I still want to flirt and be around men that tell me these thing. I know I have issues I have seeked help for it but until I get that fixed - what do I do with my marriage? he's agreed to try to deal with it but I know it's not possible and he shouldn't have to deal with the torture! Am I suppose to be married any longer? Is it worth it to read the books and attend the seminar if I can't control my wandering eye?

Am I once a cheater always a cheater? Does anyone know what I'm going through. I don't want to make more promises I can't keep. I don't want to let him down again. He loves me SO much... we have 2 small children.

I mean he's agreed to let me go out and have some freedom - can you imagine what his state will be knowing that I've told him I can't make him any promises that I won't cheat again? I don't intend to sleep with anyone but I like the company and attention...

Any advice would be helpful - any books or website I should check out...
I'm so embarrased...

I knew a girl in highschool who was very overweight and you know the rest (she had a great personality) years later she lost a lot of wieght and began to have sex with as many men as she could. I don't know what happened to her but I wonder if she is happy that she became one of the type of girls she so hated back in high school?

You owe it to your kids and yourself to try and work on you marriage. Your husband loved you for who you are on the inside. As you grow old with a mate that becomes one of the most beautiful things to have. How many of the men you have had A's with could you say that about. You may have lost wieght and now turn heads but don't sell your old self short. That person had a family that loved her deeply. Be proud that you are in better shape now but remember it is that person on the inside that you need to be at peace with.

What exactly are the issues that are causing you to cheat or want to cheat or be with other men?

Does your husband deprive you of sex? if so, how come?

Does he deny you all the attention you want or need?

Are you not attracted to him anymore?

Were you ever attracted to him?

Why did you have children with someone that you did no feel you loved?

Why in the world did you have two A at the same time? Are you with either man still?

Why are the other men's opinion about you so much more important thatn your husband's?

When you answer that question, it will give you the key you need to begin making the changes you need to make to stay married.

I say this as one who had a wandering eye (eye only - I didn't physically cheat) for YEARS. As I have read Harely's books, I began to understand why, and as we have dealt with the marriage issues that contributed to that, I am much less inclined to want attention from others. Please, please, PLEASE for your own sake as well as your children's and your husband's, read "Survivng an Affair" with your husband, and take and discuss the questionaires.

I read a lot of marriage books before Harley's and they never got to the root of the problem the way Harely's stuff has.

So, yes, it is worth reading the books and attending the seminars. When you have a great mariage, your wandering eye will WANT to stay home.