My DD was 15 mos. ago. After my H. sat me down one evening and said that after 19 yrs of M. he had always been unhappy and that my inability to communicate w/him had destroyed his self esteem, blah-blah-blah. After a lot of digging I disc. his affair with an old g.f. from a h.s. reunion. I also disc. that he had been abusing marij. and cocaine for well over 2 yrs. I knew he had used m. but had NO idea about the c. Although when I think about the verbal abuse I s/h known.
Well, he explained that she was the 1st person he could share his addictn with, she'd helped him quit & they had even made plans for him to sell his co. and move back to his home town to be w/her. After DD, he was so upset - begged for forgvness, swore he would change, cleaned up his act and for over 6 months was everything I could have possibly asked for.
He has always refused to talk about the A and gets very agitated if I try to - his drinking has increased ten-fold. In fact he routinely has 2-3 drinks everyevening. I also have discovered m. in his car and he spends a lot of times w/his friends who smoke. We have 2 teenagers he spends little time with.
Things are not getting better, they are getting worse. We both went to diff. therpst but have both stopped. Mine was no longer helping, in fact he told me I should figure out what she had to offer my h. and try and fill that need. My h. therapist only addressed the c. addiction - H. thinks that since he's not using c. he no longer needs to go.
Will this ever be over? It seems that once I get thru the 1st layer of the onions (A.) there's another (addiction, alcoholism). The trust is not returning.
I know I'm rambling - but I'd like to hear from someone who's dealing w/ the Addctn probl, not just recovery from the A.
