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Marriage Builders Forums Our Archives Archived Read-Only Posts Inactive: General Questions Friends with OW

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Friends with OW #1123557 04/02/04 03:59 AM
Joined: Apr 2004 Posts: 40 J jasmine3 Member
jasmine3 Member J Joined: Apr 2004 Posts: 40	Hello, Has anyone been asked by their WS to be friends with the OP? "Why can't we all get along?" deal. He wants to make sure everyone comes out of this thing OK - no one hurt. Thanks

Re: Friends with OW #1123558 04/02/04 04:20 AM
Joined: Mar 2004 Posts: 234 T toomanylies Member
toomanylies Member T Joined: Mar 2004 Posts: 234	how very insensitive. How can he expect you to be friends with her? Doesn't he realize how painful that would be for you? If he wants the M to work he needs to be more concerned about your feelings than hers. He has to have no contact with her and certainly shouldn't expect you to be friends with her! You sound like a very understanding Christian woman. I could never be understanding enough to be nice to the OW. If I had to spend much time at all with her I think it would be a really good idea to make sure there were no sharp instruments nearby <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

Re: Friends with OW #1123559 04/02/04 06:37 AM
Joined: Jan 2004 Posts: 1,455 D dewt Member
dewt Member D Joined: Jan 2004 Posts: 1,455	Of course they cannot remain friends. This is a very common request. More a result of ignorance and fear rather than insensitivity. Don't take it personally. Keep in mind that one of the goals of the wayward is to escape pain. That's why they lie. That's where this request comes from. Often enough it's why they cheat in the first place. It's also why Plan A can be so effective. Can't happen though. Explain in a Plan A kind of way why it cannot be this way. No contact. dewt

Re: Friends with OW #1123560 04/02/04 08:03 AM
Joined: Apr 2001 Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 Texas M MelodyLane Member
MelodyLane Member M Joined: Apr 2001 Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 Texas	</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by jasmine3: <strong> Hello, Has anyone been asked by their WS to be friends with the OP? "Why can't we all get along?" deal. He wants to make sure everyone comes out of this thing OK - no one hurt. Thanks </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">huh? Did you burst out laughing when he said this? Of course he can't remain friends. He is not her friend. You have been very hurt by the affair and will be very hurt if he remains in any contact. The affair DOES NOT END until contact ends completely with the OW.

Re: Friends with OW #1123561 04/02/04 09:44 AM
Joined: May 2003 Posts: 170 C Chickadee Member
Chickadee Member C Joined: May 2003 Posts: 170	Hi Jasmine, Yes, my H asked me that soon after d-day - he was deep in the fog. Thought that would mean that no one would 'get hurt'... hadn't realized that his choices had already caused hurt, and would hurt all involved. He doesn't think that way anymore <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> (H quit job with OW and has had NC for over a year now - recovery is going nicely!) I had a peek at your other thread, but I'm not sure where you are at (how long since d-day, etc.). Did you post your story somewhere else already? Hope you're taking care of yourself. Chickadee

Re: Friends with OW #1123562 04/02/04 10:01 AM
Joined: Apr 2004 Posts: 40 J jasmine3 Member
jasmine3 Member J Joined: Apr 2004 Posts: 40	Thanks for response. Yesterday was my first time on the forum, so I'm not sure how to thread, etc. My story is under Jasmine3 "Something different maybe" dated yesterday. If you could take a look and give me feedback, I would greatly appreciate it. Thanks

Re: Friends with OW #1123563 04/02/04 12:44 PM
Joined: Apr 2004 Posts: 40 J jasmine3 Member
jasmine3 Member J Joined: Apr 2004 Posts: 40	Chickadee, D-day(I'm assuming refers to when I found out about the affair): 12-15-03. I gave him an ultimatum 2-7-04 (pre-MB); NC for 44 days he said. Withdrawal bad. Couldn't stand seeing him like that - felt separation was best. Came across MB site, before detailed separation discussion. H agreed w/SH take on many things Here we are getting ready for counseling. That's the short version. J

Re: Friends with OW #1123564 04/03/04 04:47 AM
Joined: Feb 2002 Posts: 935 L Lady_In_Red Member
Lady_In_Red Member L Joined: Feb 2002 Posts: 935	Fog talk! My father asked my mother to allow his OW to live with us! And after they were divorced, he said "If only you had let her come and live with us, she would have been gone in 6 months!" Asking you to be "friends" with the OP is part of his "fog" - trying to get you to validate his R with her. It's not unusual. LIR

Re: Friends with OW #1123565 04/04/04 06:09 PM
Joined: Apr 2004 Posts: 40 J jasmine3 Member
jasmine3 Member J Joined: Apr 2004 Posts: 40	Thanks LIR, It is amazing to me how they expect you to go along with their suggestion. J

Re: Friends with OW #1123566 04/04/04 08:59 PM
Joined: Mar 2004 Posts: 177 W whiteknight Member
whiteknight Member W Joined: Mar 2004 Posts: 177	Perhaps tell your husband that you and OW should go to a bar and pick up a couple of men and bring them back to the house, have sex a bunch of times, and then H can make everyone breakfast in the morning! What a terribly insensitive thing to suggest.

Re: Friends with OW #1123567 04/07/04 08:27 AM
Joined: Jan 2004 Posts: 424 H Harudah Member
Harudah Member H Joined: Jan 2004 Posts: 424	GIRL!! He told me ... he planned to introduced us.. why can't we all be friends? He said he wanted us to be good friends.. CLOSE FRIENDS! He was planning to introduce us. Anyways... found out she's a whore... oh well no need tell the whole story here

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Marriage Builders Forums Our Archives Archived Read-Only Posts Inactive: General Questions Friends with OW

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