I'm going to do it! I am so sick of this **** I am going to take things into my own hands.
I have a gun with ammo (that was hidden in the shed)I also have a ****load of tablets (my AD's ha) and if I get too scared to go with the gun I have got blue razors.
I am so sick of this **** I can not go any more, I have tried my [censored] off, 2 ****ing years and still he wants to be a [censored]! I am so tired I just want the pain and hurt and frustration to end and I now know I am the only one that can end it!
I am a ****ed unit!
I am scared
I am frustrated
I am past the point of no return

Take a very deep breath, don't do anything stupid, and know you are not alone. "Tough times never last, but tough people do!".....Dr. Robert Schuller.

MW

Please, immediately call 1-800-suicide

Don't wait a second

You're a good person in a bad situation. Please pick up the phone now.

You are loved, you are lovable and you are needed on this earth.

BrokenHubby

Hello! Times are tough, but you are a very valuable person.
If you need to talk to someone you can e-mail me at lalitassecret@yahoo.com!

I will be waiting for your e-mail! I will be checking continuosly for your reponse!

Oh ****, Thanks bid and brokenfor your repl.
I am so rooted right now, I just want some peace. I dont think there is a number where i live to call.
I just need to end this painful ****

I'm tired!!!!!!!!!!
I need hlp

Too tired for tjissit!

You need to call someone...a help line or your mom, best friend, doctor...someone!!! Do it now!

Most of us on this board have been where you are....the pain doesn't last at this intensity...you need help to get past this!

Do you have children??? If so think about what this would do to them...I hung on to the thought of my children's faces when things were at there worst.

Where is your H? Can you go to him and share the pain and tell him you need help???

mtheart,

You have tried for two years. You have earned the right to say that you are done with trying to fix that old life - but don't end it. Make a new one, and leave the old one behind. It CAN be done. It will be a much better life, free of the pain you're currently enduring.

Many of us have been where you are. I know it seems like there is no future, no way to get past this. You may be saying "But this is different; you guys were strong, I really can NOT live like this" but I'm telling you things DO change.

You are a valuable person, mtheart, to be treasured. Please treasure yourself. You are worth so much more than this.

Make yourself a promise. Promise you will wait six weeks, and that during that time you will seek help for these feelings. You can never undo a suicide, so don't make this decision in haste or desperation.

Please post to us and tell us how you are doing.

Have you got a face so scarred from a broken bottle weilding rapist, that surgeons can't fix it?!!! Have you got cancer and can't get a cure for your broken family, let alone your broken body?!!! Did you lose your car to a hi-jacker, who sped off with your 10yr old daughter?!!! I live in South Africa, AFRICA. And there are starving kids, orphans from AIDS and extra-marital affairs ... You are a victim, as long as you're acting like one and allowing the emotions to perpetuate like this. You have a brain, use it and win the adversity. Your 'throw in the towel' attitude benefits no-one, including yourself.

Let me tell you something, mtheart - you are NOT past the point of no return!!!!

You are hurting - and mad as hell, from the language you use - and with good reason.

But killing yourself is NOT the way to end your pain - if you feel that bad - do something positive - end your marriage - you DO have the right to walk out of your marriage if you really feel you have done all you can, and it is not working. Walking out of this life literally takes you NOWHERE.

You sound like you think you are trapped, and this is the only way out. It's not. And listen to the people who have been there. I've been there - I considered throwing myself and my kids off the cliff together. Six months later, my SIL DID kill herself - that was one of the most wretched experiences of my life - the aftermath - I do not even want to speak of it. Last year, I was so depressed after trying for two years with my H (and he still was acting like a P sometimes) that I saw myself in a vision, ending up the same way she did. I knew I could do it if I wanted to. And you know what? I got so scared, and SO mad at myself for thinking like that - I said "Get thee behind me Satan, and get out of my head!" The depression lifted the next day and has NEVER come back.

God loves you, mtheart, and so do others - you are the one who has to make the positive steps to walk away from a situation that has made you want to die. You are the only one who can do that - if you do this out of anger, as a desire to punish him, you will be bringing trauma and catastrophe on all the people in your life who really love you.

Please, please, please, pick up the phone and call the Samaritans - if you are already on AD's they are not working - call your doctor NOW and get yourself into the hospital so they can change your prescription. Do it now.

And come back here to tell us. You posted here because you want someone here to help you stop yourself. So come back and let us know how you are and what you are going to do about this.

(((mtheart))))

LIR

mtheart, please use the 800 number that BrokenHubby posted. It's 1-800-suicide. You can call it for free from any phone in the US. If you're in another country, let us know which one and we'll find you a resource there.

Another way would be to pick up the phone and dial 911. They will help you. Or call your doctor's office.

Just J

Is there anyway that the moderators can find out who this is and get them some help? This is a serious thing, very hard to sit and read. What do you think?

NY

Hopeful - I've already contacted the moderators on- and off-board. (And I suspect others have as well.) I hope they'll be able to help.

Mtheart, please let us know how you are.

Thanks Just J,

I tried and I couldn't get the link to work for me. It kept giving me an error. I also emailed you with this. Sorry for double exposure, I just get frightened in these situations. I would hate to sit by and do nothing about something that we can stop.

NY

mtheart,

I understand that you are hurting very much right now, and please know that there are people such as your physician and or a suicide crisis center that are there to help you through this. 1-800-SUICIDE is set up to support people through situations like this.

While the Marriage Builder's website cannot become involved in threats of this kind, please know that your pain is taken seriously. Please contact a suicide crisis center in your area or your family physician.

Sincerely,
Nokomis

mtheart,

Just a few weeks ago you posted an upbeat post on my thread "The Peeing Contest" that you and your hubby has stopped the "peeing". What has happened to change your outlook so drastically?

Please call the number that others have posted for you. Your H's mistakes aren't worth this kind of step.

{{{mtheart}}}

mtheart

I now how desperate things can seem at times. Hold on - nothing stays the same forever, even the good times. The bad times will end too.

There's an organisation called 'Samaritans'here in the UK, which mans phones 24 hours for people contemplating suicide. In the US, Samaritans are in Boston on 617/247-0220, 24 hours. In the UK, it’s 08457 90 90 90. And in the Republic of Ireland it’s 1850 60 90 90.

I called them myself, just after d-day. I didn't think I could get through the night for the pain.

Hold on, mtheart. It will get better.

TA

mtheart,

I know how painful it is. I had the same thought couple nights ago. I wanted to take the whole bottle of whatever in the house. I thought about putting kids in the car and drive out of the bridge. But I knew that it was NOT right. I have no right to end the lives GOD gives us. If I died, what will my kids do? My parent, my sis and brother. They will be hurt for the rest of their life. Please don't do that. Pain will be over, it will not last forever. Lots of love.

mtheart - I know that you live in Australia. Please call your doctor and get some help immediately. You have been sucked into a situation that you have no control over. But there will be brighter days ahead. You need to believe that.

If you want to talk, email me at digsblues@aol.com.